<p>You know your own son better than anyone, so deep down you know what’s best for him. That being said, I was once a college senior living off-campus, and in a frat. I worked hard all summer to earn my spending money too, and when it was all gone…it was ALL GONE. If I tried to ask my parents for money, the answer was no. Did this cramp my style a bit? Yes. Did it prepare me for REAL life that was just a few months and a B.S. degree down the road? ABSOLUTELY.
I think you need to give your son a dose of reality now, when you can control the dosage, before he gets himself an overdose of real life once he’s out of school.</p>
<p>I know I’m really lucky, but I kind of have the opposite “problem.” I can’t “teach” my son much about money because he really doesn’t spend much. I read here that one girl spent 750 in one month, and had room and board covered. My son didn’t spend 750 during his entire freshman year on entertainment/unnecessary expenses. Granted, we pay for phone, books, and all college costs so far, but he’s been very good with extra expenses. It drives me nuts when I hear about kids who don’t use the meal plan their parents pay for but instead spend money (often their parents) eating out all the time.</p>
<p>My kids are like yours, 1214. Well, ds1 is anyway. I have to remind him it’s OK to go out and have fun. He won $250 at Project Graduation and couldn’t think of anything to spend it on. Silly.</p>
<p>A few observations from a father of a sophomore son in a fraternity:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>When he started school we told him what we were paying for (tuition, meal plan, housing). He had money he earned and from gifts that was to be used for fraternity dues. We also provide him a small monthly allowance for the one meal a week when the dining hall is closed, incidentals (toiletries, haircuts, etc.) and a little left over for minor unexpected expenses. </p></li>
<li><p>He blew through a lot of his own money freshman year going overboard on socializing, eating off the meal plan, and generally making questionable expenditures.</p></li>
<li><p>When this school year rolled around, he got a job since he figured out if he wants to spend more than what we give him, he needs to work for it (while also keeping his grades up).</p></li>
<li><p>Some parents give a large allowance at the beginning of the year and put it on the kid to budget accordingly. I like the monthly method, since it’s closer to how people get paid in the real world (2x month).</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Does anyone have a sample of college budget line items for future reference? Thx</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And some parents just get lazy. With kid #1, I did the monthly thing. #2 got a lump sum every semester because it was easier for me. Also, #2 could handle it (although I don’t know why – nobody specifically taught her to).</p>
<p>Here’s a sample college budget. Of course, expenses vary A LOT. </p>
<p>[Common</a> Dorm Costs for College Students](<a href=“http://collegelife.about.com/od/moneyfinances/a/Common-Dorm-Costs-for-College-Students.htm]Common”>Common Dorm Costs for College Students)</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Well this isn’t going to be a lesson learned overnight.
I’ve transferred the rest of his money to him, $3,000 (his money, remember) to last till graduation. He has decided not to join the gym,(of course the campus had a magnificent free gym), or pay frat dues.(not my problem). Instead he booked a 4 night trip to Canada to visit a friend for New Year’s!
He says his house has decided not to have any parties the last semester…great.</p>
<p>As for all the parents that have answered me on how different life was for them, yes for me too. Grew up in a single family household, always in debt, always with hand me down clothes. Got financial aid for college, and had a job there. (couldn’t say “on campus” because it was one city building)
Grew up, starting making a lot of money in my career, and promised myself never to have hand me down clothes again.
Now life has come full circle, not making a lot of money anymore, but still going broke, all for my son. And he never really asked to be spoiled.
Trying to correct it, and I wish my spouse was on the same wave length!</p>
<p>Let the learning begin!</p>
<p>fwiw I blew much of my second semester spending money on a ski trip one year, but then got a series of jobs to cover it so my parents wouldn’t know and I wouldn’t have to ask them for money. It worked, and after that I always had some jobs in the pipeline so I would have some spending money.</p>
<p>OP, it may not feel like it, but I think that’s huge progress! All three things you mentioned are wants, not needs – the gym membership, the frat dues and the trip to Canada. He’s making the decision to forgo the first two in favor of the last one. The worst-care scenario is that he does all three when he doesn’t have the money. I sincerely think that’s growth!</p>
<p>I am so using the ‘summer earnings in a pot with 10% free and clear’…</p>
<p>Thanks for the support Youdon’tsay, I make sure I have good talks with him when we’re alone. He listens, just has to find his own way.</p>
<p>Lizardly you sound as industrious as my son, he would do the same thing!</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the responses either, but I just wanted to say that I agree that it’s crucial to learn how to manage your money while in college.</p>
<p>I see my friends fail at this all the time, and I can confirm that they won’t learn until they fall on their behinds. I have a very poor friend who got a job this semester and works like 25 hrs/wk. She always complains about not being able to afford a car and she was panicked that her laptop broke, yet she pulls in ~$350 a paycheck and goes and spends it all on new clothes and eating out. Her excuse is “I needed a wardrobe makeover,” and I always say “I hope your clothes are of use to you while you have to continue to mooch off of me and my car because now you absolutely still can’t afford to get your own.” </p>
