<p>Talk about living a small life, my dog was put to sleep last night and what an effect and impact he had on all of us. Us human can certainly learn some lessons from our companions.</p>
<p>So sorry about your beloved dog. 
Dogs are the best.</p>
<p>I definitely care about the lives I hope to have touched after I’m gone. I want my kids to be able to draw strength and hope from the love I’ve given them in my lifetime.</p>
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<p>So sorry…would that we could truly give pure unconditional love to those around us!</p>
<p>milkandsugar…so sorry about your pup. I still miss all my best dogs, and they have all been the best.</p>
<p>I’m coming late to this fascinating discussion. Talk of funerals reminds me of a wonderful entry in NPR’s “This I Believe” series:
[Always</a> Go to the Funeral : NPR](<a href=“http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4785079]Always”>Always Go To The Funeral : NPR)</p>
<p>Count me in as an avid obituary reader. My concern has always been not whether anyone would come to my funeral, but would I warrant an obituary. An accomplishment several years ago made me realize that if everything was tallied up, I probably could fill a decent obituary at this point. That realization left me depressed – along the “what’s left?” lines we’ve been discussing.</p>
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<p>Okay, that made me cry. I’m a funeral-goer too. Years ago a co-worker died suddenly and some of my collegues were making excuses to get out of going to the visitiation: “I never know what to say.” I said that I’d rather be me worried about what to say, than to be his family having to listen to all of us who don’t know what to say.</p>
<p>ivoryk–don’t think there’s nothing left! I know people in their 80s who recently went back to playing a musical instrument, or took one up for the first time! There’s always something else to do.</p>
<p>I saw a little sign on someone’s desk–something about God putting them on earth to do a job, and they were so far behind, they could never die! </p>
<p>I like reading obits…esp. of people who were born with little or nothing, or who came to this country with nothing, and made something of themselves. Just interesting lives.</p>
<p>ivoryk, thanks for sharing that link.</p>
<p>There is a simple solution to the concern over how many people will attend your funeral dont have one!</p>
<p>When my MIL died 15 years ago, my FIL, DH, and his brother went to the funeral home to plan the services. When DH returned home, the conversation went as follows:</p>
<p>Me: So, when is the visitation?
DH: We decided not to have a visitation.
ME: Ohhhh kay
.So, how about the funeral service?
DH: We decided not to have a funeral service. Just a private family burial at the cemetery.</p>
<p>I have often joked to friends that this is what happens when you send 3 men to plan a funeral service! But honestly, my MIL hated funerals, would never attend one, and it was the perfect memorial for her.</p>
<p>My FIL died last week at the age of nearly 93. Again, the boys did not want a public visitation, just family. With a little coaxing this time, they did decide to have a funeral service in the chapel at the funeral home. All they wanted was the minister from the church their father had sent yearly contributions to but rarely attended, to give a eulogy. No music. No fanfare. The minister did a 30 minute synopsis of FILs 93 years and it was beautiful. It took us more time to greet everyone who attended than it did for his delivery of the tribute. </p>
<p>I have found so many posts on this thread to be poignant and profound, and theyve really caused me to think. I was a SAHM for 22 years. When our last child went off to college 2 ½ years ago I thought to myself, What am I going to do with this new life of mine? It seemed like I was sort of shell shocked for the first couple of years, but I am finally starting to come out of it. I have one group of ladies I have had lunch with monthly for 22 years that continues. I was recently asked to help the local hospital foundation raise funds for a charitable benefit and I am doing that. AND, I am attending my first meeting of a book club I was asked to join on Monday. So, there is hope for me yet! </p>
<p>More than all joining and meetings, etc., I am trying daily to be a more grateful person and express my thanks. The staff of the funeral home was the definition of professionalism, grace, empathy, and kindness. I called the owner today and told him. He was profoundly grateful and we ended up talking on the phone for 30 minutes about all sorts of things. We wrote a card to the minister and told him how exquisite we thought his eulogy was. We also included a check telling him that the amount the funeral home paid him (which was included in the total cost of the funeral) was not nearly enough for all the time it must have taken him to write such a lovely tribute. My FIL was in a nursing home the final 5 days of his life and I have never seen such a wonderful staff. On the last day of his life I spent nearly two hours trying to slowly get him to eat a small cup of ice cream. As I looked next to me at the staff member feeding another patient, I noticed she was holding the hand of her charge and feeding him with her other hand. I was stunned at such a small, yet powerful act of comfort. But, as I looked around the table, I saw that ALL of the aides were holding the hands of their patients! It was extraordinarily moving. I plan to call the director of nursing tomorrow, as it is evident she is doing something very right!</p>
<p>^last paragraph there, truly beautiful.
