I had a BF for over 30 years. I ended the relationship 2.5 years ago as it became really clear that
it was unhealthy. There was always tension and she was very competitive. The last straw for me
was when she was snarly about DIL’s acceptance into medical school. DIL was 21 yrs old and
accepted the first time she applied where her own D applied 3 times and entered much later.
Our families were like relatives. H lost his BF. I have zero regrets for myself and when I do think of her
I am simply grateful she is not longer in my life. I believe that we met and when we were better friends
that we were both desperate for closeness as both new in a small town.
But the price was just too high.
D has maintained a friendship with her D but H never really tried to establish a new relationship with the H.
I would have been happy if he had but decided it was not my problem.
My other ever better BF moved away 4 years ago . Now she is back, had lunch with her today.
She is a bit older and feels like an older sibling instead of a peer. I will always love her but the
relationship has changed which makes me sad.
Recently I met 3 woman through a Mah Jongg class I put together.
I had decided to make 2 new friends this year (D asked me just how I thought I would manage to do that!)
and now, for some reason I have 3 new woman that I would call tonight if I had an emergency
I have only know them for a few months but that is how all of us feel. I think that as the honeymoon
wears off I will stay friends with 2 of them for a long time.
@intparent …what a thoughtful and caring daughter you have! Good for her not hurting her friends feelings. I guess I don’t have a BF anymore, tons of close friends that fill different emotional needs. The gal that was my best friend, still is the one I love the most. However, we live far, far away and only see each other every 3 to 5 years now. It’s reconnecting immediately and we are those 15 year old girls again. When we see each other, we call each other soulmates. And maybe we are, but there is something lost by not having that every day connection and discussing minutiae.
Not really a best friend but a good circle of friends, each of whom seem to serve different needs for me, but some of these friends go back to elementary school so there is some longevity. There are a couple who consider me their best friend though which puts pressure on me to “perform” sometimes, meaning I need to be there for them at whatever cost if they need me. I think this is because I’ve been single for most of my adult life, married one year in the 80s and four years until recently and that puts me squarely in the “available to you at a moments notice” category lol.
My lack of one best friend I believe is from my ever-changing and growing, something most of these friends lack. They don’t really try new things or travel much and are somewhat close-minded. The one person who I might consider a best friend is just the opposite, its hard to track her down lol. But she and I don’t share the same moral boundaries and that’s been a struggle for me.
I’d like a best friend but I change with the ebb and flow of life and not sure if that inconsistency can sustain one.
“It’s one of those things I’ve found elusive. I’m somewhat introverted, but enjoy outgoing people. They always seem to have dozens of best friends. I do have a handful of friends that I’ve remained close with through the years, but never one best friend.”
OP here. Neither me nor my Best Friend are very social. We have a handful of other friends sepeately and two joint friends. We both feel our kinship is just a matter of luck. When my daughter was the same age as when we met…11, it really struck me how young we were at the time but yet we both knew it would be a life long friendship within a few months of meeting. I know I could never replicate this. So few people get this type of relationship with someone who is not their spouse or relative. I do feel blessed to have it. It’s so hard to explain to people sometimes.
I have a bestie, but we don’t talk every day or even every week. We talk every few weeks and get together a few times a year. But she is like a sister to me and we have been friends since childhood and have never lost touch. I have come to realize I am not a huge talker - not so quiet that people would notice, but not one to talk to anyone (except immediate family) every day. Some days there just doesn’t seem like that much going on and my workplace is pretty boring so no drama to dissect. I listen to some friends and family member who always have something to say and realize that is just not me.
Beyond my besties, have a nice group of girl friends that I am very close to, some I have known since childhood, some for over 25 years (met when our kids were babies) and others more recent. I feel very lucky and grateful to have some many wonderful women in my life.
I have friends who get together with the same group of couples (or girl friend) pretty much every weekend. I have several “groups” of friends, but not one big group that is always together. I generally like it this way, but at times I envy those that have such a built-in group where there is a gathering every week or two without the effort of trying to make a date.
@techmom99 – I’m so sorry that happened! I feel like she would be really happy to hear from you if you ever wanted to reach out again. I know what you mean - our friends challenge us and sometimes you just don’t want to be challenged.
I wouldn’t say I have a best friend – I have several dear friends I’ve held on to for 20+ years and I treasure them.
@abasket – I’m submitting my application now. It was pretty easy to fill out
I have 2 best friends that have been like sisters to me for 42 years!
The 3 of us became inseparable when we were 11 and still are now at 53. I feel incredibly lucky to have them in my life and especially lucky that we continue to live near one another which has allowed us to share every life experience together - some have been very sad but many have been very joyous! :x
I’m very fortunate, having a group of friends who have known each other since our kids were in nursery school, so 30+ years. We have a standing coffee get-together weekly at the same coffee shop and have done this forever. Not everyone shows up weekly but there is always a core group of us who do. Three of them are the ones to whom I’m the closest and our husbands are all good friends, too. We often vacation together and they come stay at our second home a couple times a year. We do birthday dinners, weddings, babies, funerals, etc. through the years and those of us who have grandchildren do a swimming party each summer for the grandkids and grandmas.
My H had a best friend. They were new law school grads together and worked and practiced together for almost 40 years. Sadly, his friend passed away very suddenly last year and my H took it very hard. He gave the eulogy and it was one of the most difficult things he’s had to do in his life. He misses him a lot.
