<p>I think
is the correct answer FOR THE SAKE OF THE GIRL.
I’d hate to think of my son or daughter in a relationship where he/she is regarded with such casual disdain by their partner’s parents.</p>
<p>Clearly you are a part of her journey, the character who is positive she is not good enough for your son. You will be fuel for her fire. Keep it up. People like you help people like me achieve big things. </p>
<p>-Awesome! </p>
<p>-I am fueling her fire to greatness! </p>
<p>-I knew I was doing society some good. </p>
<p>-Okay now here we go with the some other shout out and replies. </p>
<p>Have you ever considered that he actually talks about you to her, and has found someone who supports him, and not criticizes? </p>
<p>For all you know she is the glue in your relationship right now. She could be like me, and know of your disapproval of her, but is the one to say, he loves you, don’t be angry. </p>
<p>-Yes, I have consider all of that. Next time I see her I’ll nod as my small way of thanking her for being the glue that holds me and my wayward sons together. Or not. </p>
<p>-Slow down with the he-must-running-to-her-to-avoid his mean old dad stuff. Did you see that in a James Dean movie or was it an old Happy days episode? I mean, seriously. You are pretty much dead wrong but as a theory it is possible but in this particular case you are wayyyyyy out in left field. Join the rest of the club! Kidding! Sense of humor! Ailse 5 at K-Mart! </p>
<p>You also mentioned that she comes from a single parent home (step dad just moved in), as if that makes her “less”. Don’t deny it - you know that is what you meant.</p>
<p>-That is not what I meant. I could care less that her mom raises her. That doesn’t make her less than my son. That is in no part the reason why I wish she would date someone else. </p>
<p>So far with respect to this match, you’ve only mentioned looks. Is this girl not honest? Does she have no work ethic? I thought you said she had good values and that she was nice.
If she isn’t honest or has some real character flaw, that is what I would object to, not whether or not I liked her face.</p>
<p>-She’s a good egg. Honest. Good grades. Good values based on what I know. She always offers to help my wife with the dishes when she is over and stuff. No big probs. </p>
<p>-You have a point. </p>
<p>-If she would only develop a real charater flaw I’d have more ground to stand on. </p>
<p>Your objections to this girl seem to boil down to looks, if your posts about how much looks matter are any clue.
What exactly is it about her looks that are so off-putting, I wonder. (Please don’t answer.)</p>
<p>-I won’t don’t worry. That would be going to far. I am not perfect looking either and beauty is quite subjective.</p>
<p>I am not perfect looking either and beauty is quite subjective.</p>
<p>Very true- look at the different standards between societies around the world.</p>
<p>I have also noticed that for instance, those who are unhappy with their face- say their “nose”, seem to notice and comment on others noses.
etc.
I think you may find that the things that you notice most about others, are those traits which you wish could change in your own self.</p>
<p>Many years ago a relative called my mother. She said that her nephew, the Harvard one, age 21 was coming home with his intended…and her three children. The mother, not the relative calling, was upset. Not only was the woman divorced (and nine years older) but she had three children and was (horror!!) a SECRETARY at Harvard…and she was converting. A done deal.</p>
<p>They made a weekend was set up…from a barbeque to brunch. The young woman was welcomed, albeit tentatively. Slowly she revealed herself…her first husband was abusive, she ran with the children in the middle of the night…dysfunctional family…loves her young man. On paper, perhaps not so good.</p>
<p>At the end of the weekend the family spokesperson (the original caller) turned to the young woman and her nephew and said, “Would you guys do me a favor? Find spouses for my kids. You two are perfect.”</p>
<p>And thirty five years later, with two additions, the family of seven are happy and productive, an integral part of the greater family and, did I say happy. Imagine if the reception had been different.</p>
<p>@ACCecil – Aren’t you tired? This situation must be emotionally exhausting for you. You almost ran over someone yesterday, maybe that had something to do with the stress you feel.</p>
<p>What if you stop worrying so much and just enjoy your son’s happiness? If you give this situation a chance you might be surprised. You’ve mentioned a lot of things you like about this young woman, focus on those. In my experience sometimes people who make a good first impression don’t wear so well in the long run and people who don’t make a great first impression are the easiest to be around over the long haul.</p>
