I am a graduate of an Ivy League university. My beloved husband has never obtained his degree, although he did attend CC in California for a couple of years. We have been married 26 + years. He is far smarter than me, and a spectacular father. So, no, your not attending an Ivy (or comparable school) is not a deal breaker. Also, my daughter, who attends a very competitive school–would not hold it against a prospective partner/spouse if they graduated from a less endowed or generally lauded school. You will be fine. And, I have never known a male your age to even be concerned about this. So, you are far more sensitive than many of your peers. #enjoydating!!!
“Nonetheless, I have a hard time seeing why marrying an Ivy League spouse is even a plausible objective.”
I was keen to find a partner who was more intelligent than me. So I’m glad I met my wife in college. Thirty years later I still don’t know anyone smarter than her. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have met such a person elsewhere, but fortunately there was no need to try.
I completely understood your point, @Data10. I was simply making the point that just because they attend an Ivy doesn’t guarantee they won’t have debt. Lets please not parse it to shreds.
@makemesmart No, but her sister went to Stanford and her brother went to Penn. It was my mother’s choice to not apply to American colleges because her older brother said a lot of rapes happen in American colleges and it may not be safe lol. Therefore, she only applied to Taiwan schools and she went to the number 1 Med School in Taiwan (NTU).
But that’s because she’s a girl. Since I am a boy, she doesn’t think I will have issues with rape and she knows I will not rape other girls. Therefore, she thinks the Ivy League is a great option for me.
So let’s see. I read through all previous comments before commenting, but:
- Yes, I agree, it’s more about qualities than where you went to school,
and, my own emphasis: proximity and similarity are two HUGE factors for dating and for marriage.
Proximity: you’re more likely to go on dates with people around you or where you frequent, that are nearby (as opposed to are long distance), unless you are rich/loaded + very socially adept + very knowledgeable about relationships + very self-aware, long distance relationships are very difficult.
Similar qualities: if you share say, high intelligence, that tends to manifest in multiple ways (e.g., interests, sense of humor including what you find funny, jokes you crack, how fast you pick up on things, priorities in life, etc.) … and, as mentioned in multiple forums, intelligence is one of the most significant differentiators between individuals – not pedigree.
My wife could have applied to MIT – but decided she wanted to go into pharmacy, a field MIT doesn’t handle – and she optimized based on that path. She had her boards done before she turned 23 and had a doctorate degree, and she made her final student loan payment five years later, before we got married.
FWIW, I dated Ivy League women. I clicked moderately well with them and I went to Ivy+ events (I’m an MIT alumnus). I tended to get along really well with MIT students including grad students and later alumna, but many of my friends who were Ivy League and MIT grads (I don’t know that many Stanford grads, maybe a few, and a few Caltech grads) didn’t pick based on where their partner went to school.
If you read some of the materials, you can find that there are some who go to the top schools who are very ambitious / driven / intelligent / accomplished and therefore set aside social stuff and/or dating – some are a bit stunted in those areas (not to be condescending – many of them make up for it very quickly). Sure, there are social butterflies and cryptonerds and so on – but the focus at the top schools is a bit different than outside. I’ve read many articles where the students of top schools gripe about lack of time to date, the lack of dating, hookup culture, people are looking to launch themselves into careers and/or graduate work before really dating, etc.
If the OP is into generalizations (which there are plenty of exceptions), one could say that women, in general, prefer men who as tall or are taller, as wise/knowledgeable/experienced/old or are more wise/knowledgeable/experienced/older, and are as intelligent/ambitious or are more intelligent/ambitious – i.e., female hypergamy. And as a proxy for intelligent/ambitious, no, Ivy League (or even the top 12, 15, 20, 25 schools) is not a good first-order approximation or proxy.
@Lebronislit I think that the consensus here is that attending an Ivy League college will not increase your chances of getting married.
On the other hand, if your mother keeps on bugging you, and is willing to pay the application fees, apply to them all. If you are 100% sure that you have no interest in any of the Ivies, a crappy essay (say, on the topic “I love money a lot, and graduates of your college make lots of money”) or “forgetting” some crucial information will ensure that you will not be accepted.
“Sorry Mom, I tried, but was rejected from all of them. Too bad. I guess that you’ll never have grandchildren now”.
Of course, in a “The Producers” type plot twist, you may end up getting accepted to Yale…
Cue the clam fart essay to Yale of days gone by. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/470497-clam-fart-oh-my-god-what-did-i-do.html
Would merit admits of Stanford, U Chicago, Rice, Amherst, Hopkins, MIT type top schools would work or it has to be an Ivy grad?
Likely, IQ pool is deeper there than most Ivies.
