Do you hang out with your neighbors?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I just sold my house but haven’t decided where I’m going to move. At lunch today, a friend mentioned that she probably wouldn’t have chosen her neighborhood if she had known how stand-offish and unfriendly her neighbors/ neighborhood would turn out to be.</p>

<p>This got me thinking: One of things I love about my current neighborhood – which is a small, tight-knit beach enclave – is how friendly the neighborhood is. There are lots of block parties and other events. Probably because all of the houses are crammed together and there is no privacy, everyone seems to know each other. Also, people are outdoors a lot and participate in water sports, etc., so there is lot of contact between people. I have a lot of friends and friendly acquaintances in this neighborhood, and I’m going to miss this.</p>

<p>Also, in thinking about how I got to know the people here, I realized it was either because we had kids the same age, or because my (now-ex) husband befriended them.</p>

<p>Now I’m a divorced empty nester, and will likely move some place where I don’t know anyone in the immediate neighborhood. I’m generally fairly stand-offish and I’m definitely not a “joiner.” Without a kid or the beach or my ex-husband around, I’m wondering if I’ll be able to build a community like I have here. (Ironically, it is only now that I’m leaving that I realize how much I appreciate this aspect of my current home.) </p>

<p>So, with that long prologue, I’m just curious: Do you know your neighbors? How did you get to know them? Do you socialize with them regularly? Were you able to tell how friendly your neighborhood would be before you moved in? If so, how? </p>

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<p>Our neighborhood facebook page is really active. There are announcements about lost animals, garage sales, local elementary school stuff, people who want/need something (eg I have a futon frame in my drive if anyone wants it come by!). Etc… </p>

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<p>Yes we do.</p>

4

<p>I have lived in this neighborhood for 22 years (moved in when I was pg). I really don’t know my neighbors, with just one exception - a friend whom I actually had coffee with today (though it’s been probably 4 years since we’ve gotten together for coffee). Her son went to U of I and is now getting a PhD in biomech eng at NU, and my son is at NU, so she was asking me about the campus and we were discussing coordinating shuttling back and forth for Thanksgiving, etc. The boys are friends, and I like the parents, but we don’t really socialize per se.</p>

<p>Between work and taking care of my family, and my natural introversion, I didn’t really have a lot of energy to get to socialize with my neighbors. Part of it was that our kids were all split between different schools (our subdivision is split between two public districts, and many kids go to local Catholic schools). So the kids didn’t necessarily know one another. </p>

<p>So no, I wouldn’t recognize most of my neighbors if I fell on top of them. And vice versa. Which is why I never quite get the threads of “what will my neighbors think if my kid doesn’t get into …” or “but I know the neighbor kid got a 2100 and had a 3.9 GPA.” How do you all have the energy to work full time jobs and keep up with all of this? </p>

5

<p>We do. I loved all our neighbors when we moved in, but the next incarnation wasn’t nearly as nice/fun. Thankfully, we got some new next-door neighbors who are awesome. A couple of weekends ago, dh fired up our giant smoker with the neighbors on each side of us and we all sat around all day talking and drinking and snacking. </p>

6

<p>I’ve lived in this neighborhood for 26 years and love my neighbors. In fact, the annual block party is this Saturday night. </p>

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<p>We are on quite friendly terms with our immediate neighbors (share in life events), friendly terms with some others (nice chats but no real connection), and pleasant head nods with others. I’d like it to be stronger - I grew up in a neighborhood with close connections, and I’m still in touch with many childhood neighborhood friends. </p>

8

<p>We have lived in our house for 27 years, and my second child was born here.
We had no idea what the friendliness of the neighborhood would be when we moved in. </p>

<p>When we arrived, we were about the only young couple on the street – most all other families, many original owners, were middle aged or older.</p>

<p>Now the houses have mostly turned over, and most owners are younger families, while we are pre-retirement. </p>

<p>Each house is on an acre of land, so the neighborhood is car oriented and there is a lot of privacy. But the neighborhood does tend to have one block party per year. It is the younger families that organize it. The oldsters are welcome but as an afterthought, we feel. </p>

