<p>No, I didn’t say that. I agree that some of these parties are indeed over the top. But who is the arbiter of what is a “ridiculous” amount for any given family to spend on a special occasion ? There are all different ways to entertain - a luncheon at home , a catered event , a formal evening affair - for some people the homemade luncheon for 100 would be over the top. Others can easily afford an evening black tie reception while contributing positively to their community, creating jobs and giving back. I have to agree with LTS on the broader issue - within (my own definition of) reason. But the party in question sounds was definitely out there - especially the bit about the car for a kid who is not even driving yet and especially in light of the recent charges against the parents. Horrible.</p>
<p>I just picked up H and two little Ds from the father/daughter dance at the elementary school. I couldn’t believe it–I pulled up right behind a stretch limo. LOL–this isn’t the fanciest neighborhood, either. (My theory–the group of 5th grade “mean girls” got together and rented it–with the help of their parents, of course.)</p>
<p>Don’t people have better things to spend their money on? I fret about spending an extra $20 at Target! I can’t imagine spending 100s much less 1000s on a party!</p>
<p>Regarding LTS & other wonderful folks that are and will continue to be missed–so many die too young. Their voices help provide a moderating voice to the discussion and it’s always nice to have multiple perspectives.</p>
<p>I supposed things can be considered lavish or not, depending on perspectives. One family I knew used a private jet to fly the kids’ friends to a bday party; I believe the kid was only in grade school. The family & kid did not consider it extravagant–just lived in a different social sphere from many of us.</p>
<p>LTS was also very intuitive. She mentioned, “within legal means”, and “And unless I missed something or perhaps it hasn’t been reported yet, they didn’t steal the funds to finance the party”. That thought would never have occured to me.</p>
<p>Yes, there are communities where lavish weddings and celebrations are expected. (And when I say lavish I mean possibly beyond expectations of the family’s circumstances.)</p>
<p>Example: While I am not part of the Survivor community I have been told that every time there is a wedding/Bar Mitzvah/ with the (now) children/grand/and great grand children the families go all out. Why? Because “it is throwing into Hitler’s face that we survived, have joy and have made families.” Now going all out may be different for families, but the celebration that is more than “expected” is there.</p>
<p>Within certain Middle Eastern cultures it is imperative that a family show how happy they are with a marriage or other celebration. Families will join together to fund a wedding. </p>
<p>To clarify what I meant to say: My values and wallet may be able or not to afford a million dollar wedding or a fifty thousand dollar 4th birthday. If I choose to spend that money (or not) it is my business. If someone on my guest list feels that my party isn’t good enough or too lavish…don’t come. </p>
<p>But for those who fund parties with illegal monies…I think all of us are in agreement.</p>
<p>I have been to some very expensive functions that were also tastefully done. I don’t have problems with those who spend their money on these things unless the way things are done are slipshod, sloppy, in poor taste and when it comes to young people, unsupervised and illegal.</p>
<p>I don’t personally have a problem with it. We have been the guests at many of these types of functions and if people want to spend their money that way, it’s not a problem…so much the better for those of us lucky enough to be invited.</p>
<p>I think people get upset when they feel the need to ‘keep up with Jones’ and the Jones keep upping the ante. It’s best not to even play that game. In reality, most people (including kids) just don’t care that much…they’re just as happy to be guests at the wedding reception in the church banquet hall where everyone brings potluck as at the 1/2 million dollar wedding. People should do what they feel comfortable with, both emotionally and financially and not worry about anyone else.</p>
<p>When son was invited to very lavish affairs, I always used it as a teaching opportunity to let him know it’s nice that the Jones want to do something like that and we should be appreciative that we were included and spending that kind of money doesn’t fit with our own value system (in other words, don’t expect us to do the same). It’s fun now that he is an adult to see that he really absorbed that message and is very careful about how he spends his money.</p>
<p>There are parenting theories out there that having ‘too much’ means that the kids won’t be able to cope well later in life. Some times that’s true, sometimes it’s not but the great thing about having your own kids is you get to raise them any way you see fit. :)</p>
<p>Where it can cause harm is if the family is not able to continue providing this sort of money for kids whom they are raising this way. I am guilty of this on a much smaller scale. My kids are upper middle class with lots of luxuries when they are living with us. My older ones out of school now are down right poor. I don’t think I prepared them sufficiently for a lot of things that go with that. I hope they won’t be there too long. But if they are, and while they are, there are skills and outlooks that make it alot easier and averts disasters. Though I did not throw over the top parties and am sanctimonious about not giving them certain luxuries like cars and other big ticket items, I spoiled them nonetheless. </p>
<p>My friend, whose daughter is making very little at this first job of hers, was outraged when the said daughter got her nails done and hair cut at an expensive salon. I reminded her that that the girl was raised to consider this a norm. My guys have had to learn to pack lunches and drinks; they can’t afford to pick up a soda or a snack whenever they are hungry. Can run them easily $10 a day they don’t have. I am guilty about feeding vending machines and being overly generous about buying fast food at any hunger pang.</p>
<p>Warning: I seem to have more than two hands here:</p>
<p>On one hand, I don’t feel it is my role to judge others.
