<p>If you are paying room and board and tuition, $3K is a lot to have spent in one term of UG. What do you and your H propose to do about this situation? What does your child propose? I would not be funding any more extras with this child, including a trip he’s supposed to be leading instead of making money to repay his debts. </p>
<p>Military. That’s where they traditionally say one grows up. Not PC. You are supposed to be ready for PC.
PC may be what appeases the parents. </p>
<p>The military is getting ever more selective these days as well. There is nothing in this thread that suggests this young man has any particular calling for the military. That he was going to lead a group suggests he MAY have some leadership skills. </p>
<p>I do appreciate all you are saying, even though it is hard to hear.
He has gone through half his money. With my help loaning him last semester’s frat dues, he has expense money for his last semester, and half of the last semesters dues. He says he is negotiating to just pay social dues, which he would have at this point. He does not live in a frat house, and I don’t care if he can’t participate in any other functions. He says he now has reduced his automatic deposit by $20 week, so all is not lost, he seems to have a plan. He always starts out good, but has trouble following through, and I realize I make it too easy. I can only hope I stay strong so I can help him grow.
Sometimes its so hard to have tough love.</p>
<p>Not to defend him too much, but he is getting 1 credit for leading the trip, so it is worth it, not to mention it goes on the resume.</p>
<p>So just out of curiosity how much are frat dues for one semester? </p>
<p>Did you hear the NPR program on college admissions, and what was the essay adcoms least liked to see…? It was the “mission trip”…student goes to third world country to make a difference. Sees all kinds of suffering they have never seen before. Don’t have electricity or running water, etc. student comes back as a changed person.</p>
<p>My own daughter led a trip of the same sort. Organized it, secured funding, collected medical supplies, etc. it,was the first thing that got dropped from her resume when she needed to keep it to one page.</p>
<p>A one week trip isn’t going to make or break this kid’s resume. </p>
<p>Not being able to pay his bills could affect his financial future (unless you keep bailing him out).</p>
<p>And just for clarity…are you really saying that his fraternity turned him over to a collections agency for non-payment of ONE semester of dues? Really?</p>
<p>Frat dues are $ 550 semester, and no he has not been turned over to a collection agency, it was just a warning if he didn’t pay.</p>
<p>I agree with not giving him any more money, and he has to pay me back for what I loaned him, no discussion.
I don’t believe he should bail out on his commitment to lead the trip, I don’t agree with that at all, sorry. </p>
<p>almostgrad asked our opinions and we all said “it’s his money, give it to him” and even now she’s confessing that she knows she’s bailing him out. I think she’s pretty aware of the situation.</p>
<p>It’s done. He’ll graduate in June and either get a job and pay her back or he won’t. If the peace corp wants him, almostgrad will pack him off and expect him back in a few years many pounds thinner. I have a brother like this guy, and he seems to make whatever situation he’s in work.</p>
<p>I also have a daughter like this, just heading to college, and I’m very very frightened. </p>
<p>Ok…help me with the arithmetic here. You gave him $3000. He has gone through half of it. This means he has $1500 in his account…or so…right now. If his bill for the fraternity is $550, he has PLENTY of money to pay it. He will have about $950 left. so why isn’t he paying this bill?</p>
<p>The trip is in April. He could get a job between now and then to earn some money if he REALLY wants to go. </p>
<p>Right now he is waiting to see if he can negotiate just paying for social dues, apparently some seniors can get away with this, if not he will either decide to pay the bill or go ‘inactive’ and not be able to participate in any social events. Yes he could try to get a job, I agree, even if it was just for 10 hours a week. </p>
<p>Why doesn’t he just PAY the bill out of,the $1500 he still has in his account? </p>
<p>Last semester he lost interest in the frat, so he intended on going ‘inactive’. I’m not surprised, he just wanted to room with his buddies. I would imagine he doesn’t want to give up any spending money; gas, dates, etc., but something tells me he will figure out a way to stay in the frat…doesn’t like to miss out on any fun.</p>
<p>I think you have made up,your mind to pay his dues for him. So there it is. But really, I don’t understand this, in actuality, you will be giving him spending money, money for gas, dates, etc. If you pay the frat bill.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why the frat bill at $550 plus his other discretionary spending can’t be made from the $1500 he claims he has left in his account. Many, many college students have less than $950 a semester in discretionary spending money.</p>
