Our introvert did better during covid isolation than many people. “I’ve been training for this my whole life”.
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Nephew was fine. I said nothing about the texting, and I only took two photos - one of ds and me making our turkey charcuterie board and one of the completed board itself. Both before nephew or other family members arrived.
For various reasons, I did not have the opportunity to take our annual Thanksgiving, “sofa selfie,” of even our nuclear family. That makes me sad, but oh well.
Nephew was okay. He seemed miserable sitting around the table and did not say much of anything. But, he was more engaged when we played games after.
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I was thinking of you all day and hoping that things went well.
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My first impression was of reaching for a joke or that he was trying to downplay the compliment similar (for example) to the way when some people are complimented about an item they’re wearing they might say “You mean this old thing?”
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I think tone of voice would be critical to interpreting the back and forth. The first could be loving and appreciative- or sarcastic and passive aggressive. The reply could be loving and appreciative - or curt and dismissive. No way for us to tell just from reading the words.
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I’m glad he was mostly okay, even if he didn’t say much of anything at the table. At least he showed up and was more engaged when you played games. Maybe that’s just as much socializing as he can manage. (I can see why you’re a little sad that you didn’t get more photos though!) This whole topic is very interesting to me–I think sometimes I am that person who doesn’t respond to texts enough…then I remember but feel like too much time has gone by and it would be awkward to respond. I have a cousin who responds immediately to every little comment I put on his facebook page and it kind of startles me–he is about two decades younger than me and very extroverted. My other cousins and I have text, facebook, email or letter exchanges that have LONG spaces in between–basically we send something if we think about it, but there is hardly ever a response! Or there is a short back and forth and then six months go by. Or a year! And yet I am always happy when we finally see each other.
If I had a nephew like yours, I would just kind of shrug to myself at his behavior and think well, at least he is still connected enough to show up for some gatherings, and every family has its odd ducks. I would send a birthday card or birthday text because that’s the kind of aunt I would like to be, and then I’d try not to be bothered by his lack of response.
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I have been thinking about this thread. There are three ladies at the library who fall into this age group that I am friends with. I am about the same age as their own mothers. I will occasionally email or text them with something I think they will enjoy. I never, ever get a response. On very rare occasions, I may get a thumbs up emoji. When I see them and say did you get my text or email they always say yes. These ladies are polite and welcoming in person. It is just not part of their social customs to reply to these messages.
On the other hand I have a group text with a bunch of ladies I know for 30 years. Every text anybody sends each person feels they need to reply in some way to (a thumbs up, a comment, etc.) In their social customs they feel it is necessary to acknowledge the message in some way.
This is a difference in social norms for different age groups and I would never read into this either disrespect or a lack of wanting to be a part of your life.
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I do agree with this.
But when a specific, single question is asked, I do expect a reply. This is how my ds (age 27) operates. He does not reply to every text I send. I don’t have the expectation that he (or my nephew) will. Ds certainly does reply to some texts that don’t contain a question, but he will always reply to a question.
I did discuss texting in general with him while he was here over TG. I asked him how many texts he receives after he’s been working with his notifications silenced. He said depends on whether or not there has been activity on a group text. He never gave a number or even a range. I asked him if he reads every text he receives, and he said that he does.
I do try to text him judiciously - I know he is busy and don’t want to clog up texts with silliness - jokes, memes, etc.
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And then there’s the people who feel obliged to respond to a thumbs up. Once they start texting they don’t seem to be able to stop the conversation. It’s soooo aggravating!
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Have you been texting with my dh? Soooo irritating.
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Maybe not fair because you are not his mother?
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Apparently not
I am going to amend my earlier statement since I’m assuming this is the nephew that you talked about in the whine about the holidays thread.
Reach out, send those texts. Don’t stop. He knows that you love them no matter what.
It’s not about the response from him. It’s about you letting him know that he is a valued member of your family and that you love him always.
The fact that he shows up and showed up to a lunch means that he wants to be a part of your family and is trying to navigate his new life.
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Yes, he is my only nephew.
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I was trying to be sympathetic to the Nephew but that comment, “hey I got free food” wasn’t in a vacuum. It was the answer to, “Thank you for joining us [to be treated to a family meal]”. That thank-you should have served as a reminder to Nephew to say, “Oh no, thank YOU - you guys invited me and treated me!!” Either Nephew is incredibly rude, or very socially awkward to the extent of not realizing that it wasn’t a true thank you for the immense privilege of his company (in answer to which, he was reassuring you, he did get something out of the interaction aka the free food). That would be the last invitation from me. I don’t even like it when my niblings say “I’m good” instead of “no, thank you”.
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@Hoggirl – Just wanted to say that you seem to be handling all of this thoughtfully and with great grace.
I think it’s extremely hard for people who were raised to believe that good etiquette = showing respect (-- at least that’s how my parents framed it – ) to NOT feel disrespected when others don’t follow the same rules. It takes a lot of stretching to care about a standard and what it represents and to not hold others to the same. 
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We see the words, we do not hear the tone or context of conversations around it in regards to “hey I got free food”.
Sure it could have been meant rudely. In a flat voice. Without a smile. With a shoulder shrug.
Or it could have been with a sense of humor - with a smile. And maybe it was appreciated food because it was really good!
Or it could have been a response from an anxious or awkward person who is still struggling with their role in the family picture.
But I have to say, we are all different in our expectations.
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