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<p>Ditto with us.</p>
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<p>Same thing happened with my D. I did subsidize her rent for a couple of years because I wanted her to live in a safe neighborhood and that I could stay with her whenever I visited. Now, post MBA, she has a great job, 6 figure salary, but still spending way too much. She is on her own though.</p>
<p>We had a young lady working in our department while trying to get into medical school who was brought up this way. Even though she was making $50k working for us, her parents still foot the bill for a lot of her lifestyle.</p>
<p>She was very blunt about the fact that the reason she was going to medical school was so she could maintain that expensive lifestyle. To that end, I guess it could be a good motivator but, on the other hand, I felt a little sorry for her. She had some ambivalent feelings about tackling a medical career and yet, she felt she couldn’t be happy without $300 shoes and expensive cars and houses. She also felt she would be a failure in her parents eyes if she didn’t achieve that level of income. It seems sort of sad. On a positive note, she was smart enough to realize she couldn’t just depend on a future spouse to provide her with that lifestyle either.</p>
<p>It is hard. I see my son struggling with this. There are certain career paths he finds interesting and yet he knows will not allow him to live the lifestyle he was brought up in. It can put kids in a difficult spot.</p>
<p>In some ways it was easier for those of us who came of age in the 60’s and early 70’s. Many of us had already rejected our parents’ lifestyles, so it was easier to handle the “deprivations” of low paying careers.</p>
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From other stories I’ve read, there was some sort of judicial deferrment of her previous conviction that was in effect when she took the job with the Norweigan-based firm. We’ll see if the newspaper investigates that further…</p>
<p>*In some ways it was easier for those of us who came of age in the 60’s and early 70’s. Many of us had already rejected our parents’ lifestyles, so it was easier to handle the “deprivations” of low paying careers. *</p>
<p>I would offer that many of us who were born in the 50’s/early 60’s were raised with very modest standards, so it wasn’t too shocking to “start at the bottom” with low paying jobs. When I was growing up, I didn’t know any kids who got pricey haircuts or regular mani/pedis, etc.</p>
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<p>Heck, I didn’t start doing that until my 30s (pricey haircuts/foils) and didn’t start get regular mani/pedis until I was 45! I often see women bringing their young daughters into the nail salon and think “Not sure that’s a great idea…setting their expectations so high at such a young age.” I’m of the mind-set that age has its privileges. You make your kids * wait* for certain things even if you can afford it because then it means more. I have a close family member who got her eight-year old twins iphones for Christmas. While I have no doubt it is something they can afford, I can’t help but wonder…where do you go from there?</p>
<p>I also didn’t start getting regular manicures until I was 30; it was my 30th birthday present to myself!! Been going to the same woman ever since!</p>
<p>We are considered upper middle class, but the adult children currently are not. I do try to convenience my daughter to get a manicure every two weeks as she is a nail biter, and doesn’t bite for some reason when she has freshly done nails. It has always bother me to see her fingers in her mouth, so when she was home I offered to pay for the manicure. Now that she is on her own, she tries to find the cheapest nail salon, but doesn’t go as often. So while she would like to go twice a month, she isn’t willing to spend the money. </p>
<p>I have the problem that my husband makes my daughter a princess; he gives her everything she wants even though I will say it is too much. There were a pair of designer shoes she wanted while in college that she showed me in a catalog; I promptly said, no way! My husband must have heard her talking about it and asked one of her friends which shoes they were and what size. Damn if he didn’t go behind my back and buy them! When I called him on it his reply was, “But she really wanted them.” I had to explain that she REALLY wants a lot of things; I still don’t get them for her. And besides, I don’t even have shoes in that price range and I am the adult!! I will say, she has worn those shoes to death, but still!</p>
<p>I am still a mani-pedi virgin! I don’t understand how anyone can stand sitting there while finger- and toenails are painted! Isn’t it incredibly boring? I already resent the hair color touchup I have every 3-4 weeks, and I didn’t start coloring my hair until I had significant fraction of gray. At least while I sit there I can do Sudoku - not a possibility when it is your hands being treated, I gather!</p>
<p>Haircuts only very infrequently. Clothes ordered online from LLBean or Lands End. A couple of Eileen Fisher outfits for when I give lectures. I don’t look nearly as good as the rest of you do!</p>
<p>Although I share the philosophy of most of you of not overindulging children to the extent that we could have in an area like mine,and of encouraging a work ethic, I have seen it work the other way, too. People who considered themselves deprived as kids or who were the children of frugal or poor parents vow to do things differently when it’s their turn. Sometimes that leads to driving ambition, but sometimes it leads to people like the woman in this story. She was quoted as saying it was the 15th bday party she never had as a child. So this can work both ways.</p>
<p>I think some of it has to do with the environment you’re raised in - it can be difficult for kids who feel they are not within the mainstream. Outcome can also hinge on family dynamic, personality of the kid, and whether he or she is more likely to emulate the parent’s example or rebel against it.</p>
<p>I still have not moved over to pricey haircuts and am happy to have mine in the $20 range, which is just a tad above Supercuts pricing. I am not fond on mani/pedicures, but have sat through very few of them (one for my wedding but I damaged it even tho I had just had it done the day before so I had to strip all the polish off anyway). My mom complains I get my haircuts way too infrequently & she’s probably right. :)</p>
