<p>I call ■■■■■. ■■■■■. ■■■■■. ■■■■■. Come on people, so many things don’t add up. Dramatic ‘facts’ in a superficial story line, so very many aspects highly unlikely, absent any substance.</p>
<p>It must be so nice to live in a perfect world where your kids never do anything to hurt you. Maybe it’s just because I live in the South, but the OP’s scenario is not too unlikely where I come from, and I’ve unfortunately known many parents to go through a similar heartache, though usually it wasn’t in the case of a college education, but not giving them the extravagant wedding that they wanted.</p>
<p>^^^Agree. This person posted in search of support, not criticism. If you don’t believe them, don’t comment. Calling them a ■■■■■ is just mean.</p>
<p>Investment banking will get him the closest to that,</p>
<p>LOL</p>
<p>Yes, and if this kid was in investment banking, he’d be more understanding about his parents’ situation.</p>
<p>Sorry, the facts don’t add up. This thread is a joke. </p>
<p>I don’t know any kids who’ve behaved this way. But, if I did, that would be a kid who was in long need of a spanking a long time ago.</p>
<p>Really? You don’t know ANY kids who’ve behaved in a spoiled, bratty, entitled way? Every child you know has been perfectly parented, with the right balance of love and discipline, has completely understood the perspectives of his elders, and has thoroughly grasped the sacrifices his parents have made for him? I don’t know what Utopia you live in, but the world is full of dysfunctional families with ugly relational dynamics. Plenty of children act this way over not getting a new car for graduation like their friends did, or not getting the fancy prom dress they wanted.</p>
<p>And as for the neighborhood story, don’t the Ivies claim to seek diverse candidates from a variety of socio-economic backgrounds? Don’t they make allowances for the student with obvious potential, but who might have been subject to a sub-par educational situation in high school? Look, I live in a run-down townhome in a neighborhood that is getting shabby, and yet my son went to an Ivy and landed a high-paying job in investment banking. And by the way, we couldn’t pay for his last year either. He took out loans and thought about graduating a semester early to save money, but decided to stay on and graduate with his class. Thankfully, he is loving and grateful. However, how hard is it to imagine that an immature young man, with a first job that pays $150,000, might not understand that his parents can’t afford to pay for his final year of college? Do you think every young person whose first job comes with great benefits, a 401k, etc. understands what life has been like for his factory-worker father and cleaning lady mother? People like my family have lived with very little in order to give their children a better life. It’s the American story. </p>
<p>Sorry, I don’t know the OP’s circumstances, or if the OP is a ■■■■■ or not. But some of you need to try a little harder to understand how the other half lives.</p>
<p>I don’t know if the OP is ■■■■■■■■ or not. I actually hope so, because if the story is true it is heartbreaking.</p>
<p>I do know who wrote the screenplay, though: James M. Cain.</p>
<p>I find the comments by several posters to be arrogant and downright mean…so pop all the popcorn you want…some things by some posters never change.</p>
<p>Yes soozie…I have four but one has yet to graduate…I thought that was pretty clear. I keep forgetting there are alot of people with alot of mistrust on this forum.</p>
<p>Momofwildchild…yes my son graduated MIT last year, this weekend my sons’ graduate Cornell. Hopefully, next year my daughter graduates. We are hopeful but not overly optimistic at this point. The jury is still out on my daughter.</p>
<p>When a person writes on this forum there should be no mind as to what post number they have. They write here for a reason, and hope to either vent or get information. Other posters do not need to attack them or try to berate them. I wonder what some people are like in real life…it is a good thing this forum is faceless because I would not want to be friends with many of the people on this thread. I guess it is time to reevalute what the purpose of this forum is.</p>
<p>Sounds like your S is a member of the “What have you done for me lately?” crowd.</p>
<p>I suppose that part of his pique may be due to his feeling blindsided by your lack of financial (and other) support during his senior year. </p>
<p>A word to the wise for any other parents who might be in this same sort of situation someday–get the cards out on the table early so that a group solution to the problem can be agreed on and everyone can feel like they are on the same team.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>momma-three, forgive me for my confusion because in this new thread here, you state you have THREE kids (post 19 states: “I have three kids, one who has graduated already and two who are about to”), whereas you have maintained on CC for a long while that you have four kids, even though your member name implies three kids. Yes, you have mentioned an older son who graduated MIT last year, your twins about to graduate Cornell (congrats!) and your D who is a rising senior in college in your state, who was living at home. Now, you are stating once again that you have four kids.</p>
