<p>No strings. They know we expect them to do their best.</p>
<p>Many strings, all involving costs that would be put on them. But we never had a reason so far to pull a single one. And that’s because they know we would pull them.</p>
<p>Boys are so much easier to deal with in this regard. Boys seem to understand “the deal”. And, in general, mothers of boys are much more apt to be strict in enforcing “the deal” with their boys but, and in general again, not so much with their girls.</p>
<p>My deal: I pay for 4 years total, which must be completed within 5 years of high school graduation; I get to see grade reports, and d. must maintain the minimum GPA required to be in good status at her school & maintain her finaid there (a mere 2.0, but no problem for her so far). These rules, unfortunately, were set with my son after he had already been in college 2 years & concealed poor grades from me; but my son didn’t make the 5 year mark in any case, so he has paid for the last 2 years of college on his own. </p>
<p>I don’t really view it as “strings”-- just the terms of the “mommy scholarship”.</p>
<p>As far as toblin’s comments above, the deal is the same with both my kids. My d. actually is the one who had the law laid down for her sooner --so if anything, in my family it is the girl who has gotten the short end of the deal. Also, I do not give my kids an allowance in college – I pay the bursar bill but expect them to pay for books & incidentals on their own. I think my d. spends a lot more money, but she works for she spends.</p>
<p>Before applications went out, we told them of the ‘strings’:
Undergraduate school will be our gift to you to the ability we can afford, if the following conditions are met:
Apply and accept wherever you want,
You must take out the unsubsidized Stafford loan (to be invested in your own education and to build a credit rating),
You must work summers (or co-op semesters),
You must continually progress toward a degree, full time, and in ‘good standing’,
If you earn an academic scholarship, you must maintain it or reimburse us,
If you drop out, fail out or otherwise fail to progress, you will repay us all we have invested to date.</p>
<p>So far, so good. #1 and #2 are graduated, working and paying back their loans.</p>
<p>PS-Marian, Piano is a string instrument ;)</p>
<p>Periodically S wants to do something about which he would ask our opinion. If we would be footing the bill, we get to decide. If he is paying, he would respect our veto, but he has more control. For that reason he is motivated to stay employed. There have been lots of interesting conversations with both of our kids about them taking ownership and responsibility for choices which we do not think wise…they get to do these things, but they do not get to expect us to rubberstamp and be enthusiastic when we think the choice is unwise. Because they respect our opinions but do not feel burdened by it, i.e. there are no emotional consequences to our disapproval, they tend not to be reactionary, but rather thoughtful.</p>
<p>Yes, strings. She’s required to keep playing viola to keep the music scholarship. As one of the few and best violists, is she ever busy! Quartet, chamber and regular orchestra all fill her time, though she’s not a music major. </p>
<p>She pays books and works for spending money. That was the understanding with her brother. But he had two ‘medical summers’ in college, one recovering from a car accident, one post knee surgery, though he always made his own spending money while in school. So the rules get bent for changing circumstances. </p>
<p>The other D, on exchange, is not going to return in sufficient time to get a summer job and save money for books and so on. So do we pay for her books, when her sister has been working hard? Unfair, but we haven’t yet sorted out all the rights and wrongs of the situation.</p>
<p>OP, why would a parent make grad school a condition of support for undergrads? I don’t get that one. The only precondition I would consider was a reasonable effort academically. If they fell a little behing that would be okay but if they were dragging their degree program beyond 9 semesters for no good reason I would probably pull the plug.</p>
<p>The quandry we are in now is how much support we feel is necessary for grad school. We have not made any committments but once acceptances come in we will consider lending a hand. We only paid for room/board/car insurance/med insurance-that was the deal. He will be graduating with about $45,000(?) of his college fund remaining but I would like for him to have that as a start following college. I think we will definitely gift him $10,000/yr while he is still a student and maybe some amount beyond that.</p>
<p>No strings here either, though I think the above posters have set very reasonable limits. What works for each family is a little different. In our case, hubby and I felt we needed to tell our son not to worry if he didn’t get all A’s. As it turned out, he did, but we didn’t want him stressing out about B’s.</p>
<p>
Actually, it’s considered a percussion instrument, since one does not (usually) pluck, bow or strum the strings. So sayeth my Juilliard-educated pianist husband. ;)</p>
<p>From Wikipedia:
A string instrument (or stringed instrument) is a musical instrument that produces sound by means of vibrating strings.</p>
<p>I’m not a musician, but this is the definition I was taught way back when and the piano was considered one at that time.</p>
<p>Piano is a string instrument from a certain point of view. But that point of view doesn’t happen to be mine. As a child, I wanted to play a string instrument, preferably violin, but I could not because I do not have a good enough ear to tune the strings properly. I can play piano because you don’t have to tune it yourself. Thus, from my point of view, piano is not a string instrument.</p>
<p>Also, we have an electronic piano. Not a string in sight. ;)</p>
<p>From the Yale-New Haven Teacher’s Institute:
[quote]
Most percussion instruments produce sound when the material stretched over a hollow container vibrates when struck by a stick, mallet or hand. However, some percussion instruments are solid and vibrate when it is struck by another object. The piano is also considered a percussion instrument because the strings are set into motion or vibration by a hammer, which acts on the bridge of the piano, which cause the sounding board to vibrate. <a href=“emphasis%20added”>/quote</a>
