@marian wrote -
No, you were breastfeeding normally! It’s not always easy, pretty, neat, comfortable, etc. Bottle feeding can be just as good, or just as bad, and you-know-who would have probably let you know that. The real problem was your controlling biatchy MIL.
I hate hate hate controlling dinner time behavior. Good manners are one thing, absolute rigidity about waiting for the “missing person” is quite another. Geez, what would she do if you folded the napkins the wrong way?
@beerme loved the video. Thx :))
@Marian that sounds horrible 
This has happened to us a few times, especially at friendsgivings. My friends are mostly a little older than me and many have young children. They simply excuse themselves and go tend to their child. We carry on with the meal.
I absolutely understand waiting for whomever cooked the meal and waiting a few extra minutes for stragglers, but putting the whole meal on hold because a parent has to tend to their child (and it’s not a quick thing)? That is bizarre.
I adore lamb. I guess growing up eating goat and camel, lamb seemed like a treat! I love Middle Eastern food and often have koftas and the like. But rack of lamb is just for the family who all seem to eat it. My younger son’s girlfriend is great, no food allergies I know of. We once brought her a mixed sushi and she mentioned she didn’t actually like shrimp. (I don’t believe she’s allergic.) Someone happily traded with her, and I am glad she spoke up, we don’t actually eat much shrimp around here, but I wouldn’t make it the centerpiece of a meal when she’s around.
As far as I’m concerned the nursing Mom can nurse at the table, or not if she prefers.
When entertaining, if I don’t know you well, I’ll ask “Is there anything you CAN’T eat?” The goal is to elicit info about any food allergies or intolerances, because I don’t want to make you sick! But I don’t want to hear that you’ve decided to go gluten-free this month or just read a book about the dangers of dairy. Or that you aren’t fond of lamb. As @romanigypsyeyes has indicated, entertaining at home is about friendship and sharing, not about getting your ideal meal or indulging your fads. For that, go to a restaurant and pick off a menu.
Given the very small percentage of the population that has genuine issues with gluten, isn’t it astonishing how many posters report have to cope with guests fussing about gluten?
If you ask, they should say what they will or will not eat. If you ask religious people if they have any restrictions, I’d expect Jewish friends to say they keep kosher or catholic friends to say they don’t eat meat on Fridays. You asked, so what difference does it make if they aren’t going to eat the meat because it’s Friday or because they are a vegetarian or because they have allergies or because they just don’t want to? They aren’t going to eat it so why prepare it for them? You could ask them what they’d prefer, ask them to bring their own food, ask if the 6 other things you are serving will be okay, or suggest they not come. I’m assuming you asked them because you wanted them to come to your home (relatives? A little different but still, they are guests.). Or don’t ask and just deal with it. If you do ask, expect them to tell you they are on weight watchers or don’t do dairy or don’t eat liver. That’s why you asked, isn’t it?
Just sent an email to a dinner guest asking if she is vegetarian (still).
Then I suddenly remembered that I use flour in my au gratin potatoes and so will go to truffle mashed potatoes or a goat cheese mashed to avoid the gluten for the gluten free guest.
Glad I caught it and it is easy to change.
Last year the veggie guest and her BF and a FF (all veggie) showed up late and I had never been told by the parents that they were even coming. I did not have enough veggie food left. Found some frozen acceptable pasta casserole left overs and quickly prepared it.
Grr to her parents. I now get a solid confirmation from each family member.
I do not mind the different diets but if I have prepared for 13 and 16 show up…
"You asked, so what difference does it make if they aren’t going to eat the meat because it’s Friday or because they are a vegetarian or because they have allergies or because they just don’t want to? They aren’t going to eat it so why prepare it for them? "
I would volunteer my shellfish allergy but I wouldn’t really voice what are just my personal dislikes (like lasagna). It’s too short-order cook for me.
Amen to that! I married into a family of “clean plate club” people, and that was a bit of a disaster for the first few meals. I stop when I’m full, not when the plate’s clean-MIL was not happy with that. I compensated by taking a lot less food so I knew I could eat it all, and she’d fuss at me for not eating enough and said I didn’t like her food-darned if you do, darned if you don’t! I just ignored her and ate what I wanted. Controlling people bring out the obstinate mule in me every time.
