I just sent my daughter off to college a week ago. The first week, welcome week…I didn’t hear too much from her. I would get a texts throughout the day but fairly short and sweet and usually only in reply. I expected this, so I backed off a little.
Now that classes have started, she has been calling me in between each class as she walks to her next class. I looked at my log today and we talked a total of 2 1/2 hours. Now, don’t get me wrong…I am thrilled that she is calling me. I even helped her find her way through campus a few times. The wifi is kind of spotty while walking so her interactive campus map wasn’t really working, so I walked her through it on my phone. LOL It was kind of comical to be honest and we have had quite a few good laughs and some really good talks in general.
The reason I ask is that my boyfriend asked “When are you going to cut the apron strings?”. That got me wondering if I am helicopter parenting or “helping” too much. We are definitely close and genuinely enjoy each other’s company and talking to each other, so I don’t see any harm. I’d just like to get others opinion.
No, I enjoy talking to her and want to be there for her. She doesn’t call at all hours of the night or anything. It’s her first week of freshman year, why would I not answer the phone?
You asked if we thought you were talking too much. If it works for you, fine. But really, a once a day chat would be plenty. Obviously if she NEEDS something, that is different. But really, why does she call this often?
Just my experience…but my kids were way to busy meeting and chatting it up with new friends than to call me that much.
Well she did tell me she made 5 new friends and came in knowing a friend from high school. So I’m not too worried about the social aspect.
It does work for us. I was just genuinely curious if others spoke to their children as much as I speak to my daughter.
My daughter’s favorite time to talk was walking to and from classes. Now that she is out of school and working, she calls me on her way to bus stops, not every day but often enough. Enjoy your close relationship.
I think it’s fine, short-term. Week 1 she was excited and busy with social stuff, so minimal contact. This week is more work and maybe she needs some reassurance, so she’s calling more. If she were calling you rather than hanging out, making friends, etc., then I might be concerned–but that doesn’t sound like the case here.
In 2 or 3 weeks, you two will settle into a rhythm: a few brief texts most days with a call once or twice a week; or maybe a short call nearly ever day. As long as you are a much-loved accessory and not her main source of entertainment, enjoy the communication you have.
If it works for the 2 of you then that’s all that matters. I love talking to my kids but probably couldn’t do it 2-1/2 hours a day. My DD2 used to call me between classes also- she was across the country. Now she will call me while waiting for a train or walking to her apartment. It’s a great way to stay in touch. You may find her calls come less often as she adjusts to school, but for now, enjoy.
She’s probably just looking for some reassurance and a familiar voice in an unfamiliar place. I’m sure the time will taper off after a week or so.
It seems like she is calling you, so I don’t know how you’d be helicoptering. But don’t feel as though you have to answer every time. 2.5 hours is a large chunk of your day, too
My son used to call me between classes and while waiting for the bus, etc. He’s 25 now, and we still talk on the phone almost every day for about 45 minutes or an hour, unless one of us is really busy. So I don’t see anything wrong with your situation, as long as your daughter also has friends she spends time with.
As long as she seems happy and meeting friends and socializing and not talking for hours at a time with you, I don’t see the harm. Everything is new right now. Frequency may change in the next week!
First of all, enjoy the chats. Both of my D’s would call me while walking between classes.
Fast forward and they have graduated, I still hear from them when they are walking home from working out, D1, or walking to and from the T, D2. Hear from D1 about once a week now. Hear from D2 once or twice a day. Haha, different kids.
I work on a college campus and it seems 75% are talking on the phone between classes. I often hear what seems to be a conversation with a parent.
I think a good way to gauge if you are talking too much is think about how much time you used to speak to each before she went off to college. If she used to call you up a lot during the day and talk to you after dinner, then this is probably not unusual. If you think she is speaking with you too often then you may want not to be too available to pick up the phone.
I have 2 daughters. The older one used to talk to none stop when she lived at home. When she went off to college we used to speak to each at least few times a day, and some of those calls would be over half an hour. The younger one was the quiet one at home. After she went off to college, she would call me at least once a day, but our calls would not last for more than 5 minutes, unless she was very upset about something.
I think the mere fact that you posed the question means that you do think you are talking too much and you are concerned. If it doesn’t taper off, then you might need to cut those apron strings just a little. If she is talking to you while walking, then she is missing opportunities to talk to others and to become aware of what she’s walking past. You could be enabling her to avoid others.
You are her security blanket right now. Is she the one calling you? Being on the phone keeps her from interacting with others. I’m hoping over time she whittles it down a little. Maybe you are also clinging to her to keep you from adjusting as well.
It’s fine. At various times I have talked to my kids the same amount of time. Then when they got busy, it tapered off. Enjoy it while you can because she is going to get involved with activities and friends and it won’t happen forever. My D is in graduate school and still calls me between classes. The calls don’t last as long anymore, but they do happen because we actually, you know, like each other as people.
It will change - it will all change. Just relax and enjoy this chance to be here for your daughter. When she gets more involved/ busier/ integrated into campus life, the calls will become less frequent and shorter.