<p>She’s a nice person and is very giving (she always offers to pay for our coffee when we have our study sessions and she buys her other friends stuff), but she just doesn’t understand the value of a dollar. She has her loans and her grants to keep her afloat right now, but regardless of how much chiding I do, she won’t save most of that paycheck and put it towards her desired car or laptop until she gets a wakeup call. </p>
<p>As for me, I work 2 jobs and save almost every penny because I grew up paying for all of my own stuff. I actually give my mother an allowance because she’s awful with managing the little money that she has, but like my friend, she just won’t listen to me. </p>
<p>I’ve reached the age-old conclusion that you can’t help someone until they learn to help themselves. I know it’s hard when it’s your son, but by now, he should be learning how to survive in the real world. My grandmother apparently never did that to my mother, and she now zips through her paychecks before thinking about her bills and has landed herself in a potential mudslide. I managed to find the light somehow, and it was definitely due to being aware that if I spent all my money I’d be screwed.</p>
<p>It’s his money, and he has to learn what to do with it. Hopefully he can handle it, and that’s something he’ll have to learn how to do. </p>
<p>Good luck with everything!</p>
<p>I honestly don’t know what makes one child responsible and the other not so much. I thought I’d done all the right things but I have one that spends like water and one that amazingly always has money because he is just super resourceful and thrifty. </p>
<p>My mom babysat my kids while I was at work and shortly after I began giving my daughter an allowance (she’s two years older), my son told my mom that he was very worried because everybody had money except him. I ended up giving him a very nominal amount for allowance (ten cents a week or something, when my daughter was getting a dollar) to ease his concerns. That kid saves, saves, saves. When I got him new tennis shoes in May because his had holes in them, he refused to wear the new ones until school started because he didn’t want them ruined before school started. I offered up an iphone as part of Christmas present (because his sister just got one as part of hers) and he said no, he’ll pick one of the free ones, he’d rather have the cash. </p>
<p>SHE is always broke. She spends it as she makes it and I refuse to rescue her. I give her a certain amount per pay period to cover incidentals- deodorant, shampoo, medications, etc. I’d buy those things for her if she went to school closer to home and came home more often. </p>
<p>I honestly don’t know why they are so different.</p>
<p>My kids are both savers but S is an extreme bargain-hunter (I think he finds it an intellectual challenge that he enjoys). He has a full-time job and makes a lot of money in his part-time job that he loves.</p>
<p>Our D is frugal as well, quite careful about making her money last longer than we expect. She is better about spending to enjoy herself than S, but both are pretty good at watching the prices of their expenses.</p>
<p>My sister’s kids are rather different. The oldest is pretty oblivious about money, but fortunately makes a lot of it. The other two are VERY careful with theirs but make a lot less. Not too sure about my other nieces and nephews. Among my sibs, younger brother and I are probably the most careful money managers among the seven of us. He makes a TON more than we do but enjoys saving and invests well–probably he’s like S and finds it a fascinating intellectual challenge to save and stretch his assets.</p>
<p>Maybe my D is starting to “get it”. She said she got an iphone app that categorizes her spending because she wants to get it under control. She was kind of appalled that she spent 78% of her money on “delivery” (take out food, delivered to her dorm). While we grocery shopped today, she shared this with me. We bought a huge amount of food because we’re hosting two Christmas parties (S has 16 kids coming over for a party tomorrow night, and we host Christmas Eve with my family), we’re all home this week for all meals, and we needed our regular groceries too. Our cart was filled to the brim. I spent LESS than she spent on take out food for 20 days. She was really floored. </p>
<p>We used the opportunity to look at the kinds of things she could make quickly and easily in her dorm room so she is better prepared to grocery shop when she goes back. </p>
<p>Yep, she’s starting to get it.</p>
<p>Great! What really helped me in school was recording EVERY dime (or more) I spent every day on a file card, one card per week. It really made me more conscious of where my money was going and made me pause, realizing if I was going to spend, I’d have to record it.</p>
<p>Keeping all receipts and entering them afterwards is another way of getting a handle on things. It’s great when our loved ones finally start to get how much their habits and convenience is costing them. Yea! :)</p>
<p>Had to re visit this thread that I started, it’s still an on going problem. So if you remember I handed off the balance of his money to him for his last semester at college for him to manage on his own. He thought he had it all worked out, but unfortunately not. When your kids sign up for a sorority or frat, they have given their social security number, and if they don’t pay their dues, it can hurt their credit rating.
So… (and I know what all of you are going to say) I lent him one semester dues, and told him to get on a payment plan for the last semester. I know I am enabling the process to continue. With a little more than 3 months to go, I don’t want his last semester to be a bad one. Now the graduation party emails have started…</p>
<p>Oh well. Just don’t give him a DIME more this term. Graduation party? From college? We took both of our kids out for a FAMILY celebration. No friend party was funded by US. </p>