<p>I moved to this neighborhood because my kids were attending the magnet elementary school and that was how I knew how great it was. It was a little over our price range when we first moved to our town. Our neighborhood fought racism in the 60s insisting that real estate agents show to both white and African-American families and it’s remained mixed. We have a local park and and the school that bring people together. Our neighborhood association meets monthly, organizes an Oktoberfest, a block party and a holiday party. We invite people running for offices and have people from the local government keep us up to date on issues. We have plenty of sidewalks and people are often out walking their dogs, or just walking. Neighbors talk to each other, share plants and take care of each others pets. I think that having small lots is a help. There are people of all ages. On one side we have grandparents, on the other a family with young children and across the way a professional couple without kids and another family with kids just a little younger than ours. </p>
<p>In addition to socializing at least a dozen people have hired me to do small architectural jobs.</p>
<p>I have great neighbors and we are close friends with several of them. I would be willing to downsize the house in a heartbeat, but the I would hate leaving my neighbors. My only regret is that with the kids getting older, we don’t see everyone as much.</p>
<p>…and I could write a book on this subject. Suffice it to say, we have our dream home but not in our dream neighborhood. It has been one of the biggest disappointments of my life.</p>
<p>When we lived in Berkeley we always hung out with our neighbors. We checked on elderly neighbors, had kids over for play dates, etc. When we moved to Indiana, I just assumed that we would have good friends. The neighbors are standoff-ish, judgemental, etc. We feel rather isolated at times. moved to a town that doesn’t really embrace outsiders. Luckily we have made some friends but none are in the local area. </p>
<p>Wow, VABluebird, that’s so sad. Are you in a position to elaborate on that thought? Because I have so much freedom in selecting my next neighborhood, I’m giving a lot of thought as to the factors that matter to me. It could be very helpful to hear about the source of your disappointment, if you are comfortable sharing. </p>
<p>We know our neighbors too well…at 6:45 am we hear all about their plan of the day, shouted from loud rumbling truck to the front porch. “Don’t forget to mail the letter to Grandma, oh and I’ll stop by the store on the way home. What was it you wanted?” Or, better yet, we get to listen to the goodbyes that never seem to end AT 12:30 am on a weeknight. (Remember Lambchop’s incredibly annoying “song that never ends”? That’s what this feels like.) Again, on the driveway or sidewalk underneath our open window. In a neighborhood where lots are the size of postage stamps. All this in a beautiful master planned community, with exhorbitantly high tax rates, plus HOA, and other pricey school bond assessments. Makes me so mad that we are paying so much for the facade of the perfect suburban neighborhood, but instead get THIS! No common sense. I think we have 2-3 neighbors left from the original group from 15 years ago, and many are feeling similarly. Getting old and cranky…need a house on a large wooded lot. It would be nice to not hear everything that the neighbors are up to, especially late at night or at the crack of dawn! And don’t even get me started on kids who are not being taught to get out of the street when cars drive by. Instead the parents put out “slow, children at play” signs in the middle of the road. I’ve sat patiently for up to a minute while a young dad slowly sauntered over to move the sign and corral his little darlings so that I could drive by. The nice pocket park a mere 5-6 doors down goes largely unused… Ok, rant over. I really do need to move. Had no idea I was really this steamed :/</p>
<p>Yes. We don’t have family in the area, so our neighbors have become like family. We have been in this house for more than 17 years now. If we didn’t cherish our neighbors so much then we would have moved to a bigger house years ago, but we have no regrets choosing dream neighborhood over dream house. </p>
