Just don’t use this as an excuse to spend too much. Make sure you can live comfortably when you are 80 or 85. You don’t want to have to eat cat food and live in a studio apartment at that age.
I’m 70, and every year I take stock and think about what I want to do during the coming year. This year, I’m going to be a grandmother, and my younger son is also getting married. I had taken a part-time, interim job at the end of November, and two weeks ago decided it just wasn’t worth it – in so many ways. I was back to being anxious, dealing with office politics, worrying about finishing projects. Finally, I just quit. I don’t need the money, but I do need the time to relax, enjoy myself, and go visit this about-to-be-born grandbaby.
@gouf78 - I am all over the place on the work situation - but something has to change. I don’t mind as much during the winter, but as soon as the weather is nice, I have to implement changes. The spectrum ranges from taking an actual break and going outside for a bit - to cutting back to pt - to early retirement. Will try smaller changes first and see how I feel.
This feeling hit me two years ago, when I was diagnosed with both breast cancer and thyroid cancer. What a wake-up call! I’m more conscious about what I eat and exercising. We also have been spending more time with family, including vacations. I also encouraged my husband to purchase a retirement home in an area he likes that is near one of our children. Like VeryHappy, I will become a grandmother this year, a month before my daughter’s wedding. There is so much to look forward to.
I have also been thinking a lot about this. Our retirement planning is based on me working another 2-3 years, but the job is so draining. My new year’s resolution was to care less about work. I am trying to remember that I cannot fix what is not mine to fix. This means I need to take time off even if I have too much to do.
I always go to Augusta for Masters week, but I work much of the time I am gone. This year, I will not be doing that. I told my coworkers that a particular job has to be done by end of March because I won’t be working as a result of them dragging their feet. I also am taking not 5 but 7 days off. H and I are going to stop to visit our good friends on our way. I want to enjoy my life.
My in laws are dealing with paying for a lot of outside help (health care stuff). I know for a fact that they can afford it, but my MIL is sure they are going to run out of money. They are almost 92 & 91. They are so used to worrying that they never really enjoyed , and now they can’t even accept that they can afford the help that would make their lives better. I don’t want that to be how H & I live our lives.
Great thread. When downsizing a year ago, I decided to use all the pretties that had been carefully packed in my attic for 20 years. What was the use of them never seeing daylight?
I’ve thought about other changes a lot during the last 6 months. H, skinny, healthy, and 59, had 5 cardiac arrests in a week and spent a month in ICU this past summer. On the good days, I envisioned him retiring and us having time to do and enjoy life.
Nope, he’s back to work full-time and we are still time and energy starved. I still own a firm that is entirely client and deadline based. It’s so difficult to get away from a lifetime mentality of frugality and worrying about how much is the right amount to be enough until we die.
The reality is we don’t like travel and are helping raise a grandchild. We decided we aren’t going to feel guilty putting extra money into splurges while remodeling, especially since home is where we like to be.
In May 2017 I was diagnosed with an aggressive rare type of breast cancer at 44. I can’t even begin to explain the fear and sadness and anger etc. However, after I sulked and cried I just got so tired of it.
I’ve always spent a lot of time with my family, but what we changed was not seizing the day. That hiking trip to Montana? We did it. A beautiful Saturday? Jump in the car and go to the beach. Be nicer, be kinder and don’t borrow trouble. “Things” are not true happiness.
What drives me crazy is hearing people complain about such basic things! Be grateful for every day. Love your people.
I have absolutely no regrets.
Great thread! It reminds me of a very hard lesson my daughter tearfully learned on the first day of Kindergarten, when her father secretly put a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in her lunchbox and she didn’t get a chance to eat it, because…“Lunch is short, eat dessert first!”
We set that money aside so we could retire early and start enjoying it all in our 60s. And we’ve always used the good stuff, including silver, linen, and candles almost every day, and a cocktail, soft music, and good conversation before dinner. We also entertain a lot and share all these good things with our friends. We’ve raised our son to appreciate this stuff, too. I rarely think about death or mortality other than as a spur to remain healthy so we can be in our son’s life as long as possible. I don’t have a travel bug, so no plans to go any distance. I enjoy cooking, baking, crocheting, reading, writing, and time with friends. Now that I’m retired and we’ve downsized, I’m just doing more of those things and spending more time with my parents who are still in very good health and have both moved to our state. I suppose if there’s anything I think about improving to make me happier, it’s trying to re-locate my “boyfriend” in my husband. I love him dearly, but I’d like this phase of our lives to have a bit more of the old connection. Should be a fun project.
Always now. Just today I heard from a friend that she has breast cancer, and that a five year old that my D taught in ballet has an inoperable brain tumor. Life is short and our hold is tenuous. Live and love every single day.
