<p>cpt,</p>
<p>That one is a classic.</p>
<p>What a story, cpt! I laughed when I read the part about your son trying to convince you that you’d imagined him driving that car.</p>
<p>I clicked on this thread, assuming that it was new, and was shocked to see that the second post was LTS’. Now I feel like crying.</p>
<p>I agree about the over-the-top parties, goaliedad. Even if the parents can afford them, without criminal activity, they are in very poor taste.</p>
<p>I just noticed the post from lts too and thought the same …
I saw a show the other day while waiting in my doc’s waiting room about over the top parties for really little kids…I can’t help but think about all of the positive things that could be done with that kind of money instead.
Where do you go from there when you overdo it so young ?</p>
<p>NYMomof2, I grabbed his ear and lowered his head so it was under my chin and screamed at him, asking him when was my birthday. He was trying to keep from attracting attention, and stuttered out my birthdate, looking at me like I was crazy (And, yes, I was crazed and crazy) I then dug my nails in his ear and asked him, then why the heck he was treating me like I was born yesterday. Seeing things, indeed! I saw things all right, his face behind the wheel of that car, driving like a bat out of hell because he had gotten cell phone mom alerts from classmates who all told me they had no idea where he was, and then immediately contacted him that the witch was here looking for him. </p>
<p>This was 7 years ago. It took me this long to be able to tell the story and be able to laugh about it. But so much for some of these over the top parents and their stinking rationales as to how their largesse is so benefiting their kid’s and making them safer.</p>
<p>I didn’t notice that the thread was originally 2006 until I saw LTS’ post and I had the same reaction…
cpt your post is the stuff family legends are made of…I gave my husband a coaster for his desk “the crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.” Hard to remember that when the crisis is in your face, or in your sons case pulling your ear!</p>
<p>Sorry I wasn’t clearer about reviving my old thread.</p>
<p>The reason why I did it was probably to discuss not only the poor taste of the original event (party), but the fact that the mother basically was embezzling money to throw a party to deal with (IMHO) what seems to be a very large insecurity problem. With the amount of money siphoned off, I think this wasn’t about providing the basics for your child, but about stealing a place at the important people’s table.</p>
<p>Sad…</p>
<p>Frankly, I’m not a fan of yearly big birthday parties either…even when they’re not multi-thousand dollar events. I think there’s a line between celebrating your child’s special day and hosting events that really just create self-focused, demanding, entitled kids. Every once in a while, ok…but annual expensive events have unintended consequences.</p>
<p>I had a fit when my S who had a learner’s permit drove the car in the shopping center parking lot without me in it with him (from one spot to another closer to me). I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t where we had left it when I had gotten out of the car. I was a judge in traffic court at the time & explained to him I did not want him or myself appearing in front of any of my colleagues! To my knowledge he never again drove without a licensed driver in the car beside him & has become quite a good licensed driver.</p>
<p>Glad your S still has ears attached but I’m sure you gave him quite a memory! Sorry LTS is no longer around to join in the memories.</p>
<p>Our kids stopped having bday parties after grade school, except for very modest family-only gatherings. They found it too hard to choose whom to invite & whom not to–definitely not party animals & they like smaller, quiet gatherings.</p>
<p>I believe it is a huge disservice to everyone involved to have huge “over-the-top” events, especially for young people. It sets in motion a lot of unrealistic expectations and is money that could definitely be better spent elsewhere.</p>
<p>Re: birthday parties in general. When I was a kid, my parents had a birthday policy. One year, we got to have a party with friends (at home, of course!). The following year, Mom and Dad took the birthday child out alone for dinner at a restaurant (a treat!)and a movie. Of course, we all enjoyed the night out with mom and dad so much more than a party. By the time, I was in 5th grade, I opted for the night out every time. </p>
<p>I continued the tradition with my kids. My mother and I enjoyed doing “themed” parties. Not expensive, but very cute depending on the child’s interest at the time. My daughter had a bookworm party, a flower party and a dalmatian party (the year we got the new dog). My son had a pirate party, a Knights of the Roundtable party and a Pokemon party. I enjoyed it so much that I worked as a kids party planner for a couple years (til I got sick of the other parents and their over the top requests!)</p>
<p>Driving underage</p>
<p>My DD had a couple of friends in 7th grade who were well known to be allowed to drive around the gate community where they lived…'well, they can drive a golf cart in here, why not learn the car in a safe place" Over that year they were eventually allowed to drive outside the gate to the local video store…‘just across the street from the gate’</p>
<p>One was then allowed to drive several miles outside the gate to their underage job.</p>
