<p>Thank you everyone!</p>
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<p>^^^ Say that three times fast! :D</p>
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<p>Even though strictly speaking there is no such thing, your friends may be thinking that you would enjoy one of the non shedding or so-called “hypoallergenic” breeds. I can tell if there’s a cat in a home within seconds because I get that scratchy, hair in the throat feeling. The same around many dogs, but have to be much closer to be affected. However, I have zero problems with the non shedding dogs. </p>
<p>Dander can linger in a home, and in air ducts, floors and furniture (especially if the dog has had accidents there), for months. Each additional exposure has the potential to cause a worsening of allergy or asthma symptoms. It’s not the case for everyone, but there is no way to predict. Since these are not your beloved pets that you are desperately trying to keep in spite of allergies, the only reasonable solution is to to keep the dogs out of your home in the future. </p>
<p>As for the question about how often they should have been let out, obviously more than they were! Even if the dogs have been reliable at home, they were obviously excited and/or anxious to be somewhere else. The owners should have been proactive and considerate enough to make sure the dogs were getting out multiple times a day. </p>
<p>Generally, dogs need to go out when they first wake up, after eating meals and before bedtime and that’s the bare minimum. Ideally they get out a few more times plus a healthy walk or two. People who work full-time are often away for many hours , of course. Dogs can usually hold it in, but it’s never ideal or recommended for a dog to be alone or cooped up in the house for that long. Ideally, you’d get a dog walker or a neighbor to let the dog out mid-day.</p>
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<p>So, let them wonder. You aren’t obligated to justify why you don’t have a dog of your own to them, or to us, or to anybody. </p>
<p>Likewise, you don’t have to justify to anybody if you don’t want a dog in your home. It’s always somewhat of an imposition to bring a dog to someone’s house. You could be a dog-lover - and just not want to deal with someone else’s dog at that moment. That’s your prerogative. If they seriously get hurt/ upset that their dogs aren’t welcome WHEN YOU HAVE AN ALLERGY, then they aren’t friends.</p>
<p>I only allow them here if they have exhausted all other alternatives. My dog baby gate is from target and cost like twenty dollars. It works well but it’s still better when there is no dog. I think she’s brought her dog three times in the four years that I’ve owned this house. Thankfully just one dog.</p>
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<p>It may just be a compliment that they wonder - as in bethie and her H are such obvious dog lovers or so great with their dogs. </p>
<p>But I agree that you don’t have to justify your decision not to allow them in the house in the future. And dog lover though I am - no way would they would be invited back to my house under these circumstances!</p>
<p>As much as I love my dogs, I don’t expect others to share in that with me…I have traveled with my dogs to visit my mother recently , with her permission. They were very good , but they needed to sleep in the room with me instead of their crates since my female cried in her crate . I would be mortified if they pooped and or peed in anyone’s house !
My sister’s DIL from hell brings her not house broken dog to their house when they visit…dogs always pees somewhere and her DIL denies it. My sister is a saint</p>
<p>Thanks–I absolutely am going to lay down the law. I wouldn’t consider having a cat, even before I knew my son was allergic, because my brother and at least 2 friends, including one of these dog loving friends, are allergic. I do worry about my son developing asthma and I want him to be as comfortable as possible when he comes home. He goes through about a box of tissues a day as it is.</p>
<p>These are some of our very best friends and are hyper-responsible about everything else. They also lost their younger son to brain cancer a year and a half ago. If this were not a health issue, I’d probably put up with the bad doggie behavior. I am most concerned about the build-up of allergens Roshke mentioned. It’s impossible to remove all of this stuff.</p>
<p>fendergirl–when I think of the way 2 of these dogs fight and race around, they’d probably knock down a baby gate, now that I think about it. They are powerful young dogs full of energy.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear about your friends’ loss; that must make “confronting” (not the right word, but I can’t think of a better one) them about the dogs more difficult, because I’m sure the dogs are a huge comfort to them.</p>
