Ok, mostly I’m whining and probably a bit cranky today.
My D can be the worst at receiving gifts. If it’s not exactly (and I mean exactly) what she has asked for, she’s very unappreciative. She’s always been this way but this year I think I’ve had my fill. Some years everything has gone back, one year I kept the money!
Now I’m trying to find things for her and I have no idea why. I like to find little things that people will find fun.
D drinks water at work. She takes water bottles and reuses them. I’m not a fan of reusing disposable bottles (duh!) so for her birthday this year I bought her a S’well bottle. They aren’t cheap. Today she’s complaining that the cleaning lady threw away her water bottle so I asked if she is using the water bottle I gave her. Nope. So I said if she’s not going to use it, to bring it back and I’ll use it!
Do you have a picky person on your list? Would you buy a gift card to lululemon and call it a day. Last year I bought her stuff from lululemon and yup, it went back. She already has a gift card from there that she hasn’t found time to spend. She hates to shop also.
I’ve said this before, but I’ve grown tired of the gift giving to the hard receivers. Now I just put money into their account and tell them to let me know what they bought. Recently, I sent my son and g/f each PJs from the Gap. I never hear back if they like them. So the rest of gift is $ transfer.
I guess I’m a hard receiver too. I tell my cousin I dislike facials, and 3x she’s gotten me gift cards. It is torture for me. My favorite gifts are wine or vodka, things that get used. My close friend and I buy each other candy, a habit I’d be glad to forgo.
Yes, two of my kids. I take or send them to the store. Then wrap what they picked out. I prefer surprises under the tree, but it has not worked out that way. Things were returned or unused. Everyone seems to be happy this way. Well, I am not totally happy but they are.
Graciously accepting gifts is a non-negotiable behavior requirement in our house. Exchanging for better fit is ok. Exchanging for better style or color is not ok or has to be done without letting the giver know about it (which can be tricky if you’re a kid and the giver is your parent).
On the flip side, everyone in my family is pretty good about including gift receipts with presents so after-holiday exchange trips to the store are common for us. Just not with the giver.
I’d send her to the store but she hates shopping! She picked out this ugly expensive onsie she wanted but then her size and color sold out. Did she want another color? No if it wasn’t exactly what she wanted, she doesn’t want anything at all.
She linked a $12 hat from amazon so I ordered that. She said she wants a scuba from lululemon but doesn’t know which one. I’m sure the one I pick out will be too small, too big, too short or the wrong color.
There’s a difference between being a picky person and being an unappreciative person.
My mom and I are very explicit about what we want and generally just go shopping with each other and throw things in the cart for one another and wrap them later.
My mom will usually get some other things too. Some I like, some I don’t, but I’m thankful for everything. She leaves all the gift receipts for me and I can take back whatever I want to.
My sister is impossible to shop for. We all just give her gift cards and call it a day.
S1 isn’t necessarily picky, but he’s difficult to shop for. He’s been that way since he was a child, but back then I could usually get him to give me a wish list. Not anymore. He says he prefers to be surprised and doesn’t want to do my thinking for me. Yes, he was always the more difficult/argumentative child.
I don’t mind the picky gift receiver, but what I dont like is when money just goes to waste. For example, I recently purchased a couple of clothing items for someone, and the receipts were included when package was delivered. I suspect the person will simply out the box aside (gift amount over $100), and not try to exchange or return. I would be just as frustrated over this whether the person was “gracious” or not.
I do have one son who went to outlets near by and purchased most of his Christmas presents for himself. I will wrap them, and he will be happy.
As kids get older, it gets harder to figure out how to handle gifts.
I don’t think my family’s especially picky, but some of the people are hard to buy for. However, the alternative is everyone handing everyone else Amazon gift cards, which is absurd.
Last Christmas, our son went the Amazon gift card route. Everyone in the family got one. Last week, my husband, who rarely shops online, decided to give our son a couple of books as a Christmas gift this year. He went to Amazon to order them. He discovered that he had a substantial gift card balance – from the gift card our son had given him last year. He used that to order the books. So essentially, our son paid for his own Christmas present.
I can’t wait until there are children in the family again. Gift giving is actually fun when there are children involved (especially when you’re not the parent so it’s not your problem if the PlayDoh gets ground into the carpeting).
@deb922, first of all I’ll take that Swell bottle - well, that depends - what color is it?!
I’ll admit, I’m your D. I am a terrible gift receiver. I truly would rather just get things myself. In fact, I do somewhat. I have started ordering a couple gifts each Christmas for myself and as soon as they arrive, I turn over to D2 to wrap.
