<p>Consolation, it is my position that nobody should out any other member if they know something about the member that the member has not posted on CC. That isn’t right. But whatever a member has chosen to post right here on the forum and later contradicts that information in subsequent posts or there is some dishonesty with their body of posts right here on the forum, I see nothing wrong with asking for clarification in order to establish some validity. Remember that some members ask others for help with situations in their life and those who volunteer to give time to help another, won’t take kindly to what comes across as either inconsistent or untruthful. But nobody should post anything they may know about a member if the member is “disguising their identity a little.” But what the member has chosen to reveal right here ON the forum is fair to bring up.</p>
<p>chocchipcookie (by the way, I LOVE your screen name) - I think the OP did come back and deny being a ■■■■■. But don’t all ■■■■■■ deny being ■■■■■■? :eek:</p>
<p>I think the thread can be helpful for other readers who might be going through something similar (adult children/parent heartbreak) if we refrain from making suggestions that are too specific for this situation… meaning, don’t get caught up in the details, but do offer insights you might have that could apply to others. That way the thread hasn’t gone to waste. And posters won’t feel annoyed by feeling as if their time has been taken up by someone who’s just looking to be entertained! I’m sure there are other CC members out there who have maybe experienced something similar but are too ashamed and/or humiliated to share.</p>
<p>With so many posters that have left this forum I would like to think that some of the remaining old timers would be less judgemental and more trusting. I have been blessed with four kids. I have explained over and over again why I have the name momma-three. My daughter attended a private college in Penn and unfortunately she needed to come home. The issue with my daughter has been difficult and it has taken a toll on our family. After this weekend I will have three college grads but my heart will never be right after the hell we have been through with our daughter. The only lie I told was in not disclosing her school and for that I am sure any one of you could understand. How many people do you know that has a son who graduated from MIT and two graduating from Cornell at the same time. Don’t you realize that anyone from my town or surrounding town would put every piece together if they knew for certain the school my daughter attended. </p>
<p>I apologize to the OP that this has detracted from your post. I wish you so much peace and I understand how a child could break a parents heart. You do not deserve this and I hope your son will find it isn his heart to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. Good luck</p>
<p>OP has 3 posts, but no post count, so someone has set up this screen name this way for the OP. Certainly the OP had to have a legitimate reason in order for this to occur.</p>
<p>Posts in the Cafe do not count towards the post count. That is the explanation for that.</p>
<p>Just because a poster outlines what she perceives to be the basics of a situation, and we suspect that there are additional facts behind the situation we haven’t been apprised of, does not mean the poster is a ■■■■■ or is lying. Often, people aren’t looking to give us their life story in exchange for a solution. They just want to talk and hopefully receive some comfort, or they want to redeem themselves by offering advice to others based on having made a serious mistake. It seems that the OP could have simply wanted to express that paying more for college than one can afford will result in stress on the parent-child relationship. ■■■■■ or not, perhaps we could discuss that issue on this thread.</p>
<p>The GFG is correct. Lets see if we can get this thread back on topic. Regardless of whether it is real or if there is a highschooler out there having a good laugh at the parents expense, there can be meaningful discussions, as there have been many times, about the challenges of funding a college education and the parent-child dynamic.</p>
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<p>I agree, but hold to the fact that we’re only hearing one side of the story here. Whenever we read a confronting ‘report’ from either a parent or child, we need to remember this. </p>
<p>I’m sure if someone in my family went back and read some of the accounts I’ve given of our college process, they might have a slightly different view. (which is why I’m very glad none of my family members took me up on participating on CC!)</p>
<p>While the OP isn’t posting, the OP HAS had CC activity today. Perhaps he or she is reading this thread.</p>
<p>I still say the family financial info doesn’t line up. This family says they are don’t have the money to send their child to college for ONE year…but they had enough money in the bank for the first three years, an EFC of $50K which would translate into an income well in excess of $100K per year and/or very substantial assets…and they still live in their first house (while they didn’t say they have no mortgage, unless they have refinanced over and over, they either have no mortgage or very small one…thus a LOT of home equity).</p>
<p>The kiddo reportedly got a great job. I did some very significant research with a number of folks I know who work in the finance area. NOT ONE of them indicated that ANY new hire fresh out of college would earn $150,000 the first year even INCLUDING possible bonuses. </p>
