<p>It’s not that I feel that I can’t function without a boyfriend (I never looked for one or anything like that), but I do feel like I can’t function without HIM.</p>
<p>I am also really afraid that the only solution I will get is taking medication, and I REALLY don’t want to. I don’t even take Tylenol or drink alcohol and coffee.</p>
<p>Also, someone mentioned moving. I have definitely thought of that. I will be honest, in part, I still hope he may come back. But it’s more than that. There is no “community” that I could move to. Also, I don’t feel like I can find a job in my current state. I have thought of moving to my college, but I will still be alone, because I don’t know anyone there, and everything will remind me of him.</p>
<p>You’re eventually going to make new friends and things will be good again. Better, in fact, because you’ll have moved on from a dysfunctional relationship. Right now you have an obsession with this one guy, who really doesn’t sound like he deserves such devotion. There are many, infinitely nicer young men out there in the world; eventually, you’ll meet some of them. … As many here have encouraged you, get professional help. The misery will eventually pass, I assure you.</p>
<p>
Just…how in the world could medication possibly be worse for you than what is happening right now?! I think I’d like to hear your answer to that question, because it’s important. Do you believe that the medication is going to cause some kind of damage to you? If you had pneumonia, would you not take an antibiotic if it were prescribed? Since the psychiatrist has already seen you, if you call his office and tell his assistant that you are truly not able to function…you can’t make yourself go to your apartment, you are not able to work (or at least work like you should be), you are thinking of him obsessively, I suspect he will call in a prescription for you. What in the world do you have to lose?!</p>
<p>By the way, I am on medication for depression, and it totally changed my life. You don’t have to take it forever, but you could try it for 3 months. </p>
<p>
Then what you had with him was not really a relationship at all. Just, you want to own him. You cannot own another person. He does not want to be with you anymore. That’s it. You are not happy when you are with him, but you just want to cling to him because he is familiar and comfortable and makes you feel safe. Yes, I know that you love him. But is your love for him about him or is it about you? You keep talking about your needs, but what about his? Does that matter at all? </p>
<p>Do not call him about the taxi thing. File a police report. That’s it. I know you were scared (I would have been, too!), but it’s over. You are a big girl, and you don’t need to run to b/f every time something happens to you.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like you are very close to having to move back home (whether you want to be there or not). At some point, your friend is going to tell you that you have to leave, and you aren’t willing to go back to your apartment. At some point, you are going to lose that job if you are spending time on cc at work and are so torn up that you aren’t able to do the work you need to do. The only option will be to move home and let your parents provide for you.</p>
<p>You have been given TONS of suggestions. You have taken a couple of important ones such as seeing the psychiatrist. You are unwilling to take the vast majority of suggestions given to you, but you keep asking for more. Why? You will not do the things that people are telling you will help. You can’t do them all; we know that. </p>
<p>What I see is that you want so much to feel better, but you refuse to do the things that will make you better. Maybe the reason you refuse is that you cannot do those things…you simply can’t. If that is the case, you are very likely suffering from clinical depression and probably need meds to get you to the point where you can even start on the steps to healing. The meds don’t work overnight unfortunately, but for most people, they will help them to feel better in a few weeks.</p>
<p>Here is a meeting locator for codependents anonymous: [CODA</a> - Meeting Resource Center](<a href=“http://www.codependents.org/ajax_control.php?action=load_translation&language=1]CODA”>http://www.codependents.org/ajax_control.php?action=load_translation&language=1)</p>
<p>This explains what codependents anonymous is: [CoDA</a> World Fellowship welcomes you](<a href=“http://www.codependents.org/foundation-docs.php]CoDA”>http://www.codependents.org/foundation-docs.php)</p>
<p>If you can drag yourself to one of those meetings, you will find people who understand your pain. Unlike us, those people will have “skin on”. Please let them try to help you.</p>
<p>I do feel like I can’t do a lot of things.</p>
<p>As for medication, I am afraid to take it because FDA has approved a lot of medications that proved to be harmful. I also really don’t want my natural chemistry altered. In general, I am very concerned about things that affect how my brain works (such as caffeine or alcohol).</p>
<p>I am setting up an appointment with a professional to talk to me. That’s the one thing I am definitely doing.</p>
<p>Every reason you give why you <em>can’t</em> do something (take antidepressants, go back to your apartment, etc.) backs you into a corner. With each “I can’t”, you will feel more and more helpless. </p>
<p>You have asked for and been given excellent advice how to <em>move forward</em>. Only you can take that first step. It’s very scary, but with each step you will be more and more in control of your life. I think a lot of the people posting here (myself included) have been in a time and place where everything seems so out of control and hopeless - and it’s too easy to make excuses why we can’t do the things that will help us get out of the dark hole. </p>
