<p>I wanted to post this in adults forum to get your point of view. I consider myself to be a really nice girl. I am an amazing friend and try to be kind to others.</p>
<p>I see, over and over again, that the mean, sarcastic, nasty girls get what they want. They have the boyfriend who adores them, friends running after them, and pretty much what they want…while nice girls like me are left out more and are taken advantage of (used for car rides, etc)</p>
<p>I even see it with my mom’s peers. The most stuck up, attitudely woman seem to have great husbands, wonderful kids, and a great life.</p>
<p>Is it my imagination or do nasty stuck up girls get ahead?</p>
<p>At one point in my life, I would have said yes to your question, but with a few years on me, now I think that people who are clear about what they want and who won’t settle often get what they want. But honestly – who cares about them? Focus on what you want and how you want to live your life. </p>
<p>Different people define success different ways. Maybe these people you’re observing think there is a finite pool of love and affection so if others get some, they get less. Maybe they’re deeply insecure which drives the aggressive, assertive behavior. Don’t think about these people – they’re not worth it – think about living your life in your own moral ethical way and you will “get” everything you need – happiness, good friends – real friends, love, life satisfaction.</p>
<p>Some girls never forget exactly who they were in the pecking order in high school. I live in a town with lots of those girls. And some of them, who’ve married well and now have lots and lots of money, use their new found wealth to relive the high school years (catty put downs, controlling invites to their parties, etc.) It’s so…small. There’s a big world out there. Focus on the good people and ignore the unpleasant ones.</p>
<p>Haven’t you started numerous threads with the same theme?</p>
<p>Mean, nasty girls may sometimes (or often) get what they want. However, that does NOT mean that nice, thoughtful, sensitive girls do not. Nor does it mean that nice girls are always left out or taken advantage of. It’s not an either/or type of thing. One can be a lovely person, yet assertive enough and of high self esteem to refuse to be anyone else’s victim.</p>
<p>There’s a third way – generally called assertiveness. It means that without being unpleasant, you stand up for yourself and refuse to take more cr*p from other people than you are comfortable with.</p>
<p>Might help you to take a long hard look at what you call betchy, mean and nasty…could it be confident, outgoing, social?..something on the order of what nrdsb4 is hinting at…</p>
<p>I appreciate all your input. I understand there is a difference between mean and confident…but what I see is what class of 2015 is saying. These girls are definitely catty, critical, only talk about themselves and never ask how others are doing, and downright MEAN spirited yet they get what they want. I wish it were different but I see this over and over again! And so do my other “nice” friends.</p>
<p>You have no way of knowing if these girls really and truly “always” get what they want, nor do you know for sure if they or your mother’s catty friends are truly happy. I highly suspect that meanness and cattiness comes from deep insecurity. Deeply insecure people are never sincerely happy regardless of how attractive their spouses, how much money they have in the bank, or how perfect their lives seem from the outside.</p>
<p>Secondly, you have posted numerous times about the inequity of mean girls and their undeserved happiness. You have been advised numerous times to understand that the world has never and never will be fair in the way you want it to be, and that the only thing you have control over is your own behavior. If you live in such a manner that allows you to look yourself in the mirror, if you are improving yourself by virtue of your education, personal relationships, spiritual growth, etc., if you are confident and assertive, and are yourself not mean and petty, you have every chance of succeeding in life, finding happiness in marriage, and achieving financial success.</p>
<p>Nice girls absolutely do NOT finish last. I know this for a fact. If you find your life to be unsatisfactory, perhaps it is time to examine what you are or are not doing to find personal happiness rather than railing against all the mean and petty girls of whom you are clearly very jealous and resentful, and over whom you have absolutely zero control.</p>
<p>I wonder how nice you really are if you have this much envy going on. You can never really know anyone else’s situation, even if you think you do.</p>
<p>That’s a really good point, zm. I learned this in my 20’s. I was in grad school, and I was slightly acquainted with a female student in another program. I don’t know why this thought came into my mind, it never had before and never has since, but one day I looked at her and thought, “This person has never had a problem in her life.” She sort of radiated joy, was effervescent, attractive. I learned later that she was a cancer survivor. She was one of the young women who had developed cancer very early as a result of their mothers’ use of DES. She was very active in a related organization.</p>
