For Hanna’s family member, I would have invited her to separate her portions or warned her that there was butter in the stuffing, but wouldn’t have done the work myself. My daughter’s boyfriend is lactose intolerant, and we asked him if he wanted some things prepared separate for him. He said no, he’d take his medication and avoid too much dairy but that with the medication a little was okay. He visited once before and forgot the medication, so he just avoided dairy (and at our house that ain’t easy).
Had a boss who was very allergic to tree nuts (ate peanut M&M’s like there was no tomorrow). He avoided anything he wasn’t sure of, mostly pastries because of the almond extract or nuts he couldn’t see, or cross contamination. All he asked for was a warning. When trendy coffees with hazelnut or almond flavor became popular, he just stopped drinking coffee made in the kitchenette. He didn’t make any of us stop eating or drinking, he just was careful. And he had benadryl on hand!
Back when I was married to a spouse who loved to cook and to throw frequent parties, we’d have parties from time to time where the particular food choice really was the reason for the party. In those cases, we’d announce the menu in the invitation – say, “Come for feijoada” – and if you didn’t like or couldn’t pork or smoky beans (in that example) you would know either to decline the invitation or to eat ahead of time. The attitude was: “we’re making this; do you want to come try it.” Occasionally we’d get people who would respond, “We’re vegans, should we come?” And we’d say, “Menu’s not really vegan friendly but feel free to stop by for a caipirinha. But you’d better eat before you come.” It worked out okay for us, but maybe people thought we were monsters for not accomodating specific food preferences.
“I love food - cooking it, serving it up in beautiful displays for guests, as well as gobbling it up too and if I had such a miserable time of it with allergies and such that would really take the joy of out of it all.”
I think for those of us who are not foodies (and I’m not - I’d eat cereal for dinner every night and be fine), we just don’t think it’s a huge deal if we go someplace and we miss out on the main dish, fill up on sides, etc. whatever - we won’t waste away to nothing and it’s just I big deal if a meal isn’t Totally Delicious in every way. This is also why I can’t cook, lol, because good enough is good enough for me.
Rosered55- my D is allergic to carrots along with a bunch of other foods. When she was young she was always complaining about her ears itching or that certain foods made her throat swell and itch. She also had a lot of stomach aches. She had a prickly personality and we and the Dr would give her a Tums. She loves to rub it in that she really had a problem. When she was 12 she was on a high level sport team and at a game we weren’t able to attend. One of the other parents who was an MD realized during the game my D was having an asthma attack. We took her to a specialist and discovered she had asthma along with a long list of allergies.
She carries and epipen and Benadryl. She has become pretty good at knowing what she can and can’t eat.
I’m actually happy to cook for her but sometimes I’m even happier if she isn’t joining us and I don’t have to be as careful.
My high school D is a picky eater, and my stepmother makes a point of making sure there is nothing she will eat at family meals. She knows she will not eat salad or bread with crunchy grains in it, so that’s what she serves every time. Then she makes it a point to bring to everyone’s attention that D is only eating the meat. Would it kill her to put out a roll or some fruit, or even some rice? It makes it really painful for my D (and for me).
D would never expect someone to put out food for her specifically, and she is fine with sitting there eating her hunk of meat. But it seems to me there is a happy medium between “catering” to a picky eater and putting out something you know they would like to eat that isn’t too much effort.
Do any of you have any nursing mothers at your holiday meals?
I ask because one of my worst memories of the times when I was nursing babies is that my mother-in-law (technically, stepmother-in-law) refused to serve the meal unless I was at the table. If my baby was screaming to be fed, she would make everyone wait – even though the food would get cold or dry – until I was done nursing the baby and could join the group at the table. She disapproved of letting the baby scream so that people could eat the food when it was at its best (which is what I would have preferred), and she wouldn’t let me nurse the baby at the table, so I had no other options.
I would try very hard to time the baby’s feedings so that it wouldn’t be necessary to nurse at mealtime, but I usually failed miserably. And I think that maybe this was the point – to show that I was a thoroughly inept mother (which I was, but so what?).
What do you do at holiday meals if an infant needs to breastfeed at the wrong time?
Offering alternative choices for picky eaters is just being kind, especially if you are familiar with the person and their issues (such as a stepmother). I don’t always cater to my picky eater at home, but I try to include a few items that he will eat - or he can fix a bowl of cereal.
I’m so tired of thinking up what to cook.
Ods doesn’t like lasagna or chili.
Mds isn’t crazy about spaghetti at all.
Dh doesn’t like Asian food or rice.
Yds’s gf doesn’t eat gluten,grains,dairy,legumes,eggs.