<p>Call me the dubious doubter. If this kid really landed such a great job, what’s his beef with his parents? They sent him to the school of his choice…period. I would love to hear the KID’S side of the story (assuming that the kid’s side is the OTHER side of the story). </p>
<p>As they say, there is one side, the other side, and the truth.</p>
<p>I don’t think $150,000 is a ridiculous figure if the industry is investment banking and the student has estimated his annual income including bonus rather than reporting his salary. The young person may have overestimated the bonus a bit, but his estimate is not totally ludicrous.</p>
<p>But if the industry is investment banking, the description of the young person’s life as “9 to 5 job” is incorrect. A more accurate description would be “all day and all night.” These kids are paid extremely well, but they are also required to work hours so long that they can’t get adequate sleep, let alone do anything else with their time. </p>
<p>There is a reason why some top students who are interested in finance happily take jobs in other industries that pay less than half of what they could have earned in investment banking.</p>
<p>I do think the $150K is a ridiculous figure. Yes, perhaps a handful of new UNDERgrads in the country may have landed a job with Uncle Pete in NYC which pays that. Few and far between. My kid graduated in 2010 and, I assure you, the kids coming out of Wharton were not getting that salary or anything close to it- and many were really struggling to even get a job. Ask LegendofMax. That is simply not the salary level for an undergraduate- I don’t care what school.</p>
<p>Teri and the GFG have made excellent points. We are only hearing the parent’s side of this story. As with any relationship (parent-child, spouse, sibling, etc) there are two sides to every story. A divorce attorney friend used to say that his clients, regardless of which side he represented, would basically give the message “there are 2 sides to the story- mine and the a-hole’s”.</p>
<p>One obviously sees things from their perspective. That is why comments, observations, feedback from others can be helpful, to see things from the eyes of others, objectively, from the outside. It may help the person think about the situation differently, or from a different perspective, or consider how the other person in that relationship might feel. Surely we all have said things without always thinking how it makes the other person feel. Thats human. Trying to get a better understanding of why they might have said it, or thought it, may be helpful, though certainly not always.</p>
<p>** Forgot one last thought-- I don’t know of any engineering jobs for newly minted undergrads that pay starting salaries in that range. Perhaps there are some specialties in electrical/computer engineering for students with specialty skills. My older s graduated with an engineering degree at the height of the good job market. He had good internships and was offered 4 very good jobs. Even with the signing bonus, the salary was maybe 1/2, or a bit more, than what is being suggested here. In other threads some have suggested that some Ibanking jobs, after good internships, offer that top starting salary. Still hard to see in this economic climate.</p>
<p>Again, $150,000 is not out of the ballpark if the student is doing financial modeling, from what I’ve heard. I also know what my son is earning and has been told to expect in a bonus as a first-year analyst, as well as what his best friend is earning and expecting in bonus at another top bank, and what they’ve both heard their other good friend is earning at Goldman his first year. The salaries are indeed very high because these kids are top grads of top schools, and work like dogs–from about 8:30 AM to 1AM M-F and 8 hours or more as needed on both Sat. and Sun. Meals are ordered in and eaten at their desks. I had known IB required long hours, but the number of hours my son works was way beyond what I would have expected, so the OP simply might not realize. It’s possible she is assuming her son is working “banking” hours, given that she probably has not been on good enough terms lately to have heard otherwise from him.</p>
<p>Back to the topic: my son was aware of what we would be paying and what he would be paying, right from the beginning. He could have attended other schools with a full ride, but chose the Ivy. So while he has been considerate and frugal, I know he felt some stress senior year when he was paying for school himself. Also, he feels a lot of pressure now to quickly pay off his loans and realizes all the places that money could be going instead. Does he resent it? Maybe a little, because so many of his classmates were wealthy and got college and a heck of a lot of other niceties paid for by their parents. But he doesn’t resent US. The only time he got a little snarky was when I objected to his spring break plans senior year. He let me know that the arrangements he had made might not be to my liking, but he wasn’t asking for any money from us, his friends were all traveling on their PARENTS’ dime, and this was the only way he could swing a trip at all. I shut up.</p>
<p>So, what I’d contribute is that if the parents stretch themselves thin paying for college itself, there might not be money available for the incidentals, both necessary and desired, such as entertainment, replacement cell phones or laptops, new clothing, etc. Some of us who have less than perfect children, might experience some brattiness over this.</p>
<p>Let’s get back on track.