It’s hard to explain. I just REALLY need things to be what I want or I feel like it’s a waste. It’s not that I’m not appreciative - it’s really that I can’t stand a gift being wasteful - I can’t really pretend to like something I don’t!
It’s one of my biggest faults and I know it. My family knows it too!
I do admit you should be able to “win” with some little things. At least the stocking stuffer things! But I also totally relate to your D - and the need to have each item in her possession be what she really wants. Makes it very hard for the gift givers!
S is VERY tough to shop for. He can always buy things cheaper and has nearly all he wants or needs. He smiles but is happy I’m wollling to return everything that doesn’t fit or he doesn’t pack and take back when he’s done with the holidays. He’s fine with me keeping the refunds.
D is also tough but willing to shop with me and happy when we find something we both like for her.
H is getting a major overhaul on his car for Christmas and I am getting a new car, I think, since our mechanic said it’s time and we can afford it. I’m hoping H will clean out the carport as his gift to me so both our cars can be parked in it.
Our kids send us links to things they want…then we choose which of those links to purchase. They don’t get everything…but they get what they want.
In my family, I am the one who never gets anything I can use…or want. I have also gotten very specific with my requests…so I understand where your daughter is coming from.
I name a specific book I want, a specific gift I want and imsend vendor links when I can.
I think as we all get older, we need to realize that our tastes, and our kid’s tastes are not always going to be the same.
But I do think being a gracious recipient is a life skill. Even last year when I got three pairs of pajamas (I didn’t need them at all), I didn’t complain. I smiled and said thank you,
We’re in @Otterma 's camp. Okay to exchange but discretely. For years, we exchanged lists, with skus, sizes, colors, etc. but increasingly, we all felt like we had “enough”, so we’ve abandoned the lists but try to get gifts that might be more experience related than material. A cooking class, tickets to a show, a museum membership, a voucher for airfare. It’s particularly hard with people you don’t see often… I have a relative who gave me virtually the same shirt every year and would say “oh, this just looked like you.” And I would think “of course it does! Because I already have it. Six times over”. And then out loud, I’d say "Thank you! It’s sure to be a staple this winter. It’ll go with everything. " Ah…
But it’s nice to know someone thought of you and tried to choose just the right gift. I think I’d take that over a check any day at this point in my life.
I LOVE it when I can really come up with a surprise that I think someone will like. Just way to far and few between.
I like that son just tells me what he’d like with a link to it.
I hate that D says “thank you” and then never uses the item. Better that I return it. Now I give gift cards.
I dislike that when I ask for suggestions for other family members nobody has a clue–even if I’m equally guilty of this.
I have the impossible daughter, and she gets less because she’s so picky. She even told me to stop sending Amazon grocery boxes because I guess I sent the wrong type of toilet paper or granola bars.
Two years ago she was supposed to return from a trip on Christmas Eve but was delayed until Christmas day. She’d gone on the Macy’s site and picked out a bunch of tops and pants, and I ordered those. I also added a sweater/poncho thing because I was at Macy’s and bought sweaters for my niece and other daughter. She actually LIKED it and said she wore it all the time. This year she is going to be away for Christmas again, so it’s unlikely I’ll buy anything before Christmas.
She’d be pretty happy with a lululemon gift card, although her boyfriend got her one last year and she had trouble spending it.
We are very practical people, don’t like too much material stuff and abhor stuff that gets bought and not used so for us its wish lists with links.
I always give my kids the same $ amount worth of stuff. If they don’t have many needs in a given year, I’ll put money towards their travel fund or skiing fund. I’ll also make donations to their Roth IRAs. I just won’t buy things they don’t want or need.
This year D is putting the toothbrush she wants into the Amazon cart.
A check in a box wrapped with some hair bands designated for a good hair cut.
A box with a coupon to Macy’s to buy underwear.
A few stocking stuffers.
Not sure what to do for S and SIL—thinking gift cards for some local restaurants.
That said, MIL has always send nice checks to us and we have really appreciated them.
So there is that to think about. I do not know if she was also disappointed when we no longer wanted
stuff for gifts.
I do remember when I received $50 from my mother and paid my dentist bill back in
1966. I really! appreciated it and never ever felt deprived for not having something more personal.
Mine know the won’t get away with any crabbiness. I don’t care if they exchange something. This year, one “gift” to each will be a donation to the rescue org we got our dog from, last spring. I’d rather do that than a gift card. We have some time planned together.
But i understand difficult. My mother. She once actually sent me back a gift. Lol.
