When I was a child I do remember other children having food allergies. Chocolate, peanuts and strawberries were the only ones I heard of. When bringing cupcakes for your birthday at school, you were supposed to have an alternative flavor in case anyone was allergic to chocolate.
Nottelling - I just had mini lamb chops served as a pass-around appetizer for a holiday party I attended. I have to say it was not the best choice - a bit greasy and hard to eat elegantly!
My mom, an immigrant who grew up in poverty, did (and does) have food allergies. But she ate what was in front of her and paid the price for it. It wasn’t until about high school that a doctor figured out what it was and that it could be avoided.
Yes, allergies existed back when but whether they were labeled that or not is a different story.
@bookworm and @Pizzagirl -When I was 10 years old, I confronted a dinner situation which tested me. I was eating dinner at a friend’s house for the first time. They served rib steak and a glass of milk. We kept kosher in my house, so there I was, balancing what my mother told me that when I was a guest, I was to eat whatever was put in front of me versus mixing milk and meat. I ate the rib steak, drank the glass of milk, excused myself to go to the bathroom and threw up! My stomach couldn’t handle that combo!
As a host, I always serve two entrees for my guests. I usually have 12-16 people when I entertain. The pickiest one is my 25 year old niece, who will only eat the plainest of chicken. She was unable to come to my Chanukah dinner party since she was out-of-state, so I was able to make a pesto chicken with a roasted red pepper sauce as the chicken main course. Her parents took a picture of it and emailed it to her. 
I recently mentioned to a friend that I have a poultry intolerance. If I eat whole eggs, chicken, turkey I will suffer from a tummy ache for at least 48 hours.
This friend commented that she appreciated that I said “intolerance” instead of allergy.
I was veggie for 35 years and vegan 1. I so appreciated anyone who accommodated me that I am happy to play it forward.
Also, while it does take extra thought and effort, to be a good host means to provide for my guests.
So, I would no doubt fume while I made a side that SIL would find acceptable–but no way would I change my main dish for her. Lamb is a great choice. I only like a few bites of lamb at a time but know that there will be delicious other
foods to select from…
I am hosting 10-14 this weekend with one Gluten free and maybe 2 vegetarians. Have a 7 hour roasted Pork that fits the Gluten free and will make some heavy side such as a pasta or a risotto or a main dish potato casserole for the veggie.
I remember the bacon bits as a veggie–they appeared everywhere. Recently at a company party for H I chose the vegetarian dish as it appealed to me. Yep, they gave me a salad with bacon on it!
@oregon101 You “get it”. Food Intolerance does not an allergy make. It’s truly awful and I don’t mean to downplay how it can affect ones life at all. (I have issues/intolerance of something found in much of California Pizza Kitchen’s food…and man, I am so not ok for days after. The headaches and tummy upset are crazy…ironically, I got a CPK gift card for a gift this year!) I think your friend must have (or know someone who has) a seriously life threatening allergy to even mention the difference between allergy and intolerance as many don’t understand that allergies cause an immune response, while intolerances do not.
The toughest one is my D2 who is vegetarian and lactose intolerant. Most people and restaurants who have a veggie option tend to have one with cheese and butter. She can have some cheeses, but most people don’t know if their feta is from a sheep or a cow. She gets along with lots of tummy upsets, poor thing.
Mom of 3 son’s, I think I would throw up to if had to have a glass of milk, with meat or without! Seriously, many of my childhood friends were not Jewish. One mom bought kosher hot dogs when I was visiting. She said they liked them so much, never again got anything but. So sweet of her. (My mom just told me to eat the sides.)
PG, I got a stomach virus at a work party. I literally lifted my dress, so as not to ruin my boss’ carpet. I ran out, and future b/f followed me out with my white dress coat. Then I had the embarrassment of taking dress and coat to my dry cleaner, but I realize they’ve seen same or worse.
@greenwitch Your poor D. I can’t imagine having a hard time with cheese. Milk? Eh, no biggie. But cheese…I would cry. My DD is tree nut allergic. And of course we learned that certain tropical fruits are highly cross reactive. Blah. Poor kid, who could live on fruit, had to pass on all the lovely fresh tropical fruits when we were in Hawaii. And no macadamias.
She can have any sheep or goat’s milk cheese, and also any aged cheese (cheddar, parmesan). No soft, young cheese like mozzarella, brie, cream cheese, etc. I would hate it too!
D3 is even worse being allergic to tree nuts, peanuts, shellfish, and soy. She also gets an allergic itchy mouth cross reaction from any and all raw fruits and vegetables. That would kill me! I tried to grill her some peaches last summer but I guess they weren’t cooked thoroughly enough and she immediately felt very ill, had to lay down and fight off nausea. Threw up once so I made her take another Benadryl. She had a paper due the next day and then the double Benadryl took effect. Not a good night for either of us.
