<p>There is also a video of party prep & part of the party!</p>
<p>Can I ask a question? Obviously, we’ve been over and over the same ground of everyone being free to post their opinion, and if other members of the community don’t care for it, it’s a simple matter to not read it, go to some other thread, etc. - but - I just have to ask - why the obsession, gossip and gnashing of teeth over what another family chooses to do?</p>
<p>It’s THEIR money, THEIR daughter, THEIR time, and HER birthday. They do not appear to be breaking any laws, abusing their child, taking resources from the community, or on the government’s dime; their choice of party activity influences no politics, in fact, if anything, what they spent on the party drives the economy even if only in a very small way. So what’s the issue? Who cares what they do? How could it possibly be of interest to anyone else, outside of perhaps casual amusement? </p>
<p>It might not be what anyone here would do - actually, a bit closer to the truth, it might not be what anyone here CAN do based on existing financial resources, and the party itself doesn’t even really sound like it was all that much fun, even for the guest of honor, but, hey, if that’s what they want to do, and it’s clearly not hurting anyone else, what’s the big deal? And who has time to care about this, anyway? </p>
<p>Personally, I’m thrilled to live in a place and time where people can earn, create or generate the income to be in a position to throw such a party. Good for them!</p>
<p>There is more to it than that.</p>
<p>People do “fill in your adjective” things every day that are over the top. The more I sit back and look at it, the more I am bothered by the fact that the mother went out of her way to be public with it and that the media was obliging.</p>
<p>I think this almost falls into the realm of somebody calling the TV station before jumping off a tall building and the TV station showing the impact on the nightly news.</p>
<p>I think I’ve always known that certain people engage in such behavior as was presented in the story. The fact that we air our laundry is what is bothering me now.</p>
<p>Oh, I totally agree that the party is “over the top”; it sure isn’t my idea of fun, or an intelligent way to spend resources, and the media coverage is, well, had to have been a slow news day, I guess. Maybe whatever is the publication that covered it couldn’t find anything else to write about; maybe they need new managing editors or something. But then, how is this community really any different, considering how many posts there are on the subject. </p>
<p>But at the end of the day, who cares? If this family wants to have a huge, ridiculous, guiness book of world records party, I cannot see why it matters even slightly to anyone else. </p>
<p>In my opinion, it’s THEIR money and THEIR time; they can spend it any way legal way they want; it’s THEIR call.</p>
<p>I understand your position latetoschool, but by the fact that you replied to this thread says you have some passing interest in the topic. </p>
<p>I don’t think you (or anyone else) would have posted to a topic about an ordinary party. Now everyone would say “Who cares?” about that.</p>
<p>It’s kinda like seeing a 18-car rear-end accident on the highway, you can’t help but thinking that thank goodness I wasn’t involved.</p>
<p>You may be upset by how many posts have been generated, much like you are annoyed about how the 18-car rear-end accident made you late for work, but unfortunately wrecks happen and stories like this are published.</p>
<p>Now if I could only smack the guy who was tailgaiting and caused that accident… LOL</p>
<p>Likewise, none of us are personally affected by the Duke Lacrosse mess (unless there are kids at Duke, but then only marginally), but that’s quite the thread.</p>
<p>Mostly, if you put something in the public eye, you’re going to get some criticism for it. Also, some of this is values - we are all affected by the values of the people around us. We all know that kids use the “but my friends do xyz” excuse - this just makes it all worse.</p>
<p>Well, we form our values in many ways as we are raised by our parents, surrounded by our “village”, and we test and fine-tune them by observing and reacting to what goes on around us and what choices we see others making.</p>
<p>So, I find it interesting <em>and</em> our business. And some families - goaliedad’s and kluge’s and HImom’s and others - find themselves in a “village” where this kind of nonsense goes on. Makes their job a bit harder, maybe, if they are trying to champion a different set of values.</p>
<p>Plus, of course, it’s a hoot.</p>
<p>Ariesathena, for perhaps the first time ever, I disagree with you. The Duke Lacrosse issue is very much cross-impactive, in that we either all have sons/daughters in college, or we ARE in college; most “normal” college students will attend a party or two or perhaps several; it’s a “there but for the grace of God go I” type of situation. Those students who are also D-1 athletes are certainly impacted at least this year, by the guidelines, rules and regulations that have been handed down, a direct result of the Duke Lacrosse matter. </p>