<p>I know a college student who currently attends one of the top three universities. He was raised by his single mom, was average looking, and a poor athlete. She got a tiny condo that she could afford in a top public high school attendance area. The town was very affluent - attractive, rich kids driving to school in BMW’s. He was invisible to the community, as was she (both have stories of being snubbed). She worked two jobs just to be able to live in that condo and feed her family. He had a tiny social life - mainly nerdy kids in his very academic classes. Quietly, this kid was just studying - a lot. </p>
<p>Senior year in high school, he became visible. He received tons of honors and offers from every top school to which he applied. Full ride. As word got out, all the superficial parents (particularly the moms of girls) were eager to befriend his mom. He was invited to loads of parties. </p>
<p>How gross. </p>
<p>While it took his high school community a while to see what they had, they were wise to scramble to get in with him. This kid is a superstar among superstars on his elite college campus as well. The whole story is over the top. </p>
<p>No, I am not saying that the son’s girlfriend is probably a hidden gem. I am just sharing another story of parents thinking their kids are “better”, and then being proven sorely wrong.</p>
<p>OP, why didn’t you just save everyone on this thread the trouble and post this little query as follows:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Theeeerrrrre you go. Based on you replies, that was always the only acceptable response.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>WOW!</p>
<p>Honestly, my first impression was correct, you want us all to say BREAK THEM UP, but it does appear to me you have turned a corner…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You appear to see that you raised a great kid who does not place looks on the top of the chart, and now your son is showing you he placed qualities like honesty, hard working and strong values is a lesson you taught him over looks.</p>
<p>I have to say this as a woman, who has been totally offended with your looks issue. Are you God’s gift to women? Were you voted the sexiest man of the yr by People? What makes you think you are handsome to the masses? </p>
<p>Sadder yet, why would you ever want your child to pick a mate because they look good. I don’t want that for my kids. I want someone who will put them first. I want someone who loves them for their soul. </p>
<p>This vanity issue is sick, sick, sick. </p>
<p>Right now, I wonder how you feel about your wife with crows feet, stretch marks from giving birth and her gray hair?</p>
<p>UCK is all I can say. I really want to wipe my body clean of a parent who gives a rats arse about how pretty or handsome their child’s partner is. UCK!</p>
<p>I would swear to God you are a ■■■■■, but you have 71 posts, so you aren’t!</p>
<p>I am done, I only ask you look at your wife tonight and ask yourself why you love her? Will you be there when she gets cancer and loses her hair? </p>
<p>UCK, UCK, UCK</p>
<p>I have to say this as a woman, who has been totally offended with your looks issue. Are you God’s gift to women? Were you voted the sexiest man of the yr by People? What makes you think you are handsome to the masses? </p>
<p>Sadder yet, why would you ever want your child to pick a mate because they look good. I don’t want that for my kids. I want someone who will put them first. I want someone who loves them for their soul. </p>
<p>This vanity issue is sick, sick, sick. </p>
<p>Right now, I wonder how you feel about your wife with crows feet, stretch marks from giving birth and her gray hair?</p>
<p>-My looks issue? </p>
<p>-Do you really think I am the only one who values good looks? </p>
<p>-Okay. Believe what makes you feel better and I hope it is comfy in that bubble you live in.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Can’t speak for B & P, but I would say no, you are not. But this becomes “sick” when looks are valued over other important qualities like kindness, intelligence, loyalty, and a good moral compass.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That doesn’t necessarily disqualify him, B & P.</p>
<p>Can’t speak for B & P, but I would say no, you are not. But this becomes “sick” when looks are valued over other important qualities like kindness, intelligence, loyalty, and a good moral compass. </p>
<p>-Nrd, well, when we run out of girls that have looks and all the qualities you mentioned then I’ll stop suggesting to my son to aim higher. You know…you can find all of the above in the same person.</p>
<p>He is a ■■■■■ or a narcissist.</p>
<p>Either way, this thread needs to end now.</p>
<p>ACC you played your little game…move on and off the Parents Cafe!</p>
<p>If it is not a game, you are in for a world of pain with your kids.</p>