You’re right, shellz. In fact I think what I have is an intolerance not an allergy, as my only reaction is (immediate) vomiting but nothing that is deadly, such as throat closing up or swelling or anything. Would that be correct?
I have allergies that result in hives and other signs of systemic inflammation. Since I also have respiratory conditions, I also have EpiPens, but thankfully have always allowed them to expire without needing to use them.
H has gluten and lactose intolerances which cause digestive upset but no serious health risks.
Sorry, late in replying but to:
As someone who literally gets so sick sometimes that I can’t eat anything without “getting sick”, for me the point of the “meal” isn’t the food- it’s the company.
As I said earlier, I would never, ever expect a host to cater to me and actively discourage them from doing so. Because my food issues are so numerous and changing, I often won’t even eat when I go to a “dinner” unless I bring something or I know exactly what is in something. I’ll generally eat beforehand and go to enjoy the company.
If that offends someone, that’s their issue, not mine. I’m not going to get sick just to make someone feel like a good host. And whether or not you’ve been a good host should not depend on whether or not I eat.
I do, genuinely, think it’s hard for people who have never experienced any type of IBD to understand the day to day fluctuations in what we can and can’t eat. It’s not like an allergy where we’re always going to react. Sometimes, we can eat a “trigger” food 50 times before our body decides that it’s going to flare up. Sometimes, we can avoid all of our trigger foods and still get flares. But either way, it’s hard for us to just give a list of everything we can’t have because even with all of that, we might not be able to eat on any given day.
That’s why I’d hope hosts understand that if we bring our own dish or don’t eat anything, it is a reflection of US and not THEM. We still love the company and conversation even if we can’t partake in the meal 
^^yup that’s what I said upthread, it’s about breaking bread - glutenfree or otherwise - with good company. If it’s just about what’s on the menu, may as well stay home and eat your own dang cooking.
@Pizzagirl You are correct. Digestive issues are the hallmark of food sensitivities and intolerances. True allergy can cause those issues in addition to the systemic reactions, i.e. Hives, rash, throat/lip/airway swelling. The tricky thing is, when an allergic reaction occurs, it can begin as an upset tummy and then progress to the anaphylactic reaction, or vice versa. My DD has had instances of immediate airway closure, which was followed hours later (at home after ER visit and epinephrine ) with hives and a tummy ache. On another occasion, the hives and stomach trouble were the precursors to the breathing difficulty. As such, she is very cautious when dining out, and when she suspects a reaction, she uses the epi pen. Fortunately, there is no real down side to using it unnecessarily. There is, of course, a big downside of waiting too long, though.
@greenwitch Wow…your poor girls. Tree nut allergy is bad, but the tree nut plus peanut combo is so rough. My DD CAN eat peanuts (because as you know they are a legume, not a nut), but the potential for cross contamination with tree nuts is so, so high. DD’s allergist said that most factories that process peanuts also process tree nut products, so that while technically she can eat peanuts and their products…its just too risky.
As a host though, I want people to leave my event feeling well fed and catered to, just the way I was brought up in my culture, mangia mangia! So if it means adding yet another entree choice because someone asked me to, I would. Honestly, if that request puts you out then maybe hosting just isn’t your gig and that’s ok. I only do it when I’m really up for it and have helping hands so everything’s perfect for all of my guests 
Yes, SM, but that’s not the issue. Sometimes we simply cannot eat no matter what you put out. Again, it’s not matter of just whipping up another dish. It’s a matter of “hmm… what, if anything, does my body want to not reject today?”
I was brought up to make sure there was something for everyone, too, but when I developed an IBD as a kid that went out the window.
Oh sorry, I must have missed some posts. Thought we were still on the what to do when someone calls to say they dont eat lamb or whatever. Well, your condition sounds miserable sorry to hear that Romani. I love food - cooking it, serving it up in beautiful displays for guests, as well as gobbling it up too and if I had such a miserable time of it with allergies and such that would really take the joy of out of it all. 
A close family member has new, trendy food restrictions every year. This year, no dairy. Since I was cooking, I had to separate out portions of stuffing, etc., to prepare without butter. It wouldn’t give me a moment’s thought if she had either a real medical need or a heartfelt moral/religious issue, but I don’t see this as falling into either category. I thought she should have lent a hand with the extra kitchen work instead of leaving it to me to make her special portions. (We were all staying together in the same house, and she’s an experienced cook.)
There comes a time when a host should start giving out the phone numbers of restaurants that deliver. I understand that some people have allergies-- Mr. Fang has a milk allergy, an actual allergy that has resulted in emergency room visits, not lactose intolerance-- but when did a host become a caterer?