<p>Mistrust ensues when members read conflicting posts by a member. If the member states their kid doesn’t attend X university but really does attend, and so on and so forth, it calls into question other posts and the validity of them, as well as the contradictions. This is a natural outcome in such situations. It is an anonymous forum. One reason post counts are shown on a forum is that over time, members can ascertain the validity of posts where trust is built up and one’s story is consistent and so on. It is the nature of a discussion forum.</p>
<p>When a “new” poster registers and posts a thread like this, it tends to cause people to raise eyebrows. Its a little confusing, and hard to follow the whole story, but if I follow correctly, the parents paid for 3 years, but at the end of soph year the student told his parents he wanted to finish his senior year (understandible), parents said they couldn’t afford it, so the student paid for the 1st semester himself, graduating early, in December. Since the OP said they told their son up front they could only fund 3 years, why was this a shock to the son, especially with the downturn of the economy? </p>
<p>That said, there are some things that don’t add up, and some statements like
can raise the hackles of parents and students who don’t feel that working hard the year before college is a “mistake”. So, with the poster being “new”, combined with some things that don’t seem to add up, and some statements that could cause a reaction from some parents, it seems reasonable that posters react strongly and/or question the veracity of the post. This time of year kids sometimes get bored and decided to mess with the parents in the parents forum. The student posters call “■■■■■” all the time in many threads. They flush them out pretty quickly. Its quite possible this is a student messing with the parents, and also possible its a parent poster who posts here regularly and doesn’t want their identity known. Most posters are here to be helpful, and they get understandably annoyed if they feel they are being lied to. Sure they can simply click onto another thread, but, IMO, its ok if they also express their suspicions or reactions.</p>
<p>*** crossposted with soozie***</p>
<p>Its quite possible this is a student messing with the parents, and also possible its a parent poster who posts here regularly and doesn’t want their identity known.</p>
<p>First clue is that I don’t know any people who refer to themselves as " mommy" when their child is graduating college.
Second clue was that longtime posters ( as someone who saw college as a priority when their child was an infant would undoubtably be), say that upfront when they change their screenname to get anonymous advice.</p>
<p>The post reads as something a high schooler with senioritis would come up with.</p>
<p>I don’t normally mistrust people but inconsistency in a new poster/thread makes others suspicious and casts a shadow on legitimate posts.</p>
<p>soozi… I stated I have three kids meaning that I have three that are employed or about to be. That is clear for any poster who knows about my long tern posts on this forum. My fourth child is not in the current job market…sorry for the confusion. As far as my name is concerned I HAVE EXPLAINED that at least 10 times already…so enough of the nonence regarding my name. If you choose to attack my comments or ask for further info I will disregard. Have a little faith in people and stop playing sluth.</p>
<p>My reply to the OP was in regard to kids in the job market and the saleries they are receiving. At this point I only have three kids that I could refer to. I hope that explains why I only referred to my sons.</p>
<p>momma-three:
I think it is valid that I, along with others, were confused when you stated you have three kids in an earlier post on this thread. I don’t feel I was attacking your comments but simply wrote that I was confused by your post and you have now explained yourself. Thanks.</p>
<p>I had written simply:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t view that as an attack but rather than an attempt to follow your posts with understanding.</p>
<p>PS: as you have added to your post…you are under no obligation to disclose the schools your daughter attends or has attended…but your stories have been inconsistent on that and so you can’t blame people for being confused or feeling some mistrust in what they read.</p>
<p>Is the OP a ■■■■■? I don’t know. But the scenario? Absolutely (with other permutations) could happen. From MY generation: I knew a young man who inherited many millions of dollars. He cursed his father because he left his third wife (yeah…nice people) 5 million of what he considered HIS money. </p>
<p>There are some not so nice and ungrateful people in this world. And if the OP’s kid is making $150,000 per year and he’s still mad…education doesn’t make you a nice person…education and making money doesn’t make you understanding, grateful or a decent human being. You just can afford a somewhat nicer lifestyle.</p>
<p>TheGFG: Really? You don’t know ANY kids who’ve behaved in a spoiled, bratty, entitled way?</p>
<p>Where the heck did I say that??? Please don’t put words in my mouth. </p>
<p>I said: "I don’t know any kids who’ve behaved **this **way. But, if I did, that would be a kid who was in long need of a spanking a long time ago. "</p>
<p>I have never seen a child who has had parents pay for most of his college, whose parents have had a severe economic down-turn, and then have the child refuse to let the parents attend the graduation. That just seems too “out there” to me…far beyond typical bratty behavior that we’ve all seen kids display from time to time. </p>
