<p>My S does a pretty good job playing things down. He prides himself not letting people see him sweat. Finally last night he broke, around 10pm he came to me and said. Tomorrow I will know dad, tomorrow. I didn’t realize what he was talking about at first then he said, “tomorrow is the 20th” Then it hit me he was talking about his Dec 1 SAT’s. (too bad tomorrow was only the 19th) Anyway, until now he has refused to talk about them or what he felt he got ignoring the topic but for the first time (shame on me) I realized he does feel the pressure. I asked him what he was thinking, he told me that he was currently in the 98th percentile for AA students and if he could move up just a few points he would be in the 99th+. </p>
<p>I realize this post could go in the SAT discussion but my post is really less about the SAT but more about how your S/D is managing the stress of these last few months? </p>
<p>Mine was a rock (I thought) but am realizing he’s stressed and nervous, how are yours doing?</p>
<p>I think you’re seeing a reaction that is typical of a lot of boys. They feel the stress but don’t talk about it much. Many seem to cope with it by putting the whole business of college applications out of their mind as much as possible and focusing on other things (which can have the unfortunate side effect of leading them to procrastinate about getting paperwork completed on time). </p>
<p>My own son (now a college senior who seems to be spending a lot of time putting the whole business of graduate school applications out of his mind) refused to talk about any aspect of college except when absolutely necessary throughout his last two years of high school.</p>
<p>The typical female response is exactly the opposite. They obsess. Visibly. Noisily. Endlessly. Since I’m female myself, I actually find this easier to deal with.</p>
<p>Your post is so spot on it’s amazing. He won’t even discuss the topic and I didn’t realize why until last night. He has put this process into it’s own little Silo just to function. It’s even harder for him, he’s the only AA in most of AP classes in a school of 1600 students, he feels a ton of pressure to dispel the sterotypes, this test is one way. I tell him all the time he’s not responsible for that he says he understands but I don’t beleive him, I think this is important to him for more than just school application process. The more important it is the <em>less</em> he is willing to talk about it.</p>
I was the only woman in my German class freshman year in college. I was surprised how stressful it felt. It must be much worse for your son. Good luck to him, but whatever scores he ends up with remind him he’s already got excellent stats.</p>
<p>One problem with this understandable attitude is that by causing anxiety, it can actually hurt one’s performance. It’s called stereotype threat. We talked about it in my psychology of gender and race class my senior year, and read articles about how high-achieving women and URMs did worse on the same tests if they were told beforehand either that women/URMs usually didn’t do well on the test, or that the test was a measure of intrinsic aptitude. Even just reminding them of gender/race issues before they took the test, for example by having them check a demographic info box before the test rather than after, could affect performance.</p>
<p>Interestingly, knowing that stereotype threat exists apparently helps mitigate its effects, so it might be helpful to explain it to him. If you want I can PM you with links to articles.</p>
<p>Stress reducer: Talk through Worst Case Scenario. This seems to help, in almost every situation. </p>
<p>And yes, my senior D is stressed, too. We’re waiting on Dec. 15th admissions decision. She tends to use a silo as well, but we try to peek into it every day or two to make sure everything is OK in there. </p>
<p>There are great sports anxiety reducing audio tapes out there. The self-talk goes: “you are prepared for this: you love to compete, you’ve trained optimally, you are rested, you have eaten properly, you are in the best condition of your life” and so on.</p>
<p>Rehearsing some self-talk before tests might help: “you love taking tests, you are prepared, you are rested, your mind has never been sharper, blah blah blah.” I know it sounds like hocus pocus, but replacing negative thoughts with positive imagery is very powerful.</p>
<p>My S, too, is anxiously awaiting the December 15th decision, but, like a typical male, does not show it but we can tell. He even refuses to talk about it. Whenever I do bring it up, I always say, “Remember, the power of your potential is not diminished by the rejection of any school.” I read something to this effect in a college admission book (Winning the College Admission Game - but I can’t find the exact quote), and this reassurrance seems to work well with S. I also stress that he has done the best he could up to this point, and he has our unconditional love no matter what. I agree with riverrunner that replacing negative thoughts with positive ones does wonders.</p>