<p>We have been blessed with wonderful neighbors in a couple of the houses near us, and a few of us became walking partners, etc. But I lost my daily walking partner to her post-divorce move. HUGE loss for me. Now the only neighbors we socialize with much are a couple fairly near us in age, who live on one side. They are great. We each have keys to each others’ houses and take care of things when the other family is on vacation. We do entertain each other. If either of our families move the other would be bereft. But it is likely to happen as these properties are more appropriate for families with kids than for retired couples.</p>

<p>It is something I think about a LOT. Having relationships in my community is very important to me. I like to think such friendships can be developed anywhere at any point in life, but I suspect the truth is that the kids are often the entree to the parent friendships. My guess is it CAN be done, but may take extra effort, putting yourself out there, etc.</p>

<p>What kind of neighborhood are you thinking of moving into – single family houses, condos? What density?</p>

<p>I grew up in a NYC apartment building where my parents had friends in the same building and adjacent buildings. I remember them doing progressive dinner parties, etc. with their group. It was wonderful! But again, they were going through child rearing all at the same time.</p>

<p>Your post resonates with me.</p>

9

<p>We really only have two neighbors nearby… Everyone else is at least a block or more away. We like our two neighbors, but they are very busy, so we rarely see them. I’m kind of anti social, so I like not knowing people, but my husband would prefer lots of neighbors and parties.</p>

10

<p>Lived here 30 +yrs, our neighborhood is a gem. A mix of all ages, some singles too.</p>

<p>Our oldest grew up with five other kids the same age in the immediate block. They ran together K- 12.
One was HS Val and spoke of his close knit childhood years in his speech.
Water guns, little league, block parties, town pool swim team, catching fireflies until parents dragged you in from the dark.
A few families have moved on, but not many. The “New” families seem a perfect fit. I enjoy watching the new crop of kids coming along.
One of my good friends is my 80 something neighbor who still lives in the house her grandparents built on the corner. She and I love arguing baseball.
We close the block off one day each year, drag the picnic tables into the street, grill, pass homemade treats.
The kids ride bikes, skateboard,etc. The adults eat, drink and chat till all hours.</p>

<p>We cut grass for each other in emergencies, bring food when someone’s ill, shovel snow if needed.
We have been close friends with 3 families for many years, though 2 have retired and relocated now.
I think if we can afford the taxes, we will stay.</p>

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<p>We live in an established neighborhood of bungalows from 1907- 1940’s. Some much newer, which were extensive remodels or teardowns, and most are still heavily bungalow influenced.
Its a very walkable part of the city, which is why we moved here and probably many of our neighbors too.
We are fairly close with the neighbors on either side of us, and across the street & behind.
One weve known since we moved in, although at that time he lived up the street and rented out the house next door. A few neighbors that we were fairly close to have died/ moved away, but since weve been here three decades, I guess thats to be expected.
Summer is much more active, although since many of us have dogs, we see each other on walks around the neighborhood and doing errands.
But weve seen a surge of highly involved young families who have spearheaded email lists and potlucks.
One is even trying to get a scavenger hunt going. Should be interesting.</p>

12

<p>Yes, nice neighbors. Some I’m more friendly with because of age. Someone at work told me the nightmare she is currently have with her neighbors made me think that it’s important to pick the right neighborhood. You can get harassment.
Bonus is my neighbors have cute little kids. It’s nice to hear them laugh and also cry and see progress in their growing up.</p>

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<p>Have lived in our home 23 years and we are friendly with all our neighbors. We don’t have block parties but we frequently entertain them in our home and vice versa. We go to all their weddings, funerals, graduations parties, etc.
We all take care of the each others animals when some one goes away, water plants, put out garbage barrels, etc. </p>

<p>We have an 83 yr old neighbor who has been a widow for years and her kids live in other states. We help her out a lot (snow blow the driveway and another neighbor rides over on her mover and mows the lawn. H puts in her air conditioners every summer and takes them out in the fall and when she goes and visits her kids we watch her house, take in her mail, etc. </p>

<p>One of my neighbors of about 10 years just moved a few weeks ago. New neighbors haven’t moved in but were in the back yard one afternoon so I went and introduced myself. She had lots of gardening questions about what was a weed and what wasn’t and I walked with them around the yard and pointed things out. Had a long conversation about other things (kids, work, etc.,) and they will fit in nicely. She told me in her old neighborhood all she ever saw of her neighbors was their car going into the garage. She has wanted to move to our town for years and with both kids in college/grad school decided to finally do it. </p>

