<p>DD has three suite mates.These 3 three suite mates got along from the first day but now two of them have been picking on everything about the third suitemate.This girl is from Singapore .Her boyfriend is from England and has been over to visit and the other girls were fine with it.All are going home for Thanksgiving day but Singapore girl.Her boyfriend can get a flight and wants to visit but other girls don"t want it(except my D,what does she care she isn,t there anyway)One of the suitemates mother called mother in Singapore and told her she didn’t like it now girl from Singapore’s mother is threating to make her leave school.She can stay if all she does is study do not want her going out no dating ect.Are parents involving themselves in this stuff,did some one cross the line?My D said these two girls are constantly looking for things to beat up on the girl.They share printer and chip in for ink and now the girl is only allowed to use it between this time and that time.They share cereal and only buy one kind but girl doesn’t eat this but still has to chip in,not keeping room clean enough you get the picture.D is fourth suite mate but didn’t really bound with these girls so she has not been to involved but tension in suite has escalated and feels awful for the Singapore girl who D said is like a doormat for these girls.Anyway do parents call parents?</p>
<p>No, there are people at the university the parents can approach if they must be involved. It should be handled by the students themselves.</p>
<p>Perhaps your daughter should go talk to Housing Office regarding this situation, if she feels her roommate is being bullied or mistreated. </p>
<p>I’m surprised moms exchanged phone-numbers, and certainly one mom calling the other mom is extreme “helicopter parent” behavior, particularly for the situation noted.</p>
<p>If anything, the parent of the girl from Singapore could be called and informed that her daughter is the victim of a pack of Mean Girls who are hazing her!</p>
<p>But seriously, if this really happened–which I find very hard to believe–yes, the mother who called the Singapore girl’s mother was WAY out of line. If she is that much of a harridan and busybody, it is perhaps not surprising that her offspring is a nasty little bully.</p>
<p>The Singapore girl needs to grow a spine. If she doesn’t like the cereal the suitemates insist on purchasing, and they won’t buy something she likes too, she should cease to pay for it. If she shares the cost of a printer, then she has the same right to use it as the other participants. Moreover, your D needs to speak up about these injustices and say that it stops right now. The suitemates need to have a meeting and agree upon groundrules. If necessary, get the RA or head of house, if there is one, to facilitate it. If the Mean Girls are angered, too bad. If they retaliate, then your D <em>documents</em> their action and goes to the RA or housing authority. Silence=complicity. No one should have to live with that.</p>
<p>Cereal bullying? REally?</p>
<p>I would have my daughter speak to her RA about the bullying situation. Things are clearly out of hand and this girl needs help.</p>
<p>D did speak to RA about this last week and only got suggestions which my D had already told the girl from Singapore what she should do.My D has said that it is true that one mother called other girls mother.I don’t know girl or mother but would love to call Singapore mother and let her know that the call she received was not out of concern for daughter but that these two have decided to be nasty.They have control over suite .On Saturday they took over D tv and bed until finally at 7:30 my D got the nerve up to say that she would like her bed back and would prefer they not use her bed.Two beds in each room of suite but girl rooming with Singapore girl was in my D bed all day watching Pirates of Car. with my D roommate.</p>
<p>They had a meeting on Sunday and they agreed boy from England could come but didn’t want him touching their things.And they weren’t going to charge girl for cereal and printer usage would not be limited.But new chores have been assigned and the problem with this is that roommate’s friend doesn’t do it,its ok but if Singapore girl forgets they are all over her.D brought this up because recycling needs to go out and girl that is suppose to do it hasn’t done it but she was told she will don’t worry about.Any way mother called other mother yesterday and now alot of commotion.D hates conflict and was sitting out on a bench at 7:30 last night having a panic attack because of this but was afraid to go back to room because of the tension.</p>
<p>Why not just have the girls change rooms so the two bullies would be roommates?</p>
<p>Could your D bring in a mutual friend, sit down as 3 against 2, and set the other 2 girls straight? I see from your prior posts that they arrived as freshmen with large suitcases full of shoes and clothing, enough to overtake a room. So far your D has handled everything quite well, but she might consider whether setting this straight will rebalance the room, and ultimately work for her own well-being, as well as to help the Singaporean roommate.</p>
<p>To answer your asked question, it is outrageous that the mom reported to the other mom. And, although it’s tempting, I wouldn’t call the other mom in Singapore yourself, although you might ask your D if she wishes to write some kind of support letter about her excellent Singaporean roommate to the mom who lives so far away from the scene. It’d be up to your D if she thinks that’s wise, just to counterbalance the ridiculous bad experience of having the other roommate’s mom rat her out. Keep the moms OUT of it!</p>