<p>My sons hide the anxiety as well. S1 kept it pretty hidden, he just kept taking tests again and again, he kept himself so busy that he hardly had time time think of the anxiety, a kind of your head in the sand approach. He ran extra miles in cross country when the anxiety was the highest. S2 decided to not apply to the most selective schools, instead wanting honors programs at other schools. Both have chosen ways that have ended up working out for them, probably could have dealt with it better, but all in all, not bad for teenagers.</p>
<p>Assure your son that 98th percentile is an amazing score!! You should be very proud of him. Could you take him out for a night of pizza and bowling, or some other fun family activity as a way to let him know you are proud of him for all of his hard work?</p>
<p>My S exhibits exactly the boy behavior you describe–the paperwork part being particularly frustrating at this point. </p>
<p><em>I</em> exhibit exactly the female behavior you describe. Except that I try to avoid driving him crazy by using these boards as an outlet to some degree. I have the feeling that many of us are here for that reason. <g></g></p>
<p>Wow, Marian certainly did hit the nail on the head. I get so frustrated with my S because he acts like he just doesn’t really care (head in the sand). He got all his apps completed very early on so he could get it off his plate, has several admissions in hand already, and still acts very blase about the whole thing. My H talked to him the other night and realized that he’s feeling afraid to go off to college. His way of dealing with his fear is to ignore it, and then he doesn’t have to think about it. My D will be the opposite, and like Marian said, I find that <em>much</em> easier to understand.</p>
<p>Oregonian, if your S got all his apps done early, count your blessings! The version of the avoidance response that includes avoiding doing the apps is even more stressful. <g></g></p>
<p>Same, same, (regarding not wanting to leave and how they process fear) as much as he’s excited to start the next chapter I think he’s afriad to leave. We live in the midwest, I asked him about some CA schools, he said, I don’t want to be that far away! Strange thing is east coast would be fine he know’s it’s just a 6 hour drive and we have family in NY, MD,VA and NC so it does not seem as far. </p>
<p>I didn’t find the % score sheet until late last night/this moring so I didn’t get a chance to show it to him but I will. I think it’s just that he knows that if he can pop up to the 1400+ (99+ percentile AA) he becomes an even more realistic canidate for most schools in the US. He didn’t have pressure before because I (we) didn’t understand the whole URM, First Gen, EC combo pack ;)</p>
<p>Good news, he’s now coaching 10 year old Basketball at the local YMCA and tutoring at school for fun not to build EC’s.</p>
<p>I had to practically twist S2’s arm to get him to send in his 2 (yes, only two state u’s) college apps. early. He had not shown much enthusiasm for college, not the least bit interested in touring campuses or really even discussing it much. . He is a very average student who has never stressed over academics and has the gpa to prove it! . </p>
<p>Two weeks ago, he got his first acceptance. He was suddenly so happy, telling everyone about the acceptance, wearing the school t-shirt to school, checking out the dorms online. It suddenly occurred to us that maybe he was acting disinterested because he was afraid he wouldn’t get in so figured it was best to not act too interested or excited.</p>
<p>DS1 is cool as a cucumber about the college apps (at least when we ask him). It’s other stupid little things that are falling by the wayside. He’s getting school work done, but is feeling very stressed, which caused him to do a Big Stupid Thing last week. </p>
<p>He tends to do this when he’s not getting enough sleep…something he should note for next year!</p>
<p>“It suddenly occurred to us that maybe he was acting disinterested because he was afraid he wouldn’t get in so figured it was best to not act too interested or excited.”</p>
<p>Our d has taken this attitude to an extreme throughout the process, to the point of not applying ED for the above reason…She, however, has not been too disinterested; she is almost done with her apps, including some scholarship ones…( and, yes, already accepted to two of her safeties has not changed her perspective much!)…</p>