<p>They are moving in sometime in the next few weeks and I plan on having them and our other neighbors over for drinks & dinner. </p>

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<p>Lived here 16 years; love the neighborhood and especially my close-by neighbors.Two weeks ago four of us (couples) had a progressive dinner, one course at each house, and it was such a pleasure to walk from house to house (and not worry about driving if we had a little wine with each course). Sadly, DH and I are moving in a little over a week (downsizing) but we believe our buyers love the house and will like the neighbors as much as we do. We are actually having a little get together next week to introduce them to everyone . </p>

15

<p>My immediate neighbors are nice couples without kids. We don’t really socialize with them but we have other neighbors (6 families) who live within a block or two of us who are good friends. Our kids grew up together and still hang out when they’re home on breaks. When we have get togethers, I know I can count on at least 6 couples who live in the neighborhood to be in attendance. I love this area but I don’t care for my house. Its too big for us and we’d like to downsize before retirement.</p>

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<p>Great responses, everyone.</p>

<p>That’s so nice, emilybee, to have the new neighbors over for drinks & dinner. And, wow, 1moremom, that really goes above and beyond the call of duty to have a get together to introduce the folks buying your home to the neighbors you are leaving! Have you assessed the friendliness of your new neighborhood yet? How did you decide where to move? </p>

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<p>We live on a small street. While we aren’t best friends with anyone on our street, we have terrific neighbors and do see them a lot, especially in nice weather. My neighbor just gave me two zucchini, and I just took her zucchini bread. We house sit and pet sit for each other. We have graduation parties, and even had a baby shower. I know I can count on them in a pinch.</p>

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<p>We have lived in our current house about 17 years. If social means, while walking the dog will wave or stop and chat pleasantries, yes. If social means, hang out at each others house, get in the car and go places together, no. </p>

<p>Like Pizzagirl, I’m really pretty happy to work, come home, be with family, take care of the yard, walk the dog, exercise, etc. and not need the extra socialization. I wouldn’t object to it if I felt like I had a lot in common or wanted to hang out with a neighbor, but I don’t think anyone strikes me as “like me” enough to want to hang out. That may be my problem, like I said, I’m satisfied on my own. </p>

<p>I will say our first house where all three kids were born (the oldest was 8 when we moved to our current house) while we weren’t “social” as in hanging out with people, people seemed more friendly. I attribute that to the fact that we were CONSTANTLY out pushing the stroller, pulling the wagon or riding bikes so we had more opportunity to stop and chat - plus the cute kids were a draw. :wink: The dog SORT OF is like the kids - we see more people because we are out walking him, but it’s still surface social. </p>

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<p>Do you hang out with your neighbors?</p>

<p>No. Not in the past and do not see it in the future. All of our surrounding neighbors are characters. I could make a thriving Tumblr on their happenings. Because I’m largely in a rush, I don’t really say hello to them when I leave or when I come home. They don’t really either. </p>

<p>There are a couple nice, older families in the neighborhood that I wave to. There’s one really nice area of the neighborhood. If possible, I’d transplant our house over there because it’s like rainbows and butterflies 24/7. </p>

<p>The composition of the neighborhood could be better. It’s a “luxury” community. I think the advertised words removes all common sense some of these young parents have. The complaints are mind boggling. There’s people fighting over the painting on the basketball court. One parent threatened to sue because their child almost burned themselves on the playground and advocated for a sign saying the playground was hot. It’s August on a Florida afternoon. Yes, the playground will be hot. I shouldn’t expect otherwise…these are some of the same parents who don’t see anything wrong with Little Johnny and Suzy playing on the speed bumps…</p>

<p>All in all, I do enjoy my neighborhood. It’s amusing. They frequently host block parties and community “movements”, although we don’t really participate in them. Went to the club house to get a free snow cone once, though. :)</p>

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<p>If a smaller house on my street came on the market I would love to stay. (It’s a cul de sac with just seven mid-century houses all designed by the same architect). We found a lot not too far away, amid another group of architecturally designed contemporaries, and plan to build a house more suited to “aging in place”. Since we bought the lot several years ago a friend of mine bought the house four doors down and a landscape architect I’ve worked with (and like a lot) is also on the block. (I live in a mid-sized college town where there are probably three or four degrees of separation between most university folks.)</p>