<p>We closed on our house today but are renting back until Monday. We had the new owners over after work to meet our favorite cul de sac neighbors (four of seven houses). I imagined it would be introductions and a quick glass of wine but people stuck around for three hours. I am going to miss seeing these good people every day-- you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. . .</p>
<p>A good carpool is worth its weight in gold. That being said…we never carpooled with our neighbors. </p>
<p>Our best friend neighbors moved away…and we do miss them. I’m going to visit them at the end of this month. Can’t wait!</p>
<p>Last week, a neighbor friend sent me a text asking if I wanted to walk with her. We regularly meet up with another neighbor to do a 4-5 mile walk with their dogs. I replied that I had just had a glass of wine and didn’t feel up to it. She showed up at my door to get me out anyway. There are days I appreciate the “push” and days I don’t. </p>
<p>Our street is mixed. Lots of friendly neighbors and those who keep to themselves. We are in the middle of that group with my H being much more sociable then me…we get together with maybe 3 or 4 neighbors once every two weeks or so just to sit outside and talk…the neighbor immediately next door to us moved in @ 4 years ago and has been doing remodeling and construction inside and outside ever since, so that has been challenging not to say anything about the constant noise. Another new neighbor just moved in next to them a few weeks ago and they seem quite friendly…but with really little kids. Mine are both in college now. However these few neighbors are all fun to just sit and have a beer or iced tea with and socialize. However I do think that my friends and neighbors are in two different categories. I have many close friends who are not my neighbors and I have lots of neighbors who are more like good acquaintences than actual friends. My parents retired and moved to another state to a ‘planned community’ with neighbors on top of each other. They hated it. So when my H & I move away to another state (within @ 3-4 years) we will move again into another single family house so that we can still have privacy but not right on top of the neighbors. We will then hope to meet our new community of friends through our new synagogue, the neighborhood, clubs and work. We work from home but do a lot of meeting clients at their offices, etc.) If we are going away, we do have those few neighbors to watch the house or pick up a stray newspaper, or something along those lines. Seems like a good balance of social and privacy.</p>
<p>Book that may be of interest:
<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/16/AR2010041602034.html”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/16/AR2010041602034.html</a></p>
<p>"It took a tragedy to shock Lovenheim into recognizing how little community remained in his well-to-do Rochester, N.Y., suburb. Out walking his dog one evening in February 2000, he saw TV news trucks parked down the block. A neighbor three doors down had shot and killed his wife and then himself. … Soon a “For Sale” sign in front of the murder house was the only evidence of a tear in the social fabric. “A family had vanished, yet the impact on our neighborhood was slight,” Lovenheim writes. “How could that be? Did I live in a community or just in a house on a street surrounded by people whose lives were entirely separate?”</p>
<p>To answer those questions, he decided to do what any normal American suburbanite would do: ask his neighbors if he could sleep over at their houses to get to know them better. A surprising number said yes. “In the Neighborhood” is the result. "</p>
<p>We have never hung out with our neighbors. In our last house our kids were really young. The social life revolved around housekeepers bringing the kids to everyone’s house. When there was a birthday party the parents had no idea of which kid went to which parent. In our current home…no welcome wagon. I know that we have had two (now one) elderly women living across the street. I met them after an earthquake when I checked in on them to make sure that they were ok.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think the “part two” of this question is “how much time do you spend outside in your neighborhood?” - so, on the front porch or back deck, doing lawn care, walking the dog, walking/running/biking. Maybe there is a correlation. If you have a lawn care service, no front porch, a very private backyard, no kids/dogs at home - you might not be in the occasion to mingle with neighbors.</p>
<p>I said earlier that while I wave, talk cordially with neighbors and have a couple that I will walk across the street to purposefully say hi to, we don’t socialize. But we are outside a lot. Walk the dog 3-4 times a day. Love on a corner double lot and do our own lawn care, have a large deck in the back (but its fairly private) - for me the no socialization is more that my neighbors are sort of not my cup of tea to socialize with AND that overall, I’m just not too social.</p>
<p>If there was a neighbor I really clicked with, I would be open to inviting someone in to,chat or to take an occasional walk with. But mostly I’m happy exercising on my own.</p>
<p>I was thinking about this thread yesterday as I went for a walk. I traveled through three or four different neighborhoods and realized that I knew lots of the people that live in those houses. At one point, I found a student ID on the ground, recognized the name and face and put it in the mailbox of the appropriate home. It is a small town and while everyone doesn’t know everyone, most of the people here know most of the people here. It is really like one big neighborhood.
