OP said the shadowing was for a grad program ‘he is applying to’ so this may not be his last summer of fun.
I still don’t think it is wrong to cut his spending money in the fall or he may continue to plan trips to the girlfriend’s house or to visit other friends and be surprised when the money isn’t there.
Don’t most STEM grad students work at their lab during the summers?
It seems that the graduate degree will be in some type of health care- I don’t think there will be paid lab work in the summer (at least to my knowledge).
Mine didn’t.
Do we know that? If something like medical school, this ki really needs to learn to conserve money, and reduce trips. But we really don’t know.
I thought it was mentioned elsewhere that the student was applying to DPT programs. Maybe the OP can confirm.
I believe this student, like many, is responsible for his spending money, which would include entertainment. I have 5 kids in their 20’s, the only food I’ve paid for were birthday treats (my oldest just turned 28 and I sent her a smoothie for lunch on her birthday, she sent me sushi on mine).
Is he still planning to apply to DPT programs after taking a gap year after undergrad?
Regardless…he needs to learn to live within his means (not your means). His ability to work during a DPT program will be limited. And time off to visit anyone also will be. @Mjkacmom is it you that has a DPT student? If so…perhaps you can comment.
I am confused about working for a week or 2. What kind of work would he get?
OP- does your son have his own spending money for his senior year? I am having a hard time following the details.
Yes, my daughter is starting her third and final year. She is one of three in her cohort that works, and I think they’re all bartenders, my daughter would work Thursday nights and weekends (so she got home at 3 am Friday morning and go to class), but she made enough for Boston rent. Her restaurant (tavern in the square Allston) closed in May, so she will need to find a job asap when she goes back. There are a lot of unpaid clinicals, 40 hours a week, which definitely interfere with earning money. She is funding her program 100%, she does get nervous about money in spite of knowing we will lend her whatever she needs.
It’s because he is making choices that you wouldn’t make. His choice isn’t necessarily wrong–but it’s not something you would do. You value the security of the extra money while he values the experiences more than the money.
We spend so much time as parents guiding kids the way we see as “best for them” that it’s disconcerting when they turn around and say this is “best for me”.
His money will eventually run out. He can work part time in college…or live without spending money. It’s on him.
He should be able to save money during a gap year…especially if he lives at home. He can also work part time in grad school.
I rarely say “no” to our college age son because he rarely asks for anything. When he comes home for the summer he takes a few days off, then right to work he goes. He works for 9 straight weeks, then takes the 10th week off before he heads back to school for captain’s practices.
The money he makes over the summer is his budget. If his car needs work, we split it. We bought his car, and we pay for the insurance. We pay most of his tuition, we pay his rent, and provide him a food budget. His splurge spend is a membership at a golf course close to campus. That is 100% on his dime. He doesn’t go on trips. He doesn’t visit his girlfriend 500 miles away. He’s learning to budget.
Can we all remember the issue is “does the OP’s son work for the one week in question, or does he not?”
One week.
It truly isn’t the end of the world if he doesn’t. Nothing the OP has written indicates the kid is a spendthrift.
Work the week. It’s that simple.
I think it’s his choice, but if he doesn’t work then he may not have enough money.
It’s only a week, and I don’t know what he could earn in that week.
No it’s not. He has other things he wants to do a has said he’s fully capable of dealing with the consequences. It’s his life to figure out. At some time, we have to stop controlling our children and accept that the consequences are theirs. It’s how they become full fledged adults.
He has his own lawn care/landscaping business. He’s in high demand. He only has 2 weeks all summer for full time employment. We’re on vacation this coming week as a family and then the plan was for him to work full time for 2 weeks before returning to school and “chilling” for 2 weeks before classes start. So, this unplanned additional trip to girlfriend’s home means the loss of 1 of 2 possible full weeks of work and lots of $.
He makes good $ because he sets his own rate and has enough work/clients, that he could fill that week with work and make quite a bit.
He covers all spending $ at school, which includes to annual “fun” trips he takes with friends/teammates in November and December.
Again, we’re going to tell him it’s his choice but also remind him of the stress he faced last semester while trying to work and maintain high grades. His older sister told him he was crazy, lol. But, yes, it’s his choice.
The plan (for now) is for he and his girlfriend to live together while he works and takes 2 classes and applied to DPT programs while she starts grad school.
Honestly, seems like a good one to just let go of. All the posters telling you what your kid should do are, in my opinion, out of line. People learn to live life through their own experiences of living life, and making their own choices. It’s one week, and it’s his time to decide how to live it. It sounds like you already have clear boundaries around financial stuff. And you’ve already given him your opinion on what he should do. I’d let it go, and if you can’t do that, let it be as it is.