Why would you want to marry an Ivy League women or guys on that basis? Anyway, everything can and does affect marriage decisions. I looked for EQ instead of IQ in finding partners, you know, the kind of persons who become more attractive with each hour you spend with them. Just had one rule: no person who smokes because I found out for me kissing person who smokes is like drinking 5 days old coffee.
OP- I feel sorry for your mother and all others who believe the Ivy league schools are the only colleges to consider. They are mistaken about the being best, as others have commented on, when it comes to many fields. They are perhaps the most well known because of location (east coast) and age. That said, there is nothing wrong with them if they have the atmosphere and academic fields that interest someone.
OP- my understanding is that Ivy league (remind your mom that’s merely a sports league, btw) schools typically do not take transfers. So nix any ideas of CC first. Also DO apply to schools in the top 15, 30, whatever. Do not ignore top quality schools that fit your proposed major just because they have a good reputation. Do not shortchange yourself just to spite your mother.
You can also look up various Ivy league professors and discover they went to many other excellent institutions for their undergrad and grad level degrees. Plus look at the authorship of the textbooks used at those schools. Years ago H and I saw the Harvard campus (son wouldn’t even visit it when he saw MIT) I checked the bookstore. Hmm- so many required texts written by college profs elsewhere.
Someday your mother will hopefully grow beyond a fascination for this. Looking for prestige based on a name instead of the real deal. In the meantime, look beyond this. Ignore her wishes and look at schools that meet your needs. This includes affordability, academic and social fits.
I can also point out physicians that went to Harvard for undergrad or medical school who ended up in the same Midwestern city, doing the same job et al as those who went elsewhere.
Oh, and an answer to the thread title. Yes! You have to meet each other and college is a place where peope with similar intellect and the many other factors meet. I had to find my H years after college- he’s from India and factors brought us together after we both finished all of our training and were in the same city and doctor’s lounge.
well this is fun, not sure the OP is asking for judgement here, but I’ll stick with what I have previous written.
@MWolf thanks for the subtle ad hominem attack, and I’ll stand by what I said in relation to surveys, especially opinion surveys, which are subject to all types of false conclusions.
I’m a “Public Ivy” grad married to an Ivy grad. (Fwiw, I paid off his student loans. And I can beat him at Jeopardy.)
It wasn’t an ad hominem attack, since it was against your opinion, not your person, and it wasn’t at all subtle. I was quite blatantly mocking the “Ivy Worship” that pops up, ever so often, on CC.
An ad hominem attack is arguing that, because you are X, your opinion is invalid.
If I had written “what can we expect from an Ivy graduate/parent?” or something similar, THAT would have been an ad hominem argument. However, I wrote nothing about your background, your intelligence, your gender, or anything at all personal.
It was the “Appeal to Ridicule” fallacy, but it was obviously done tongue-in-cheek, rather than as an argument supporting my claim that “people at ivies are NOT any more upstanding and virtuous than people who don’t attend Ivies, nor at all superior morally, ethically, or in their contribution to the good of society”. As for marriage, my argument was that people from Ivies do not make any better spouses than any other college graduate in the USA.
BTW, what survey are you talking about?
To answer your question…will an Ivy League girl reject you because you went to a lower college?
The answer is “maybe.” There are all kinds of people out there. Some may reject you because of your school or level of education, some may reject you because your family doesn’t have money, some may not click with your personality, interests, or sense of humor, some may not be ready for a relationship, some may just not be feeling it…etc. Somebody who rejects you because you don’t come from money or the “right” school isn’t exactly a keeper…IMO.
Some may even reject you because they don’t want to deal with your mother.
The qualities that make you a good person and a contributing member of society do not suddenly increase when a person enters the Ivy League.
There must be some sort of cultural factor here. Is your mother American-born? Otherwise, this post is bizarre and troubling. Go to the school that fits you best, including financially. Basing a college choice on marriage prospects is right out of Jane Austen, with the genders reversed.
@atomom: Might want to rethink your post. (smiley face)
There is a dating app that is designed to assist with “assortative mating.” OP might not be accepted to use this app if he doesn’t go to an elite. Just throwing this out there for the sake of awareness.
Shouldn’t your mom be first and foremost wanting you to find a faithful and supportive spouse, regardless of what college they graduate from?
I’ll add to the anecdotes: I graduated Ivy, my wife went to a well-regarded LAC, but not top 25 or anything. We will be celebrating 25th anniversary next year. WE. MET. IN. HIGH. SCHOOL.
@oldfort I’ve seen that with some friends and family members where most of their friends are their college/high school friends. I keep in touch with a couple friends from college and a couple friends from high school, but I don’t live near any of them, so I don’t see them all that much. Most of the friends I see more frequently are co workers or friends I’ve met after college.