<p>Count me as a payer through high school. School and year round club sport precluded getting a job. Very little cash gifting from bdays, etc. D was creative, though, and made homemade gifts, and took any opportunity to babysit etc to make the odd dollar. S…well, he was just clueless. Often was requested to take him shopping lest GF get a really strange gift…gas station travel mug, anyone? It did teach him to think about someone else’s desires, so it’s all good. Some fine memories watching him agonize over which perfume/scarf/CD to buy. He’s a pretty good gifter now, so some lucky gal will thank me someday ;-)</p>
<p>No. I bought presents for his friends when he went to birthday parties, but that pretty much ended in middle school, IIRC. S did not have a job in HS, and I don’t recall his exchanging gifts with anyone. In college, it was his own business.</p>
<p>I did provide teacher gifts, including a few in HS, but that was more or less from the family, and the gifts were boxes of truffles or jars of jam that I made.</p>
<p>An allowance is for our kids to spend as they will, so WE are not paying for gifts since it becomes our KID’S money once it’s in THEIR account. We began an allowance in middle school. My older D used it for hot lunches if she didn’t feel like making her own, for movies with friends, for gifts, etc. Once she started working, the allowance stopped.</p>
<p>My younger D sometimes guys gifts for her friends (she’s a freshman in HS) but usually her group does things that don’t cost much-a photo collage, a nice letter or card, a homemade video, a simple pair of earrings or a small size lotion or scent. D occasionally babysits but most of her money comes from her allowance.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the posts in this thread, but my reaction is “You’re kidding, right?” That’s what jobs or allowances are for. I have no obligation to provide gifts to my kids’ friends or significant others.</p>
<p>We used to buy all of our kids’ presents for their friends up until high school. Once they were in high school, we started giving them $200/mon for all of their incidentals. Both of them were very involved with their ECs so they didn’t have time to work. Out of their allowance they would pay for movies, dinners, presents and put away for savings. They learned to budget. If they had 2 big birthday parties to go to then they would cut back on going on. If they wanted to spend $200 on a present for their BF then they would stay home for a month. We continued with allowance until they graduated from college. They got a bit more when they went to college.</p>
<p>Well, allowance is paying for gifts. Sure, it feels different, but it’s not.</p>
<p>We did not pay for the gifts our kids gave past high school and certainly not for gifts to GF/BF. What I would pay for was supplies to make gifts. My girls are famous for baking cookies as gifts and I had no issue with buying the groceries for that (I might have chosen not to if they required expensive gourmet ingredients but I was fine with buying flour/sugar/chocolate chips/butter). </p>
<p>That said, my kids always had side jobs so they had pocket money but I was happy to encourage them in making gifts to give to others.</p>
<p>Ooops, my H and I are guilty of paying for the kids’ gifts to close friends and/or snapping up the bulk gift cards sold in a warehouse store and giving them to the kids to distribute as xmas gifts.</p>
<p>I admit, I have purchased gifts at trade shows for D to give to her friends. It was much cheaper and nicer than anything she could have purchased at department stores around here. That was back in HS, when all her friends were swapping gifts. Now, they have ONE person they select or they do a gift swap among all who bring a grab bag. She pays for it out of the funds we give her to cover her board and living expenses while she’s recovering her health and trying to get an internship in her field. She prioritizes her funds and figures out how to make it work out for her. We don’t give her extra funds for shopping any more.</p>
<p>S has been on his own since he started working 2.5 years ago. He pays all his own bills and gets his own plane tickets. When he visits, we pay for all meals that we all consume, including dining out and takeouts. When we visit him, we also pick up the tab for meals and try to prepare some that we can leave leftovers in his fridge. We use some of the supplies he has stocked in his kitchen.</p>
<p>Neither kid has a SO; when S did briefly, he paid all expenses relating to her as he didn’t even want us to know anything about their relationship which lasted a few months and ended my mutual agreement with no angst.</p>
<p>I did pay for friends gifts when they went birthday parties, but that stopped when the kids were in middle school.</p>
