<p>i view e-mail and FB as the same; I wouldn’t write anything that is private and hurtful to someone. I will pick up the phone and call, making sure I am alone.</p>
<p>H and I used to share an email address that combined our last names. However, I didn’t check it much and relied on H to let me know if I got something. He forgot to tell me that I had made top 100 for a Disney contest, all expenses paid week at DW, and I missed the deadline for entry.</p>
<p>I got my own account that day. We both do great volumes of email now and have no interest in each other’s accounts. I’ll forward him something if I think he might like it/needs to know.</p>
<p>10 characters</p>
<p>We have a family email address that DH and I have shared since the mid 90s. I also have a personal email address through the same ISP – but it comes to our computer via Outlook along with the family email address, so it’s not really private.</p>
<p>I have a gmail address that I use for things like advertising from online stores and promotions. I also have my photography on Google Drive, so there are efficiencies there, too.</p>
<p>We don’t read each other’s stuff (not that DH gets any personal emails @ home), but I don’t firewall my account, either. It’s a non-issue at our house. If I need to vent, I don’t do it via email! </p>
<p>The kids have their own accounts and I do not have their passwords. Neither one will friend me on FB – they like to keep the adults in their lives separate from their contemporaries. OK by me. When they lived at home, they’d show me stuff on their FB pages all the time. They didn’t have laptops back then, and their computer was in a public area of the house. It was nice to have transparency, and I appreciated them sharing their world with me.</p>
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<p>geeps, it certainly sounds like that is what is happening, according to the posts written by the OP. It sounds like he does indeed log into his wife’s email account and reads her emails. Although, it also sounds like she doesn’t mind at all.</p>
<p>I would strongly object to this, not really in the interest of my own privacy as much as the privacy of anyone writing me. I have a friend who suffered the death of a beloved child. She occasionally writes to me about her feelings. It would be highly inappropriate of me to share these emails with my DH without her permission. If she wanted him to read them, she would have addressed them to both of us. This has little to do with “keeping secrets” as much as respecting the privacy of someone else who might like to confide in me, but may feel less comfortable confiding in my husband, who she barely knows.</p>
<p>I don’t open my husband’s emails or snail mail, either.</p>
<p>I kept coming to this thread and thinking of posting but something bugged me. So I didn’t post. NOW I just figured out what the problem was…</p>
<p>ALLOW</p>
<p>I don’t ALLOW my husband to do stuff. I allowed kids, pets, etc … but H is an adult thinking person. So that was what held me back. Now I got THAT out of my system…</p>
<p>I don’t allow him to, but I don’t block him either. We both have each other’s passwords so could look if we wanted and sometimes do (example DS sends me the plane itenerary, not H, If I don’t forward it, he can go get it. And he could read what he wants. But he doesn’t want to read my drivel… LOL and I don’t want to read his stuff generally either. We forward stuff to each other all the time (well, I do more than he does) easier to do that than shout across the house. Now he is home all the time we still do since it was a habit when we both worked.</p>
<p>I am sad for the person in the OP’s situation because the H shouldn’t reply and HER friends should know about this. But that is them, this is me. Different strokes for different folks.</p>
<p>and my kids never friended me on FB so I gave it up. They did friend H though, so I can see whatever I wanted to see since I have his FB password, too. But I just never go there.</p>
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<p>I could understand that if you were talking about “allowing” your husband to go fishing for a weekend with the guys, or “allow” him to go catch a ballgame instead of having dinner with the family, but I don’t see this as the same thing. It’s your email, or your regular mail. You “allow” him to read it not because he’s not an “adult thinking person,” but because it’s NOT his mail so he would (or should) need your endorsement to open it.</p>
<p>When we are going through the mail in the evenings, if my husband sees a bill or something he knows I would probably want him to see, he always asks me “May I?” It’s just common courtesy. Well, and the law.</p>
<p>acollegestudent, I don’t know why you changed your post to 10char, but of course that is your business. I totally agree with what you said originally. You will have a fantastic marriage with that attitude.</p>
<p>Although I know married friends who share facebook accounts, I don’t know too many married couples who shared one email account. </p>
<p>Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a family member sharing my email accounts or vice versa. I’d also be leery of emailing anything personal with friends who freely share all emails with their spouses. When I write an email to someone, my expectation is that only the recipient should be the one reading it unless I emailed it to other recipients as well. Only possible exception are joke forwards…but only to those who expressed interested. </p>