<p>This party is another matter - it’s one party, and while it’s inimical to most people, it’s not a matter of a poor value system; it’s merely how these people chose to spend THEIR money on ONE birthday. Unless it’s reported otherwise, as far as I can tell, this family didn’t steal the money to finance the party, or stiff the caterers, or break any laws. Perhaps it’s distasteful, but, so are threads and posts that snipe and gossip about other people’s perfectly legal choices.</p>
<p>jmmom, I’ll admit it is interesting, but only to the extent that, say, People Magazine might be interesting, if I’m stuck on an airplane and have exhausted all other reading material - an acceptable momentary diversion if nothing else is available, but hardly worthy of great devotion of my time and attention. I do NOT view the party as “nonsense” - it’s simply a party that these people chose to have. Why aren’t they entitled to their freedom of choice, as long as they aren’t breaking laws? And who is anyone else to judge their choice, if it makes them happy? How are they disturbing anyone else? Why does this upset anyone else?</p>
<p>Expressed differently, what if families of this “type” have their own little forum, complete with threads that contain posts along the lines of “did you see what those losers did for their son/daughter’s birthday? They only let the kid have ten guests, and this grocery-store bought cake, and gave him a used Ford to drive, sheesh, and gifts? The poor kid got nothing, just an envelope with a few $20s in it…what kind of parents are those, can you imagine”…and so on. Wouldn’t you be slightly put off, if someone so judged your choice of birthday party to provide for your child?</p>
<p>
To be fair, I don’t consider a three-sentence comment on an online message board “great devotion of … time and attention”. “Momentary diversion” sounds about right, I think.</p>
<p>[will now retreat to the students’ board…]</p>
<p>Well, I have to disagree that the interest in the Duke thread was parents who thought “there but for the grace of God . . .” For many of us it was the kind of shock we felt at reading about excessive BD parties. How were boys allowed to rack up multiple infractions–apparently paid for uncomplainingly by wealthy parents. Why did not the school or their own consciences stop them from regularly p**ing on the neighbors’ lawns and then saying, “What’s your problem?” when challenged. It’s a “boys gone wild” thing.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think it’s stuff like this that keeps us middle-class folk from ever getting rich - we’re too turned off by it all.</p>
<p>Well said, Northeastmom.</p>
<p>Thank you jmmom.</p>
<p>latetoschool,</p>
<p>My daughter, if not for the grace of generous FA at her boarding school and parents who are willing to spend money they don’t have on her education, would be attending school with that crowd this year as she is in 9th grade and will be turning 15 in a couple of months.</p>
<p>And the strange thing is that we were worried about running into these types at the boarding school. When we spent 4 days up there during registration, I only remember seeing 2 BMW’s on the whole campus. Most of the people I met seemed down to earth and were at this school because the other boarding schools weren’t for them. </p>
<p>And my daughter’s first spending account statement came in the other day. It looks like she hasn’t taken a dime out yet for personal spending money or food at the snack bar. I asked her if she wanted to go do something on Sundays with her friends. She told me that we had spent enough money sending her to school and that she was too tired from the week anyway. </p>
<p>I don’t think she would have fit in at that party.</p>
<p>Farawayplaces, we’re hijacking, but, sorry, it’s a sort of a “Nifong gone wild” thing.</p>
<p>Goaliedad - “that crowd”??? “these types”??? What “types” are we talking about, exactly? What have “they” done that is so wrong? </p>
<p>Is it that they EARNED too much money? Or is it that they SPEND too much money?</p>
<p>Or is it that it’s o.k. for them to earn money, and spend it, as long as they tiptoe around and do it VERY quietly, so that we don’t have to know about it?</p>
<p>Is the root of the issue here that perhaps “we” are just a little bit jealous, because we don’t have that much money, and therefore cannot possibly throw such a party, even though, secretly, we really, really, wish we could?</p>