<p>I do not mean to hijack the thread but when do stop buying xmas gifts for nieces and nephews. I am still buying gifts for my nieces and nephews even though the majority are over 18. One is not even living at home. I thought at 21 years we should stop giving individual xmas gifts and put them into a kris kringle pool. I have not made this suggestion yet because I do not want to be labeled a scrooge. I would appreciate any thoughts on this idea.</p>
<p>Good Cc men, rejoice,
With heart and soul, and voice;
Give ye heed to what we say:
I had to pay “the invoice”
Today</p>
<p>A red light ticket came on my tag</p>
<p>My son’s gf cost me $100 nag</p>
<p>Hip hip hooray!</p>
<p>Such a simple question, but so many different answers.</p>
<p>I paid for gifts thru HS, or gave son the $ to purchase. I don’t really know, but I doubt he gave many gifts to friends in college. It seemed they went for b/d dinners. Whatever, the $ came from his allowance/jobs. For his b/ds, I’d encourage him to take out a few friends and charge to me. At most, he bought cupcakes into his grad school lab to share.</p>
<p>Without telling me, my son did an extravagant thing for a HS friend. T-day 2012, son flew himself and S/O to a midwestern city for this friend’s wedding. We were with this boy’s parents T-day 2013, and this mom kept thanking son for coming to the wedding. As her son in Navy, only a few friends came from San Diego, and just 4 HS friends. She probably smothered son and S/O with her hugs, but his generous act meant a lot.</p>
<p>I still pay for gifts for the obligatory Christmas eve cousin grab bag. But daughters have always been on their own for gifts to girlfriends and significant others.</p>
<p>On a semi-related note, I was one of those moms who always hosted “no gifts please” birthday parties.</p>
<p>There were occasions when our Ds were in high school and in college where we helped with Christmas shopping costs for friends and significant others. Not all of them, and not every year but it definitely did happen. It didn’t result in any of them having any issues with the ability to budget properly as young adults.</p>
<p>simplystated, re: gifts for nieces and nephews. We stopped that a long time ago. For several years, when the kids were all young, we always exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts with all nieces and nephews, as well as with the aunts and uncles. It got to the point where it was just too much and we talked as adults, i.e., the siblings/husbands & wives, and decided not to do it any longer.</p>
<p>$200 a month? Holy moses…I wish I were oldfort’s kid ;)</p>
<p>greenbutton - I added it all up, I was actually saving money by giving them a fixed amount. Before that, I was giving them 20 here and 10 there when they were going out. On top of that, I was buying gifts for their friends. They didn’t care because they had no incentive to cut back. After they started to get an allowance, they would cut back so they could save up for something big.</p>
<p>Yes, we do. When D (now in HS) was a younger, we started an allowance, and often when she wants to buy something for herself or for a friend, it will come out of that, but the allowance really isn’t enough to cover all those thing now…perhaps we should revisit that. lol But we tend to do a lot of paying for things that she plans to repay…but we are really loose with it…more lack of organization than anything else.<br>
I admit, I nearly spit out my coffee when I first read oldfort’s $200. figure, but in thinking about it…if that is to cover all expenses (lessons, clothes, lunches, expenses for extra curriculars, entertainment… )…it seems pretty reasonable to me. Definitely going to be considering these ideas as we are reworking our budget. Of course, what makes sense to one family will be different than what makes sense for another.
I feel that there is a big difference between paying an allowance and paying for gifts. The finances may work out the same, but with an allowance, there is budgeting involved on the student’s side.</p>
<p>Giving an allowance is not the same thing as paying for gifts. If a kid gets an allowance, the kid has to decide how to spend it – and that means making choices and being responsible for those choices. Paying for everything as it comes up does not help a child/teen learn to make those choices and suffer those consequences.</p>
<p>$200 was for going out, presents, makeups & expensive shampoo, manicure (whatever luxury they want), but we paid for clothes and dance/music lessons. If they want that special leather jacket, they had to save up for it. We also encouraged them to put 20% of it away. If you look at how much a movie is or a meal out, the money can go pretty fast if one is not careful. This set up freed all of us from having fights about if they are spending too much money or if we are being too controlling. When D1 started working and be on her own, it was easy for her figure out how to live within her means.</p>
<p>I paid for one boyfriend gift and didn’t like it one bit. It felt wrong. Fortunately she got a job shortly thereafter.</p>