<p>I hope you are kidding. You don’t really think I represent my entire gender do you? Of course you do not. </p>
<p>Don’t worry. </p>
<p>There are good men out there. That is a whole different thread though. </p>
<p>I am sure you are fun to be around because you are certainly together and full of opinions and as ridiculous as it sounds thanks for trying to help me and my sons. I know you were trying to reach out and help us. </p>
<p>Not all men are goons. By the way, I do not take meds. No, seriously. I am not on meds.</p>
<p>If this thread isn’t cracking you up I don’t know what to say. It is equal parts bizarre and dysfunctional. Where is Dr. Phil when you need him and now, Jesus Crist, I am all worried about ruining Happily’s chances at finding a cool guy she totally trusts. </p>
<p>How many lives can I ruin in one night? </p>
<p>You know what. She started all this. The GF! </p>
<p>Happilyhelen, they’re not all like that, don’t despair. But do check out the dads of your prospective boyfriends. If they are like the OP–look out! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.</p>
<p>Then, also see what kind of relationship he has with his mom. If he has a good relationship with his mom, and really likes her? You’re in good shape, even if the dad is a narcissist who believes in polygamy but can’t afford it.</p>
<p>The answer is A. And always will be because:</p>
<p>If the relationship (this or anyone in the future) works and you have opened your mouth, spewed doubt and/or hatred about the SO, the SO will always hate you. Truly. And your child will hate you for not trusting in them. And yes, the grandchildren will hate you because they are from the contaminated seed. And yes, they KNOW even as little children.</p>
<p>If the relationship doesn’t work you want your child to be able to come to you, perhaps devastated, and say, “Thank you for supporting me. I didn’t see it coming.” You haven’t lost your child or grandchildren.</p>
<p>The only variable in this is when parents use money as a wedge (for either side) for the child or the SO…Then the parent(s) are scum.</p>
<p>Cannot do anything, period. Everything that you do will backfire and has potential of ruinning your relationship with your S. Of course, you should really listen only to yourself, and not us, complete strangers.</p>
<p>Nothing big. She has values. She’s nice. She isn’t incarcerated. But she just isn’t the right girl for him. He can do better if he’d only try. He only likes her because she’s easy. No work involved. No effort. He refuses to get shot down, which means he ain’t in the game. *</p>
<p>He’s only 16. He’s not looking for a life partner.</p>
<p>If she were an alcoholic, a liar, a drug addict, a cheater, a thief, etc, it would be different. At that point, you should calmly and respectfully speak up. </p>
<p>The fact that you think “he could do better” is really just gross. Her parents probably think she could do better.</p>
<p>Cecil…as a lady who has daughters (sons also) PLEASE do me a favor. PM me the girl’s number and I will call her for you. From your description of her she sounds like a pretty normal girl. She does not deserve to be shunned like this and I am sure if her parent knew you were here speaking about her this way, they would end the relationship on their own accord. I typically stay out of any relationship my children are having as long as they are emotionally and physically safe. Our daughters know the basic requirements for kindness and manners that we encourage they seek in a partner. At 16 emotions run strong and physical attraction even stronger. From having sons I am sure she meets the basic requirements. She has boobs. From having daughters that type of talk in my house irritates me. Double edge sword.</p>
<p>My older daughter has brought home 2 boyfriends to meet us so far. The younger one once when she was 15. I can’t say I have felt all of them were perfect for my daughter. Few years back, I would have wanted to tell my kids exactly what I thought of their BFs. But I got older and wiser…Instead of telling them of my opinion, I treated those boys very well. We invited them to visit us often, got one of them a job, and invited them on family trips. </p>
<p>My strategy was if we brought them up properly, instilled our values in them, at some point they would figure out if those boys were right for them or not. By being nice and curteous to them, we are showing our kids respect for their choices, even if we disagreed with them at that time (or we could be missing some qualities they are seeing). Without me having to EVER say anything, both of them have made the right decisions. After D1 broke up with her first long time boyfriend, she said to me, “You knew, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>At 16, there is no need to say anything. Just make sure he doesn’t become a father unknowingly or unwillingly. That should be your biggest concern.</p>
<p>100% Stay the heck out of it.
0% Get involved like a bull in a china shop and if anything breaks say sorry later</p>
<p>God, I’m just not good at staying out of things. </p>
<p>Mom2,</p>
<p>Her parent, singular, her dad is long gone. Her step dad just moved in. They live in the same neighborhood. Her mom invites my son over all the time. I could go on and on but let me just say her mom doesn’t think her daughter could do better. Her mom is doing cart wheels. The daughter out punted her coverage. Her mom agrees with me although we haven’t exactly had a conversation about it. </p>
<p>It isn’t “gross” to think he can do better. Why should he settle for less than he could (in my opinion) get? Why? </p>
<p>Collegeshopping,</p>
<p>I am sorry but I do not understand all of what you are saying. I understand that for guys as long as a girl has boobs she is good enough. I understand that from a girl’s perspective that kind of talk in objectifying and insulting. I get that part of your post but I am pretty sure you are kidding about wanting to call the girl. I don’t want to hurt her I just want her to date someone else. I am not mad at her, I just think my son should aim higher. </p>
<p>Oldfort, Miami, Ellebud,</p>
<p>Thanks. Oldfort, your strategy of not actively destroying things but rather getting involved in a positive way to shape the SO to have the values you expect, want and hope for is a really mature, smart and intelligent thing to do. That could come in handy as my sons get into more serious relationships. </p>
<p>I am actually a little worried that this girl is going to be his life partner. </p>
<p>I am actually thinking this relationship could last past 16. Like I said she is our neighborhood, they go to high school together, she is way into him. We will see. I will do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t become a father because no one thinks that is a good idea on any side of this issue.</p>
<p>*God, I’m just not good at staying out of things. *</p>
<p>There must be an area that could use your time and interest- volunteer in the community perhaps if your day to day life is not sufficiently engaging.</p>