<p>I have two daughters. Both are lovely people. One is perceived to be the nicest person in the whole world. She is kind, sweet, gentle, thoughtful, but she never stands up for herself and will not ever involve in confrontation on the personal level (although she is tough in her professional life). For some reason, this daughter often has awful luck. Thinks rarely go her way, horrible boyfriend. The other is stunning, a great student and has the most amazing luck. People are always amazed at how things turn out for her. But she is not sweet, gentle, patient, or any of those things. She is loyal and compassionate, but outspoken and honest to a fault. If you need help, she would carry you on her 95 pound back to make sure you got it, but she would then tell you in no uncertain terms what you did to get in that mess. People who don’t really know her and just see her from a distance think she is a bayatch, but she is not and the people who know her love her. It’s very hard to know someone’s heart from a distance.</p>
<p>OP, if you google the phrase “girls don’t ask” you will find books and articles on the subject of why males tend to have higher salaries, get the best research opportunites in grad school, etc. Guys ask and negotiate. Most girls don’t. So if there are girls who always seem to land on top, get to do what others don’t, etc., it may be that they ask for what they want and the other girls don’t.</p>
<p>With that said, some girls are b**chy. One of my Ds is in the HS class of '14. From elem school, it’s been a bad class. Usually, most of the “popular” kids really are good kids. Not this class…the popular crowd is rude and self absorbed and poorly behaved. They are in leadership positions in the ECs because they are somehow at the top of the HS pecking order. But I think a lot of the nice girls in the class could have written your post.</p>
<p>The most successful people I know that are also very nice often talk about how one of the keys to their success is surrounding themselves with good, nice, supportive people. Do that, and ignore the unpleasant types. I can’t tell you how many times someone (sometimes it is my wife) will comment on how catty, nasty, cruel someone was and I honestly reply that I didn’t even notice. (And I am not really that dense, I just tune it out)</p>
<p>I know this is the parent forum, but it came up on the main page so I thought I’d give my two cents from a guy’s point of view. B@&$&y girls are a huge turn-off for me. They think they have a sense of entitlement to things that they really don’t have. Those are the kind of girls I try to stay away from.</p>
<p>When my D was in college, she was in a class with a young woman who “had it all.” This young lady was from very old, southern money … she was drop-dead gorgeous. D was in a group with this young woman for the class, and she was absolutely stunned by how mean and nasty the young woman was. D told me that she felt sorry for her, because even though she seems to have it all, D thinks the young woman is lacking in character. Since my D considers character very important, she frames her opinions with that in mind.</p>
<p>You might try framing your opinions with what you consider important in mind. If you believe that being b____y is a not a good thing, then you can simply realize that you would not want to be those women … in which case, anything they seem to “have” is less attractive & easier to deal with for you.</p>
<p>In other words, why worry about these girls? You wouldn’t want to be them, so put them out of your mind. Instead, look around for those you admire. If you feel you don’t have what you want in life, talk to women you admire & see what works for them. Or ask a guy!</p>
<p>No. No they really don’t. My sister is one of those people and now she’s in her mid-20s and really lonely and has very few family members or friends that can stand her. </p>
<p>You don’t WANT the guys running after those chicks. I promise. Seriously- why would you care? Do you want a guy that chases after a shallow b**** as you say? I know I wouldn’t.</p>
<p>You are comparing your “insides” to other people’s “outsides,” which never works. You have no clue as to what hardships these girls have faced. You might be amazed at the awful fact that one of them’s mother has not only never approved of her, but rarely has a kind word to say to her about anything. One of them may well come from a family with unbrearable, secret abuse. At least one of them, if there are ten of them, has a parent who is an alcoholic, if not more of them. You have no clue how many of them suffer waves of anxiety upon joining a new group, or how many are deeply lonely since they don’t have “friends” but positions.</p>
<p>When you compare what you feel on the inside to what you “think” is going on on the outside? You miss the boat. For yourself.</p>
<p>Look at Angelina with Brad, Leanne Rimes snagged Eddie Cibrian …J. Lo got Mark Anthony from Ms. Universe Dayanara Torres and altho they divorced she’s still a top artist and where is Dayanara? ;)</p>
<p>Seriously hon, it really depends on how you define "finishing first. " It doesn’t matter if they stole your man, stole your idea of a social networking site, stole your money and are too big to prosecute. At the end of the day, be happy you’re leading an ethical life. But it would be great if you kinda toughen up so you’re not a guppy being eaten alive by sharks.</p>