<p>SophieIsabel, PM me and I’ll tell you.</p>
<p>I know exactly what she’s talking about as I struggle with extreme shyness (I’m a parent so no it does NOT go away). I work in IT. She would be an excellent IT person (has she considered computer science as a major/career?) I also understand wanting to fade into the crowd (I’d rather be invisible. I also do much better as a supporting role player and am happy to do so - no management/supervisory for me even though I have a master’s degree in information systems). Good luck to her.</p>
<p>I couldn’t agree more about the IT population and how she is very much like that group EXCEPT she is a poet, writer, linguist, with an aversion to math, mechanics and the like!! One would think the literay crowd would be filled with shy types too – turns out they may be awkward (just to generalize) but that group is filled with outspoken show-offs in abundance!! And I agree, it doesn’t go away, and that’s why I laughed in the pre-school teacher’s face when she suggested holding back my very smart 4 year old so she would "overcome"her shyness.My mother is 83 and hasn’t overcome it yet, but library work for 4 decades served her very well.</p>
<p>Interesting thread and perspective; thanks. My son (in HS) is extremely shy. I’ve been trying to help him understand that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with being an introvert - the world could use more of them as opposed to the constant yakking and me-me-me so valued in our culture.</p>
<p>Agreed, Snowdog! Our culture, however, pathologizes shyness and celebrates extroversion.</p>
<p>Each student is so different as to his/her preferences. We have two shy relatives. One chose a huge OOS public, so she could be anonymous. The other chose a small LAC. To the best of my knowledge, both were happy with their respective and VERY different choices. I guess the message is for the KID to figure out what s/he wants and where s/he is most likely to find it. As you say, transfer is a valid options.</p>
<p>Perhaps the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain would be of interest. It is on amazon.</p>
<p>I agree with HImom. Different strokes. My very introverted D went to a LAC where she shone. Getting to know people on an intimate basis (small pond) made a big difference.</p>
<p>OP ~ for you daughter - large school yes, but huge city? I don’t know. I don’t know at this age. I went to a very large state public and loved the anonymity. I also liked being in a college town. It was very comfortable - not as serious, not as challenging to navigate as a large city. And in a college town, you feel connected to other students, the shared experience. In your daughter’s case even though she doesn’t know them personally, I would think this commonality would provide a secure feeling of community. Just sayin’.</p>
<p>Yes, I am familiar with the book Quiet – we have it and have drawn a lot of inspiration from it!
The huge city I am referring to is NYC, but because it is 40 miles from home, she has an older sister who has lived there for several years, and we go there about once a month, it doesn’t feel as alienating as it would if it were a whole new experience to her. Plus she doesn’t seem eager to drive, so getting used to public transportation is a plus. Her current college is a 20 minute train ride away from Manhattan, and she has spent most weekends going there to see plays, shop, etc. I would prefer she had a campus life, but this tiny school didn’t seem to offer much besides drinking parties, and everyone flocked to the city anyway.</p>
<p>I can see where that would be the case. My shy D said from the start of the process that she wanted a large state flagship where she could disappear into the woodwork if she so chose. I had been thinking a LAC would be best for her, but let her make the call, and she applied only to large publics, ranging from roughly 25,000 to 35,000 undergrads. She’s now a sophomore and loves her school. I don’t think she participates much in class discussions, but she is doing well academically and is making some small steps to become a little more outgoing. I’m glad she knew herself and what would make her most comfortable, because I sure didn’t.</p>
<p>^^ Wow, that is great! We looked at schools from 1200 to 4000 undergrads, and I’m not sure if that was the mistake, or the fact that she/we picked one with a very intense and intimate approach to education and a lot of very expressive, outside the box students – she considers herself unconventional (and is in many ways), but doesn’t like to crow about it or have a lot of people take notice.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>My reserved son went to very small UG (1000). Living in a House all 4 years, finding it easy to join a lab, small study groups, all take home exams, lots of P/F options, eased some discomfort. He took on several leadership roles. </p>
<p>He’s sure he would have been OK at a few other colleges, but this one worked well for him.</p>
<p>My son did not want to apply to any college bragging about small classes; he went to a small high school and was excited about the prospect of being “just a number”. Although now that he has spent first semester at a mid size public university, he did say he liked the one small seminar he had because he got to know the instructor.</p>
<p>For my daughter, the combination of very small student body, classes fo about 11 students, one on one conferences with professors every week, and very unconventional, opinionated and vocal kids was just too much. Maybe a small school of other types of students would’ve been perfect.</p>
<p>@ My3Daughters–thanks for starting this thread and for the insight that you have gleaned from your and D’s experiences. I have a shy kid not ready for college yet, but because I am a college junkie LOL and going through it with another child, I have been thinking about the road we will go with them. I assumed that a small, non-stress college would be right, but now after reading this, I am going to re-think the whole process and make sure I mention to them the idea of the positive aspect of being a number in a big pool and expose them to both large U’s and small (and everything else in between).</p>
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<p>You’re probably right that it was the specific small school (or type of small school) that was the issue. Even though my D is at a large state flagship, many of her classes freshman year were smaller than you might expect at a very large school (for instance, her class sizes first semester were 15, 18, 24, 25, 45 and 75). However, there was no pressure to participate, no requirement to meet with profs, etc., so it still fit her “ability to fade into the woodwork” requirement. I’m sure there were opinionated and vocal kids (aren’t they everywhere?), but not so many that it was a problem. I know plenty of kids who have attended small schools that didn’t have such tiny classes or frequent professor conferences, so it’s probably not small schools in general. However, my thought would be that a small school requires a lot more scrutiny up front than a large school, particularly for fit. There are many places to fit in at a large school with a diverse faculty and student body and a huge range of courses, so finding the perfect fit up front may not be as critical as it would be at a smaller school.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your D’s unhappiness, but to say that a small school itself was the issue is a bit too generalized, IMO. I think that if your D had chosen a different small school, she might have had a completely different experience. The school she attended is idiosyncratic and unlike most other LACs, in terms of campus culture and student body. I hope that she finds a better outcome by transferring. Good luck to you and her!</p>
<p>Thanks so much for this thread. My daughter is facing this decision now and quite unsure. Her top choice is a mid-size private university with small classes and fairly rigorous coursework (by reputation). Her next choice is a large OOS state flagship where she feels she could be more anonymous, although she would be in the honors college, so we are not so sure about the anonymity. The first choice is probably a better fit overall for her major and future career prospects, but she worries that the intense atmosphere may intensify her anxiety. She also prefers to remain more in the background when possible. All the responses here are quite helpful in giving us insight to help her decide.</p>
<p>I think the key is - are we talking about shyness (which means someone *wants to be more outgoing, but is fearful / intimidated / afraid to, for fear of rejection) or are we talking about introversion (which means that the person simply is content in his / her own world of thoughts, can interact with others but chooses not to). I didn’t really interact much with my professors in school other than in a classroom setting – but I didn’t feel that I missed out, I just didn’t want to and I don’t get energized by becoming BFF’s with tons of different people. Others, of course, react differently.</p>