OR even knowing if there serving spoons.
Gads.
Like my H mentioning after a very large dinner party that IF I had served more salad it would have been eaten.
There was a huge bowl waiting in the fridge…
Maybe he could have asked me…? or looked?
Ok --not the rant page but…
“I never ever want to be forced again to eat anything I dislike, nor I would ask my guests to. For that matter, I never ever again want to eat: lamb, liver, kidney, cow tongue, cow brains, tripe, any kind of game, duck (grams kept ducks and chickens and she served up my favorite pet duck once), catfish, alligator, or pigs feet. There. Color me picky!”
Sorry about the duck - that’s awful! I do think that lamb is the only one of those you might run into - I don’t know too many people who serve the others! I do agree that lamb is one of those “riskier” things that not everyone likes.
OH, Sylvan, I’m so very sorry!
There’s so very much to entertaining and making it look seamless that other people simply don’t realize how much effort goes into it.
My guess is that the next time you entertain, your husband should take a much, MUCH larger role in the planning.
And he owes you an apology, a big one and a sincere one.
I do make the effort. For the big gathering that included a medically gluten-free, a pescatarian, and a non-seafood eater I prepared a veggie risotto with beef short ribs, and a clam and shrimp thickened chowder as topping options. There was a large green salad, too.
I think I would readily agree (if told I wasn’t a good hostess), hand over to hubby whatever I was working on, and take a walk.
I’m a vegetarian. It’s a choice. But also most meat makes me gag. Same for my younger daughter. I grew up only eating sides and counting myself lucky if most of the sides didn’t also have meat on them. Some people like to put bacon bits on everything like salad and green beans. And stuffing that was cooked inside of the turkey isn’t vegetarian.
Nowadays I am just thankful that most restaurants have at least one vegetarian option besides a plain salad. I never go to an event expecting to actually be able to eat anything aside from a salad (maybe) and bread. I deeply appreciate the people who are careful to make sure that I have something to eat. Like my Inlaws who will make macaroni and cheese or eggplant Parmesan as an alternative main dish.
This discussion highlights the reason why I very seldom entertain at home. It has become too fraught and stressful. It used to be considered an honor to be invited to dinner at someone’s home, but now it seems like a highly risky potentially insulting or unpleasant ordeal. That’s unfortunate for the cause of sociability.
Around here you’re probably more likely to encounter duck than lamb. Neither are terribly common. But I don’t recall ever being served lamb in my life growing up. I don’t particularly like it, as it turns out. Or duck, for that matter. Though I’ve had some dishes with duck in them that I liked.
I was a vegetarian for many years and was always pleasantly surprised if I could eat the main course, or a significant number of the items on the menu.
If I know I have vegetarians, or non pork eaters, etc. I will plan around them. Obviously, I want guests to enjoy themselves. But everyone isn’t going to love every single thing on the menu, probably.
When I invite someone over for dinner, I always ask about food restrictions. Most people are honest and upfront about it. I have a good friend who is celiac and she usually volunteers to bring the dessert - I can make a meat and gluten-free sides easily. I have a couple friends with allergies - peanut and mustard - so again those are easy to avoid. I guess I would be annoyed if someone had a long list of dislikes, but true allergies or dietary restrictions (vegan, vegetarian, etc) are fine.
My S is just a picky eater. He has Aspergers and we’ve spent his whole life dealing with food issues. When he was little, he would throw up if forced to eat something he didn’t like. So, I just make sure that there are at least two things on the table he will eat. For Christmas, it was ham, bread and broccoli. Tonight, while everyone else is eating pasta and meatballs, he will probably have plain pasta, garlic bread and carrot sticks. I might save him a meatball without sauce, but it’s iffy whether he will eat it or not.
In my mind, picky is different from allergies or veganism, etc. As our pediatrician said, No picky kid ever starved to death when presented with healthy balanced meals. Although mine did lose 20lbs (from a skinny frame) his freshman year at college!
My S is pretty picky too and we mostly went with the approach of having at least one thing he’d eat. He’s gotten less picky as he’s gotten older. Husband was apparently a very picky child and he’ll eat anything now.
I love entertaining. We tend to entertain people we know, so we’re aware of any food allergies. When our niece was young and would stay with us for a week, we always had a very detailed list of what she could and could not eat. Seriously-- Hydrox and not Oreos (Oreos contain dairy, Hydrox do not-- or at least didn’t back then) McDonalds not Burger King (BK rolls contained dairy, not Mc D’s) and so on.
Beyond her, though, not many people in my life have allergies or preferences that dictate what we serve. So I’ll invite someone over for a BBQ or dinner-- tonight we’re hosting out of town friends for New York Pizza.
