<p>Read this article online today and thought it fit into our discussion here on hanging out with the neighbors.</p>
<p><a href=“Giving Up My Small-Town Fantasy - The New York Times”>Giving Up My Small-Town Fantasy - The New York Times;
<p>I find this discussion really interesting and I better appreciate how differently we can all feel about it. </p>
<p>Our family had the good fortune to move onto our block as a young family and made lifelong friends for ourselves and our children. We live in a safe neighborhood with houses near to each other, so we can’t help but meet our neighbors. When our kids were young, many of the moms worked part-time so we got together for a weekly coffee or happy hour for those that could make it. We meshed well with each other at a time in our lives when we were open to it and needed the adult company. </p>
<p>I’m not certain there is a magic formula, I think the idea of looking for a place with some activities could help. A former neighbor moved to an all-ages condo that had some activities and appears to be part of a good community there. </p>
<p>We have been in our neighborhood for 17 years. 1+ acre lots. One neighbor has an open Friday night “come over and have a beer” night. No pressure to come or not come. I walk with a good neighbor; Dog and cat sitting is done by neighbor kids. I feel if I ever needed anything, I could ask any of them for help. Living in a small town helps with that feeling. I do worry about moving and starting all over; so I guess it is a good thing that isn’t happening soon.</p>
<p>My husband likens our neighbors to either side and across the street to siblings. And it’s true we have lived adjacent to these neighbors longer than we lived with our siblings.</p>
<p>I truly enjoyed my carpool pals in elementary school. The 1 day I was responsible was rarely an issue. I just made sure I didn’t work late that day. On a few occasions, I’d call someone to pick the kids up, and I’d offer to do their morning run. a few times a year, I would have someone ask for me to take their child back to my house for an hour or so. One woman and I shared summer camp carpool. She wanted Fridays, as she’d take the boys to an ice cream parlor. She and my son liked chocolate, and she let my son sample every chocolate until he found his favorite. Once, when her son was with us, he taught us how to build the utilities for Sim communities. He lent us a book so we could advance our skills. </p>
<p>All the carpool people continued to keep their kids in private school from MS thru HS. I couldn’t afford that, and didn’t think of looking into scholarships. They wanted me to only drive 1x a week, but did not want to split up the group. In hindsight, ah well…</p>
<p>We lived in two neighborhoods in the past. We interacted more with the neighbors in the first one but less so in the second one. I think it was because our neighbors had similarly-aged young kids who went to the same school in our first neighborhood. Our neighbors in the second neighborhood were friendly to us but we just did not socialize with them except saying hello to each other.
We actually had some lingering concern that our kid might make too much noise when he was practicing on his instrument. Luckily, no neighbors complained. One neighbor had a large party often and their visitors parked on our curb often (sometimes it was difficult for us to back out our car) but we also did not think we should complain this minor inconvenience to them. At one time, a branch of a tree broke off partially and this neighbor kindly helped us cut off that branch with his chain saw. Later, this neighbor wanted to build a wall (brick and concrete one) which would partly blocked our view but we did not complain to them either. Their young kids often rode their bike in our front yard, sometimes even on our front porch (and had many dangerous moves) and we worried they might hurt themselves in an accident and we would be liable for that. But we did not protest either. We even did not complain to them when kids from the same family accidentally broke our window while playing with a baseball (and we knew exactly which kid did it because we sat in the living room next to that window.) But I found it a little bit odd that the kids did not report the incident to their parents (because I think our kid would report to us if it were him who broke the window.)</p>
<p>We would love to move back to either neighborbood.</p>
<p>I live in a very large NYC apartment building. We moved it when it first opened 30+ years ago. In the beginning, everyone was new and everyone was friendly. I’m not that social, but it was an easy environment in which to make acquaintances. It became easier when we had a child. I invited 17 kids to a 3 year old birthday party. 15 lived in the same building. </p>
<p>About half the residents have been here since the beginning. I know most of them well enough to at least say hello. I don’t know most of those who moved in later, but I’ve made friends with some of them.</p>
<p>I have 2 or 3 really close friends in the building. I met one of them about 20 years ago in the laundry room. One of the others is my walking buddy. We walk for at least an hour about 3-4 nights a week. The third only lives here part-time now, so we don’t see each other much. </p>
<p>While I don’t think it’s as easy to meet people now, it’s still a pretty friendly neighborhood. Living in an apartment building means using common spaces and people often start conversations while using them. I’m talking about things like the laundry room, the book exchange (just bookshelves in the basement where you leave books you don’t want and pick up any your neighbors have left of interest), the gym, etc. Almost everyone says hello and goodbye when using the elevator. The building has an anniversary party every 5 years. </p>
<p>We have a lot of community organizations in the neighborhood . They host a wide variety of events–free or low cost art shows, concerts, drama performances, etc. </p>
<p>My childhood neighborhood involved being out playing games & riding bikes until the street lights came on, nearly every house on our street had kids in assorted school ages.</p>
