<p>@bevhills, So it is not a “sin” to be eager to attend an ivy or top college. And it is OK to “marry up” to somebody whose family live in bevhills </p>
<p>For someone who lives in bevhills (I guess), would you think he or she living there may not look down on somebody whose family lives in, (how do we call the area south of LA downtown) the Inglewood? (We lived very far from that area in our whole life, but somehow DS knew that neighborhood because of some kind of " pop music" originated from there?)</p>
<p>Mcat, I have a different problem from you. My son’s g/f knit her bag, does not have pierced ears, wears no make-up. Her mother, on the other hand, does wear and has nice things, like a BMW. I’ve been sending this girl gifts for years, and have no idea if I get anything right. </p>
<p>I do like a nice watch and bag, because I wear them daily. I also wear a small diamond necklace daily, a gift from a client in the trade. I spend a lot on good shoes but may only add a pair a year. Everyone spends differently.</p>
<p>Ah BB, but I would wear the Burberry jacket. I would not wear the trench! </p>
<p>And EK…its a road bike frame, custom made…not a racing bike. </p>
<p>You know, my husband has never told me I could not buy something I want. I worked. And I would never tell him he couldn’t get something he wants. He works. </p>
<p>Perhaps the OP of,this thread should consider that the future wife doesn’t intend that the husband should buy these things! She may be able to buy them herself.</p>
<p>And yes, we had joint accounts for family expenses…but we also had our own discretionary accounts.</p>
<p>mcat2: I don’t get your point. When have I said that it is a “sin” to want to go to an ivy or top university? As for marrying “up”…yeah, I did it. I grew up in BH and Mr. Ellebud grew up in a VERY nice suburb. </p>
<p>As far as living here go up and down the streets. If you took a poll you would find that yes, we have our fair share of IVY grads, UC grads, and LOTS of people who didn’t finish or start college. And yes, per our neighborhood culture we don’t have a Welcome Wagon or block parties, or anything else of a neighborly notion. In a emergency…we’re there… </p>
<p>Mcat - you have taken this to a place of having it be “about impressing other people,” and you are completely forgetting that some people may buy these products (and pay a premium) because they think they are better made, higher quality, show craftsmanship, will last long, and are more aesthetically pleasing.</p>
<p>Can’t someone just enjoy the look and feel of good craftsmanship?</p>
<p>"For someone who lives in bevhills (I guess), would you think he or she living there may not look down on somebody whose family lives in, "</p>
<p>It seems as though you have a bit of an inferiority complex, if you automatically assume that someone with more money would look down on you. I don’t think that’s the case. Money is just money; some people have more of it than others, it’s no commentary on the person’s worth one way or the other. There are nice rich people and jerky rich people. There are nice poor people and jerky poor people. </p>
<p>I think due to the economics of volume, there are some very nice purses with pretty good quality being made which retail in the $100 to $300 range - and often can find on sale. DD was very happy with the Calvin Klein bag she picked out (store wrapped) - she ‘showed’ her friends in snapchat from on-line pictures. She also has been very pleased with her very snazzy Kate Spade bag she got at end of year sale off their web site.</p>
<p>Back when younger DD was in middle school (she is now a college freshman), I was shocked at middle school gals at that time having $300 purses (or more expensive) - often gifted by parents. </p>
<p>DDs have been pretty selective on items costing more than $20/$30. I like that they are being selective so that they also don’t get into purchasing and then purging to Goodwill or consignment.</p>
<p>I do know a physician’s wife who got a $5,000 purse as a major anniversary present - I thought it was a little ‘loud’ and not one to really stay in style, but only important for her to like it and for him to signify that he wanted her to have what she desired.</p>
<p>Sometimes a young person may love pricey items as a single person, but can appreciate how their purchases may change with marriage and concerns for purchase of a home, and adding children in the formula. Also car/transportation purchasing and all kinds of ‘adult’ purchases/expenses.</p>