<p>However, one thing I find more interesting in this thread is the existence of folks who use their work email for all emails. As someone who works in the IT field, I am well aware that work email accounts can be audited and checked during or even years after someone leaves. Consequently, my workplace email accounts are strictly for work-related matters and nothing else. No need for the employers and their IT staff to know about my life outside of work.</p>
<p>^^After almost 25 years of marriage, I expect anything I say to someone else will be shared with their spouse. And they should expect that anything they say might be shared with mine. It’s not like they’re telling me about their affairs or anything that they wouldn’t want me to tell my husband.</p>
<p>But if someone asks me not to share the information with anyone else, I will take it to my grave.</p>
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<p>OP here. Finally, someone who agrees with me. My friend and her H each have their own email accounts. Yet, he logs into her email in the morning and throughout the day and reads all the emails that she gets. I specifically put her name at the top of the emails but he reads them anyway. For example, the other day I wrote to her about this delicious dessert that I had for dinner. He responded to this email and said “aren’t you watching your weight?” Really!!</p>
<p>Now that I know that he reads her emails and that she allows him to do this, I guess I’m going to have to stop sending emails to her. However, when I call her, her H will listen in on the other end of the phone and make comments. So calls are out also. My husband knows this couple very well also, and he believes that her husband is a very controlling person. I would definitely agree with him. Doesn’t this sound like controlling behavior to you?</p>
<p>Well, it does, but your friend doesn’t need to put up with it. She can just open her own email account and not inform him about it, can’t she? I don’t understand the thought process for either of them. But I’d say that it’s her responsibility to create some private space if she wants it. Maybe she doesn’t?</p>
<p>We’ve had the same joint email account for maybe 20 years. But we each have our own private accounts, and our professional ones.</p>
<p>Yes very controlling behavior. Creepy too! My H wouldn’t do this but he knows boundaries. I think the only thing I would do is ask her for lunch and tell her that while she might not mind crossing these boundaries you do and how could you change this. The comment about your weight crossed the line. If there are other instances like this I would bring them up and gently point out how the two of you could work together and solve it. If she can’t or won’t ask her H to change his very inappropriate behavior you have no choice but to change some of the relationship.</p>
<p>It seems that whenever she goes somewhere, he goes with her. He goes with her to run errands, to work-related meetings in the evening and on weekends, and to craft classes. **He even goes with her to the beauty salon. ** He sits in a chair right next to her at the salon. In over 30+ years, I’ve never seen a husband sit next to their wife when she’s having her hair done. She’s a very outgoing and friendly person, but he is quiet and doesn’t have any friends of his own.</p>
<p>Ewwwwwwwwww.</p>
<p>^^^^^^Reminds me of the Aerosmith with the creepy lyrics:</p>
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<p>I would hear this song and imagine waking up to see someone staring adoringly at me. Never saw this as romantic and just couldn’t get into that song. :eek:</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^ Double ewwwwwwww.</p>
<p>If your friend hasn’t asked for your help and advice, not sure why OP is spending time & energy on something that apparently is not anyone else’s business.</p>
<p>I always liked that song, but I could feel that way about my kids when they were little guys (they were so sweet and adorable), but not as a romantic song.</p>
<p>There is certainly something bizarre about your friends relationship. Then again, if it works for both of them, then fine. I should reread this, but I didn’t see that she was unhappy with him. Maybe it’s up to you to create some space for your friendship. Every now and then I go to coffee with some female friends, even to dinner or walking. No guys invited. Tell her expressly, only the girls. And if he gets on the phone, tell him that this call is just for your friend. Then start talking about your lady parts and bowel movements, stuff that would make guys say yuck. Make sure and start your emails with just your friend’s name. Perhaps you can say in the email that this is just for her, and if he answers back, tell him the email isn’t for him.</p>
<p>Of course, if he is really controlling as opposed to just lonely, then he might try to end your relationship with your friend. At that point you’ll have to decide whether it is worth it to have your friend as part of a package deal. It seems like this is more of a problem for you getting privacy to talk with your friend, than a marital problem for them.</p>
<p>I don’t think that song was supposed to be romantic. I thought it was supposed to be from father to daughter.</p>
<p>Anywho, I think the email thing is possessive and creepy but if she doesn’t see a problem with it then let it go. Talk to her if you’re uncomfortable and cease all important communication until you’re face to face.</p>