<p>Thank you pizza girl. It was a terrible loss, though this young man met it with incredible grace. Never complained and just went on with his work as long as he could, helping drug-addicted HIV patients try to manage their lives. We knew him all his life and his parents were present at the birth of our son. He came and spent several days with us in the final months of his life. Pure joy that he shared his friends and some of his final days with us. He sent us all an e-mail when he knew there were no more treatment options and told us not to feel sorry for him. It really helped me to just enjoy our last time together. I’m a real crier, but I managed to hold off while he was with us. So you can see how this is emotionally complicated. H and I introduced his parents to each other.</p>
<p>Oh this is complicated…I would have a hard time with those circumstances too.</p>
<p>One of these dogs, the calm one, kept watch on our young friend’s bed during the very last days of his life.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry for the terrible loss of your friend’s son, bethievt. That would certainly put a different spin on it for me, too. I could put up with the dogs in the house, using tension gates or crates when you are out, and would even be willing to take benadryl to spend time with them in their home. </p>
<p>But if you are starting to react to the dogs when they are over, and your S is not well controlled when he is home, I think you have no choice but to tell them. You don’t have to do it now - it can wait until the next time you are planning a visit. Your real issue is that between all the accidents, the fighting and the damage to your screens they may not believe that allergies are the only reason the dogs are no longer allowed. They may understand, but feel badly. I feel your angst!</p>
<p>bethie, how very sad. I understand why you are reluctant to say no to anything with them. I still think that you are going to need to tell them that you have become allergic to the dogs, though, unless you are willing to try drugging yourself before they come and during the visit. Do the non-drowsy meds work for dander? I really don’t know. I don’t envy you this one.</p>
<p>Thanks, all of you. These are such dear friends. We introduced them in 1975 and they were married soon after. The only thing they are tone deaf about are their dogs. Go figure.</p>
<p>bethie, I can’t add much to the good advice you’ve been given; it’s a tough situation and you are such a generous and kind person that I know it’s hard for you to change things now.</p>
<p>The only other thought that occurs to me is if you have a nice kennel nearby - in other words, present them with a solution at the same time you present them with a problem. Where we lived before, there were a couple of very nice kennels run by people who love dogs. I know you don’t want to stop having these people in your home - they are such dear friends - but if it’s affecting your health for them to bring their dogs along, something has to change.</p>
<p>Thanks, Tired of snow. That idea just occurred to me today too. We have a good doggy daycare nearby that also keeps them overnight. My own health, I think I could take Benadryl. My son’s health I worry about more. He’s allergic to so many things and has been most of his life.</p>
<p>Just wanted to say, my H and I will be traveling from tomorrow until Monday. I’ll check in if I can, but I don’t like it when OPs just disappear. I really appreciate all of your thoughtful input. Maybe instead of laying down the law, I’ll try to get us all on the page of making this work.</p>
<p>As a dog owner who brings her dogs everywhere–but never inside without asking first–I’m trying to figure out alternatives to banning the dogs completely. Would it work to create a dog area in the garage when they visit, where the dogs could stay–outside the house but not outside? Or would you be willing to try to find an outside kennel that you could rent or buy used? What about allowing them only in the guest room and having it professionally cleaned when they leave? Can you suggest that they hire a local dog walker so that the dogs get a good long walk every day? </p>
<p>I do agree that you must tell them that their dogs are threatening your health; then you can brainstorm some solutions together.</p>
<p>Bethie i thought of you today. My one friend from college and his wife are stopping by to visit me thus weekend. I’ve seen them maybe five times in the past eight years.</p>
<p>He texted me and told me they were dropping their dog off at his in laws house for the weekend because they didn’t want me to get sick. </p>
<p>I was amazed they remembered! I didn’t even have to ask.</p>
<p>Just tell them that you’re starting to be allergic too. I doubt they want you to feel ill.</p>
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<p>As a person who lived for many years with someone with very severe allergies, this really burns me up. People have no idea how long dander lasts (years, and it gets everywhere), and how sensitive people can be (asthma from an outside sea otter behind a 15 foot glass wall). Because allergies often worsen, OP really, really needs to ban the dogs.</p>
<p>People who show up at other people’s houses, uninvited dog in tow, actually really upset me, and I have been known to deny the dogs entry, as I currently live with a cat. I don’t show up at other people’s houses with my uninvited cat–why do dog owners think they can do that?</p>