If there’s a message in their neglect/rudeness/indifference, I think it’s long past the time when you should waste a single second or calorie trying to interpret it!!!
We have family members who don’t understand that the distance from our house to theirs is-- tadah- math-wise, the exact same distance as their house to ours. They’ve got the excuses all worked out- traffic, bridge, tolls, construction, whatever. But the fact remains that the hours in the car and the miles on the road is identical no matter which direction you are driving. And if you need to leave the house at an ungodly hour (which we have done, MANY times) to avoid peak our traffic, AND come home at an ungodly hour (which we have done, MANY times) even when “I have to get up to go to work the next day” then that’s what you do. Or not. I’m mostly done trying to bend myself into a pretzel.
I think in some families, there’s one or two members who are the connectors, the “go out of my way for family”, the accommodators. While it’s working- terrific. Everyone else gets a free ride. And once it stops- someone either steps up, or not.