Reminds me why I pick my travel companions very carefully!
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Is it okay if we say āI told you so.ā? lol
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I suggested to sil that Bob might go as their fourth! 
(See my octogenarian romance thread)
She said, āH-E- double toothpicks, no!ā
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How 'bout one of Bobās three surviving wives???!!!
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Yeah, sounds like you dodged a bullet. Now you know why itās a good thing that they never ask you to join them on trips. Looks like any trip with all of them would be pretty miserable.
My sister has a tendency to go on trips like this with groups of people, and where the different people on the trip have vastly different ideas of what they all should be doing on the trip. Every. Single. Trip has ended up with some sort of conflict. The conflict usually stems from 1 person wanting everybody to do everything together all hours of the day. But other people in the group would prefer to have a couple or a few hours to do different things.
On one epic trip that my sister had w/some friends, it was supposed to be a girls trip, but 1 of the friends had her husband tag along. And the husband was a bit of a butthead the entire time, whining, complaining. And on one of the days, he made a disparaging remark about how some of them looked in their bathing suits. After that trip, my sister told the friend that sheās fine w/going on trips in the future, but if the friendās husband is tagging along, she (my sister) wonāt be going.
Sounds like in your case, NOT being included is a blessing. So count your blessings and be glad that you dodged this bullet.
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Nobody said āNo Way!ā ? That simply wouldnāt be happening.
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Instead of waiting to be invited, what if you tried to plan something or throw an idea out. Like āhey siblings, I have been wanting to go to X or Y - anyone interested?ā
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Yes! I donāt get it at all. My only interest is so I have something that they do eat/we pick a restaurant where they will have good options to choose from.
DC has a 25-year-old friend whose SIL is always trying to get her to drink. I am not sure why! Why does someone care if someone else doesnāt drink??
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Someone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol?
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Thatās a reasonable idea, and we have tried. We let them know about favorite artists here, interesting events; we have a great botanical garden with a fabulous kidsā section. We asked and invited , casually ("hey, if you are looking for a day trip ") and specifically (āwould you want to come to SomethingFest with us in May?ā) . They never take us up, and over time we took the hint and stopped asking.
I once got them to agree to a long weekend at a shared house, they liked the idea, we gave them dates to choose, they did, I booked the place, shared the good news ā they said oh, we canāt go, didnāt know you were serious.
That same spring, they drove 6 hours to hang out with their friends. Iām not a genius, but I understand the messaging.
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If thereās a message in their neglect/rudeness/indifference, I think itās long past the time when you should waste a single second or calorie trying to interpret it!!!
We have family members who donāt understand that the distance from our house to theirs is-- tadah- math-wise, the exact same distance as their house to ours. Theyāve got the excuses all worked out- traffic, bridge, tolls, construction, whatever. But the fact remains that the hours in the car and the miles on the road is identical no matter which direction you are driving. And if you need to leave the house at an ungodly hour (which we have done, MANY times) to avoid peak our traffic, AND come home at an ungodly hour (which we have done, MANY times) even when āI have to get up to go to work the next dayā then thatās what you do. Or not. Iām mostly done trying to bend myself into a pretzel.
I think in some families, thereās one or two members who are the connectors, the āgo out of my way for familyā, the accommodators. While itās working- terrific. Everyone else gets a free ride. And once it stops- someone either steps up, or not.
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Absolute words of wisdom.
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Connector. 
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I think my husband has gone on a silent strike. Heās tired of traveling to everyone and no one travels to our house.
I mean I live in a place where many vacation, everyone except my family. Who thinks itās too far out of the way.
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My DH is a connector. I am an accommodator. So the only times that weāve ever gotten together with his relatives is when he and I initiate and push for it and WE make it happen.
I donāt have the patience anymore to fall all over myself accommodating them. DH has been too distracted with work the last few years to make an effort forcing connections. So to them, we are out of sight, out of mind. Now that DHās mother died, thereās less communication on their part than before.
My DH is more bothered by this than I am. I am not doing Super Accommodator Mode anymore. Iāll do some but not to the level that I did before I had cancer 5 yr ago. Life is too short for me to waste my time anymore on people who have made it clear that they donāt give a rip about us.
Iāve also pruned a lot from my social media list.
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Agree with your approach. And also agree that the stuff you did when your spouseās parents were alive becomes a very heavy lift once they are all gone. Itās one thing to get together for Motherās Day/Fatherās Day (long distances, tough day for restaurants so someone ends up with the meal prep AND the clean up) when it means a lot to the older generation. Once they are gone, either someone cares enough to do the arranging, or it all falls apart. And what once made me sad (the falling apart piece) now makes me realize how lucky I am with my own siblings/extended family.
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@Hoggirl sounds like you had a conversation about the trip with your SIL. Did she mention you joining? I am sorry they exclude you. I really wonder if they think you have no interest in participating in these trips. I understand feeling left out and have definitely felt that from certain people. (My MIL and SILs did/do not travel together at all!). However, I agree with those who say that if you want to participate, you may have to ask. Something like āNow that my life is less busy (or something), I would love to join you on a trip for a weekend or so.ā Or just the three of you do a weekend somewhere. They may honestly think you donāt want to come and if not and they do not invite you, at least you would know. It certainly sounds like the travel buddies are not all on the same page.
I was with friends the other night and had a bit of FOMO as a subset had gone to Europe recently. However, when I heard how they structured the trip and what they did not see in Paris, realized that I might have been frustrated traveling with them and would have really have enjoyed the trip as much as I would with other friends.
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I did have a convo with her.
No, she did not mention my going. I really am relieved ar this point. The situation has gotten even more convoluted.
So, Friend L (the structured one who was invited along with mil to join the already planned group of three) was told by mil that Friend C was no longer planning on going because of her. No idea how this was worded/framed. Weāre on vacay, so I donāt have the deets yet. Upon learning this, Friend L has now backed out so Friend C (the one who used to live in CA) will go.
Sil did say the car rental will only be a $50 deposit loss which she will cover, but I have no idea about Friend Lās $750 portion of the AirBnB.
So, again, with one person backing out, I ought to be a logical substitute/fill in. But, honestly, I never wanted to go on this particular trip anyway.
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Thereās more drama in this trip than a pack of 13 yr old girls and the trip hasnāt even started yet! 
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I wouldnāt go on that particular trip if I was paid to goāit sounds fraught with angst and they havenāt even left home yet!
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