<p>The OP has said that she turned over control to him. I sincerely hope she’s stopped looking at his debit card statements though. It’s not the OP’s business.</p>
<p>No. You do not let your son go broke.</p>
<p>My daughter got a job her senior year in high school and has always had control of her own money. We pay her cell phone and car insurance, car maintenance and occasionally fill her tank up gas. School tuition is paid with her dance scholarship. She also had a nice pageant scholarship to cover most of the dorm/meal plan this year. She took out a $2000 student loan to cover fees and books and had a little left over. (maybe $100 per semester) I explained that next year she would have to apply for merit scholarships to cover the dorm/meal plan since the pageant was a one time deal and that her grades would have to be top priority to do that. </p>
<p>She is a freshman in college now and while I offer my advice, I do not ask to control her money. She usually blows right through everything she makes going out to eat, buying unnecessary clothes and driving back and forth to a close by college to see her boyfriend (70 mile round trip which I tried to tell her not to do during the week and only on weekends HA! she never listens). It is upsetting and I usually offer the typical “be careful with that it goes fast and we do not have the money to help you once it’s gone”. She has a pretty tough schedule at college now and is unable to work because of her 18 hours and being on the school dance team. At the end of Sept beginning of October she had about $750 left in her account (the graduation gifts, work and a small amount left over from student loan). I told her to spend it wisely because with Christmas coming up there would be no way we could help her with money. Within a month she was completely broke. I found out because we got her overdraft notice at home in the mail. (granted it was only $0.36 thankfully lol) But I sent her a text to see what was going on and how this could be possible. She was pretty defensive and I backed off deciding to let her deal with the consequences of her actions. She is asking me to deposit money into her account now and I said I would once I got paid, but I am having second thoughts. I know her housing and meals are covered and she is in no danger so I am in no hurry to hand over my hard earned cash, but I did tell her I would give her some to help her out. I have decided to give her $50 and tell her that is all I will do. </p>
<p>She will be home for Thanksgiving and she can line up some babysitting jobs then do the same at Christmas. But I feel like she completely ignored my warnings of careful spending and if I continue to put $50 or $100 in here and there she will never learn. She could easily make a few hundred during Christmas break and maybe $100 during Thanksgiving and I am hoping this little lesson of living broke and beyond your means first semester teaches her a lesson.</p>
<p>ps: I decided to wait a couple weeks to put the $50 in her account to let her feel the consequences of her actions, being broke for 2 weeks might make her think twice about going out for sushi with her friends once a week and going on a $250 shopping spree … This Friday I will put the money in her account with the understanding that it will be the one and only time.</p>
<p>Your D sounds pretty resourceful and mature, but not quite there yet. I’d let her learn the money management lessons the hard way. She has a meal plan so she won’t starve. She will just eat less sushi and more cafeteria food. </p>
<p>Does the dance season let up after football? Could she get a job then? I like the idea of her working over breaks. </p>
<p>My husband is the indulgent one. I appreciate his generosity when it comes to letting the kids travel and study freely, but I think he should be tighter with spending money. I think the boys should have to work over breaks, but husband wants us to take big family trips. </p>
<p>I used to pick up one time jobs at college, like working an alumni dinner, when I needed more money. There must have been a job board somewhere. We could go look at it and find a one time gig that fit our schedules.</p>
<p>TLC…you are being far more generous than I would be. I might send a Thanksgiving g card with a gift card in it, but I would NOT put money in my kid’s account to bail them out. How about making that $50 a gift of some sort instead of a contribution to her bank account from the Bank Of Mom.</p>
<p>Professionals at my company get paid once a month. Hourly employees get paid every other week.</p>
<p>I see a clear generation gap-- folks age 35+ don’t seem to have trouble with cash management regardless of which group they fall into. Folks under 35 can’t get through the month regardless of how much they make or how often they get paid. We’ve got single 30 year olds making over 100K per year who are forever complaining about the bar tab they had to put on their credit card “and I’ll be paying off for five years”.</p>
<p>Do your kids a favor- don’t bail them out as long as they’ve got a roof over their head and a meal plan to fall back on. Otherwise, they go out into the working world and can’t seem to make even a well paying job fit their budget.</p>
<p>Our cafeteria is subsidized (heavily) and we pay for cabs or private transportation when someone works late. Our benefits are generous (and we’ve got a nice flex plan so the young employees who don’t have dependents have lots of options for their benefits since they’re not paying for 5 kids on a medical plan) and even then- our 20-somethings can’t seem to make it work.</p>
<p>I’d be the most sympathetic boss on the planet if they were supporting elderly parents or paying out of pocket for a liver transplant or even giving generously to charity. But their chief gripe seems to be the endless eating out and shopping and bar tabs which wipes them out before payday.</p>
<p>If you can break your college kids of the habit of spending money they don’t have, employers of America would be forever in your debt.</p>
<p>Spending $750 in one month is quite a bit, especially when she has her meals covered. I don’t think I would bail her out.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t bail my kid out at first. But once they got it together and demonstrated a six month or year long maturity around spending, i would pay off the rest and give them a do over. </p>
<p>YMMV</p>
<p>I want to work for Blossom’s company 
</p>