<p>Our former neighborhood was exceedingly friendly although that was not my first impression at all from outward appearances. There were 40 well manicured large houses spread far apart (5 acre zone). It looked…stuffy. Well, we knew EVERY neighbor! This was a new neighborhood and almost everyone had relocated from another state. We all came looking to meet people and make friends. There was a dinner club, book club, bunko group, block party, Halloween hayride, spring cleanup day, etc, all organized by individual residents. We put out a monthly newsletter and a directory with phone numbers and email addresses. There was a core group of about 12-15 couples who were involved in everything. Others in only some events and of course, those who didn’t participate but were friendly. I can only think of one older couple who completely stuck to themselves. When new people moved in, we aways made sure to personally invite them to the next function. H and I consider many of these former neighbors to be good friends and are still in fairly close contact even though we moved 1000 miles away. We will be meeting up with one couple who will be in visiting in the area next month. That neighborhood was a very special place.</p>
<p>We’ve been in our current home less than two years and felt very welcome from day one…or day minus one. The neighborhood block party was the day before we closed and the sellers asked the realtor to forward an invitation to us. It was a wonderful way to get acquainted with the neighbors. In addition to the annual end of summer block party, there is also a spring neighborhood lake cleanup day and picnic. People are always out walking and stop to chat. We look out for each other and water plants and collect mail when someone is away. This neighborhood is much larger than our last, so it doesn’t seem as close knit, but we have met some very nice and friendly people that we see socially.</p>
<p>When we were house hunting, we stopped and spoke with people we saw out walking or doing yard work and asked how they liked living there. We took it as a good sign if they were eager to discuss the neighborhood. A big indication of friendliness for me, was if people looked up and waved as we drove and walked by. </p>
<p>"We have lived in our current house about 17 years. If social means, while walking the dog will wave or stop and chat pleasantries, yes. If social means, hang out at each others house, get in the car and go places together, no.</p>
<p>Like Pizzagirl, I’m really pretty happy to work, come home, be with family, take care of the yard, walk the dog, exercise, etc. and not need the extra socialization. I wouldn’t object to it if I felt like I had a lot in common or wanted to hang out with a neighbor, but I don’t think anyone strikes me as “like me” enough to want to hang out. That may be my problem, like I said, I’m satisfied on my own."</p>
<p>YES. This is exactly how I feel, abasket. Thank you for articulating it better than I did! </p>
<p>I also think that the RL friendships I have tend to be the kind where I might not see someone for a long time, but when we get together, we pick up right where we left off. My closest friends, I could count on for anything, but we’re not in each other’s lives in the carpool / pick up the kids / have them over for Sunday dinner sense of the word. </p>
<p>And yes, our dog serves that “surface social” function - stop and chat, how’s the weather, but not much beyond that. But it’s fully a function of not wanting to put the effort in, which I fully cop to.</p>
<p>I live in New England, where people aren’t overly friendly. In terms of my neighborhood (it’s going on 30 years in October that we’ve lived here), we’re in an area that’s more rural than suburban. Each house (with a few exceptions) is on a 1.5 acre lot (minimum) so most people are somewhat isolated–there are no sidewalks and only one subdivision in our town. Most of my friends here are people whose kids were friends of my kids. </p>
<p>At this point, H and I have been in the “neighborhood” longer than everyone around us with one exception. I’ve met all my neighbors, but don’t really socialize with them. I sometimes help the neighbor across the street–she’s in her 80s and lives with her husband and son. She often locks herself out of the house and comes over to stay with me until her husband or son can come home. One neighbor’s son (he’s 13) waters the plants on my deck and brings the newspaper and mail inside when H and I are away at our vacation place. In exchange for that, we give him baseball tickets (H is a season ticket holder). I like these neighbors, but we really don’t socialize.</p>
<p>Another chilly New Englander here, and I know only a handful of the twenty-odd sets of families on our one-acre zoned street and socialize with none of them–I’d say I’m typical for this area. (I grew up in New England on a street with houses much closer together and a lot of stay-at-home moms, and even in those circumstances there was little if any neighborly socializing.) In my previous neighborhood, I got to know people slightly only because we shared a private drive and had to cooperate when it came to arranging for snow plowing and repairs. But we sure didn’t “hang out”.</p>