<p>As you well know, there is a scarcity of perfect human beings out there…looks, intellect, integrity, kindness, sense of humor, loves kittens & puppies, etc., etc. </p>
<p>Perhaps your son’s qualities don’t trade so well in this market? Is that’s what’s bothering you? Because it’s just a bit too weird to be obsessed about a sixteen-year-old boy’s dating situation, in the absence of truly serious problems with the girl (drug use, drunk driving, etc.).</p>
<p>
Similar version from Japan … “he who talks the most listens the least”</p>
<p>Holy Cow he is not a ■■■■■. His kid is applying for college as an athlete.</p>
<p>My body is shivering with disgust that he values looks above everything or anything,</p>
<p>UCK, UCK, UCK</p>
<p>I only hope to God that my DD, who is stunning IMHO, never has a FIL like him.</p>
<p>Disgusting, absolutely disgusting and pitiful to boot.</p>
<p>You want your DS to have a trophy gf for show. UCK</p>
<p>You want status via your kid, how society views her amps up how they view you. UCK</p>
<p>Love how you do not acknowledge your looks or how you feel about your wife aging! My bet is your wife is anorexic and doing BOTOX because of your chauvinistic views, </p>
<p>My skin is crawling with your rationale of what is good for your kid. </p>
<p>UCK, UCK, UCK is all I can say about you, while I ask do you have a MODELING contract or what makes you think your kid is so handsome?</p>
<p>UCK, I need to walk away now because I never have met a parent who places looks over caring for their kid, and then claims they only care about their child!</p>
<p>UCK!</p>
<p>Beauty is not the issue for him, your son wants to be with her and you feel her looks are beneath him. </p>
<p>You love your child, correct? Than get over it! It is his choice, 10 will get you 20 people respect him for finding an emotional mate over respecting your opinion because she was not pretty enough!</p>
<p>Again, UCK, and shame on you as a parent to judge a child on looks and looks alone when it comes to being worthy enough for your child. </p>
<p>I am still shuddering physically over the thought that parents place looks over emotional needs of their child.</p>
<p>DO NOT try to fly that BS of being a good parent. A good parent would tell/teach their child it is not appearance, but the inner beauty. </p>
<p>MY SKIN IS CRAWLING with your beauty is everything, especially as a woman.</p>
<p>My experience:</p>
<p>I think everyone in my family felt a little worried about the woman my baby brother married. She seemed needy. She had a somewhat disfunctional family. She had pretty severe asthma. She had some personal habits that were aggravating. Well some twenty years later, she’s the one who realized that my Dad was gravely ill when everyone else was in denial. She dropped everything to be with my Mom and to support her through his last days and the days following his death. I can’t say enough about her. She’d been growing on me for years (after all she’s smart, caring and produced two great kids and is a great Mom), but I really came to realize what a treasure she is. She hasn’t lost any of the faults, but they are far, far outweighed by her virtues. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m with E. #31 - please, please get out the duct tape.</p>
<p>I don’t think Tiger Woods’ Dad should get any prizes for what sort of son he raised.</p>
<p>A bit of advice, although I fear sounding like one of those obnoxious braggarts while I attempt to make my point…</p>
<p>My daughter is lovely, a recent graduate of an excellent university, walked into a great job after graduation, was an accomplished athlete, kindhearted, terrific sense of humor, loves puppies & kittens ;), blah, blah,blah… most people I know think she is a “catch.” (My apologies, please bear with me good CC parents, I know all loving parents feel this way about their kids)…</p>
<p>If she brought home your son and I got a whiff that she had a dad like you…her father and I would tell her to RUN, not walk, as fast as she could! No matter how nice your son might seem, there’s no way we’d want her to have anything to do with someone who might have absorbed your attitudes. That is grossly unfair to your poor son, but I would be heartbroken to think she might end up with a man who would reject her at some point if, God forbid, she had to have chemo and lost her lovely long blonde hair…and when she reached middle-age to think she might be dumped because she didn’t look the same as she did at age 23. </p>
<p>So if your son ever does meet someone who meets your standards, you may want to stay in the background and keep quiet.</p>
<p>B & P we cross-posted! We are so on the same page!</p>
<p>bulletandpima,</p>
<p>I also think it’s extremely creepy that Dad doesn’t want his son to date the girl that HIS SON finds attractive, but a girl that DAD finds attractive.</p>