A friend of one of my daughter’s recently learned she’s allergic to carrots. I didn’t even know that was possible. Unfortunately, it is, and she now carries an epi-pen, in case something she eats has come in contact with carrots.
My extended family of 19 has just about every dietary restriction mentioned…we are not usually all in one place, but we settled years ago on potlucks. Hosting house provides drinks and dinnerware, everyone else brings food to share. This is how I tasted lots of new vegtarian food, my son/DH got to pass around and share gf bread, and we generally appreciated each other without the stress of food hazards.
boooooooo to people who are selectively gf (or dairy free, or whatever). They’ve miseducated all sorts of hosts and food outlets , to the peril of those with medically-based diets. No, we can’t just scrape off the cheese or pick off the croutons!!!
I’m comfortable having a few friends over, but haven’t had a crowd in years. I ask my guests which of 3-4 things they’d like, and go with that. I’m amazed how some posters go to the trouble of making gluten free breads, etc.
I’ll bet most everyone has a horrible memory of throwing up in a public place.
So…what else besides scallops should I stay away from?
Thank goodness I can eat clams, and mussels. And lobster!
“I’m amazed how some posters go to the trouble of making gluten free breads, etc.”
I remember years ago my grandfather was put on a sugar-free diet and so we’d always make sure he had some sugar-free candy or some other dessert (this was before today, of course, where it’s a lot easier to find this stuff). So it just seemed like the right thing to do for someone in your own family. I’m distinguishing between that, and “I’m one of 30 people coming to your party and I happen not to like X”!
Some people legitimately have a higher threshold, or react to some forms of a food but not others. My DD is allergic (by both blood testing and known history of reaction) to sesame. She eats burgers with sesame seed buns and Chinese restaurant sesame chicken all the time, because neither small amounts of whole sesame seed nor sesame oil are sufficient to trigger a reaction. OTOH, she’s broken out in hives after drinking from a cup of water I’d drunk from while eating hummus, because a tiny bit of tahini touched her skin, and has been doubled over with stomach cramps after two bites of chicken schwarma because the garlic sauce had a tahini base.
So she’ll happily tell you that she won’t eat at a Middle Eastern restaurant because she’s allergic to sesame, while eating a sesame seed bagel, and there’s no contradiction between those two things.
Pizzagirl, ouch about your dining experience! A similar thing happened to baby kiddo when she was given tongue… it is actually pretty tasty when prepared right, but I would not cook it or even dream about serving it as a main course dish. 
What I would never do is to serve fake vegan “meats” like tofurkey. Come on, if you are vegan for health reasons, you are much better off eating wholesome foods made with real ingredients instead of that strange mishmash of questionable stuff held together with chemicals. If you are vegan because you are anti-animal abuse, why would you want to imitate your animal-eating buddies by chowing down on a fake sausage? A grilled slice of eggplant or a portobella mushroom sprinkled with spices taste delicious and much better than any veggie burger I tried.
@allyphone, I don’t mean your DD, who is going to say she’s allergic to some, but not all, forms of sesame. I’m pointing my finger at people who are “gf” (or peanut free, or citrus free, whatever it is) selectively and by choice, as in “I’m gf, but that pizza is so good and really it doesn’t matter” or “I’ll just take the croutons off, that doesn’t bother me”. Or houseguests as the OP mentioned, who are just picky. I work with people like this, are related to a few. For those who are medically unable to ingest a particular food, it’s frustrating.
Where I grew up as a child we couldn’t afford to be allergic to anything. It was only after I moved to this country that I found out people could be allergic to food and stuff around us. My kids grew up in this country, the older one is allergic to apple/pear/peach skins, eggs, and milk. Not really bad, but enough to make her uncomfortable.
My brother hosted Christmas dinner this year and he and his wife do a traditional (beef main dish) meal. Son-in-law is vegetarian and very strict about what he eats. He is VERY flexible, though, in what will “do” for him and tends to fill up on sides, particularly vegetables. His vegetarian mom came along this year as well. So that it would not be a complication for my brother and his wife, I made a vegetarian casserole that used portabello mushrooms, eggs, onions, and layered other items. (D and son-in-law had a major trip to make plus a baby, so I did not want them having to do anything else, and it was relatively easy for me as I was more local to the site.)
By the way, D and son-in-law did Thanksgiving and along with a bunch of vegetarian offerings, they also made a roast turkey breast with gravy for the meat eaters attending.
So IMO if those with restricted diets are somewhat flexible and make do with what is available, and others can extend themselves a bit, this does not have to be a problem.