<p>Years ago I did get to know the family across the street when my gregarious little daughter ran over to introduce herself when she saw their kids playing in the yard shortly after they moved in. (I followed reluctantly.) They were so grateful–they had previously lived in the midwest and California and thought we were all horribly unfriendly. (It’s very hard to explain New England reserve to people.) They tried to change the atmosphere by having a 4th of July cookout for the whole street one summer, and while a lot of people came, the effort began and ended that day, and they moved away shortly after wards anyway. </p>
<p>Our local friendships have generally developed from gradually getting to know people at our offices, place of worship, and our kids’ schools. There is really no opportunity to get to know our neighbors in the normal course of our busy lives, so it’s hard for me to imagine forging a friendship with any of them. I’m somewhat introverted and picky about who I like, so I would never just glom onto someone because they happen to live on my street. Actually, I think I’d feel suffocated if I knew all my neighbors very well and saw them frequently–I need my privacy and my space, and home is where I expect to find them. It would make me crazy if I had to stop to chat with someone every time I walked the dog or fetched the mail or could expect a neighborly knock on the door at any time. </p>
<p>It’s funny. The ideal neighborhood as portrayed on television when I was growing up always involved a lot of neighborly interaction (remember Dennis the Menace and Mr. Wilson?), yet I never expected or desired that kind of environment.</p>
<p>Maybe a CC’er who’s a sociologist can explain these variations in human interaction.</p>
<p>i know my neighbors in a chatty way when walking. Never really socialize. Closest neighbor died; he was only one with a key to my house, and was invaluable when the hurricane hit. I like that my community holds its value because of proximity to good schools. Most newcomers are young. Our HOA is good.</p>
<p>Being in FL, there are many 55+ communities. There are other communities that have no age limit, but do have a large clubhouse, with a gym, pool, etc. Among my clients who move here, those with c clubhouse with activities are by far the happiest. One man brought me a calendar of activities for the month. From every exercise group, to pottery making, a theatre club, computer club, choir, various charity groups, cards, etc. One could be busy every hour. Some have full scale restaurants, others open just for breakfast and lunch, far less elaborate but a good value. Within a few years, they have a very active social life. </p>
<p>In contrast, people who buy houses or condos without these amenities talk of the loneliness. The may have a few friends they see by the pool, or a small group that plays some card game weekly, or by chance, a neighbor who comes to their aid.</p>
<p>So yes, I know what I will be looking for in my next move. I don’t want a 55+ community. I definitely will look for an active clubhouse and attend some activities. </p>
<p>"& There is really no opportunity to get to know our neighbors in the normal course of our busy lives, so it’s hard for me to imagine forging a friendship with any of them. I’m somewhat introverted and picky about who I like, so I would never just glom onto someone because they happen to live on my street. Actually, I think I’d feel suffocated if I knew all my neighbors very well and saw them frequently–I need my privacy and my space, and home is where I expect to find them. It would make me crazy if I had to stop to chat with someone every time I walked the dog or fetched the mail or could expect a neighborly knock on the door at any time.</p>
<p>It’s funny. The ideal neighborhood as portrayed on television when I was growing up always involved a lot of neighborly interaction (remember Dennis the Menace and Mr. Wilson?), yet I never expected or desired that kind of environment."</p>
<p>Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! </p>
<p>I’ve seen some women who appear about my age or a little older who walk briskly in the mornings. I’ve thought about introducing myself and asking if I could join in, and I’m quite sure they’d say yes and they’d be lovely people, but then I think - oh, goodness, it’s just so much easier to work out by myself and do my own thing. What if I didn’t like them, or wasn’t in a chit chat mood. </p>
<p>I can’t imagine the last time I knocked on a neighbor’s door or vice versa - maybe an emergency locked-out situation, but otherwise no. </p>