= living large</p>
<p>^^^Agree; what a wonderful attitude, MidWest Parent. I have to acknowledge that most days I’m feeling grumpy due to people just “phoning in” their workday-- not paying attention to important details, not following up where it’s necessary, not treating others with dignity. So when I encounter someone who’s a dedicated professional, in whatever their chosen field, I try to express my appreciation and praise for their efforts.</p>
<p>Every life is worth living, whether we influence others or not, it is not up to us to judge, but it i up to us to enjoy what we were given, no matter if nobody comes to funeral or huge crowd will be there. At that moment of life (calling death as unavoidable part) it is really truly does not matter. The human being remains human being and should be thought of as such (excluding some who hurt / kill others)</p>
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<p>I think the two of us do think differently. I think that people can continue to influence lives, even after their deaths. Think of someone like Jonas Salk - he’s dead, but his polio vaccine has saved many lives even after his death.</p>
<p>What if Martin Luther King, Jr. had decided to just become a pastor of a small church? What he did in life continued to matter long after his death.</p>
<p>misypie,
Yes, we think very different. i think that if Jonas Salk did not discover polio vaccine, then somebody else did, and if Martin Luther King, Jr did not influence equality, then somebody else would have stepped into this shoes. None of them are perfect, even with huge crowds at their funerals. Particularly, King has hurt his wife a lot during his life. Nobody should be valued more than another. Somebody very insignificant might produce somebody extremely significant. who is to tell that insignificant one did not make another one significant? You do not know significance of your existance, you are not the one to judge it, as well as significance of lives of others. Crowd at funeral is not an indication. Stalin’s body has been placed along with Lenin’s body by Kremlin in Red Sqare, Moskow for everybody to admire. Both are the worst killers that ever existed on planet Earth killing close to 60 mlns (or exceeding) of Russians by far much more than Hitler.</p>
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<p>I think that sort of proves my point…each had a huge amount of influence, but for the bad. If Stalin and Lenin hadn’t killed so many people, would someone else have stepped up to do the same thing? Was Hitler really the cause of the Holocaust, or if not Hitler, would there have been someone else? </p>
<p>It’s certainly an interesting philosophy…that everything good that is destined to happen will happen and everything bad that is destined to happen will happen, no matter who lives or dies. You probably aren’t a fan of the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, are you?</p>
<p>What about creative works? If Michelangelo or Mozart had not lived, or if they had failed to pursue their gifts, would someone else have created what they created?</p>
<p>" I once went to a funeral where there were about five people in attendance – and I had barely even met the woman who had died. Maybe it didn’t matter to her, but it felt so sad to me, partly because if that’s how many people showed up, then think of how little support the widower would have in the lonely months to follow. "</p>
<p>Remember that it’s not just friends of the deceased who come to funerals. Friends of the survivors are among those who show up at funerals. A lack of attendees reflects the deceased and their survivors lacking close relationships.</p>
<p>People get out of life what they put into it. If relationships were important to them, then they likely will have attendees at their and at their loved ones’ funerals.</p>
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<p>Another point of view…my in-laws recently visited, a close friend of FIL’s died not long ago and left instructions for a private family service only. MIL tells me that FIL struggles with losing his friend because of lack of closure. The services can be helpful for those left behind.</p>
<p>I know someone who had a great funeral - he was terminally ill and called it before he moved on. It was an opportunity for all those who didn’t live close by to visit when he was still alive.</p>
<p>missypie,
"think that sort of proves my point…each had a huge amount of influence, but for the bad. If Stalin and Lenin hadn’t killed so many people, would someone else have stepped up to do the same thing? "</p>
<p>-Absolutely, yes. they were surrounded by killers who did not care for people to promote their hard core ideology and the same has happenned in China. Literally crowds of egotistical beasts who saw great opportunities. this is part of human history that EVERYBODY needs to be very well aware off.</p>