<p>But you if you are happy with the way you are handling this, fine. That being the case, this thread was a huge waste of time.</p>
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<p>Ah then no need to give any more money, right? After all, he’ll figure out a way 
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<p>It is sometimes difficult to not give your kids what they want. </p>
<p>Sometimes you have to help them, by letting THEM figure it out. There may be times when he does need you to help. Right now, he is just used to him bailing him out of bad financial decisions. So you have to decide. Is this the hill you want to die on? Will you be tough parent and let him grow up? </p>
<p>Or will you be paying his rent every month when he graduates and is short? </p>
<p>One of my sons is in a dreadful financial situation, not of his own choosing, and it is a little too complicated to duscuss right here. We help as much as we can, but it is a temporary thing. And it is killing us. We do not have the means to help him. This debt will be with him for years to come. He doesn’t go out and frivolously spend money and is trying to find a way to pay it down. He is earning some money - not enough. If we simply helped him each month and paid this bill, our future and retirement would be in jeopardy. At a certain point, he will have to stand on his own. He knows this. It is called adulthood. Some people have tough breaks and deal with them. </p>
<p>Help your son figure this out, but help him learn to budget, too. It really will help him. Trust me. </p>
<p>Is there a possibility that his not paying his frat bill in full could hurt his post-college networking opportunities within his fraternity, especially among brothers who were present during the periods he decided to not pay his bill and thus, becomes known as a “mooch” among them?</p>
<p>Am wondering as being known as a “mooch” in a student/professional organization does negatively affect others’ perception of him/her from what I’ve seen in HS/college and post-college professional/social venues. </p>
<p>IME, no one likes folks who frequently stick others with their portion of the bill or constantly asks others to lend/pay their way. And respect tends to decline much more for those who are in or known to be aspiring to leadership positions if this is an issue. </p>
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<p>Well, then he needs to go ‘inactive’ if he doesn’t want to give up any spending money. If he wants to stay in the frat, he needs to fulfill his obligations before any discretionary spending. I’m confused - if he still has $1500 left, then he has enough to pay the $550. If he can reduce that amount, then great but he needs to set aside $550 (or earn that amount) just in case.</p>
<p>He needs to learn to pay his bills before he can have “spending money”.</p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong. I know this is difficult on you, the parent. Here’s the thing - mistakes will be made. They’re unavoidable and it’s okay to make mistakes, even expensive ones. What’s important is 1) giving your son the opportunity to learn the natural consequences of these mistakes and 2) giving yourself the opportunity to let him deal with the natural consequences on his own. If you ‘rescue’ him then no one is benefiting from the experience.</p>
<p>I agree with OP that the son can’t bail out of the trip he’s leading. However, he has $1,500 in the bank. He CAN pay his frat dues. Then he’ll have $950 for discretionary spending (dates, eating out, clubs, whatever), which is A LOT (more than $300 in pocket money, with no food/utilities/rent expenses, really is a LOT for one person)! And if it’s not enough, he can work. </p>
<p>is it possible that he already spent <em>all</em> of his $3,000 and just told you he spent half?</p>
<p>But you shouldn’t pay for those dues. You’re already paying for his tuition and his room&board, which is generous and great that you can afford it. You aren’t responsible for his “fun” money. He’s about to graduate - the thought must be very scary to you. Can you imagine him working, spending all his money of fun stuff, and expecting you to pay for his rent? Can you imagine him able to manage his monthly bills? Right now, I’m not and I’d be scared for him. He needs to learn now, before it causes real problems for him. You need to do that for him.</p>
<p>The idea behind his getting his money was so that he learned managing it. If you pay for him, he learns nothing.</p>
<p>Does your son realize that he’s unlikely to start with the Peace Corps after graduation? It’s a good idea but it’s a long, time-consuming process. In the meanwhile, will he work at Walmart/Target/TraderJoe’s/PiggyWiggly? What does he plan to do?</p>