<p>"This discussion reminds me of the one about glass half emply, glass half full people. For some of us, neighbors seem to be good people who enhance our lives. For others, neighbors are unnecessary and possibly unpleasant. "</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s a function of glass half empty versus full at all. It has to do with the amount of privacy and solitude one likes, and the extent to which one finds casual socialization energizing at the end of a long day, or draining. </p>
<p>I think friends who are good neighbors are extremely important, especially if you don’t live near supportive family. Some of our neighbors are our best friends. My mother is somewhat isolated because she does not have the same relationship with her neighbors that we do. When one of us has a health need, we all know that we can count on our neighbors to step in and help out. It’s no big deal at all for one of us to let a dog out, make a meal if needed or pick up an errand. I like feeling that I can ask that of a neighbor because I would easily reciprocate. It makes me feel good to help out. Last week I had a ton of left over pasta salad and was able to give it away to two neighbors with two phone calls. This week we watched one of those neighbors dogs for a day. When my Mom went on vacation with us, she was totally stressed until she found someone to watch her cat - it doesn’t do well in a kennel. </p>
<p>After I was divorced I bought a townhouse with a couple of common walls. I loved my neighbors on both sides. Then one moved away and rented their place to loud freeloader family who had to be evicted. The other side, a very long-term gay couple, broke up and the less stable partner stayed and the last couple of years with him being drunk and sobbing loudly at all hours. The upside is although the area wasn’t as nice as my current one, my BFF lived in walking distance and there was a very active park with kids and dogs and soccer on the weekends which I loved. </p>
<p>I’ve learned enough about myself to know that if I ever live in another place with common walls it will only be done after close consideration and lots of soundproofing. </p>
<p>I am definitely a glass half-full person. I just like to drink from my half - full glass alone. :)</p>
<p>We also have raised our kids with no family in the area and no “good neighbors” by some of the standards listed here. We have managed and again, it’s what we prefer. I would happily help out a neighbor if they asked me to collect their paper/mail or whatever, but it’s not in me to ask for favors myself. </p>
<p>Yes. I"m in a neighborhood of 400 homes and got to know my neighbors when the kids were little…we Moms needed each other. We have a neighborhood pool and swim team, active clubhouse and community, playground, walking paths. Lot of different ages…the place is almost 50 years old. I’ve been here 20 years now and it’s constantly a popular place to live…tons of new families. My friends and i are now the ones that are “middle-aged”…LOL! They call us the old moms…but we call ourselves the PHmoms (pretty hot moms). Anyway…even as our kids have aged and out of the house, many of us still get together, vacation together. I’m staying in this neighborhood until everyone starts retiring/moving away…which makes me sad to think about. At that point…I’m not sure where I will want to live. I just know I don’t want to be the last one here reminiscing about “what it was like”.</p>
<p>“We also have raised our kids with no family in the area and no “good neighbors” by some of the standards listed here. We have managed and again, it’s what we prefer. I would happily help out a neighbor if they asked me to collect their paper/mail or whatever, but it’s not in me to ask for favors myself.”</p>
<p>+1. I would rather just arrange my own affairs than be dependent on neighbors. I never did carpools, either. I wanted to either get my kids to their activities or hire someone to do so who was on my schedule, rather than be part of all the back-and-forth and drama. </p>
<p>I’m pretty introverted but I liked carpooling with another family. You get to know and hear a lot about what is happening by listening to all the kids a couple times a week on the way to and fro. </p>
<p>I know tons of neighbors (large master planned community) but all through my kids. The immediate neighbors are “wave-as-you-go-by” only. I think it’s just because when your kids are young and you’re hanging outside watching them you’re happy to chat with anyone. Once the kids grow up it feels odd to just walk over and interrupt someone doing yardwork or stop someone who is purposefully walking by. Sad, really…it’s really lonely for me, but not sure what to do about it. H is a happy hermit. Has no interest in the neighbors at all.</p>
<p>"+1. I would rather just arrange my own affairs than be dependent on neighbors. I never did carpools, either. I wanted to either get my kids to their activities or hire someone to do so who was on my schedule, rather than be part of all the back-and-forth and drama."</p>
<p>^^^This. Yes, it takes effort to find pet-sitters for doggy and my other pets (although I would rather have someone who is familiar with how to take care of an animal/ has one of their own than a random neighbor anyways), and I don’t live near family, but I would still rather take care of my own affairs, if at all possible.</p>
<p>We have lived in our neighborhood for 23 years and when we first moved in it was going thru a turn-over phase so there were a lot of kids the same ages as our children. We all kind of kept an eye on the kids and helped out if needed. In general, we are not very social and once all the kids graduated and families moved, we are more on a wave as you go by basis. I always tried to stay out of car pools also as sometimes they are more trouble than they are worth. Years ago, one new neighbor commented that she was disappointed that the neighbors didn’t hang out more- at the place she moved from (in our same town) the neighbors all took chairs out on the front lawn in the evenings and socialized. I felt bad for her but not bad enough to start doing that! Now our neighborhood is a mix of original owners(now in their 70’s and 80’s), a few in our age range, and a lot of young families. We are close to an older couple across the street and do help out each other as needed (feeding animals, vacation mail, etc) but don’t really socialize with anyone. </p>
<p>We’ve lived here 9 years. About 100 homes on 3+ acres. This neighborhood has quite a bit of elderly living here - they all moved in during the 70’s. My kids also went to private school, when nearly everyone goes public. It made it difficult to really connect with people. I do know a lot of the neighbors, and they seem to know more about me than I do about them. </p>