Re: nursing mothers
I would have no problem with the mother leaving the dinner table to nurse her baby…or bringing the baby to the table for that matter. However, if the mother started nursing 10 minutes before dinner was ready, I’m not sure what I would do. I might feel I was being rude if I went ahead with dinner, but then I would worry about dinner getting cold. If it were one of my daughters, it would be easy to know they wouldn’t mind if we went ahead and started eating. If it were my nephew’s wife, I’d be in a quandary because she expects everyone to cater to her needs.
This was exactly the situation my MIL faced. On multiple occasions, she chose to make dinner wait, thereby making me feel guilty about nursing my baby and ruining the food for everyone else. I felt pressured to rush or interrupt the feeding and let the baby cry so that everyone could eat the food at its best (although some would not have enjoyed the meal because of the crying). And I felt incompetent because I couldn’t time my baby’s feedings skillfully enough so that the situation wouldn’t happen.
I’m no prima donna, but I would have liked it if my MIL had catered to me by allowing me to stay away from the table and finish the feeding with no pressure. Perhaps your nephew’s wife would feel the same way.
Actually @Marian, I know my nephew’s wife would not want us to go ahead with the meal. She constantly complains about her inlaws being reluctant to allow her to dictate the time of family holiday dinners that have been traditionally held at certain times of the day. But I would have been very comfortable with someone like you who would prefer we go on with the meal when it is ready. You sound very easy to work with.
Then she and her husband should host the meal.
My husband hates the custom of serving holiday meals at times when meals would not ordinarily be served (like 3 p.m.) because he’s not hungry then, but he never said a word about this to our families during the years when we attended holiday meals at relatives’ houses. Ever since we started hosting holiday meals ourselves, though, we have served them at normal mealtimes because that’s the host’s preference. We would change the schedule, though, if this preference made travel difficult for anyone in the family. Right now, that’s not an issue.
I also don’t eat lobster. I have no idea why that bothers me and not shrimp, oysters, crab, etc.
Hubby’s family is the worst at coming to the table when dinner is ready. I’ll give 10 minute warning, then I’ll say dinner is ready and they’ll decide at that point to start into something or walk away. With his dad I now just do that and we start. He can come or not.
I assumed everyone with a away would come if they could. I wouldn’t hold up dinner, nor would I expect attendance. I’ll save you a plate and sit with you when you can eat.
Squirmy toddlers…should they be expected to stay at the table?
I would think this should be up to the parents. It’s probably more pleasant for all if toddlers are allowed to leave, but unless the meal is being held at the toddler’s home, releasing a toddler from the table probably means that a parent must leave the table, too, to keep the child out of danger. Houses where toddlers don’t live usually aren’t childproofed.
I remember stressing about those things back in my nursing days! I think what I would do would be to start the meal with the family, and then excuse myself when baby needed attention, while whispering to DH to save some good stuff on my plate for me! 
It really can be stressful, because babies always seem to know the worst possible moments to kick up a fuss. And so can MIL’s.
Ummmm…that wouldn’t work because then her inlaws would be accused of not recognizing how busy she is with her young kids.
I had everyone at my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners the year S was born. On Nov 29th! (A week after TG that year, thank doG. I told everyone that they were invited, but should make reservations just in case. 
)
On Christmas, I finished cooking and serving the meal, then took S off to another room to breastfeed. When I returned, they had all finished eating and were clearing the table. It was fine that hey ate, but I thought the least they could do was hold off on clearing the table, LOL.
All sorts of kid-related issues can mess up holiday meals.
In my extended family, there was a Catholic household with several children in which everyone went to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. That family then came to a grandparent’s house for Christmas dinner the next day. But the kids were exhausted. They would cry constantly, misbehave, or fall asleep on the floor.
After a few years of this, the grandparents suggested having a get-together on Christmas Eve instead, before the kids went to Midnight Mass.