<p>I agree with OldFort, blowing through $750 in a month who is on meal/lodging plan is pretty heavy spending and someone who is not acting responsibly. I would be concerned if I had a child not on a meal plan and they were spending that much.</p>
<p>She blew through $750 in a month? Yeah, not bailing her out …</p>
<p>By the way…working with 18 credits is NOT impossible. Actually with the right job, she might not have all that time to be SPENDING $750 in a month…because she will be working instead of shopping and eating out.</p>
<p>My kid was an engineering and biology double major. She took 21 credits per quarter most of her college years, largely due to orchestra and music lesson credits in addition to her coursework in her majors. She worked between 10-15 hours a week for all four years. </p>
<p>My other kid was a music major with a LOT of one credit courses that consumed HOURS a week of his time (ensembles rehearse multiple hours several days a week for one credit). He also managed to work 10-15 hours a week.</p>
<p>There is research out there that actually says kids manage their time BETTER, and do better academically when they work during college…a limited number of hours a week.</p>
<p>Both of my kids learned how to economize. DS and friends quickly realized that if they wanted to eat at an expensive place, they could go there for lunch or just coffee and desserts. They shopped at resale stores and got some GREAT deals on expensive clothing and housewares…for a song. </p>
<p>I’m a grown up, and I don’t think I spend $750 a month eating out and shopping. I certainly COULD, but I don’t!</p>
<p>GT- happy to hire you. We give travel advances to employees who are going on the road for business- kind of an obsolete policy now that Starbucks and taxis takes plastic, but we don’t want employees bankrolling legitimate corporate travel. You would be shocked by the number of young employees who have told me that without the $50 in petty cash they would be getting on airplanes with zero in their pockets. Overdrawn, already borrowed from their roommates or SO’s, at some point you can’t keep shaking the sofa cushions for extra quarters.</p>
<p>TLCMOMMI- your D is probably unaware of what big ticket items like a car cost, let alone the small stuff like restaurant meals. Throwing in $20 for her share of a restaurant meal seems like nothing… until it’s her last $20 and she needs to make it last for two weeks.</p>
<p>So getting her to the point where $750 in “running around money” becomes a big deal and not the norm is probably a good idea.</p>
<p>Our kids are 23 and 25. We’ve never had to bail either out and generally only give them cash gifts for holidays or when they’ve used their initiative to travel to or be with us. (Since D does not yet have a job, we give her rent, parking, plus about $200-300/month by the quarter or every 6 months, and she makes it last and generally has excess funds at the end of the quarter or 6 months.). </p>
<p>S bought his sister’s plane ticket so she could travel with us to Chicago and visit him in VA. </p>
<p>S has a full time job as well as a part time job he does “for fun,” which is quite lucrative. He has maxed out his employers retirement fund and Roth IRA very year. He also has a substantial emergency fund and no debt. </p>
<p>My nieces and nephews in their 20s are similarly responsible with their money, so lets not paint all young people so quickly as irresponsible and unable to handle their funds and budgets.</p>
<p>At the very least she needs to learn not to take the tags off her purchases so that she can return them when she needs an emergency cash infusion. (semi joking–it might be hard to curb initial impulses but learning how to “fix” the impulses after is a good thing to learn)</p>
<p>tlcmommi4 - this is a pretty classic mistake among freshmen who have had little experience with money. It sounds like she blew through a lot of money in a short period of time on incidentals. Let her find out what it feels like with no money. No bailout. Not even $50. Ever. Not at Thanksgiving. Not at Christmas.</p>
<p>She’s lucky she can make some money over Thanksgiving and Christmas break. I bet she’ll do much better during the spring semester.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the replies!!! I was struggling with this and my gut and brain said no money but my heart said poor baby give her some money. I think I will let her sit broke until a couple of days before Thanksgiving break and the out the $50 in her acct so I know she has gas money to come home. Thanks y’all I appreciate all the input!</p>
<p>Oh and she just made second semester basketball dance team so she will still be quite busy with that. But to her defense she says she has been looking for weekend jobs but hasn’t found one yet that is flexible with her crazy schedule.</p>
<p>TLC- your D does not sound lazy or entitled, so no need to defend her by noting that she’s looking for a job. She sounds like someone with a lot on her plate.</p>
<p>But she wouldn’t be the first young person to discover that between filling up the car with gas, drinking lattes, and a couple of meals out, there is nothing left for “entertainment”. Better she learn it now, no???</p>
<p>Blossom, yes I agree I would much rather she learn now!! No, she isnt spoiled or entitled. She has always appreciated everything we have given her and she has worked hard to pay for her freshman year herself. That’s why I think I feel torn on the money issue. But, I need for her to learn how to live on a budget and I dont feel like I am doing her any favors even by giving her a small sum of $50 because she went out and did what many college kids do lol </p>
<p>She is a great kid and I am very proud of all she has accomplished, but she isnt my first. I learned a lot from my 23 year old when she was in college and we just about went broke financing her while she was out getting her ear triple pierced, joining a sorority and eating everywhere but the cafeteria lol (with no scholarship, mind you. She received a small one for a 26 on the ACT) I am trying to learn from my mistakes with the first born. Not to mention I will have another in college in a year and a half … and then the 4th in TEN YEARS … yes I am crazy!</p>
<p>I was just talking to my mom about my budget process when I was in college. I had a checkbook from an out-of-state bank account and that was it! I cashed a check for $25every Monday at the bursar’s office and they charged me a quarter. That was my walking-around and going-out money. If I ran out before the weekend, I didn’t go out. I knew where to get a cheap meal on Sunday night when there was no food service. I never asked my parents for money.</p>