<p>My D didn’t work during high school, so I always paid for the gifts she gave her friends and boyfriend. Now she’s a sophomore in college - an athlete with a double major and no time for a job. She was just discussing what she wants to give her boyfriend for Christmas, and it occurred to me that I will once again be footing the bill for it. I don’t mind, but it made me wonder… am I the only person who does this? And at what point do I tell her she needs to pay for her own darn gifts? When she’s gainfully employed? She hopes to go to med school, so it may be quite a while before she’s making her own money. Just curious what other parents do.</p>
<p>Never. I can’t imagine that even a high school kid can’t find enough odd jobs to buy a gift for a boyfriend. I don’t pay for their social lives, dating expenses or gifts for a SO. A gift isn’t a gift if you’re paying for it. Part of parenting is teaching them financial responsibility And waiting until they are graduated from college to start learning how to manage money does them a disservice IMHO. But everybody parents differently.</p>
<p>My kids have received money throughout the years from grandparents, as well as us on birthdays or Christmas. Neither D had jobs in high school, though they did make the occasional $ through babysitting. When they were younger, they got an allowance, and we always strongly encouraged them to put a large percentage of their money gifts into the bank.</p>
<p>I would expect a gift to the SO would come from that savings account rather than straight from my pocket.</p>
<p>Never gave mine money to buy gifts. My kids worked all through h.s. and paid for any gifts given. S1 also worked all through college. S2 did not work in college but was frugal with the food/gas allowance we gave him. If he wanted to give someone a gift he’d save money fr. his living allowance for it.</p>
<p>never did that here–except elementary school-aged birthday parties. When in HS, they did very little gift exchanging (as none had much money.) In college and beyond, any they did was and is according to their budgets. I mean, if I’m paying, who’s the present really coming from?</p>
<p>My kids paid their personal expenses throughout college from their summer job earnings. Any gifts they gave were from themselves (and were modest). If funds are low to zilch, there is still the option of handmade gifts – a poem, promise coupons for favors/treats such as massages, etc.
How does OP’s D handle gifts for her parents?</p>
<p>It’s never occurred to me to pay for my kids gifts from them to anyone. Even my flat broke son is using his own money for Christmas gifts - he’s just shopping smarter. Most of our kids have gotten money from birthdays, graduation, etc. even if they don’t have jobs. And yes, this is another reason for summer jobs. </p>
<p>However, if you’ve never mentioned NOT paying, I’m sure you won’t cut it off but you can set a dollar amount. If I were in your shoes, I would have a money talk now for situations in the future. There’s always ways to earn money if you are motivated.</p>
<p>We paid for gifts when the kids went to birthday parties in elementary school…and that is where the buck stopped.</p>
<p>I can’t IMAGINE paying for my middle/high school/college kid to give presents to friends. If they don’t have money to buy something…they can get a job…or they can bake cookies to give to friends (and that would include BF/GF).</p>
<p>P.S. why not just give your daughter her Christmas money early. Tell her she can use it to buy presents for her BF and friend’s:)</p>
<p>No. We did buy a few gifts for a few of their very close friends that were always at our house. But the gifts were from us to the kids…usually a $20 gas gift card. </p>
<p>What happened to making stuff?</p>
<p>A CD mix of special songs, a photo book with captions, a poem etc.</p>
<p>Funding my kids gifts for others would have never occurred to me. Or to them. </p>
<p>On my 50th birthday, 2 people very dear to me gave me the exact same gift. Both were unique and cost nothing-yet were priceless. My sister and one of my daughters had independently decided to write, by hand, 50 memories that each had shared with me. Best gifts ever. With a little thought, there are many meaningful gifts that have no monetary cost; your daughter may find that giving such a gift will be far more rewarding than presenting something paid for by a parent. And when she does have an income, she may still find such gifts more satisfying.</p>
<p>No, my kids have been responsible for their own social spending and gift giving since middle school. I believe strongly, as others have stated, that the gift comes from your kids at their budget, and they do work it out. I know in my S2s high school group of friends Sr. year they all agreed cards only all year between them all because everyone was on a tight budget and they were all saving for college in one way or another. Either they were helping with tuition, something for their dorms, clothes, my boys are responsible for books and personal expenses.</p>
<p>I can tell you from from my boys POV they would be uncomfortable with any gift that came from a gf’s parent, and would much rather have a simple card, or a framed picture for their room of the gf. A rm can take a snapshot and a frame is about $5 at Target. I remember about a year ago my son’s hs best friend, who goes to school locally, made an ‘anniversary dinner’ for his girlfriend. He also decorated the room for her. He cut out paper red hearts and strung them together, hanging these all over the room, had a single flower for her on the table. He put on a suit and tie. The effort was so much, but not much money. This young lady was over the moon. A $50 scarf in a Nordstroms box that his mom had taken care of would have meant nothing in comparison to what he did for her.</p>
<p>Hate to see you out there all alone OP, so I will say that I pay for my kids gifts to friends and SO.</p>
<p>When my boys were invited to parties in elementary school, we paid for the gifts. When they attended Bar Mitzvah receptions, we paid for the gifts. After that, it became their responsibility to fund gift giving out of summer earnings or from money they had been given as gifts.</p>
<p>Jea828- we always paid for all their gifts…and still do…but after all the above posts I feel forced to rethink this! I always told my kids that school was their job and, thus, I provided $ for incidentals, including gifts and social activities. They still managed to learn the value of money and are grateful for our help. As they go off to college they have a monthly allowance to spend as they wish- I don’t believe this will negatively affect their ability to budget money in the future.</p>
<p>Do I choose gifts for my children’s friends, buy them, wrap them, and then have my children deliver them?</p>
<p>Nope. </p>
<p>No money is not an obstacle to gift giving, so there was never any reason to consider that my children needed “help” in gifting. Honestly, this never even entered my mind!</p>
<p>I quit paying for gifts explicitly when we started giving them allowances. And they received allowances through college.</p>
<p>That said, I paid for gifts for their cousins on their father’s side of the family until the whole family dropped the gift giving thing.</p>
<p>If your kid has never worked and has no savings from presents, I’d go ahead and pay some modest amount this time so as not to change the rules, but this is what I’d do. I’d sit down with them and say now that they are in college you want to them to learn to be more independent so from now on you are going to give them an allowance based on what you’ve learned from the last year and a half should cover their expenses. Gifts to friends are expected to come out of that allowance. </p>
<p>For what it’s worth, my kid who is now working part time, and has worked the last two summers, but did not freshman year summer or last year (junior year abroad) makes earrings for his female friends from origami. I did pay for the origami and earring backings when he was in high school, but it saves him a lot of money! I don’t think he gives presents to any guy friends. When they don’t have a lot of money they figure it out.</p>
<p>In my mind giving an allowance is basically the same as paying for the gifts…it’s just a matter of how the child wants to allocate the money…</p>
<p>Never have but would help out if asked if S or D was in a pinch.</p>
<p>Allowance is certainly paying for the gifts, but I think it feels different, especially if the kid has to cut back on luxuries in order to pay for the gifts. I understand why some kids may not have had a job, it’s at least a baby step to being self-sufficient.</p>