[00.05.05:</a> The Science of Sound and Musical Instruments](<a href=“Curricular Resources”>Curricular Resources)</p>
<p>The piano creates sound not by vibrating strings, but by hitting (percussing) the strings with the hammer. While the Wikipedia definition may be correct, it doesn’t apply to the piano.</p>
<p>Perhaps the definition has changed over the years.</p>
<p>Piano is widely considered both percussion and string nowadays, depending on who you talk to. We never learned that it was either one, but rather both. The hammers strike the strings, causing them to vibrate and produce sound.</p>
<p>We are behaving like typical parents - we are digressing. This thread is about string attached with education, and look where we are - whether piano is a percussion and string. No wonder our kids don’t listen to us.:)</p>
<p>My mom sometimes does that…she starts nagging about something or other, and then ends up at how much harder my life is going to be now that I’m going to law school. Or how I didn’t try hard enough in high school so I ended up at “only” NYU. She says she’s not bitter anymore, but I think she’s still a little bitter that I won’t touch medicine, science or engineering of any kind with a 10 foot pole.</p>
<p>As for not listening to our parents, it’s the law. The law of Teenage-hood. Title VI, Section 32, Paragraph b: “No person classified as a teenager shall listen, heed, or otherwise pay attention to the advice or nagging of anyone over the age of thirty years old. Noncompliance with this clause shall result in the stripping of teenage status.”</p>
<p>Title I, Section 1, Paragraph a: “A teenager shall heretofore and hereinafter be defined as any persons, male or female, who is at least 13.0 years of age to 19.9 years of physical age. Mental age shall not be a factor in deciding teenage status. A person shall be a teenager from one second after midnight on his/her thirteenth birthday to one second before midnight of his/her twentieth birthday.”</p>
<p>No I’m just kidding, we have no such code. Totally made that up. Might as well exist though.</p>
<p>mostly to oonalong, I think the Op was looking for what strings others may be using.
A few here have said no strings. To me that means they are well enough off financially, and patient enough that if student choosed undergrad, grad, changing majors, masters’, phd, etc., they are able to pay for all schooling for as long as they are in school, no matter what grades they get. Who knows how many years that might be?
I am not in that position, nor do I believe it would be best for the student to be in that position- no matter what you do in school, or for how long, we’ll pay for it 100%. Nevertheless, congrats to those who are that well off financially.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Amen. BUT, there are ways to set limits that allow for a “win, win” situation. If the student has been told since at least junior high what the limits and expectations are, the student can make the most of it. My S had a small amount left to him in an educational trust by his GP’s (my parents). He knew basically how much the trust was and I had told him my level of financial commitment. </p>
<p>It meant that if he wanted to go private rather than in-state public, he HAD to get merit $$. So he applied himself in HS and got the level of merit $$$$ to go to a top 25 LAC within our $$$$$ commitment. He picked the LAC with the most merit $$$$, so he has (1) the entire trust balance and (2) the balance of our commitment (not consumed at college) for use for graduate school.</p>
<p>Grades at college? I told him that I’d not pay more for college than the difference between the merit $$$ and full cost (plus inflation) for 4 years. So, if he doesn’t maintain the required grade level for the merit $$$, or streches college out past 4 years, he has to make the extra money up and, if he can’t, he will have to finish at an in-state public.</p>
<p>His grades have been stellar, although I never ask how his grades are (in HS or now in college), rather I focus on whether he is enjoying the class. He knew what it was going to take in HS to get the merit $$$ and what the college scholarships now require to renew them.</p>
<p>He has mentioned that he has already been looking at graduate schools and how people get the money to pay for that. He once asked me, if he got all his education completed and there was money in the trust, would he get it. I said, yes, and that if he could make that happen, he’d really have a great accomplishment.</p>
<p>I believe this is the way to motivate without having to nag and monitor and it also makes the student aware of what it is going to take and what the “up” and “down” sides are. While he is a college freshman this year, it has worked really well so far, both in HS and college.</p>
<p>07Dad, I take issue with only one statement in your post:
I understand what you’re saying, but I believe that this is a way to motivate, not the way. Every child is different, every family is different. What worked for your son may not have worked for another child, even one of yours. It is rare that a blanket statement about what to do or what not to do to raise successful, happy children (however you define “success” or “happy”) is helpful.</p>
<p>I stand corrected:
[James</a> Fallows (November 27, 2007) - “The” way vs “a” way (Japan v China dept)](<a href=“http://jamesfallows.theatlantic.com/archives/2007/11/the_way_vs_a_way_japan_v_china.php]James”>China Versus Japan: Aviation Angle - The Atlantic)</p>
<p>I should have said this is the way I motivated without having to nag and monitor.</p>
<p>What worked for you?</p>
<p>Let’s see: car insurance required a B average so that took care of that problem.</p>
<p>The main string is that they have to promise to pay for their children. I made that promise to my parents; my father made it to his parents; my grandfather made it to his parents; my greatgrandfather–the first to be college-educated–made it to his parents… and then paid for his seven children (including the girls).</p>