<p>There is a big difference between having an extravaganza where the issue at hand is the money put into the party, and having an event where there will be inappropriate entertainment or offerings are being featured. Lap dancers, strippers, illegal substances, all clearly cross the line for parties unless the fact that these things are planned is clearly communicated to the invitees. When minors are involved, the standards are raised even more. Proper adult supervision is more of a concern to me in that case, than the money and extravaganza. A modest barbecue with “wink, wink” to underage drinking and minimal adult supervision is not only more offensive to me, it is irresponsible. As parents, it is our job to vet parties and gatherings to make sure that illegal and dangerous activities are not going to be tolerated there, certainly not featured. I would permit my children to go to an “over the top” celebration if the issue is the money and ostentatiousness. I would not permit them to go to a party where the parents are not being properly vigilent. I have 3 teenagers right now, and one who is in his early twenties, so I know that it is not possible to patrol and control parties and get togethers so that nothing illegal and inappropriate occurs, but there is such thing as due vigilance and awareness of what can transpire when you have a large number of young people, even if you trust your children. Things can get out of hand. But to actually plan on having such activities or take the “see no evil” stance is an entirely different story.</p>
<p>My sons have been invited to some events that I, and most people would characterize as extravagent, ostentatious, and in bad taste, and I have permitted them to go after questioning the parents about the same things I would if they were invited to any party. Are the parents going to be there and keeping an eye open for any inappropriate activites. Are drugs and alcohol prohibited? The usual questions. </p>
<p>One of my boys was invited this summer to a 16th b-day that was being celebrated at a club, with band, dancing featured. Very high profile club, the event was clearly high budget. But the parents e-mailed very explicitly what behaviours were not going to be tolerated, that both parents were going to be on site at all times, along with a number of other adults who would be there to make sure that that things did not get out of hand, that each invitee would be checked from the guest list, and if he/she leaves the party before the stated end, the parent would be immediately notified. Parents would also be notified if the student is caught doing anything against “normal” party rules. Phone numbers of all parents were requested. Also all invitees’ parents were invited to drop in any time during the event. Would I rent out an expensive club like that for a sweet 16? The prizes, band, entertainment, food were all way out of our budget. But I give those parents high points for the information and system they put in place to keep the party under control where it counted. Again, not to say that inappropriate things did not happen. Kids could have smuggled in drinks, drugs, or sneaking sex in the bathrooms, but due diligence was exercised. Oh, and I believe the young lady who had this party did get an expensive car as her gift. None of my business.</p>
<p>Actually, I know several folks who could throw these types of parties (or even more extravagant ones) but choose not to because they don’t consider such conspicuous consumption to be tasteful or appropriate for the circumstances. I honestly don’t think folks here are posting due to jealousy or would throw such celebrations if it were within their means.</p>
<p>
No. Simply stated, no. Could. Wouldn’t.
I live in a very affluent area - some parts even more affluent than others. Years ago I had a conversation with a man who moved from an extremely affluent neighborhood to a less flashy one. I asked him why.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think it was a healthy environment for my kids.”</p>
<p>My daughter - the youngest of my three - tends to run with a very affluent crowd. The 16 year old boy whose new Porsche is - his second car. The families with oceanfront “cottages”, etc. A lot of the people are nice, normal people with good values. Some aren’t. Too much indulgence is generally a bad thing - whether the indulgence is in drugs, promiscuity, or conspicuous consumption. Why? I’m not sure. But it just seems to play out that way.</p>
<p>It’s just wrong. Conspicuous consumption is just wrong. I feel like I can say that with some kind of authority after spending three weeks in Africa visiting our Peace Corps daughter. My H and I feel we will never entirely recover from the suffering we witnessed. The small children we saw who later died, just from lack of simple vitamins or vaccine. The handsome guide at the Senegal game park who, in his 20s, had lost sight in one eye because he hadn’t the money for a cataract operation. It goes on and on. The moral thing is to teach our children that the wealth of our nation should be shared, not flaunted.</p>
<p>People can spend their money any way they want, but what occurs to me is, come college tuition time, will these people claim poverty because they didn’t save the $40,000 or more per year it takes for big-bucks college? Or do they really have that much to spare on parties & cars?</p>
<p>The folks I know giving brand new cars to their kids and having these blowouts are not applying for financial aid. Their kids are not going to state schools either, unless they are one of the most selective ones.</p>