I am going to two yard sales today, neither of them in my neighborhood but I can be certain that I will run into many, many people I know. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it isn’t (like the day that I was sitting on my front porch, drinking wine and four of my former students walked by and shouted “Having a little wine Mrs. EPTR?!”)</p>
<p>Neighbors would be nice.
Barking dogs I can do.
Irritating kids…check.
Block parties…I’m there.</p>
<p>Someday.</p>
<p>That made me laugh, EPTR. Our town is like that too. I always run into people when I dash into the local grocery store looking like I just rolled out of bed. But I love the fact, that even if I don’t know someone we all sort of assume we might know each other- does that make sense? We even signed mortgage papers in our neighbors kitchen once. He is one of the town bankers. We also have 1 acre lots; so we also have privacy. My back deck is completely hidden from view. So I feel as if I have the best of both worlds.
I also think abasket is correct. We mow our own lawn, walk our own dog and no one has a housekeeper taking care of the kids. There is nothing wrong with having services but it does perhaps isolate one somewhat. Dogs and kids can certainly break the ice or drive people crazy.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I think the “part two” of this question is “how much time do you spend outside in your neighborhood?” - so, on the front porch or back deck, doing lawn care, walking the dog, walking/running/biking. Maybe there is a correlation. If you have a lawn care service, no front porch, a very private backyard, no kids/dogs at home - you might not be in the occasion to mingle with neighbors.”</p>
<p>I think how houses are laid out impacts this. I live in a typical suburban area where we have curving streets and no sidewalks. Houses that are set up on vertical grid streets with sidewalks, perhaps shared driveways or shared mailbox bays, or houses with front porches, make it easier. Unless I’m walking the dog, I’m not really outside in front of my house. And I’m not socializing when I mow the lawn! </p>
<p>"When there was a birthday party the parents had no idea of which kid went to which parent. "</p>
<p>Did you all really “know” the parents of the kids who came to your kids’ bday parties? I wouldn’t have. I might have known some by sight and exchanged a few pleasantries, but that’s about it. It takes time to build / invest in friendships, and honestly between juggling my own family and my career, I just couldn’t or didn’t make investing in new friendships a priority. I had friends already from other sources. It may be unfortunate, but we all make choices. </p>
<p>Sidewalks, yes I think they can make a difference too. More inviting to browse the neighborhood. PG, I think I get some sneers from the women neighbors when I’m mowing - you know, that’s suppose to be the “husband” job. It’s a VERY rare occasion that I see a woman out mowing. I do do a lot of hand waving while I"m mowing though!!! </p>
<p>It sounds like the majority of posters do know and even occasionally socialize with their neighbors. That’s encouraging. Our “old” neighborhood used to be that way. Embarrassingly, now I would not even recognize most of my neighbors, and I thought this was the new norm because life seems much more hectic.</p>
<p>We’ve lived here for many years. About 20 years ago, I knew every one. A small handful of us would organize block parties at least every few years. But, as the old members moved (or died), and new neighbors arrived, the dynamic has changed completely. The small core group grew tired of always being the planners, and no one else has stepped forward. I keep in touch with only a handful of the former neighbors.</p>
<p>Unfortunately our new next door neighbor is very messy, and can be very loud, with a lot of people coming and going. I’ve even had complaints given to me about our neighbor! </p>
<p>If we ever move, we’ve talked about interviewing the neighbors of any potential purchase. It can make a huge difference!</p>
