So here is the situation. My wife has no social media presence. I have been on Facebook since 2009. Many of my wife’s relatives and friends have found me over the years on fb. Some request to be my friend. I have always obliged. My friends and family are spread out across the country so fb has been a way for me to stay connected.
Two of my wife’s cousins(a couple) who I have known for over 30 years unfriended me at some point in August. These people are close to our family as in we see them at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and kid bdays. Also I took a trip to Vegas with the husband once. He also plays in the poker league I have been in for 19 years. I invited him to the group. We play 7 times a year. His son is my youngest child’s godfather.
So they unfriended me on fb. I randomly noticed one day in November thinking I hadn’t seen a post about their grandkids in a while. Now I will say I can be political on fb. Mostly posting memes, which are 99% of the time truthful and legit. Just pointing things out, ie. passing along info.
We traveled at Xmas so we didn’t see them. My first time seeing him will be soon at poker. Note poker usually has between 20-35 people. Would you mention it or bring it up? Would you just be aloof to him and just say hello and move on to talking to others? Would you act like nothing happened?
It is worth noting that my Mom passed in September and the couple didn’t know about it until Christmas and I received a text from him with condolences. Of course if we had still been fb friends they would have seen the announcement on fb.
I will say these days I try not to associate myself with people who are way on the other side politically. I never ask, but if I know I am not going to invite them to dinner or anything.
Lastly, I will say I knew his parents and know they didn’t raise him to be on that side and if they were still alive I am sure they wouldn’t be happy.
You say that you “try not to associate” with people who are on the other side politically, which I am assuming these people are. You are judgmental about it, what with the dig about his parents’ assumed disapproval.
Gosh, I can see why he quit following you! lol Are you mad that he beat you to the punch?
I had a similar situation with dh’s cousin MANY years ago. He and I actually are on the same side politically, but I had seen some of his postings because dh would comment on them, and he was so argumentative. I didn’t want that kind of ratcheted-up negative vibe on my page so when he sent me a FB request, I declined. A couple of months later, dh’s sister died and AT THE FUNERAL, Joe asks me why I didn’t accept his friend request. OoooK. I told him what I wrote above. He accepted that even though his feelings were obvs a little hurt, and we are fine today.
I’d rather you front him out and ask directly than “be aloof.” That feels a little childish. But I think you already know the answer and just don’t like it.
I have no problem unfriending political posts, especially memes and false information. It sounds like you don’t want to associate with people who support another political party. That is unfortunate, I have close friends who have completely opposite political views than I do, guess what, we don’t talk politics, easy. I don’t do politics on social media and don’t understand people who do.
Well, this is why I’m not on Facebook or social media at all unless you count CC, which I don’t.
Never in the history of social media has posting about politics changed someone’s mind. Never. It’s a way to signal to your tribe, whichever side they may be.
My guess is that they unfriended you so that they can still like you. Leave it be.
Think of this as your “get it off my chest” thread and say nothing to the person. Act as normal as you can, and try to put the “interaction” (if you can call unfriending on social media an interaction) out of your head. Social media is certainly useful but its operational tenets are deeply stupid and (I think) not to be taken seriously by adults. Kids on Instagram will follow and unfollow to boost their “ratio” (apparently better to be followed by more people than you follow or something like that), and even on Facebook people may want to mute someone who overshares. In this case, assuming your relative doesn’t share your politics and therefore doesn’t want your posts reminding them that you don’t agree, you can come to terms with the fact that you don’t regret your posts (if that’s the case) and though you might wish they had some influencing effect on others with divergent viewpoints, the reality is that it turns out that’s pretty much never the case. I get as angry as the next person about politics but my kid taught me not to let it get in the way of relationships (beyond choosing a romantic partner).
Political sides aside, some folks can get pretty tired of politics in their newsfeeds. My husband and I always pick the same bubbles to fill in on our ballots, yet we differ in the amount of political news we like to be bombarded with. He can consume this stuff 24/7… I’m not into that! So if we were on FB, I would have likely unfriended him.
I’ve unfriended a bunch of people over the years. Honestly it makes me like them better if I don’t see all the stuff they are posting on FB. My $.02 is to say nothing, be nice, and act as if you didn’t know he unfriended you. It’s very possible that it’s their way of preserving the relationship and not getting upset by what you are posting.
I have even unfriended people I agree with politically if they post too much political stuff. I just posted this in another thread this morning that all I want in my FB feed are babies, puppies, and travel photos ; )
I usually mute people who post political stuff but if I got tired of that I would unfollow them. I like unicorns and rainbows, recipes and travel in my Facebook feed.
I was initially upset when my ex sil and her entire family blocked me and my kids when my husband’s brother and my sil split.
Her kids had no idea, it was difficult because my kids were sad. This was their aunt and they had no beef with her. My kid texted her cousin to get an address, he told her to reach out on Facebook. That was awkward.
I think that was stupid. I never commented about anything and that her sister blocked us was dumb. I asked the sister nicely to unblock us, it was not taken well even though before that we were very friendly personally. And had a really nice conversation at a family event.
I would act in person with the individual as if you were never connected w/them on social media at all and interact with them as you did in pre-Facebook days. Be cordial, polite, engage them in conversation. But don’t shun them in person or avoid them at the poker night stuff.
It is possible that perhaps they decided to majorly pare down their FB list and it likely has nothing to do with you.
I would just let it go and pretend you don’t know.
(As an aside, I’ve recently quit Facebook. One day I counted how many posts there were that I actually wanted to see (updates from actual friends) vs. everything else. It was pretty depressing how few of the good ones there were. So far my life seems better without it. The people I really care about still know where to find me. )
I unfriended anyone who regularly posted political commentary or memes - whatever side they’re on. I also do not want to see it on my feed.
If you want to completely end the relationship, bring it up. Otherwise assume they don’t mind having a personal relationship with you but aren’t interested in your social media presence.
Just the last few weeks, it seems like my feed is mostly ads or posts from pages I have NO interest in, or am even offended by. And those stupid reels!! It’s gotten ten times worse. It does feel like slogging through mud to get to the posts I want to see.
Bingo. This would be my cue - no matter which side your on but especially if you’re on the opposite side and riling my emotions up to block you for 30 days - again and again. So I might not unfriendliness but constantly block - I do this now with a couple people.
I don’t use social media to debate or interact with people or topics that I don’t see eye to eye about. No thanks. Plenty of that in everyday life.
I’m voting that you were just part of a general “clean up” and it’s not personal. I’d move on- be cordial, be friendly, and don’t allow precarious “social media etiquette” to define your relationship.
I have considered leaving FB. The only reason I have stayed on is because I belong to a handful of private groups (almost all in my neighborhood) that are oriented toward community/friendship/book club and fitness. One thing I have considered is unfriending everyone else, even folks I really like and post nothing political. Have decided not to do so at this time.
So yes, you might have been part of a “general clean up” as suggested above.
This. I occasionally just do a Marie Kondo on my fb page friends just because I either haven’t seen them in years, and/or they aren’t using the app very much anyway. It just seems tidier. I do also post things that indicate my political leanings, but not all the time. One person who I had even forgotten was on my fb list, liked something I posted yesterday (Inauguration Day) for the first time in ages. That’s how I knew she probably did not share my political beliefs - or all of them. Nice person. No big deal. But now I know.
The problem is that there are groups such as the ones I am in which provide community. If I was aware of another platform that could serve the same purpose, I would exit FB.
I don’t think you should ask people why they unfriended you. What difference does it make? If I had to guess based on information you provided it is due to political stuff you post. Many people block those who can’t keep political noise to minimum.
