This is currently a debate in our house. Most of my DD’s friends do not have a curfew but we would like to have one mainly so we can get some sleep. She thinks it’s ridiculous since most of her friends don’t have one. She’s my oldest so not sure what’s the right thing to do here. They are generally good, smart kids but of course they are teens and they do like to have some fun. They feel like it’s their last summer together so they should have some freedom and they’ve been quarantined for the whole end of their senior year. They are generally outside doing fire pits or watching movies. How do curfews work in your house or do you not have them? We are flexible if they are doing something special but on regular nights would like to know when she will be home.
DD’19 did not/does not have one. Maybe should have, just because I do have a hard time sleeping until the kids are home. Even though, like your DD, it is mostly just fire pit gatherings. We live in the country so it’s always a bit of a drive to get home so that’s part of the concern. Every so often if it got to be like 1 am I would text the girls and suggest they come home.
Her BF, a rising college freshman, normally has a midnight curfew at home. But he’s currently living with us, so…basically DD will be home chilling this summer.
I remember being home a few week after freshman year in college. My parents sat me down and said they would not give me a curfew BUT they asked that I be respectful of the fact that they don’t sleep until I get home. So if I didn’t have a good reason to be out late, to please make my way home at a reasonable hour.
We did not give my daughter a curfew that summer before college BUT she’s not really a “stay out until 2am every night” sort of kid. She did have some late nights but it wasn’t so excessive to be a problem for us. Honestly, it was almost worse when she went to college. She liked to text us at 1 - 2am when we wanted advice or was stressed - or just wanted to share something with us and forgot that normal people are asleep at that time!
I think it’s OK for your daughter to not have a curfew exactly BUT explain that doesn’t mean that you are OK with her being out that late EVERY night. Maybe on weekends? Or special occasions?
LOL DD sends Snapchat streaks when she goes to bed. When she was at college it was kind of a comfort to hear my and DH’s phones go off at the same time and know she was in her dorm for the night. But sometimes it was 3 am and DH would think that was outrageous!
Another thing that gives us peace of mind, though some won’t want it, is Life360.
By senior year ours did not have a specific curfew. When they went out they had to let us know when they would be home. The same courtesy DH and I gave each other. If plans changed they had to call us. It worked well. One rule we did keep thru HS though was no parties unless I spoke to a parent first.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
If she is driving, imposing a curfew has nothing to do with her, her friends, or worries that they may do something bad. It’s about staying safe from the drunks on the road, not having a car breakdown when no one can help, etc.
Can she sleep over if she is out late?
When my kids were living with me they were expected to let me know when they were going to be home. If they were going to be late then they were obligated to let me know. Because I worked during the day, I let them know that I preferred for them to come home before 11 on weeknights. My kids went out few nights a week, but they were fairly respectful of me.
Ah man, you stole my line. I’ve been saying this to my kids since they were old enough to understand. Of course, “midnight” is a guideline not a rule.
@OhiBro mine too! That’s a mantra in our house. VA driving laws have a midnight curfew in you’re <18 so that helped. But our little city has a high crime rate. Technically, the murder per capita rate was higher than chicago for a few years. And my kids are aware of the problems. Younger S had a knife fight break out next to him in the cafeteria. A kid in his class was murdered in a gang shooting. Lots of kids tased in the hallways, etc. they know our fears are justified and didn’t complain.
We still have a midnight curfew for younger S this summer. (Rising sophomore). We don’t wait up for him, but the house alarm beeps when the door opens, so that often wakes H up. To our knowledge he hasn’t been late. He’s a pretty trustworthy kid.
At school he can do what he is in control of his own life and decisions. I just tell him to be careful and smart.
I would be more concerned about the virus spreading among the teens, but then again, I have health issues so my twenty-something had to be careful while staying with me. My kids did not have a curfew at that age.
We dropped D19’s curfew last summer (after senior year), partially because none of her friends had curfews. Generally, she didn’t abuse the privilege, coming home just a couple of nights in the 2a-3a range. I am able to sleep now when she is still out, so we did stop having her text us when she was on the way home because it woke us up too many times.
S21 still has a 11p curfew, not sure what we will do about that this summer, maybe go to midnight if he’s not driving, but he will still have a curfew for sure. I think most of his crew still have curfews, it will be interesting to see what happens this summer.
I think this is definitely something that depends on each family.
Leading up to this year with my graduating HS senior I’ve always had a curfew in mind for previous years. But he never really went out with other teenage drivers. If he was out, he was usually out in the neighborhood.
As summer basically started three months early, I’ve noticed he has gradually started hanging out later. He’s not doing much. He has a new girlfriend and they will hang out together at her parents’ place or in the parking lot of a 24-hour restaurant.
I told him I’m not going to impose a curfew because in two months he’s going to be on his own anyway. So far he’s been very conscientious with coming in the house quietly and not disturbing anyone.
He’s really blooming into maturity these last few months. It makes me feel comfortable with not imposing a hard curfew.
But I complete understand that other parents may. It’s a very personal thing from family to family.
We have never yet had to have curfews for our kids. Most of the time, they are either home at a reasonable hour or going to a friend’s house with a plan to stay the night. There have been a few times where my kids have been somewhere and decided to stay later than planned so they know to text me and let me know they won’t be home by midnight. This never happened often enough that I needed to enforce any sort of curfew. As long as they keep me apprised of their plans and respectful of my concerns (they know I will be worried until they arrive home), I haven’t needed to have a specifically imposed time for curfew. That said, my kids are rather tame compared to some of their peers. When I hear stories about what some of their classmates have been up to, I thank God I haven’t had to deal with stuff like that and would most likely feel differently about imposing a curfew if I did.
Some of my kid’s friends had curfews, but most didn’t. I didn’t have a curfew for my son, but I did ask him to let me know where he was. I am a night owl so I was nearly always up when he got home. He’s very much a straight arrow (Naval officer now) and there was never any sign that he’d been drinking or smoking though I know some of his friends indulged.
Same. I stole the line from my own mom.
We asked the kids to be home by midnight and to send us a text letting us know they were home.
Our main reason was to preserve our (parents) sleep.
My kids never had curfews, but then again, they ran with a pretty tame crowd. By his senior year, my son was working audio at local venues on the weekends and didn’t get off work until 4AM sometimes. Always slept better after hearing that front door open in the middle of the night!
I trust my daughter and her current friends. Regardless, my car is going to have a curfew.
Our kids did not have a curfew at that age. But they told us when they expected to be home and would text if plans changed. IMO that is just common courtesy. They continued to do that when they were home throughout their college years.
I have my Snapchat notifications turned off for that reason! But my D’s friends at other schools always said that when their phone lit up at 2am they knew it was from her. Funny thing is she’s not a night owl, but her school friends are so if she wanted to be social she knew it often had to be after midnight. She was usually the first to bed and it was still crazy late. But then she was always the only one up for breakfast!
Our state took care of that by having a driving curfew and my D didn’t turn 18 until after we moved away after graduation.
We would have done away with the curfew at 18…