On the another hand, while we are certainly not wealthy by US standards, we are now comfortable. I struggle with the knowledge that we could/should do with less and help others more.
So, my third hand is thinking that the money spent on a $15,000 party for a 5 year old could feed a lot of people.
Which takes me back to the first hand.</p>
IIRC, as part of the plea agreement, the mother is required to return all assets that were obtained with the embezzled monies. The news stories didn’t mention the BMW - I would be surprised if it were shiny and new looking still. There was also a mention in one story of some money that was transferred to the daughter’s and another relative’s accounts shortly after the 2010 audit that ultimately tripped her up. It will be interesting to see how far they trace the money. A thorough IRS audit of the entire family would be a just punishment. ;)</p>
<p>^^^ On the video linked to the original news story, the mom is quoted congratulating herself for the wise choice of leasing, not buying the car. She said kids change their minds so much at this age…</p>
<p>My friend, whose daughter is making very little at this first job of hers, was outraged when the said daughter got her nails done and hair cut at an expensive salon. I reminded her that that the girl was raised to consider this a norm.</p>
<p>this kind of problem happens all the time. When parents raise their kids with pricey luxuries, pricey hair salons/haircuts/highlights, pricey purses, frequent mani/pedis, pricey cars, and when these kids on their own and with their first lowly paid jobs, they have no idea that those habits are luxuries. They think those expenses are necessities…just like basic shelter and food.</p>
<p>Did everyone notice that in the article about party mom/embezzler, it said she was “still on probation for embezzling from a …landscaping firm when she was hired by the Norwegian-based precious metals broker to work as a bookkeeper in 2004.” And then she proceeded to embezzle $4 million from the broker–apparently the dumbest company on the planet for hiring a convicted embezzler as a bookkeeper, and then not noticing millions in missing funds for years.</p>
<p>How does offspring raised on luxury, or at least on some of the finer things, transition to living within meager means (without mom and dad’s help)?</p>
<p>There are certain things that are difficult to give up once you get used to them. Going to a top salon with highly trained stylists who give incredible highlights or haircuts is one. Go to the $15 no-appointment-necessary spot and you come out looking drastically different. However, what new grad can afford a $175.00 full foil (and keep that up every six to eight weeks)?</p>
<p>Expensive shoes are another painful thing to give up. You can hit the outlets and the sales, but the best shoes will still run you way over Payless prices. You will not find everything you want or “need” in this way, either. Keeping the supply line full is difficult when it is based on hit-or-miss purchasing.</p>
<p>I think good food might be the worst thing to give up. Good restaurants and expensive grocery store items are a thing of the past for most entry-level job holders, if they were raised on those things. </p>
<p>I haven’t even gotten into residential services which are certainly no longer available, like a housekeeper. Or having the extra money to pay to have everything laundered and pressed - even that might be out of the budget.</p>
<p>We should all really feel sorry for children of privilege when they have to go out and make it on their own without mom and dad’s money. Joking aside, though, it really must be a difficult transition. I look back and appreciate being properly prepared to make my own way in the world. My parents didn’t really have a choice, of course, but I still love my resourcefulness and ability to adapt. I went to school with a lot of kids from rich families and I always thought they were missing something that I had. Of course, I was missing some things that they had as well!</p>
<p>My daughter was recently telling me about one of her coworkers. This girl while earning $40K per year, receives $5K per month allowance from her parents :0 No wonder she is able to wear the expensive suits to work, and eats lunch out instead of brown bagging like most of the other young adults. </p>
<p>On the other hand, my daughter is trying to figure out where else she can cut corners as she is still pulling a bit of money each month out of savings. Her dog is what pushes her over her limit each month, but she has figured out how to make it all work. She does wish her parents were as nice as her coworker’s parents :)</p>
<p>*I think good food might be the worst thing to give up. Good restaurants and expensive grocery store items are a thing of the past for most entry-level job holders, if they were raised on those things. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When my H was transferred across country with his job, another family moved at the same time. That family was used to having 2 high incomes, but when they moved, the mom lost her income (she had a “high profile real estate” career, which takes years to build up and doesn’t transfer). </p>
<p>She told me that two of the hardest adjustments for her 4 kids involved going to restaurants and purchasing clothes. They had been used to ordering appetizers, “mocktails” (virgin cocktails), desserts, in addition to ordering whatever main dishes they wanted. Her kids were also used to only buying “name brands” and never looking at prices or sales.</p>
<p>She realized that she had created these “monsters” (as much as she loved them). All of these luxuries were "standard’ to them. They felt like they were seriously being denied when most of these luxuries had to stop. don’t get me wrong; they still lived better than 95% of kids out there…LOL</p>
<p>Unless you’re so wealthy that you can set up trust funds for each of your kids to largely subsidize their lowly salaries as young adults, little of this spoiling is a good idea.</p>
<p>*Damn, I wish I was getting a $5000 allowance from my parents!!! *</p>
<p>One of my best friends still has a credit card that her mom pays every month. My friend’s H doesn’t earn a lot, and her parents don’t want her to work, so they pay her credit card bill each month. They also pay for her kids’ private school tuition. She’s an only child and her parents are very affluent. They probably think…well, she’ll get the money now or later…LOL</p>