<p>We have a friendly neighborhood. The day we moved in 17 years ago, we had families coming up to introduce themselves and bring us food! We have a group that’s been playing Bunco for 20 years and I was able to get into it the year after we moved. We have a couple of neighbors who we are particularly close to and we know each others garage door combos. We borrow items, pet sit, etc. However, there’s no pressure to be super friendly and there are some neighbors that we only see at gatherings once a year. That’s okay too. </p>
<p>This is all very interesting to me. Enjoying hearing the stories. </p>
<p>When I think about it, if I look at the neighbors around me, as far as I can tell (and I think I have a pretty good idea since most of us have lived here for years) for the most part, no one is doing a lot of socialization within the neighborhood. I can think of one or two families who do a bit, but it’s not as if we at my house are being leftout!</p>
<p>At one point a couple of years ago a neighborhood lady who is an artist offered a home based art class and I was asked if I wanted to be part of it. Basically it consisted of come with your paintbrush, watercolors and a glass for wine. I don’t enjoy art and I don’t drink wine - so for me, there just wasn’t a reason to sign up for that event! </p>
<p>This discussion reminds me of the one about glass half emply, glass half full people. For some of us, neighbors seem to be good people who enhance our lives. For others, neighbors are unnecessary and possibly unpleasant. I grew up in New England where we were always friends with our neighbors. Here in the Midwest it’s the same. The only time in my life I didn’t know my neighbors was when I lived in the Back Bay of Boston. </p>
<p>I moved 6 years ago–my oldest kid was in college and my youngest was a pre-schooler. I notice that several of my neighbors socialize with each other and dogsit, etc. Next door they have a nice patio area with a TV and sometimes they hang out, have a beer. (We are not invited. H works long hours and is rarely around. I don’t think he has ever spoken to the neighbors! I wish H would be more friendly with the men, but they like to watch sports, drink, smoke cigars, etc. and H isn’t like that.) I used to walk kids to the elementary school with a mom across the street. She is the only one I consider a “friend.” We have lunch a couple times a year. With others, I smile and wave and occasionally have a little chat. I think the people who are tight have known each other 15+ years while their kids were growing up. Many of the kids on the cul-de-sac are in college now. A couple downsized, moved away. Some families with young kids have moved in. I was friendly with an Indian lady down the street. Her son was in my youngest D’s class. She was a very conservative Hindu, didn’t drive, etc. She moved back to India this year. I think that it is harder to make new friends when you are middle-aged-- everyone has their social circles set up already. I have made more friends with the elementary school moms, but I still feel like an outsider/oddball because I am 10-15 years older than most of them. Also, I feel that from the beginning, although the neighbors were curious about us and did come out to meet us/our kids when we first arrived, they probably think we must be weirdos/religious cult members because we have 7 kids. I think people are wary of us because of that. I heard that the next door neighbor had issues with the previous resident’s kids (they only had 4, but apparently they were not supervised.) I think this guy, who is an alcoholic and has OCD. has perfect yard, was grinding his teeth before we moved in! But we don’t have any conflict. Our kids are extremely quiet, stay indoors most of the time, and never touch a blade of his grass! We smile and wave. Yes, I wish it were friendlier, but overall, I’m happy with very little drama. It really is an idyllic neighborhood with its own school, everyone walking, jogging, walking dogs, riding bikes and scooters. Halloween is big–everyone is out for trick-or-treat. We will help each other if necessary (pushing cars that are stuck in the snow is a neighborhood bonding exercise ;)) </p>
<p>“Probably because all of the houses are crammed together and there is no privacy, everyone seems to know each other. Also, people are outdoors a lot and participate in water sports, etc., so there is lot of contact between people. I have a lot of friends and friendly acquaintances in this neighborhood, and I’m going to miss this.”</p>
<p>Personally, this wouldn’t be for me. I grew up in the suburbs, and as soon as I became independent, I move to a city. I know my neighbors by sight and am friendly with them - help the grandmother bring up her groceries if I see her, etc., but I wouldn’t want to to live in a close-knit community. It just isn’t for me.</p>