<p>Our current neighborhood is the most interactive one I have lived in since I was a kid. We have lived here for a while, but the neighbors have become close mainly in the last 4 years and really the catalyst was dogs. We got a new dog, a very friendly puppy, we met a neighbor at the far end of the street also with a puppy, we dog walk all the time. People right next to us got a new pup shortly thereafter. Even though they don’t often walk with us, the dogs have gotten us all together a great deal.</p>
<p>After that happened, a very old couple right next door sold their home to people our age, with a nice dog. We have a great many 2nd homes on our block and the full timers do keep an eye on the 2nd homes & I have Facebook friended many of those neighbors. Over the years we have evolved to having regular emails, FBs, photo exchanges, and dinners. Second home people loaned their homes when my DD got married so that all the family stayed on our street.</p>
<p>We used to be rather independent and take care of ourselves not needing anything much from neighbors, this new trend in our neighborhood wherein everyone is always helping everyone is really fun. We dog sit, plant water, bird feeder fill, harvest the gardens, etc. I think most of the neighbors would not have pursued each other as friends in other circumstances, very different politics, religions, personality types, etc., but as neighbors we are having fun together.</p>
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<p>I agree with this, our block, the 6 houses at the end of the road, are the ones who are pretty close, but it is not a privacy impingement because most of those houses are 2nd homes, therefore everyone is not hear every day so the closeness is more special and not overwhelming. There is that risk of getting to know your neighbors too well (as in don’t do business with family or friends as you will get to know them too well and everything changes) and discovering you don’t enjoy them and then having to live next door.</p>
<p>We have a pretty friendly neighborhood. with a few exceptions. Some people just completely keep to themselves and that’s okay. We usually have an annual holiday party ( hosted by me for the last several years ) Skipped it last year because between me ( the host ) and neighbor who organizes it, just didn’t have the feeling for it …maybe this year</p>
<p>I like the neighbors helping neighbors stories. </p>
<p>In our current neighborhood, we do pet sit for each other, and/or have our kids pet sit, which is great. </p>
<p>My folks have lived in the same house for 45 years. Their neighbors keep an eye on them, which I appreciate.</p>
<p>The day I moved into my house, the next door neighbors came by and introduced themselves and told me if I ever wanted this one tree (which hung over their driveway) cut down, their sons would do it for me. I told them to go ahead, because I wanted that tree down anyway. Within a week, it was gone and they kept the firewood. Often, I came home from work and my lawn would be mowed or my drive and walk would be shoveled (snow). They were very social and hung out on their porch a lot in the summer, had neighbors over to swim in their pool, cooked up chili and had a bonfire on Halloween night and I got to know them well. They began inviting me over for holidays when my kids were with their dad so I wouldn’t be alone. They became my second family. I got to know other neighbors because of them as they were the social center of the neighborhood. In return for their good deeds, I baked for them- zucchini bread, Christmas cookies, bread, cakes, pies, etc. I often just went over to hang out when I was feeling lonely. Then the husband passed away suddenly and the wife lost the house to foreclosure so she moved. I miss her tremendously but still see her on occasion. There are only about 6 of us on the whole street who didn’t lose a house to foreclosure over the past 6 years or so and the others left aren’t people I’m close with. </p>
<p>There are new neighbors across the street who are super friendly but I’ve been really busy with grad school, kids, work, etc. Now that I have an empty nest and have graduated, I’ve wandered across to talk to the wife across the street and her friend who lives down the block. They told me to come and hang out with them anytime. They are “hanging out” when they’re sitting on her front porch. She has also offered to come and let my dog out if I need her to. I let her know I’ll be having surgery next month and she said if I need anything to let her know. She’s very genuine and I have learned that sometimes I have to ask for help so I very well may have to ask for her for help. I will find things to do in return. I could see becoming good friends with her- she’s very positive and sweet and upbeat. </p>
<p>People are mostly friendly in my neighborhood. </p>
<p>So much to be said for “front porches” and that porch being a “welcome” sign. </p>
<p>I have my next neighborhood eyed up and it includes many, many homes with front porches! </p>
<p>No time after work, exercise, interesting hobbies, spending time with H. Frankly, I only knew my neighbors when my kid very young, Then, everybody went to different schools and she was more into her other friends and we just say HI when we see anybody on a street during our walking routine or passing in a car. </p>
<p>…oh, I do not like to be in front of my house at all, we spent hours on a deck (back), it is as close to paradise as one can imagine (according to my H.), front with cars passing by and sometime kids on the street just would not measure up. We take our little TV, computers. My H. is usually watching both TV and some other program (might be in different language) on his laptop. I watch TV and do my Rosetta Stone. We have tall pine trees, do not see anything and anybody, perfect, except for mowers and dogs, I wish that grass does not grow at all and dogs forget how to bark.</p>
<p>Acollegestudent, you may want to live with a partner & keep to yourselves.
Singles may be judged as fair game for fix ups and extras at dinner parties if they dont come off as too eccentric or strange. ( then again, that would cut your social invitations. 