<p>You can do this!</p>
<p>There are a LOT of things you can do: See a therapist, take prescribed medication, seek out and join a codependency support group, go for a walk or exercise otherwise, volunteer to help someone else, do something nice for a friend, throw yourself into your job rather than wallowing in your unhappiness, etc. You are CHOOSING not to do these things.</p>
<p>Timely is right on the mark. You are asking for help, but you don’t seem to want to take it or to change your situation.</p>
<p>Your “natural chemistry” is totally screwed up. Some “altering” is needed if this is what you are feeling: “I am sorry I’ve been acting so weird. Everything takes effort. I know people recommend taking a walk, but I just get really anxious alone. I also have a really hard time concentrating. My thoughts are racing. It’s like I try to find a therapist and I can’t right away, so I close the page, and I get up, and then I come back. I can’t sit still. I just want some certainty.”</p>
<p>If medication is prescribed for you, take it. If you were diagnosed with diabetes, would you refuse to take insulin for fear of altering your “natural chemistry”? If you choose to ignore a doctor or therapist’s advice, then either your pain is not as great as you state, or you actually want to feel the way you do.</p>
<p>Something to think about in the longer term is moving out of your apartment and into a residence hall for women. I just did a Google search for “new york city residence women” and came up with the Brandon Residence. There may be other similar places. Residence halls are not as cool as having your own apartment, but they cost less and would give you people to be around. My bet is that most of the people there are 20-somethings trying to live inexpensively while they get their feet on the ground. I looked at the Brandon’s amenities. You get your own bedroom and there are two bathrooms per floor. Breakfast and dinner are included in your rent (so I’m assuming there’s a place to eat with other people), there are regular organized social events and communal areas for receiving guests and hanging out. This sounds like a great option for you in terms of both finances and not feeling so lonely.</p>
<p>
Just, I hope you will take this the way it is intended…which is with care and concern. Your brain is “sick”. Very sick. </p>
<p>Have you been reading the thread “Support for LatetoSchool”? She has lung cancer. She doesn’t smoke. Her body’s “natural chemistry” will kill her if she doesn’t put some very toxic medications into it as well as radiation, which we all know is unhealthy. So, she could decide not to put unhealthy things into her body…and she would die.</p>
<p>You can decide not to put unhealthy things into your body (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds), and you might die, too. I think that’s a real possibility here. Even if you don’t die, it’s looking like chances are good you are going to end up back at home in your old bedroom with your not-very-understanding mom to take care of you. Everyone will shake their heads and say, “Such a shame. She was such a bright girl. I heard she is so mentally ill that she can no longer take care of herself.” </p>
<p>I can’t imagine that there are very many medications that could make your brain unhealthier than it already is. </p>
<p>I assume since you are setting up an appointment for counseling, that will be with a psychologist, right? Keep in mind that the psychologist cannot prescribe medication, but the psychiatrist who saw you can. When you go to see the psychologist, keep in mind that it will likely not make you feel any better. It will take lots and lots of visits to make that happen. Make sure that s/he knows that lots of people believe you are in crisis.</p>
<p>Justoutofcollege, Some tough love here. I PM 'd you with some real sound advice several days ago. I’m not sure what you are realy after, I have read these threads and it is just curious to me that your pleading for advice continuously. You only accept what you want and not what is good for you. Instead of whining and complaining on the internet to strangers, get yourself some help. All these posters have given you very loving and tender advice and I agree with a lot that has been said. But the only person that can help you is you. By you not considering medication, make me think you are not really serious about getting help. Have you been treated for mental illness in the past? because your behavior indicates that this is not new for you. I would suggest that you take a shower, move your body by walking, exercising, anything. get out in the sunshine. Go back to the hospital, see the psychiatrist and be honest with him/her. If he recommends medicines TAKE THEM.
I don’t mean to come off harsh, but come on already. Get on with it…</p>
<p>I have scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. The psychiatrist that I saw at the hospital actually did not even bring up medication.</p>
<p>One of the big reasons I post here is to stop myself from contacting him. That’s why I write out the details and say I keep missing him. It helps to let it out and to hear someone say don’t do it.</p>
<p>Good luck with your appointment tomorrow! :)</p>
<p>Let us know how your appointment went. What are you going to be doing as a result of your time there?</p>
<p>So glad you have an appointment! You are making progress. Please keep going, one step at a time.</p>
<p>Wonderful news - meeting with the Dr. is a great step forward. Please let us know how it goes.</p>