<p>We do admit we spoil our kids with family dining out, memories and travel more than possessions. For the most part, we do not purchase things for our kids that we do not have or are not comfortable with them owning. H & I are happily on the same page that the kids can earn those fancy things that they may want but can admire from afar until they’re earning enough to buy it on their dimes. We do sometimes have a tough time getting the kids to splurge a bit on themselves–they are quite conscious of quality and style and won’t buy things that aren’t perfect in their eyes but would rather make do & save until they can get what they have in mind. We’re happy that this is how we think as well, so we all understand one another pretty well. :)</p>
<p>While I am sure it can backfire, especially if the people feel “very deprived,” for the most part, moderation seems like a good & healthy thing and generally serves those involved in good stead, especially in lean times (as many are experiencing these days).</p>
<p>The morning paper said that 47% of our public school students are on free or reduced lunch! This is astounding to me and a sign of how bad things are in our state with layoffs and cutbacks. It said that many families have folks with 2-3 jobs. The only upside is that we get somewhat more Title I money because so many schools have kids from such low income families.</p>
<p>The income to qualify for free lunch is just under $33K for a family of 4 and for reduced lunch is just under $47K for the same-sized family. Considering HI has one of the highest cost of living in the US, this is pretty scary!</p>
<p>* I often see women bringing their young daughters into the nail salon and think “Not sure that’s a great idea…**setting their expectations so high at such a young age.” **I’m of the mind-set that age has its privileges. You make your kids wait for certain things even if you can afford it because then it means more.</p>
<p>I have a close family member who got her eight-year old twins iphones for Christmas. While I have no doubt it is something they can afford, I can’t help but wonder…where do you go from there? *</p>
<p>When I was in high school, I went to a private all girls school. We had some affluent families at this school. I used to joke that some of these moms would take their D’s into the pricey dept stores and say, “one of each in size 5”. I remember thinking that these girls would have adjustment problems when they got into their 20s and perhaps had to live on a young married’s income. </p>
<p>My MIL is a case in point. She was the daughter of a senator; she went to boarding schools; she was very spoiled. She wasn’t taught any domestic skills at all. She had a very difficult time adjusting to living without her parents’ money. My FIL often had to work 3 jobs to make ends meet because she had no clue about economizing…and wasn’t willing to learn. </p>
<p>there was a book out about 10 years ago with a title something like…“How to say ‘no’ when your wallet can say ‘yes’.” It was an important book about not overindulging your kids. </p>
<p>As for those who rebel because they were raised with parents who are “too cheap”…that’s the other end of the spectrum…which is why moderation is usually better. Parents who are “too cheap,” " too strict," “too controlling” can have other serious problems with their kids. The answer isn’t to be “cheap”…the answer is to be reasonable and not overly indulgent.</p>
<p>I have a friend who got his D (I think she’s maybe 6 years old) both an iPhone & iPad of her own. Not sure what else she has or wants, but that seems a bit much and yes, where does one go from there? Reasonableness and not being overly indulgent seems like the best way to go.</p>
<p>Not sure where we absorbed our thrifty values and ways or passed them on, probably mostly by example and living. In any case, we’re happy that our kids are able to make do with what funds they have/get and aren’t clamoring for more, more, more. Living comfortably below your means is good practice and allows you to save for the next rainy day.</p>
<p>Sometimes, there is a limit to the extent we can influence our children. I have a friend with identical twin daughters and their spending habits are opposite extreme it’s like night and day.</p>
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<p>Actually I only do it for the foot massage. :)</p>
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<p>Unless she lives in Fargo and her husband is Bill Macy!</p>
<p>I would love to have a manicure/ pedicure, but it just never moves up high enough on my list to actually have one done. Maybe on my laying out in the casket.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I don’t bother with paying for a the mani…I do that myself since I’m likely to quickly chip my nails. But I do get a pedi twice a year, once around April/May, and again around July. I do get designs put on the big toes. LOL I use the same OPI color so I can touch up any small chips or to fill in growth. Usually I can make it thru the whole sandal season with just doing this twice. </p>
<p>What I’ve noticed is that too many young people are being raised to pay for services that “in our day” we did ourselves. My friends and I used to give each other manicures when we were in high school. Kids don’t even like taking a snack, drink, or lunch with them…they’d rather just buy whatever at a snack shop or fast food place. And, don’t even get me started on how many young kids are buying Starbucks on a regular basis. oy!</p>
<p>I have not read the whole thread. But I just had to add the tidbit that floored me a few years ago… at one of the elite school districts some parents hired a helicopter to take the kids to the prom. Evidentally a limo was not impressive enough. Gads. </p>
<p>(OK, I do like group transit options when the prom is far away. I gave my son the $55 for his ticket on a nice rented bus with 35 of his friends. It took them to dinner and then to the prom and back. But no limo. And definitely no helicopter!).</p>
<p>I guess I can’t help myself. Here is the latest update on the story. </p>
<p>While awaiting sentencing on the latest fraud conviction and shortly after gaining access to retirement funds (ostensibly to pay for legal expenses and immediate living expense), our sweet-15 party mom has run away from her ankle bracelet requirement. The FBI is now looking for her.</p>
<p>[Party</a> mom Leslie Janous vanishes Knoxville News Sentinel](<a href=“http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2011/apr/21/party-mom-leslie-janous-vanishes/]Party”>http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2011/apr/21/party-mom-leslie-janous-vanishes/)</p>
<p>Do you wonder when someone is going to figure out that she is a fraud and not let her touch any more money?</p>
<p>Wow! Thanks for the update.</p>