You all inspire me in different ways. I just want to live my best life, I think I have been on autopilot for a while, and I want to be more conscious of every day.
@kelsmom - I also had planned to work another 2-3 years - but I just don’t know. I am a really hard worker, loyal, dedicated and diligent. And what I have seen is that as a reward, I get more work! Our HR person calls me a single point of failure or something like that - meaning that I handle so many tasks that no one readily knows how to do that it is a risk to the company. So, I was tasked with trying to train someone to understand all the things I do, but now she is ill and out of the office. I complained about my workload last week, and mgmt gave me a 10% raise, which was great, but I keep thinking about time vs money and whether this makes sense. Going on vacation is a joke because I still have to work on things and give directions while I am out, and then I come back to a huge backlog. I need to solve this or start developing my exit strategy.
Every time I hear another young woman died of lupus, it reminds me that my health could turn at any time. Just last week, a 29 year old Miss universe contestant died. It hits home. while my health is under control now, it just takes one flare. And it took me a LONG time to get to the “under control” stage. I didn’t respond to treatment for well over a year.
So, I spend a ton of time with my niblings (nieces and nephews) who are all 2 & younger. I’ve gotten very good at writing my dissertation with a baby on my chest :). I obsessively take a ton of pictures because I honestly don’t know if I’ll be here when they grow up and I want them to know how much I’ve loved them since the day they entered this world.
I could finish my dissertation faster and go on the job market sooner if I stayed home, but time with them is infinitely more valuable to me.
Within the last two years I lost a colleague suddenly 3 months before his retirement date and my very best friend since childhood very suddenly. Wife and I have decided that since we are healthy NOW, we are going to travel NOW. Why wait–who knows if we will live into our 90’s, or not make it out of our 60’s? We’ve been to Europe twice in the last 2 years and are going back again later this year. Why not?
I love this thread. I started having very similar thoughts last year when I turned 50 (and I just turned 51, so this has been a process!) Right now I’m working on finishing all those loose ends that I’ve been telling myself for years I’d get to “later, when I have time.” It finally dawned on me that I was never going to have time unless I actually made those things the priority.
So now I’m putting up all the trim pieces that never went on the cabinets when we re-did the kitchen 10 years ago :)) I’m making the oversized magnet/chalk/memory board I’ve been talking about having for my office since my 8th grader was a toddler. And next month, I’m getting myself a new sofa after I have french doors installed in my living room so the cats can’t ruin this one!
I retired 3 years earlier than I had planned due to an exhausting and demoralizing year. I am so glad that I did! In the 2+ years I have been retired, I have traveled extensively, had the energy to organize the remodel of two rooms in our house, got in much better shape, and reconnected with friends and activities that I had lost track of. So so glad that I retired at 60 instead of 63! If you aren’t enjoying your work life and can swing it financially, I highly recommend this approach. I feel like I am 20 something again with unlimited freedom and the time and energy to explore.
This is so true!!! I was plugging along working as an RN for many years!!! 31/2 years ago started my first foot surgery and now I just had my forth at 52. I can hardly walk any distances without a cane due to those surgeries, RA and Connective disease. Enjoy every minute life has to offer. I can no longer work. I will not let my autoimmune disease take me down!! My husband and myself goe to plays, dinner, movies smd anything that does not involve too much walking!!! My motto for sure is eat dessert first!
Travel and education have been our priorities over the years (in addition to saving). A number of years back we took a trip to Cambodia and it was a rigorous trip that required a lot of climbing. Dh and I recognize we’re not getting any younger and have since prioritized trips by level of physical strenuousness.
When our youngest D left for college, I decided to use what we considered our “fine” china every day. I smile every time I use it. I agree that we should use the good things while we can.
I’m sorry to those who have suffered or suffer from illness and hope all of us can find joy in our lives every day–joy in the way that each of us defines it for ourselves.
This thread must be a good one, since I’m “liking” just about every post!
I’m definitely enjoying Today much more than I enjoyed Yesterday, but I don’t think I have any regrets. When my kids were young, I worked at a very intense job and had a very lengthy commute and didn’t enjoy it. BUT, I made a boatload of money, and that has let me be much more relaxed and comfortable now. Without those savings, Today would feel very different.
As my husband and I approach 60, we think about this also. I am looking for a new part-time job and want it to be fun. He is thinking about retirement and tossing the horrible commute he has had for over 30 years. I also worry about my daughter and her friends. Sometimes they work too much and too hard and I want them to enjoy themselves. I look at some older relatives (my parents and in-laws included) and think they didn’t do things when they were my age and then got too old to do them. What makes me happiest is to read, and that is absolutely free thanks to the library!