<p>When my DD took driver’s ed class, in order to obtain her permit, in this small town, the instructor asked kids who had driven before to raise their hands. DD was the one and only one who did not raise her hand. We thought driving a tractor/quad around our rural area was enough experience, I guess we were the only legalistic parents!</p>
<p>Sad yes, but also actually kind of cool to read some of LTS’s feisty posts!</p>
<p>The problem with giving some kids an inch, is that they will take a mile. I had one that would take many miles even if you didn’t give him the inch. </p>
<p>The story probably belongs in the “smile and nod” section, since that was what I did at that meeting with the mom.</p>
<p>I live in a small, well-to-do suburb and we’ve had more than a few neighbors locked away on embezzlement/fraud charges. I still find it shocking. One of these men had been arrested before and actually made money by going around to different companies and telling his story, so the companies would know what to look for. He’s back in prison for doing it again. Then we have another man who was a Michigan grad and a big donar. His wife used to drive this huge blue van with gold M’s adorning it. After his arrest, she made another large donation to the university, but I think they made her get the money back or Michigan voluntarily gave the money back.</p>
<p>I believe it is a huge disservice to everyone involved to have huge “over-the-top” events,* especially for young people. It sets in motion a lot of unrealistic expectations **and is money that could definitely be better spent elsewhere. *</p>
<p>I completely agree. </p>
<p>It reminds me of kids going to their formals/proms and parents spending literally thousands on pricey dresses/shoes, up-dos, makeup being done, mani-pedis, limos, etc. I think proms are great…so no problem there…I just think that all this excessive spending sets up a standard and expectation of excess that is not a good thing for a young adult.</p>
<p>And…yes…tears and fond memories for LTS…</p>
<p>I too was shocked when I saw LTS’ posts. My first thought, as I looked for the date was that someone took the name, LTS. Then I saw the date…</p>
<p>But for my two cents: I don’t care how much other people spend on their children’s (or their) parties/cars whatever. I care about what I do and purchase. So, if I want to spend $4 or $40,000 on a party it’s my business. If my kids are going or went to parties like that (and they did) I hope they have fun.</p>
<p>But an observation: We are at an age where some of our (older…meow) friend’s kids are getting married. A few have had HUGELY lavish weddings (a half million type). Those few (three) marriages haven’t lasted the year. Wonder why that is?</p>
<p>I can’t afford to do any of these over the top events unless I find a nice big fat embezzlement scheme, Wouldn’t do them even if I had the money, I’m sure. I do live in an area that does have plenty of them. Most of the hugely lavish weddings and parties do not end up in failures here.</p>
<p>Hope you guys keep in mind that some of the large celebrations in honor of a young person are cultural or religious traditions. There’s tasteful and tacky at any price point, but I have no problem with someone throwing a nice affair for friends and family in celebration of a special occasion if they can afford to do so.</p>
<p>*Hope you guys keep in mind that some of the large celebrations in honor of a young person are cultural or religious traditions. *</p>
<p>I wasn’t aware of any cultural or religious traditions that require ridiculous amounts of money being spent for celebrations or feasts.</p>
<p>*But for my two cents: I don’t care how much other people spend on their children’s (or their) parties/cars whatever. I care about what I do and purchase. So, if I want to spend $4 or $40,000 on a party it’s my business. If my kids are going or went to parties like that (and they did) I hope they have fun.</p>
<p>But an observation: We are at an age where some of our (older…meow) friend’s kids are getting married. A few have had HUGELY lavish weddings (a half million type). Those few (three) marriages haven’t lasted the year. Wonder why that is?* </p>
<p>This may not have been your intention, but you’re touching on why those lavish affairs aren’t really a good idea. While no one has a “personal concern” when others do these lavishly expensive parties, the societal concern is that it’s often creating spoiled kids…which is why when they grow up and also have ridiculously expensive weddings, those marriages only last a short time.</p>
<p>Wow, it would be something else to attend a half a million dollar wedding, I guess. Our wedding was huge by most standards, admittedly, because we allowed everyone to invite whom they wanted to–my in-laws had their list (it was the only wedding they could invite people to), my folks, hubby (who had attended a lot of weddings over the years) & me (had to invite the whole office, since they had thrown me a wedding shower & engagement party). Our 25th anniversary is coming up, so I guess it is just as well we didn’t spend 1/2 a mil, even if we had it for the wedding.</p>
<p>I have not heard of any custom to have lavish celebrations that exceed the funds of the people involved.</p>
<p>Been looking back at LTS’s posts in this thread and the debate we were having over the issue. LTS’s last thought on the subject…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Says a lot about LTS. Definitely didn’t let things like this become a bother. I wonder what LTS would say now that the $4 million embezzlement plea has come out… Probably still wouldn’t get uptight about it. Sigh…</p>