Agreed. That’s where we’re at. Not worth damaging our good relationship.
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Given what you have said (having his own business, moving in with his GF after graduating while he applies to programs) I would leave it and let him make his own choices. You expressed your opinion and now I would let it go.
As I said, he can work during his senior year if he needs to. Plenty of students do this…and they also need to keep their grades up.
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I wouldn’t be concerned about the money, but rather the clients he might leave in a bind if he doesn’t do the scheduled work.
School jobs can certainly be done. Our son worked 12-20 hours per week (unbeknownst to us at the beginning), was still involved in clubs and graduated Summa Cum Laude in mechanical engineering. He was very organized with his time.
Good luck. It’ll work out.
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I’m sure he’ll work that out- he would never leave them in the lurch. I’m not worried about him doing that and would never even bring that up to him.
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Was the family vacation something he wanted to do…or is he doing it because it’s what YOU wanted him to do? He may feel that he’s already giving up a week of earning to accommodate you guys…so the extra week of no income is for him.
We learned to be flexible about family time once they are in college…out of necessity.
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Yes. He will have to work at school (and did last year), he has just already expressed stress about it due to a rigorous load. He doesn’t think he’s above it, and he maintains top grades, he just gets anxious and stressed when he’s over scheduled, which is why we agreed with his decision to bank as much money this summer as he could to give himself some breathing room this fall. But, as everyone has stated, it’s ultimately his choice and as hard as it is, we can’t prevent future potential discomfort.
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Time for him to get his own credit card so he isn’t charging things to Dad. Then you won’t be bothered by his spending and he’ll develop another skill in money management.
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No, it’s his happy place and he’s very glad to be going. We wouldn’t force that.
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I’m thinking that was a one time poor decision. He has a bank card and doesn’t typically do that, or asks first.
My kids are authorized users on our card, plus they have their own debit and credit cards. If they use my card for something I didn’t agree to (for some reason my daughter’s Uber account defaults to my card, she opened it at 17), I just send a Venmo request.
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Yes, he’s paying us back
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@Crosbylane - Thank you for opening up this thread and putting your self and discomfort out there.
I stick around CC for a few reasons and one is hearing and learning from other parents as our kids move into adulthood. (the prickly young adult thread really hit home that someone posted a few months ago)
I hear you and we are uncomfortable with some of our college kids financial decisions too and know that we need to say our peace once and then shut up - not always easy. I am sure my kids would not call it peace 
I made a lot of dumb mistakes at that age around money and those missteps help guide me as an adult to make better decisions and set my own goals. I think that is why I wish they would listen - but there are things you have to learn and experience yourself.
Enjoy your vacation with your family.
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I have not read all the other responses but I can offer this:
At that age I don’t think you can tell him NO, however you can tell yourself NO. As in, you can tell yourself, I am not going to pay his phone, insurance, etc after ‘this date’. You can communicate that to your son, and let him take the reins. And state it like that. “Hey bud, you are a grown man now and I am going to hand you the reins to your adult life now. Mom and Dad are stepping back and giving you control of your financial future starting on (date). We aren’t paying for x,y, or z after that date. We know you are your own man and want you to have the freedom to create your own future.”
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Or let it go now. If this is his spending money…he needs to learn to live within his means…and now is a good time to start.
Our kids worked 10-12 hours a week (sometimes more depending on the time of the year). They both had very good paying jobs. The money they earned was theirs to spend as they pleased (we asked our kids to pay for their books also). I honestly have no idea how much they earned or spent…their money, their issue.
But neither ever asked us for additional money (the answer would have been no to that). They learned to budget both their time and their money.
Adding that one of my kids was a double major in bioengineering and biology…and that kid was able to work 10-15 hours a week. Easily. Learned to budget study and homework time very well.
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Adding to the chorus of everyone else who is saying:
You can’t (and shouldn’t) control how your adult child spends their time.
You can control how they spend your money.
Our rising sophomore has busted a** working for years to contribute to college etc because our budget is tight. >80% of his wages go into his savings acct earmarked for college payments. The rest is his discretionary money (eating out, uber, etc) and lives in his checking account, for which he has a debit card. When that’s gone it’s gone (hasn’t happened so far). He’s an authorized user on our CC, and uses that only for essential expenses.
He’s working a full-time paid internship this summer and is excited to go back to school where he has more free time. He works during the school year as well. During breaks he picks up extra shifts at his crappy local food service job so that he can eat out with friends.
On one hand, we feel bad that our kid has had to work so hard to pay for college. On the other hand, this motivates him to work and be frugal. We’re lucky that we don’t have any conflicts with him in these categories.
Set whatever budget you’re comfortable with, let your son enjoy his life within those $ limits, and enjoy the great relationship you have with him!
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Have you considered having your kid put his college-designated earnings/savings into a 529 plan? If he does, then they will go farther for college costs, as they will be assessed at a much lower (parent rate) assessment than at the higher student rate assessment. As a rising sophomore, he still has two more years of FAFSA ahead of him, so this might gain him some extra money.
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Not to go too far off topic, but that’s a great suggestion. Anything that is going to stick around for more than a few months has actually been going into his Roth IRA, where it gets assessed at 0% by FAFSA, yet is freely accessible without paying penalty or tax.
We did that when we thought he might be getting need-based aid. There’s of course a contribution limit, but he wasn’t earning big amounts. Turns out he’s on merit aid only (full tuition scholarship), so it’s not as big a concern anymore, but we do like the investment earnings he’s realized (30% in just the last year!)
But now his money is being spent for room and board as it’s being earned, unfortunately. The Roth is there as a buffer but we haven’t had to dip into it much.
We also channel 80% of our younger child’s earnings into a custodial Roth. He hasn’t been spending his discretionary 20%, so he recently asked me to put 100% of his earnings into his Roth. He’ll max his out this year. Since he started working at a younger age, he’ll have a lot more saved than his brother. He may end up using need-based aid if he goes to college, and none of his Roth money will be assessed on FAFSA. But I won’t be surprised if he opts not to attend college, in which case he’ll have a nice start to his savings.
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That sounds like a great idea! And he must be pretty pleased to be getting 30% returns!
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I love framing it as, the student chooses how to spend their time, but you have a say/control over how the student spends your money.
Share your concerns about the change in plans – that you understand his desire to spend more time with girlfriend etc. but are concerned about what happens in the fall when he runs low on funds and is already stressed about academic commitments. When he can’t afford pizza in November, will the memories “banked” from the extended August trip be enough? If he understands the frugality required, and makes the choice to bear the consequences, then it seems like a good adulting experience, even if he regrets it in November.
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It sounds like you are trying to control him wity money. Please don’t do that. If you had no problem allowing him to take an unpaid internship, you shouldn’t have a problem with him choosing not to focus on earning money during the summer. Let him enjoy his summer.
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