)
<a href=“Opinion | Living Alone Means Being Social - The New York Times”>Opinion | Living Alone Means Being Social - The New York Times;
<p>I also grew up in the suburbs, and when we were married, we moved to another burb ( Bellevue), but which really was becoming more of a city. Several of our neighbors there were great, we lived on a very short street, but in general it was suburban, as there were sidewalks, but people stopped you and asked you if you needed a ride if you were out walking.
It was gorgeous, but it was tiring to explain that no H was not an engineer or consultant or attorney.
And we moved out before Microsoft moved in.</p>
<p>We moved to a blue collar neighborhood/ light industrial, which is now one of the " hottest neighborhoods" in the area, because the industries that have moved in are micro breweries & restaurants. I only go to the microbreweries when D is here, as H doesn’t drink.</p>
<p>I mentioned we see neighbors frequently because many have dogs. That is true, but for instance last night when we were out, we had to keep changing our route because we weren’t in the mood to wait for the dogs to exchange greetings or explain why their toddler couldnt feed their cookie to our dog.</p>
<p>But its not hard to find the right balance. It can be helpful to have people take in your mail & watch your house when you are gone, & I like the email newsletter for sharing information about crime in the neighborhood or listing odds & ends for sale or free. Much better than the free for all of Craigslist.</p>
<p>We had several older neighbors who lived in their homes through their 90’s and I appreciated that the neighborhood pitched in to help them out in that way. They had kids in the area, but unless your children are actually going to live with you, you may need more help.</p>
<p>For OP, I have found that it is easier to find the right balance for us in the city, especially with walkable amenities.
You might see if there is a local paper & look for event listings.
My mom lived in a pretty nice condo, in Bellevue, not far from where we used to live. Her building was close to shopping and a park, but she still drove her car. Its a mindset thats hard to break I think.
Her building also had a pool and " party" room, but it wasn’t used much as some of the units seemed to be owned by people who lived elsewhere and stayed there as an alternative to a hotel.</p>
<p>When we bought this house, our oldest was just one, and I really underestimated how helpful being close to some things could be. Several houses we were shown were close to neighborhood churches and community centers. Having a community center at the end of the street would have been great in retrospect, although we muddled through without that support. We still have several in the area, but they arent within casual walking distance and so we dont use them as much as we would otherwise.</p>
<p>I have lived in my neighborhood for 24 years. Our house is on a main road so the idea of neighborhood doesn’t really encompass this type of geography in the way that it does a tidy cul de sac or side street. Having said that, when we first moved here we did socialize with our neighbors pretty frequently. The houses closest to me had kids that were close to the age of my oldest and they did play a lot. We had Christmas parties together, cookouts, etc. One of the neighbors has a pool and we spent a great deal of summer days hanging out there. That gradually stopped. I can’t really say why but I guess part of it was that the kids grew up. It makes me sad.</p>
<p>^ ^ ^ ^</p>
<p>We live in a similar neighborhood on a state road. Several neighbors are related so they get together for holidays. Two of our neighbors passed away and their children that are my age moved in. I thought they would be friendlier, but they never ever come outside. Three things that describe where I live: Big fences, beaucoup de sheds and pole barns, and swimming pools. </p>
<p>I miss having friendly neighbors. </p>
<p>Definitely. I moved recently, just a few blocks from my old house when DH and I divorced. The last neighborhood had regular block parties but more than that, we all have front porches and sidewalks and rarely lock up…kids run around in groups playing through all the yards, everyone knows where the loose dog belongs and puts it back in without thought. When my S’12 was about 3 he went missing and EVERYONE on the street was out looking for him immediately (he was found in about a half hour, had hidden and fallen asleep). I had a couple of regular glass-of-wine-on-the-deck buddies there, we’d pick up each other’s kids from school if needed, feed whatever neighborhood kids happen to be in the yard, look out for each other.</p>
<p>New neighborhood is almost the same except without the small kid connections. Still have a wine-on-deck buddy and still know most everyone, still have kids running around - just not mine. Our block party is next Sunday, put on by a small B&B on the next block.</p>
<p>I grew up in Harlem and also knew most of my neighbors there (apartment building within a 6 building complex, lived in it for 20 or so years), so always had neighbor connections, but around here it’s different, in a small town midwestern sort of way. Just one of the things I enjoy about living here.</p>
<p>Edited to add: when we moved into our old house, more than two different neighbors stopped by with baked goods. We had an 8 day power outage a couple of years ago and everyone pitched in with generators and food to grill (one owns a restaurant in town and had to go through a lot of food that would otherwise have spoiled). We’ve had signups to cook or get gift cards for a neighbor’s child was hospitalized for a month. </p>
<p>Like 1moremom I live in a small college town and our block is in the town, very close to the downtown area with restaurants and shops, the college campus, the farmers market, the schools. People drive some places but a lot of walking goes on, for sure. </p>
<p>We had drinks & noshes with our new neighbors and the couple across the street (they hosted) on Sunday night. Very pleasant evening. We all have a lot in common, so they are sure to fit right in. I think new neighbors are very happy to have friendly neighbors like us. 
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