<p>Snazzy dresser is not at all the issue. Knowing enough to not wear a stained sports T shirt and flip flops to a relatively nice restaurant is my minimal standard.</p>
<p>Exactly… </p>
<p>Some seem to have missed the point. I don’t think anyone is demanding/expecting the guy to look like a GQ cover shot. Some guys (and some girls) have no clue about clothes.</p>
<p>I used to work with a guy who didn’t even bother to put his belt thru the pant loops; He would just wrap the belt around the upper area of the pants! Seriously. (he was an MIT PhD)</p>
<p>I agree, m2ck. It’s not about looking snazzy. In my book, it’s about making an effort to be appealing to the opposite (or same) sex. Most women put significant effort into appearing attractive for their partner or potential partner. If I show up and the man hasn’t bothered to thread his belt loops, or whatever, I know that he either thinks I am not worth 30 seconds of effort, or he is so socially tone-deaf that he doesn’t even realize this looks crazy (in which case he’s going to miss other important social cues, too). Either way, it’s a problem.</p>
<p>In fact guys who look like they just stepped out of GQ are a turn off to me, don’t want to have to dress the part of their gf. Months ago I had a date who knew the designer of every article of clothing I had on or thought he did (the top was Express) and it was a first and last date.</p>
<p>my Quote: Many men don’t have a clue about such things and appreciate the advice and are glad that their ladies take care of these issues.
*</p>
<p>That is a strong-arm assumption.*</p>
<p>my Quote: And, when a man wants to change a woman’s wardrobe, it’s not usually because she simply has no taste, it’s for more controlling issues…to either make her look more sexy or less sexy.</p>
<p>*Now thats just plain mean spirited misandry writ large. How very CC of you! *</p>
<p>My sister is a therapist. After reading your comments, I asked her if she’s ever had a man complain that his wife/GF helped with his wardrobe. She said, NEVER. She said that many men rely on their wives to help or solely select their clothing purchases. </p>
<p>My sister said says that she has had complaints from both Hs and Ws about their spouses who don’t keep themselves well groomed and that sort of thing. She did have a guy complain when a wife threw out a holey shirt that he kept insisting on wearing in public. But, she’s never had a guy complain that his wife/GF helps him with his clothing purchases/selections. </p>
<p>I asked her if she’s ever had a wife complain about her H and her wardrobe, and she confirmed what I previously wrote. That when a man has wants to change the woman’s wardrobe, it’s usually either because the H wants her to dress more sexily in public than she feel comfortable (showing more cleavage, shorter skirts, or similar to an extent that she doesn’t feel is ok), or the H wants her to “unsexy herself” by covering up more than she likes. Of course, an exception would be the example I gave earlier where spouses have complained about their spouses grooming habits…that would be a very valid concern in a marriage if it’s affecting the relationship overall. </p>
<p>I actually knew a guy who wanted to “de-sexy” his GF. He didn’t want his GF to wear any make-up (ever!) or wear any “fitting” clothing because he “feared” that other men would find her attractive and “steal” him from her. Thankfully, the GF broke up with him. Maybe there are women like this, but I’ve never known a woman who demanded/expected her guy to wear clothes that made him look less attractive. :shrug:</p>
<p>*If I show up and the man hasn’t bothered to thread his belt loops, or whatever, I know that he either thinks I am not worth 30 seconds of effort, or he is so socially tone-deaf that he doesn’t even realize this looks crazy (in which case he’s going to miss other important social cues, too). Either way, it’s a problem. *</p>
<p>Exactly. And, if a guy like that won’t respond in a positive fashion when gently and politely nudged to dress in a less-messy way, then he should be dumped. So, it’s ok to “nicely nudge,” and it’s ok to dump if the nudging yields no appropriate “less-messy” change. That would go for both sexes.</p>
<p>“I asked her if she’s ever had a man complain that his wife/GF helped with his wardrobe. She said, NEVER. She said that many men rely on their wives to help or solely select their clothing purchases.”</p>
<p>That’s funny – this was my experience, too. My college bf had an IT-guy ponytail that did him no favors. It drove me nuts, but I said nothing, because it was his hair and his business. A year into the relationship, he got a short haircut, and I gushed about what a great decision that was and how fantastic he looked. He was very angry at me…for not telling him from the beginning that he’d look better without the ponytail. He said, “I’m a straight guy! I don’t know these things! How could you let me walk around looking ugly when you knew how to fix it!?”</p>
<p>Hey, we live in a culture. This culture provides different training and different hobbies to people of different genders. It is a fact that straight men and women in this culture differ in often-predictable ways. It’s reasonable to acknowledge the patterns that occur around us. It doesn’t mean that we think everything in the culture is good, or that we want to bring up our sons the same way. It just means the patterns are there, and we see them.</p>
<p>So one hour to blastoff and I’m still laboring over every article of clothing that makes it into the suitcase. So silly. He packed in 10 minutes last night with no attention to what he’d look hot in!!</p>
<p>OK, while I was running my 3.5 miles on the “dreadmill” tonight, I explained the OP’s dilemma to DH and asked for his input. DH replied that if he was in the OP’s bf’s shoes, he would not be offended by her criticism of his style.</p>
<p>“She should tell the guy that his wardrobe need some TLC. She needs to invite him shopping and pick some new, stylish clothes for him!” Whoa, my jaw dropped all the way to the moving belt! DH, my Mr. Hates Shopping, suggested the “s” word!!! “Honey, you always run away when I mention taking you shopping!” Without hesitation, DH replied, “Well, I would have agreed to go anywhere and do anything with you when we were dating!” LOL!</p>
<p>You woman are astoundingly materialistic and superficial. Get over yourselves! You are making females look so pathetic! Please tell me you are deeper than that! Eeeeek! I know you are better than this!!!</p>