<p>Calling parents will not improve situation. It will make it worse. So, calling or not is up to you, depending what you want. Some might opt for escalating up to intolerance which might help them split. It could be the best.</p>
<p>Sorry - I just had to say it. Cereal bullying: Serial bullying.</p>
<p>Oh my goodness - those girls are Nasty! Poor Singapore girl. And your daughter, also. The Nasty Girls will continue to do it until someone stops them. But I don’t really have any advice - just sympathy for Nice girls involved and you, OP.</p>
<p>"The Nasty Girls will continue to do it until someone stops them. "</p>
<p>-The Nasty Girls will continue to do it, period. Nobody can stop them.</p>
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<p>Not stable ones.</p>
<p>I actually ran into one of my daughter’s roommates mothers one weekend when I went to school to take her to do something (the girl lives in town and the mother was there constantly)… She tried to “tell” me some things about my daughter. </p>
<p>I just shook her hand and said it was nice to meet her and that I had full confidence that my adult daughter could make her own mistakes. thank you.</p>
<p>It was really strange.</p>
<p>After that my daughter was incredibly uncomfortable when the roommates mother was in the room and went to the RA and rewrote the contract which limited the mothers’ rights to the room. Interesting twist.</p>
<p>The mother was fuming the entire time we were moving out. The daughter was embarrassed.</p>
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<p>Crossposted while you typed this. That’s why I think your D needs yet another very articulate, clearthinking friend to support HER and confront these girls as 3 against 2 for a sit-down talk. It could be a boy. The only thing bullies understand is power greater than themselves. If these two other girls are really bullies, they have to be outnumbered or outranked to even consider changing their ways.</p>
<p>I’m sorry it’s so upsetting for your D. She needs to draw in some support for herself, because right now it’s as if “3 against 1” and she’s the 1. Not that the Singaporean roommate is against her, but she has been so disempowered by the other 2 that it’s as if she’s not there.</p>
<p>I said I would love to call but of course I would not.I was just wondering if this was standard procedure.I’m guessing moms of the two girls exchanged numbers.These two girls were friends until about a month ago.</p>
<p>It’s completely inappropriate to call other moms. Your child is an adult now and needs to learn to deal with these problems. Bad roommate situations will come up at least once in a lifetime. That’s what the R.A. and roommate switch times are for. If this isn’t working out simply switch rooms. </p>
<p>Would you call and complain to a professor if they gave your child a C? It’s time to let go and let them figure out this situation. It’s not the end of the world and, trust me, you’re not the only ones dealing with this situation.</p>
<p>Give your daughter support and let her know she is doing the right thing. Of course she is having anxiety about it - it’s an unpleasant situation and she is putting herself in the line of fire. No one does that easily. But look at what paper tigers these “mean girls” are: they’ve capitulated after one confrontation!
I agree that they (and their oversized entitlement issues) should be forced to move in together. But let the girls figure it out. It will make all of them better people.</p>
<p>The mean girls did capitulated face to face but than the mother called other mother and Singapore girl is in trouble with her family.Threatening to stop paying if she doesn’t do what they say stay in room,no dating,no socializing just study.D said Singapore girl is nice and two weeks ago mother was encouraging her to meet people as girl is very homesick and always on Skype to home.Do feel sorry for girl and wish some how her mother knew the whole story and her so called friend and roommate is a B**** and been making life miserable for her daughter for the past month.</p>
<p>I think it would be in everyone’s best interest if your daughter and the girl from Singapore became roommates and left the other two to deal with each other. Maybe these suitemates shouldn’t be ‘sharing’ so much. I think your daughter and the girl from Singapore should collaborate on what they want in the suite - limit/end sharing, switching roommates etc. and then they should go to the RA and call for a meeting to propose/implement these changes. RA’s are powerless unless the avenue of resolution is already laid out before them - your D. and the girl from Singapore need to collaborate and pave their own path to freedom. </p>
<p>Moms calling moms is way out of line. The other girls were taking advantage of the cultural differences that have the parents in Singapore threatening to bring their daughter home from college (probably not an idle threat if they believe that her academics are slipping due to the introduction of a social life). The girl from Singapore probably seems like a wet blanket on the mean girls good times, she hasn’t grown up with free time and an active social life, she’s had killer academics and after school tutoring as a way of life.</p>