I’d have to say my spouse, but no I don’t have a “best friend” really anymore - too many friends scattered too far away to maintain so super close relationships that are part of “best friend” status.
I don’t have a best friend - I’m a very solitary person by nature, and my life hasn’t really allowed for much of a social life. I regret that now. I do have several co-workers with whom I am very close in and out of the office.
My MIL had a group of lady friends that called themselves “club” and met every week from high school until my MIL passed away at 80. One of the group was her best friend since childhood. I believe that, along with her sister, this woman was the most important relationship in my MIL’s life. When she passed away, I was asked to write the obituary and I referred to the friendship with this woman - which I think she would have liked. It was a little controversial, but it meant the world to her friend.
I’ve had a best friend since 8th grade, when our middle school counselor asked me to sit next to her - she was a little “different” and didn’t have any friends. Lo and behold, she was smart and fun to be with! She never married, so she has been free to visit us in Maine every summer. She’s like an aunt to my kids - sent them birthday presents every year until they were grown. Now she has a SO and she’s brought him up here the past two summers. In fact, they just left our house a few minutes ago after being here for a week. They rented a cabin north of us and we had a great time fishing and hanging out together.
I think of a bestie as that person you call and chat with most days. When we lived in the town where we raised our kids, I had first one woman, and then another who were that best friend, people I saw all the time, chatted with about all the inconsequentials of life etc. I miss that, I really missed it after I moved away and some good things happened with my kids and friend 2 would have been the only one to really ‘get’ the significance of it It made me realize how important those connections are.
Since we moved, we do not live in the area where we raised our kids, so none of my friends here shared those important years with us, which is weird. I have a super extroverted friend here, she has lived here for decades and has dozens of friends, but I love her most when it is just the two of us, does that make me selfish. But we don’t connect often enough, for a variety of reasons I would have thought these past few years we’d have gotten closer, but instead we’ve each had some crazy family life interference such that we hardly saw each other & we live 10 minutes apart! I will effort more to reconnect with her, but she’ll never be my only BF as she has so many dear friends.
I put a lot of energy into connecting with another friend here, the last ten years, she just moved away (retirement) and have been connecting with a different new friend the last few years. So much effort, it does not always pay off into a forever thing, sometimes it’s a “for a while” friend
I think back over the last 30 years, E, D, M, D- I moved, they moved, one died, all had been good friends, but in moving I also see how transient it can be and how people do move in & out of your lives.
Now my phone tag BF is really my sister, but I do feel like I should put more energy into making more friends in my area, but wow, even as an empty nester (but Grandma!) I feel so busy, how do I put more time into connecting? It takes years to nurture those relationships and foster the deeper and deeper connections.
I do have one friend who I have known since we were children and were very close all through our teens, like drifted us apart as young adults, but we were able to reconnect the last 10 years and this thread inspires me to reach out to her even more, though 1500 miles apart, we could chat more, we really could!
I’ve moved around a lot. And I’m more of a loner/aspie/intellectual. Most people are not on my wavelength, tbh.
I have a faternal twin sister. We are very different–did not have the same friends in high school, went to different colleges, have only seen each other once a year for decades because I live far away, etc. Still, we do keep in touch by phone a couple times a month. And having shared our entire lives from birth, we do have a very deep relationship. I have another sister just one year older–I talk to her every month or two.
I did have a few good friends during my younger years, but after a while they no longer kept in touch.
I have not had a bestie since high school & college. I’m introverted, and I’ve always had one, maybe two, very close friends, and then some more casual friends. It’s VERY hard, in my opinion, to replace a bestie when they are gone.
I’ve noticed this recently, with both kids out of the house. I have a shockingly short list of people I can call up and do something with, and none of them are very close friends.
So, there’s definitely room in my life now for a bestie, now that my life is not so child-centered. I miss it!
One lives a thousand miles away, and we have a lot in common though one big glaring difference – she is super religious, and I am not. Also, because of the move she years ago went to the dark side and now roots for the Lakers. Blech. But we love football and are similar politically and our older sons were born a week apart. We have done through all the major milestones together and managed to grow closer despite the distance (she moved almost 25 years ago). She tells me how she sees it, unvarnished. I will encourage her snarky side, which is something I don’t think she feels like she can show too many people.
The other is not like me at all in most ways. She never married and never had kids so the things that are so much a part of my life are things we don’t share in the same way I do with Friend 1. But emotionally we are similar. She is a trained therapist and can be so kind and forgiving – to a fault, if you ask me. But we have been through so much together, and she knows things about me no one else does. If I needed something big she is who I’d call. Even though she is in town we don’t see each other as much as I’d like.
My brother has a best friend. They don’t see each other very often since the friend moved many states away. But when my brother had his transplant surgery, the friend flew in and stayed for two weeks, just to help with my brother’s recovery. I found it quite touching, to have a friend like that.
I have had a series of them, too. The relationship usually ends when someone moves. Now with more and cheaper ways to communicate, maybe I can keep a BF longer. I do love how when you finally see a BF again, you can pick up where you left off.
Do sisters count? I talk to them every day on the phone and we spend all holidays together.
Not to be dramatic this is just what happened but 1 friend died senior of us, then my other friend who was to be my maid of honor died a few months before my wedding. It just made me wary of making new friends. I do have friends now, but not the talk every day kind.
It made me realize how important those connections are.