If anyone doesn’t like what we’re serving, they’re welcome to anything we have. We always have PB&J, toast, waffles, eggs, and a car-- there’s a 7-11 two minutes away, and a Wendy’s, McDonalds, Burger King, several pizzarias, and sushi all within a 5 minute drive.
I love to cook and will cater for just about anything. When I issue the invitation, I ask about dietary issues. I really don’t care whether it’s lifestyle choice or a real allergy. Not my business.
I hope that my guests will be forthcoming enough to be honest. (I have very little patience for guests like my MIL, who shows up and announces petulantly, “there’s nothing here I can eat” because she neglected to mention that in addition not eating dairy or wheat, she also doesn’t eat anything in the nightshade family, like peppers and eggplant, or pork or…yeah.) And I do get a little peeved if I slave over some gluten-free bread to find that the person who “can’t have gluten” decides that on this occasion, yes, she can have gluten because the gluten-free bread tastes better. Of course it does. So if you can eat it, please don’t ask me to make the expensive gluten-free kind!
I try to make sure my guests have a variety of things they can eat. If there are multiple allergies/concerns—vegan, celiac, nut-allergy, say–spread out among multiple guests, then each guest should find a few things to eat, even if he or she can’t eat everything.
“My S is just a picky eater. He has Aspergers and we’ve spent his whole life dealing with food issues.” Us, too, @megpmom. Our son’s Aspergers is very mild, but he most definitely has the intensely picky, texture thing. He also has actual food allergies, which is why I’m so open to catering for other people’s allergies and food weirdness.
My kids were picky eaters for a LONG time - one still is to an extent! My side of the extended family? Pretty adventurous eaters. H’s side? Meat and potatoes - lamb would probably not be considered a meat! haha! H’s mom served ham so much I thought I’d gag everytime I saw it on the table!
That said, we too often just have two entrees - especially for a bigger get together. Just 4 or 5 people? I’m going to probably pick something that I know all those people are ok with. Lamb is a little unusual and I think not too unreasonable to have a second choice. I’ll take the lamb they don’t want to eat. 
I will cater to true pickiness or dietary issue. If someone doesn’t eat lamb then I may serve beef. Or if someone is a vegetarian then I may have a pasta dish. In OP’s SIL case, I think she is being a bit of a princess.
I can be a picky eater, but I wouldn’t tell the host unless he/she asks.
" I can make a meat and gluten-free sides easily."
Just be careful - last Xmas, my sister served beef tenderloin but had made it in a recipe that included soy sauce as the marinade - so my D couldn’t eat it. She didn’t know soy sauce has gluten. And she put croutons on the salad, thinking that D could pick them off - which she really can’t, she will get an upset stomach from that level of exposure. This year, they were careful to ensure that the recipe had a gluten-free soy sauce and people added their own croutons to salad. Having said that - this is our family and there were just 8 of us - it’s a different situation vs entertaining for 30 people.
If people specifically ask me if I have any dietary restrictions, I will say that I’m allergic to shellfish, but it’s pretty rare (esp here in the midwest!) that there would be a shellfish-only main course at a private house. My nightmare would be bouillabaisse though, which we refer to in our family as “bouillabarf” because of a particularly memorable incident in which I ordered it in a fancy Florida seaside restaurant, took a few bites, and promptly ran outside and threw up right in front of valet parking as people were getting out of their cars to come inside Oops, wasn’t the plan!
Lol, Pizzagirl, was that when you discovered you couldn’t eat bouillabaisse, or were you thinking it would be ok?
I would try to make an easy second option – even pasta or something (I’d probably go buy a couple of boxes of penne and jars of a good vodka sauce). Recently, I made a big side dish of mach & cheese for Thanksgiving to satisfy my picky nephew.
My niece’s ex-husband had SOOO many dietary restrictions. No meat. No gluten. No dairy. No anything it seemed! He seemed to only be able to eat certain fish and side dishes made of special ingredients. I really felt uncomfortable having things that he would be able to eat when he came to our family functions at our house. While I knew there would be some things he could probably have (like basic vegetable dishes, roasted, etc.) I always asked my niece to be sure to bring something that he would enjoy. He was used to doing that most places he would go.
“Lol, Pizzagirl, was that when you discovered you couldn’t eat bouillabaisse, or were you thinking it would be ok?”
LOL, I don’t know why I ordered the bouillabaisse; I can eat a little bit of clam chowder and be OK, so I must have thought it was similar to clam chowder. Never again! But at least it’s not a dangerous reaction - no swelling up or anything. Once it’s out of my system, I’m just fine. But ugh! Can you imagine driving up to a nice seafood restaurant, getting out of your car and seeing a young woman vomiting into the potted plants? I was beyond mortified!