<p>I think too many people who wrote or read this thread won’t get a girl/boyfriend anytime soon.</p>
<p>^lol thanks…but you might be right :(</p>
<p>I have kissed a boy. Yay. I hope to find a nice boy at Berkeley because the ones at my CC don’t know wteff to do with their lives and plus I didn’t relate to them :/</p>
<p>I used to actively look for one but now I’m just gonna concentrate on my own success and hope a guy will like me for who I am :)</p>
<p>I predict at least one couple will emerge from this thread.</p>
<p>i like to wonder what “kind” of couple would emerge from a sexiling thread</p>
<p>LOL…this HAS to be one of the most interesting threads I have read on cc, and UpMagic, I think part of the reason they are writing on this topic is because they are interested…</p>
<p>@ecullen: I disagree with Diivio - you are sexually inexperienced. This is not a bad thing unless you decide it is (and I urge you not to do so).</p>
<h2>As Andrew said, sex really is pretty secondary to academics at Cal. I know sex addicts - actual, diagnosed, “This is a serious problem in my life” sex addicts - who go cold turkey when each midterm season rolls around (…and then binge heavily the second the last test is over).</h2>
<h2>I should totally be doing my lab report right now. >.></h2>
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<p>…not really. It’s kinda expected at this point that the other person in the relationship has past sexual experience (albeit not as much as, say, my girlfriend from last semester), and that neither party will ask or tell unless there’s some evidence that it’s actually worth getting worried about. If it actually causes a problem, that’s a sign of deeper issues in the relationship that would still be present in the absence of said history.</p>
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<p>While technically true, the personality it correlates with varies very strongly with the reason for chastity. Reading your post suggests a much more paranoid line of reasoning than that of two of my best friends, both of whom simply have not enjoyed what little experience they’ve had and decided that they’d simply rather not have sex for any purpose other than reproduction (and don’t want kids unless married), for instance.</p>
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<p>Hence my comment about paranoia. This is what’s going to cause an issue in any such relationship - not the fact that a given partner has a history, or that you’re less than thrilled by it, but the fact that you aren’t able to trust the person enough to let it go.</p>
<p>It’s also worth noting that this particular manifestation is totally unrealistic because no guy (or girl) who winds up in “blurry” situations with chaste members of the opposite sex actually thinks like this, beyond simply remembering the timeline of his/her life and where you fit into it.</p>
<p>EDIT: I think I should clarify for the sake of not coming across as a TOTALLY horrible person that this isn’t an indication that there’s something “wrong” with you that requires “fixing,” and that I’m not suggesting that you should change your behavior, beliefs, lifestyle etc… The only reason to actually act, in any way, on anything I’ve said is if you for some reason feel that the things you’ve listed are having a seriously negative effect on your life (which, to the best of my ability to tell, you don’t).</p>
<p>Though I’m fairly libertine, I’ve felt often that sex is pushed too much as a testament of someones character, measure of social ability and their reflection of value as a person. Sex is entirely too commoditized.</p>
<p>^ I agree with andrew. LOL this thread is so funny how it shifted from sexiling to sex, I’m sure most of us expected this to happen though since anything even remotely related always seems to shift towards the topic of sex in general. But i have to admit this is kinda fun to talk about 
which is prolly why it’s been at the top of the first page for quite a while… (Sigh I’m inexperienced and immature about sex, so I’ll prolly never get laid in my life…40 year old virgin, HA I can beat that…<em>cries</em>)</p>
<p>PS: if anyone didn’t notice I was overreacting for humors sake but that really wasn’t very funny sigh…</p>
<p>I kissed a girl. And I liked it.</p>
<p>^ there are lots of nerve endings in the lips, I bet kissing a girl would feel so nice especially if you loved her so much…wah sigh darn my nonexistent love life…maybe in college I’ll find that special someone and she’ll miraculously like me back lol sigh…I wish i wasn’t so skinny and more buff, sigh such a nerd lol.</p>
<p>It’s pretty much just a matter of having the sense and confidence to identify people who might be interesting to be around (even just as friends) and then actually go over and talk to them to find out, honestly. Strong relationships don’t happen overnight and usually don’t start until a while after you’ve met and started hanging out (as friends, at least ostensibly), but they don’t happen at all if you don’t go out of your way to at least make acquaintances.</p>
<p>Also, trust me: If I could meet someone compatible with me here last semester, pretty much anyone can. “Diverse” barely begins to cover the variety of people here.</p>
<p>^ woot there’s hopeeeeee!!! lol</p>
<p>to eyeheartphysics: …the taste of her cherry chapstick…</p>
<p>@Diivo: Don’t worry that you are inexperienced, just don’t make a big deal about it. You will find someone someday and then it will feel great. A bunch of seniors in my high school decided to date just because they didn’t want to be inexperienced before college…i wonder how that turned out…</p>