<p>*I don’t know what Utopia you live in, but the world is full of dysfunctional families with ugly relational dynamics. *</p>
<p>LOL…no, I don’t live in any sort of utopia. I am well aware of the dysfunction that goes on in the world. I’ve seen plenty of “bratty” behavior amongst my own kids, nieces, nephews, friends’ children, students that I’ve taught, etc. </p>
<p>I attended private schools for grades 1-12. However, as my younger siblings got older, my parents could no longer afford to continue paying the tuitions, so at one point, they had to put the youngest kids in public schools for high school. It would have been too nutty and too bizarre if all of the sudden my youngest siblings had declared that my parents couldn’t go to their graduations because they had somehow been cheated out of some entitled pricier education. That just goes beyond bratty…that is outright cruel behavior. And, in the OP’s instance, we’re talking about someone who’s 21/22 years old. </p>
<p>Again, someone who behaves that way is more than a few spankings short of a complete knocking upside the head.</p>
<p>Another reason that this story doesn’t ring true to me is that my doing such an unforgettable thing, this child has essentially cut-off the parents forever…and over what? Having an economic downturn? It’s not like the parents gambled the money away. Who cuts parents off over such a thing? So now this kid will have no family at his graduation by choice? Too odd.</p>
<p>That’s why I don’t buy this story.</p>
<p>^^^Come out to the real world. There are parents and children (and grandparents as well) who do unforgivable things. This is the basis of families that don’t talk. This is why therapists/Dear Abby and the like exist. People can do really rotten things to each other. (Notice, I’m not saying child to parent only.) And how people view a slight or a major slap in the face can affect a family for generations.</p>
<p>There are parents and children (and grandparents as well) who do unforgivable things. This is the basis of families that don’t talk. This is why therapists/Dear Abby and the like exist. People can do really rotten things to each other.</p>
<p>Absolutely! There are some truly rotten people out there…no argument about that!</p>
<p>But, this awful behavior seems to come out of nowhere…after having a very nice childhood, etc…and just because the parents had an economic downturn. </p>
<p>If the OP had written something like…We’ve always had some trouble with this kid, rebellious behavior, secret behaviors, ignoring curfews, possible drug-use, etc, etc, then it would seem more plausible. </p>
<p>Instead, the story is more like that this was a normal family with a great kid who all of the sudden gets cruel…seems too odd.</p>
<p>While I don’t know if the OP is a ■■■■■ or not, I do think the scenario is possible (maybe more believable if the starting salary was not quite $150,000). There are so many possibilities here as to why it could happen, and I think ellebud pointed out that this kind of story is the basis for alienated family members. </p>
<p>Even if the story is true in its entirety, we’re only hearing one side. We don’t know that the parents didn’t place some unusual conditions on their relationship with the kid that he’s just had enough of. But seriously, the kid cannot tell anyone not to come to the graduation, unless a ticket is required and they can’t get one. Even where tickets are required, there is usually some off-site location where those without tickets can sit and watch the ceremony via a live feed. He can’t keep them from that. The parents might have pinched and saved and suffered and martyred themselves to the hilt to provide this money, but how do we not know that they also didn’t inflict some sort of emotional or physical abuse on him and he’s just now getting the guts to stand up to them.</p>
<p>How many threads have we all read here on CC (not started by new members who have a history we can assess) of kids who have done everything right, and the parents continue to yank their chains. It would behoove us all to think what legendofmax’s parents are saying about him right now, and he has every right to never give his mom the time of day if he so chooses. </p>
<p>Caveat to CC readers, always remember there’s another side to every story. Sometimes the truth ratio is 95/5 and sometimes it’s 5/95. It doesn’t mean the story doesn’t have the potential of happening or hasn’t happened in some varying degree, which is why some choose to respond to threads that may help others in similar situations. I’m sure there are members who have had, in their own family, situations happen that make this OP’s story seem like a walk in the park.</p>
<p>Well, if momma-three did want to disguise her identity a little, given the sensitive nature of the problem she has discussed here, it is more than a little uncharitable to insist on outing her, IMHO.</p>
<p>I’ve only been on cc for one year, however my hunch is this OP is a ■■■■■. It appears as if the ■■■■■■ write a post, and then let everyone reply over & over again without coming back to post any other comments! They just seem to sit back & enjoy watching everyone else post their comments!</p>
<p>If the OP is not a ■■■■■, then come back, please, and tell us you are not a ■■■■■. Otherwise find something better to do with your (and our) time.</p>