<p>This area of the city is known for the neighborhood associations and friendliness. I don’t do that much with them, but appreciate rare dinners, and frequent chances to chat, pet the dogs that come by, etc. I do host a massive party in my yard for many neighbors each fall, responsibilities shared with another family. As my kids are grown, I know fewer of the attendees each year, but have a great time meeting the new young families. </p>
<p>abasket, that is outrageous, to sneer at a woman mowing. Pat yourself on the back for breaking stereotypes and providing a good example for the children of the close minded. </p>
<p>To the OP, I do think that it is a precious resource to have like minded folks around you, and even if alone in your house, neighbors can add a lot to your day. </p>
<p>One family next door just moved with little notice, and another old neighbor from where I lived previously just passed away. The death leaves me thinking about how those next door to you become such an integral part of the day to day, in ways that are sorely missed when absent. </p>
<p>abasket- you need to live here. Almost every yard is mowed by women at least half the time. We are equal opportunity mowers. And we have no sidewalks but we are still sociable.</p>
<p>We don’t mow the lawn! But we do weed the gardens sometimes. Our challenge is that our houses are on 2 acre lots with lots of space between houses. Not much porch sitting within eyeshot of the road. But we do socialize on occasion. One neighbor hosts an annual Oktoberfest. Another has a Christmas Eve sing along. Another has a December party. Some of us host road Sid happy hours in the summer (it’s a cul de sac so the only folks driving down are the neighbors…all 12 of them). </p>
<p>And we all get together to celebrate graduations, babies, weddings (even when we aren’t invited…we still celebrate with our neighbor is). </p>
<p>But day to day socializing…well…our closest neighbors now live in Atlanta…and they were the ones we went out with.</p>
<p>I do go to lunch or breakfast with the neighbor women about four times a year.</p>
<p>We live on a cul-de-sac in a true suburban subdivision … decent size but not huge lots, no sidewalks. When the kids were young, 4 of the 5 families in the cul-de-sac had kids. We parents hung out a lot. 2 families moved, the kids have grown, one neighbor passed away … we still like our neighbors, but it’s not like it once was. I also had a number of friends on nearby streets in the sub … over the years, they have moved or passed away or jobs and life have gotten in the way of getting together. </p>
<p>My next door neighbor (the wife half - not a fan of her H) and I do hang out from time to time. We always pass out candy together on my porch on Halloween (and drink adult beverages between trick-or-treaters). Sometimes I wish we had the connections with neighbors we had when the kids were little, but it’s okay. Life brings relationships to us when we need them.</p>
<p>I hang out with my neighbors’ dog. She walks in all the time, pretending to be invisible, so she can get to the cat food. She’s a 120lb sweetie.</p>
<p>Wow, VABluebird, that’s so sad. Are you in a position to elaborate on that thought? Because I have so much freedom in selecting my next neighborhood, I’m giving a lot of thought as to the factors that matter to me. It could be very helpful to hear about the source of your disappointment, if you are comfortable sharing.>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>When we were newlyweds and until after we had our firstborn, we lived in a townhouse community and were very friendly with our neighbors. It was great. We all were at the same stage in life, with first children
.
We bought 3 acres and built our dream home and just assumed we’d be close with neighbors here as well. As bad luck would have it, there was a little clique of folks who knew each other from college and they were in our age and stage but excluded us and in fact were downright rude to and about our children. For a brief time, I had dear friends on either side of me until they moved on. We just never had a group we clicked with. Now we have a book club of mostly older ladies like myself and that is as close as I’m going to get to having real neighborhood friends. They are all good people and I know they’d do anything for us and vice versa, but we’re not “in and out of each other’s houses” close. </p>
<p>Thank you for asking.</p>