<p>@ jonnosferatu: out of curiosity, when would you say is the best time (ie classes, study groups, clubs, etc) to find someone/ build relationships?</p>
<p>everyone, have as much sex as you want. get those necks PURPLE</p>
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All of the above. It really doesn’t matter. Just meet people wherever, and if you like them then you can build a relationship from there. It would probably be easier in clubs though because classes are too huge to get to know anyone.</p>
<p>Strongly seconding milkTea on the forced dating thing. It’s not enjoyable, tends to have negative effects on friendships, and is a huge waste of time and money (…which sounds heartless, but if you’re forcing the relationship in the first place, this is going to come to your mind as a negative).</p>
<p>With regards to the second part of milkTea’s post, that’s honestly not the best way to think about it. Actively looking feeds directly into the forced dating situation mentioned above, and I can say with complete honesty that every actual relationship I’ve ever had came as a complete surprise. Same with virtually all of my friends - I stumbled upon people who had a similar intellectual dynamic, and basically just ran with it. Having lots of good anecdotes helps. >.>
That said, I’ve tended to wind up meeting friends during discussions and study sessions (occasionally lectures) and getting to know them on walk back, or over lunch/dinner pretty much immediately afterwards. I haven’t really participated in any clubs or DeCals, but these are probably the best places to meet people because they’re almost totally optional, tend (in my very, very, VERY limited experience) to be pretty informal, and chances are that most of the people there are actually interested in the subject matter.</p>
<p>But, overall, I’d summarize it the same way Leachman summarizes his entire career: Serendipity. EVERY friend I’ve made in the last year met me either through coincidences either convenient (e.g. a guy on my floor just happened to be totally ****ing awesome and EXACTLY the kind of person I love spending time around; the only guy I particularly liked at CalSO just happened to be in my math class and bump into me on the way into the second lecture) or freakishly improbable (e.g. I went to a study session for Chem 4B for the first time, and it just happened that only 3 people came and the organizer was an attractive, nerdy girl with a great sense of humor; I went to a study session for Physics 7A and just happened to sit at the same table as an Irish guy who could be described the same way as the guy from my floor).</p>
<p>…'course, serendipity can only hit you if you actually put yourself in its way. If you want to meet people, you have to get out, do stuff, and have fun.</p>
<p>I will admit to my paranoia. With my way of thinking, my fb status might as well change from “single” to “engaged,” because once I am able to publicly accept that I have a boyfriend…well, in my mind that’s the same as saying I am willing to spend my life with that person. I realize that others take on relationships to be happy in their current time and place and don’t necessarily think beyond that. I’ll ask my friends, “Do you ever think about marrying ____?” Simple answer, “Eh. I don’t think that far.” But for me, my intention of having a bf/gf is to secure a life partner. I guess I don’t feel like messing around. Or then again, maybe being in my “blurred” periods others would call being in a relationship. But I’ll probably deny or avoid calling it a relationship, at least to mutual friends and family.
Ha. Ha. If you wanna have fun, you can try guessing my culture/background. </p>
<p>As for the current blurry guy, there are obviously a lot of details specific to him that are contributing to my hesitation. I’m sure most people wouldn’t want me to get into it. But my wording earlier was somewhat faulty. “No matter what you say…” does not imply that I won’t get with someone who has a history. Actions speak louder than words. It will just take more time for me to analyze behavior patterns and see if he’s different now, as he so claims. </p>
<p>I hope ya’ll get the relationship experience you’re hoping for soon enough. But yeah, don’t force it. Do what feels right.</p>
<p>Icesplendor says we can try guessing her culture/background? lol hmmm I shouldn’t play this game but I want too, lol are you:</p>
<p>A) Of a conservative Christian sect like Mormonism or Strict Catholic or Evagelical</p>
<p>B) Raised by extremely conservative Asian parents (example: Super conservative strict Brahmin Hindu Indian parents)</p>
<p>C) Atheist with hyper conservative morals</p>
<p>D) All of the above (lol I know this answer choice doesn’t make sense due to contradiction. Deal with it! lol.</p>
<p>wow, this thread has really strayed from the topic
Diivo, I don’t really think she has to be conservative just to have those views, maybe she is conservative when it comes to this topic, but not really about anything else? And although parents are a huge influence, as people go on to college, they have their own opinions. For example, I would actually say that my parents are more liberal than I am. But then again, it feels like these views haven’t been forced on her and she has actually come up with this on her own…after all this, i have no idea what your culture is, and I honestly could care less (although it is just interesting to know). To assume that everyone that follows certain culture strictly holds certain views, to me just goes back to stereotyping…</p>
<p>talking about guessing, can you guys guess my gender?</p>