The stock market at the peak to the bottom in the last few years was 50% lost, where is the 90% lost come from?</p>
<p>I think the ■■■■■ suspects are focusing too much on the 150K figure. As stated above, we may not be getting the full story. If the child is so angry at his parents, he may just be trying to rub it in a little more by exaggerating his starting salary.</p>
<p>Can’t you just see some brat saying, Ha, you wouldn’t pay for my senior year, and I’m going to make twice what you paid for your house, and you’re not coming to my graduation?</p>
<p>If you look at the engineering and the LSU forum, kids over there are talking about all the time, how they’re going to become petroleum engineers and start out making six figure salaries. Yea, right! </p>
<p>Sad thing is, the colleges who recruit these kids con them into thinking that they will make this kind of money when they graduate so it’s easier for them to swallow paying that high priced tuition!</p>
<p>So, if we eliminate the salary (plus or minus) and focus on the main issue: Is it possible for a kid to be angry at their parent(s) because they didn’t give them the fairy tale? Or, is it possible that parents and/or their children to be embarrassed by the other so much that they are cut out of the other’s life? Is conceivable that either set should, in a seemingly normal relationship sever the relationship?</p>
<p>I can answer yes with several explanations: Child or parents becoming involved in a cult. Child (usually) embarrassed by less than chic (or worse, immigrant) parents. Parents and or child becoming so self involved that they no longer have time for the other. </p>
<p>So, yes, the truth may be somewhere in the middle. But there had to be signs earlier on that one side or the other missed.</p>
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<p>Hadn’t thought of that, but I totally agree… could be a possibility, kind of like a ‘na-na-na-na-boo-boo’, look what I’m capable of, when the salary is closer in line with reality.</p>
<p>I, too, was wondering about Dr. Google’s Q - how did the family finances get wiped out to the tune of 90 % ( not to say it couldn’t have happened). Could part of this stem from the kid blaming the parents for how that may have come to pass? Also, nowhere in the OP was there any reference at all to past quality of relationship - for all we know it was terrible and the kid was just counting the days until he would be independent. On top of that, the OP implies that the S is fairly miserable at this job ( which does correspond to the lifestyle of a job in a high income position). One of the links provided earlier in this thread says that salaries are UP this year at these places, hard as that is to believe after everything that happened in this sector. Or, perhaps the S is currently under inordinate stress and is suffering from some mental health issues. Maybe he’s depressed, irrational, and is blaming the parents for not agreeing to allow him the time to double major in a field he would have liked much better.</p>
<p>What else? Not sure why some think the family financials make no sense. Nowhere did the OP indicate they were making good money all along. In fact, the OP said that the higher income was only recent and in no way sustainable due to H’s health. She also said that because they valued education highly, they lived below their means and were able to save for college. What is suspicious about any of that? When I was young I lived in a neighborhood that changed dramatically within just a few years. With all the recent foreclosures, which hit some areas especially hard, not sure why that is hard to imagine. </p>
<p>Graduation reservations? Hotel rooms and flights can be cancelled and people can be uninvited. But the OP never said how far they lived from the S’s campus and if the S is working on the other coast this semester after finishing up classes a semester early, he may not have even been sure he was going to attend at all until recently. Maybe he wants a big last party with his friends and having the parents there would just put a big damper on all that. </p>
<p>Also agree that it’s possible the S rounded up a bit on the salary or the OP included all the first year bonuses to make the point. That would not be inconsistent with a kid who feels the parents purposely refused to fund his education. Lastly, maybe he does not believe the parents when they told him they were wiped out or couldn’t afford to pay. The possibilities are endless, including the fact that any post made here by a new poster or even an old one can be subject to doubt.</p>
<p>if your portfolio is not well-diversified, it would be really easy to lose 90%–or more!</p>