Other than SIL’s attitude in the original post, I don’t think there is anything wrong with her bringing other food. Seems like it is a fairly big group of people attending, so why not just include the extra food? In fact, call the SIL and ask her to bring a whole turkey or half a ham or whatever! Just call and say “I understand you don’t like lamb, so I’m happy you are going to bring XXX. Is there anything we need to get for you? Will you need time/space to prepare it?”
I never turn away food brought to my door.
I’m in the camp that doesn’t like lamb. I would never serve it, but I will eat it if it is served to me at a dinner party, although that hasn’t happened in years. I hate plain liver, which really makes me gag–except for foie gras–but I love pates of all kinds. I don’t particularly like duck, except for duck breast, which I’ve cooked for S, but I’ve enjoyed–and even cooked–pheasant and quail. Venison is okay, but no great to me except in sausage. I’ve enjoyed escargots drenched in garlic butter: what isn’t good drenched in garlic butter! 
If anyone asks me about food restrictions, I say, “I try to eat low carb, bu don’t worry about it.” Usually that is enough to ensure that there will be something I don’t have to worry too much about eating. But in my case, yes, my blood sugar will spike, but I’m not going to be sick to my stomach or in imminent danger of death, like a person with a strong sensitivity or genuine allergy.
I have a niece with a life-threatening peanut allergy, and a couple friends with celiac disease, so I have learned a lot about the pitfalls of catering to genuine health risks. Many people do not know, for example, that most broth/bouillon bases contain yeast proteins that contain gluten. (Better Than Bouillon is an exception.) They don’t understand that a diabetic can safely pick off the croutons, but that a celiac can’t eat the polluted salad at all.
And I very much agree that all of this is complicated by people who adopt fashionable food sensitivities, gluten in particular, from which they do not actually suffer. People see them indulging when they feel like it, and then end to discount people with a genuine issue.
GENUINE food allergies (not to be confused with intolerances) are always catered to at our house…and by genuine I mean the life-threatening varieties. When baking for the holidays, I always scrub down the kitchen, then do nut-free baking first. On day two I do any recipes with nuts. The death-cookie tins are then labeled with a huge “NUTS” warning and then segregated between the house freezer and the garage freezer. Anaphylaxis is nothing to mess around with. Stomach aches and vomiting due to accidental food exposures, while yucky, don’t cause me to eliminate an item from the menu because they won’t actually kill someone. (Earlier someone mentioned not believing a claim of allergy and serving anyway…wouldn’t do that…as the parent of a truly allergic kid, this is scary) I will let people know at mealtime if I’ve made anything with suspect ingredients. I did read a funny article recently about the likelihood of having a food “allergy” being higher if one lived close to a Whole Foods or other upscale, boutique grocery. Affluenza, maybe?
There are a few things I don’t eat on principal, falling as they do under my definition of Evil Cuisine, foie gras and veal among them. Fortunately, no one in the family ever serves veal as a dinner entree. We ate a lot of beef liver growing up and I swore when I left home that I would never eat it again.
@oldfort, when I was a kid, no one I knew had food allergies either, and I was raised in rural America.
Wow, I’m surprised and sad to hear that so many people don’t like lamb, because I entertain frequently and often have a Middle Eastern place near me cater because the food is delicious and reasonable. My go-to entree choice Is the grilled lamb chops because they cook them perfectly and they hold up well in transit in the short distance from the restaurant to my table. They seem to be well-received but maybe people are just being polite.
Come to think of it, I often choose the lamb when I use the Indian or Italian places for my catering needs. I guess I just love lamb!
Why do I keep hearing “That’s ok. I’ll make lamb.” Anyone remember the movie and the context? Kinda perfect for this thread
LOL. I was vegetarian at the time that movie came out. That line cracked me up!
I try to think of folks’ various menu issues but also prepare what most will enjoy. Catering only to the pickiest and variable eaters seems like a no win situation. When I know I’m going to a meal where I may not be able to eat much that is served due to allergies, I bring a hearty, complementary dish I know I can eat and pick at anything else I’m not sure about.
I think it’s unreasonable for hostesses to be turned on their heads due to whims and personal preferences (tho true allergies and medical conditions are more understandable). Folks with medical conditions try to bring a dish they and others can enjoy as well.
In any case, being dramatic about food preferences seems very poor taste.
@HImom I like your view on this. When we would go to a dinner gathering, we’d offer to bring dessert as that’s where our DD’s allergies would likely be tested. And, we’d tank her up beforehand, if we even suspected the main dish might be iffy.