Thai dil has difficulties with some American foods so I never know with her. She does love rice so I try to remember to make it for her.
Ods’s gf so far is a dream guest, she seems to like everything. LOL.
Me, I’m just sick of food in general. LOL.
One last hurdle. New Year’s Day becomes our second Christmas when everyone can be here …what to fix, what to fix.
I’m thinking ham, salad, roasted veggies, deviled eggs,rice, rolls. Everyone should be able to eat.
What do you do at holiday meals if an infant needs to breastfeed at the wrong time?>>>>>
There is no “wrong time” to feed a hungry baby whether it’s breast or bottle, LOL. Baby gets fed, period. As for myself, dinner would go on without the mom. It’s just one of the things young mom and dads have to go thru.
That said, when I was a nursing mother, I’d feed the kid just before we were ready to eat if it was going to be near eating time anyway, or just to “top them off”.
I said above that I would have preferred to let the baby scream so everyone could eat, but what you suggest would have been even better. However, it was unthinkable because MIL would not permit it. If anyone was missing from the table, no food was served. Period.
My babies never let me top them off. They would turn away from the breast until they decided it was time to eat, at which point they would scream their heads off. I never figured out what I was doing wrong. I should probably write a book on breastfeeding badly.
I would not enjoy a meal listening to a baby scream. For a few years parents take turns coming and going from the table. If dinner is ready at 6, eat at 6 and if mom knows that at 540 she can feed baby enough to get through dinner.
I have no problem with the mom excusing herself from the table to go feed baby. Not everyone is comfortable with breastfeeding at the table (my FIL was very uncomfortable with breastfeeding). If mom misses the meal, I will make sure that her plate is kept warm and she can join everyone for dessert. Missing a couple meals is just one of those things when you have small children. Someday they will be grown and you can enjoy leisurely meals.
At my house, I give a 10 minute warning before dinner will be ready. That gives everyone time to finish video games (or save), go wash hands, etc. My H is the WORST about being in the middle of a video game when I want to eat. My kids are trained - not H. I just start eating.
So,according to this…scallops are in the same family as clams and mussels. And oysters. I have absolutely no issues with clams and mussels and oysters (never had snails or squid)…just scallops. Scallops are the only seafood that makes me VERY sick every time I eat them.
@thumper1, my sister and I are both like you in that only one species bothers us – but the critters in question are crustaceans, not mollusks. I get true allergy symptoms (tingling mouth, hives) if I eat lobster. She has the same problem with shrimp. But both of us can eat other crustaceans and all mollusks.
I guess sometimes these sensitivities are very specific.
I’m glad that at least some people here feel that way. If I’m ever a grandmother, I want to make sure that my daughter or daughter-in-law feels free to do this. Personally, I would also be comfortable with the mom nursing at the table, but others (including older babies, who get distracted so easily) might not feel that way.
I would feel uncomfortable expecting this of a mom because I was never able to achieve it myself. But I suppose that my daughter (or hypothetical daughter-in-law) would probably be a lot more competent than I was. I’m amazed at the skills of today’s young parents. They don’t seem to stumble ineptly through childraising the way I did.
I don’t announce the menu ahead of time, but I do know what the family allergies are, and I do make sure to make several vegetarian dishes (because ew who wants meat in every dish anyway?).
I also went pork-free recently (I found Applewood unpreserved turkey bacon, which is really good, so I’m surviving), and nobody complained about there not being a Christmas ham (just did turkey). When people ask me why pork free I say it’s because I’m not comfortable eating an omnivore (pigs eat meat when they can get it), plus the zoonotic crossover potential for norovirus and some other nasty diseases is an issue between pigs and humans because we’re so close genetically. We already don’t eat lamb or veal just because I’m not going to do that to baby animals.
This year BIL asked if he could bring his brussell sprouts, and I said yes even though we loathe brussell sprouts and they totally stank up the kitchen when they were cooking. He loves them, and so does his girlfriend (who I adore), so I just lit a lot of candles afterwards.
If I went to dinner at someone’s house and they had stuff I didn’t like, I’d just eat around it and not say anything. I’m not going to starve, for cryin’ out loud :).
Once we went to a dinner party at a woman’s house (co worker), and her personal hygiene was so bad it was disgusting-her house was gross, her counter top was encrusted with old food, I never saw her wash her hands after handling raw chicken-you get the picture. Yeah, I ended up with food poisoning, big surprise. We declined all further invites from her.
Regarding the nursing mothers^ there have often been parents with “baby issues” at the family dinners (not just nursing, but teething, fevers, colic, etc.) They typically show up for prayers and then tend to their offspring, eating when and where they can. No one pays much attention. Who is going to tell parents how to take care of their kids?