<p>Mcat - I don’t know enough about the concept of jeong, but you’re taking concepts that may be applicable in Asian society and applying them here. When I’ve gone out and decided to get a nice handbag, it’s not because I had some attachment or deep psychological need, or that I needed to impress other people, or be part of a group/ crowd. (Indeed, I would say there is LESS prestige in something that attracts too large of a crowd - there is nothing prestigious about being a slavish follower.) It’s simply because I like nice leather goods, my disposable budget is such that I could afford a few hundred dollars, and I liked the aesthetic look and craftsmanship of the (clothing, jewelry, handbag, shoes, etc.) of what was available. That’s all. </p>
<p>You are making it into more of a statement about self than it really needs to be. If my budget didn’t enable me to spend that kind of money, or I didn’t feel like doing so, well, then I wouldn’t, and life would go on. </p>
<p>There are things where I think the investment is worth the money in terms of enjoyment, and things where I don’t. I have nice handbags / clothing / shoes, etc. - but I have old TV’s that don’t have any of today’s features (such as on-demand, or flat-screen, or internet linkage, or whatever). Some people value that access to entertainment and are willing to pay big bucks for it; I happen not to, which means nothing other than my personal taste. </p>
<p>Some people spend a lot of money on fine wines or fancy coffees or teas because they get a lot of enjoyment out of it and they can tell the difference and appreciate small differences. I don’t, because that’s not important to me. You are seriously thinking way too much about this. There is nothing magical about a handbag, it is just another item where some people like to have the best and other people are content with functional, and neither position is better than the other. </p>
<p>The other thing, mcat, is that people may <em>have</em> designer things but they don’t necessarily <em>care</em> about them.
As an example, my 22 yo son received several shirts and sweaters from our extended family for Christmas. It so happened that they were Ralph Lauren brand. They’re pretty classic and innocuous and I’m sure he’ll get use out of them. But when he wears them, it’s not as though he <em>cares</em> that that is the brand. it just so happened that was what was within the budget and taste that the relatives chose, that’s all. </p>
<p>I bought my business partner a scarf that happened to be Kate Spade. It’s not <em>because</em> it was Kate Spade - I really liked the pattern, I think it’s one she will like, and it just so happens it came from a designer. That’s all.</p>
<p>“Can’t someone just enjoy the look and feel of good craftsmanship?”</p>
<p>Absolutely. I really enjoy looking at beautifully tailored clothing, e.g., cashmere coats by Max Mara. It does not mean I would rush to buy a cashmere coat with fox fur hood even if I had the money and lived in a climate where a coat like that would make sense. My lifestyle just does not call for one of those coats (just like a 2.55 classic Reissue bag would not work for me either). Then there is expensive yet cheap looking designer crap - just take a look at the remnants of prior years’ collections available at Off5th.</p>
<p>"…people may <em>have</em> designer things but they don’t necessarily <em>care</em> about them."</p>
<p>I’ll add another example. Mr B wears polos with tiny crocodiles, knights, sailboats, and horses on them. It just happens that he hates button down shirts, and these are the brands that make polos with long sleeves. He recognizes the “mascots”, but I am absolutely sure he will not be able to name the brands of his polos without looking at the tags! </p>
<p>By the way, mcat, designer does NOT mean “obvious logo splashed all over and visible halfway across the room.” This is a common mistake made whenever this topic comes up on CC - people who think that any logo equals “designer” and who are unaware of FAR more luxury goods at far higher price points that are only recognizable by people who are connoisseurs of the area in question. </p>
<p>PG, Ralph Lauren and Kate Spade are Greek to me.</p>
<p>On the side walk on the Hollywood blvd, there are many celebrities’ names printed on the floor. DS knows many names (especially the names of Jazz musicians - he seems to know everyone of them!) I asked him from what sources he picked up these. He just replied: I grew up here so I know.</p>
<p>MCat, I get the sense that you feel a bit insecure that you don’t know certain American cultural references because you didn’t grow up here. It’s ok - no one would have expected you to. </p>
<p>Occasionally, my wife may get a printed copy of People Magazine home, especially when she was younger. But I never opened it up. She actually knows more about pop culture than I do but she rarely talked to me about it because she is fully aware that I am naturally not into it.</p>