<p>I had a political open house a few weeks ago to meet a candidate and had many, many neighbors show up. I know a lot of them, and their names and I will chat with my next door neighbor man. However, I haven’t really found I click with the women my age all that much. Plus I just do my own thing and mind my own business. Some of them are really into knowing everyone else’s business.</p>
<p>All this time with my neighbors and no drama yet. Just congeniality. I guess we’re just lucky. </p>
<p>The most recent drama was the possession over the two mangos that blew into our yard from a storm. :))</p>
<p>Niquii, you crack me up… :)</p>
<p>All the situations talked about here are absolutely fine if that is what floats your boat! If you grill out with the neighbors nightly and love it - fine! If you only wave when you and your neighbor are rolling out the garbage cans for trash day and love that - fine! </p>
<p>I wouldn’t object to a LITTLE neighborly chumming. Occasionally, it might be nice to take a walk with a neighbor - but I don’t want to be tied down to a nightly walk or feel bad when I want to exercise by myself (which is most of the time). I’m just not a socially needy person. And for whatever reason, I feel like I don’t have a lot in common with some of my neighbors. I’m the lady who goes out and mows our corner double lot with grass in the large front, side and back areas cause I don’t mind and it’s good exercise while my neighbors wouldn’t touch the lawnmower unless it had a $100 gift card to Target attached to it.</p>
<p>We know most of our neighbors. It is from being here so long now, ten years, and having kids. I did make a point of introducing myself to the people who lived right next to us when we moved in. When houses turn over on the street, I go meet the new people and bring brownies. Most of the people we know we met through waiting for the school bus and car pooling. I run and cycle, so I know other outdoorsy types who do the same or walk their dogs. </p>
<p>A few neighbors I know pretty well. I am pretty private so it has taken me a long time to get to this point. </p>
<p>Our old neighborhood had smaller lots and younger families, so we knew the neighbors better. There were block parties and holiday parties. I took in escaped dogs until the owners came home and locked out children until parents returned. (I remember making hot chocolate for a second grader locked outside on a snowy day.) I drove kids to school a few times when they missed the bus. It isn’t as intimate in our current, more affluent neighborhood. </p>
<p>I think a lot depends on the neighborhood. I live in a university town in a neighborhood that is walkable to town and campus. My neighbor friends are all faculty families, but from different colleges. I enjoy hearing about what they’re doing; they’re all interesting people. Also, the fact that we chose to live in these contemporary homes, instead of the more traditional Colonials (which abound in this area) is indicative a shared interest we all have. Also, my neighbor friends are all dog owners so we are always running into each other on the street.</p>
<p>There is one couple on the street who none of us really know. (I did take muffins and introduce myself when they moved in.) We never see them unless they are driving in or out their driveway. I think this is fine, but unusual in a neighborhood where most of us cherish the ability to able to walk or bike to work, the library, the farmers market. There are many one car households here. (Mine included if you don’t count the old convertible we only get out for an occasional joy ride.)</p>
<p>My kids went to a private school so those friends are well dispersed throughout the town. But I imagine many families who send their kids to the neighborhood school develop friendships when they are volunteering in the school garden or waiting for pickup. Friends of ours in another neighborhood have told me that at the beginning of the school year someone on their block set up a card table with coffee and cake for all the parents waiting for the school bus at that stop.</p>
<p>In the first six years we lived in CA we didn’t know any neighbors. Once we had kids we did eventually become friends with another young family on our street.</p>
<p>I’m more of the nod and say hi while walking the dog type. I have been inside the homes of maybe six neighbors in 20 years, and I don’t see a lot of neighborly cookouts going on. My block is definitely aging, I think there is just one family with elementary aged kids now. The people on either side of us are lovely but we just have occasional coming and going conversations and facebook interaction. I feel like we are on the same page, quiet, laid back, rather overgrown gardens.</p>
<p>Never did much carpooling–we had an au pair who drove my kids to the places they needed to go. Sometimes I would drive–it just depended on their schedules. Only time I carpooled on a regular basis was when one of my kids went to a private school that was 12 miles away. One parent loved doing the schedule, and he set up an elaborate system where one family only had to drive every 6th day.To be in this carpool you had to have a car/van that could hold 5 kids (with seat belts). I grew to enjoy driving in the carpool because I learned a great deal just keeping quiet and listening to the kids talk amongst themselves.</p>
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The whole point of a carpool is so that you don’t have to drive all the time and you have more freedom. There’s really no drama in “I’ll take the Tuesday run, can you do Thursday?” Or at least that’s how easy it was for me. </p>
<p>“The whole point of a carpool is so that you don’t have to drive all the time and you have more freedom. There’s really no drama in “I’ll take the Tuesday run, can you do Thursday?” Or at least that’s how easy it was for me.”</p>
<p>Maybe that would work for people with very predictable schedules. My H’s is completely unpredictable, and I traveled for work, so it worked out far better for us to have a housekeeper / nanny to do those things, so I wasn’t beholden to anybody or felt bad if I had to work late on Tuesday and couldn’t make the Tuesday run. I saw a lot of my fellow working mothers go through all the drama of what-if-someone’s-schedule-changed and it seemed like a lot of commotion to me when I could avoid it. I am very much into simplification whenever possible, and coordinating with other people is the opposition of simplification IMO.</p>