<p>Her interests has recently moved to Prevention and Diet related magazine, and cooking related online YouTube video. BTW, when she was in the first few years in US, she learned English by watching Soap Opera on TV! She learned English reasonably well even though she has been SAHM in her whole life here - even though she had a career before she immigrated here about 30 years ago. I would say she contributes to our child’s life and education more than I do. That is the reason why our child is close to her than me. She has invested in it more and she deserves it more. It is fair.</p>
<p>I actually enjoy entertaining myself at a bookstore a lot (even at a bookstore that sells a used book - there is one in the city we used to live.) But my interest is very narrow. Which sections of B&N bookstore will I go to when I go there? Only two sections: Computers and Math/Sciences.</p>
<p>It does not help that we almost never turn on our TV even though we have the TV. I think we turned on our TV likely once a month (and mostly seeing a rented movie from now extinct Block Blaster) when our child was still luving with us. And we almost have never had subscribed to cables. It becomes worse after our son left our nest. I actually do not remember when is the last time we turned on the TV (maybe 4 months ago?) We don’t have cable but we have Roku but it seems we used it only in the first few months we owned it. So I may be a person who is very “boring” to many common people. I actually think it is good that the college kids here go away to live in a college, especially for a kid who was born to a new immigrant family like ours. (BTW, I actually believe that the lack of dating experiences and “skills” for our child is partly due to his growing-up environment in our family. I guess his very first serious dating experience starts at the ripe age of 25 - the age when my wife and I had been dating for 5 years and had just been married! For a more typical family with a child who starts to date at a younger age, it is hard for them to understand why we become somewhat “obsessed” about this topic. But we are fully aware we should not be nosy about his life because it is not healthy. The long distance between us and our child, which is between the east coast and the west coast, and the infrequent call between us and our child, keeps us from becoming too excessive in our “unwelcome meddling”. This is another example of going away for college being good!)</p>
<p>MCAT - does it bother you that you don’t know American cultural references? If so, then do turn on the TV, read People magazine, walk through the mall and observe what well dressed people are buying. But it strikes me that you aren’t really interested, which is FINE. You decide. </p>
<p>I’m perfectly comfortable being basically illiterate in professional sports. But if I felt it was something I needed to be conversant on (such as for business), I’d read the sports section, listen to sports radio, etc to get a sense of who plays what and what teams are good. </p>
<p>Do you want to learn more? Then do so. Are you fine not knowing? Then don’t change a thing. </p>
<p>Mcat, I think you’re in good company. Many others post here who are trying to figure out how to keep their relationship with their children going as they grow up, move farther away, and get engaged or married. Will the daughter in law like us, will her parents like us, are our values the same, how do they look on us, how often will we see our son, how will it be when our families are together, what are the daughter in law’s expectations, what does the future look like? Am I right in thinking It’s not really about stuff, per se, but about your relationship with your son and his future wife when he chooses one, kids, etc, and you and your wife’s role in their lives. I think the efforts you and your wife put into keeping the connection with your son will make a difference.</p>
<p>PG, You are right in saying that I am really not interested in it per se. This reminds me about what my child said to us at one time: Since a person could be more acceptable to new kind of music, he himself would try to be exposed to as many different kinds of music as possible while young so that he could enjoy more of them in his life time. He said he would help his kid(s) to do the same. In other words, he disagrees with our approach of letting him learn classical music only when he grew up. (His classical music training at high school was at the “state” level - i.e., good enough to get into our state’s “all state orchestra” every year.)</p>
<p>For a person who is not far from being Medicare eligible, I admit that my capacity and motivation could be marginalized. I semi-joked with my small circle of friends (sadly, even in the technical area): It seems I could never forget or unlearn whatever I have been exposed to a long time ago, but it becomes harder and harder for me to pick up and remember new thing. I guess I may need to “empty” my brain in some way so that I have some space in my brain to absorb and hold the new thing.</p>
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