As I’m reading this while taking a breakfast break at work, it has me also thinking that this life doesn’t have to start “at retirement”. Make your life worthwhile where ever you are in the life/work journey. Unless your work requires you to spend 80+ hours tied to your job, can you find time AND motivation to enjoy the things you want outside of work?
Many people seem to think it’s an “all or nothing”. I can’t enjoy hobbies/nature/exercise - whatever the “thing” is - until I’m not working. NO. If you’re truly motivated or inspired to WANT IT, make it happen now. Can you enjoy outside/nature before work, during your lunch hour or break or after work? Life isn’t so convenient as to have all sunny and 75 degree days off and free! Keep a pair of athletic shoes at work or in your trunk.
Take small steps into your hobby. The only thing keeping you away from it is you and/or making the time.
There are exceptions of course, but really, work can be an obstacle, but it’s not a brick wall generally. Work around it and enjoy life now.
Im learning to compartmentalize, let things go that don’t matter and fight for what does.
I was getting really burned out at work. I hired my replacement. I’m really just consulting now and have the historical knowledge to be a reference.
Since retirement savings is on auto pilot I’m doing what I want just because I want it. I’m building a house in the mountains that will be very livable for many decades.
Before my mom died she and I talked and she told me don’t wait until you’re 80 to live your dream.
It doesn’t have to be a balloon around the world dream. I’m going to leave conquering the business world to others who feel passionately about it.
My generation has never expected retirement. We’ve been told from a young age that pensions and SS aren’t going to exist for us. I wonder if that’s why many in my generation don’t have a “that can wait until retirement” mentality.
Ummm…because if I DON’T set aside money for when I am 80 or 85, I could become a HUGE financial burden on my children, who may or may not even have the means to take care of me???
My Dad had a modest salary all of his life. He saved and invested carefully, yet still did enjoy his life along the way, albeit on a modest level. Now he has a nice nest egg. He lives off the interest and his pensions (he actually does have a military pension and couple of smaller pensions from post military life) and SSI, and has been able to have lots of fun in his 80s-traveling, taking his lady friend to all manner of places, etc. without touching the principal. However, he knows if something does come up and he has to dip into some of these savings, he can. This brings him immense joy and pride.
I do believe in living while you can and enjoying life throughout every phase, but retirement savings is no “bill of goods.” It’s a gift you give yourself AND your children.
Before kids, we have always taken advantage of the child free life and traveled extensively. Backpacked thru Asia for a few months. Once we started a family, we cut back travel but since our jobs are flexible, we still took fairly long vacations of 3-4 weeks (for Americans at least). We never hesitated taking our D on long road trips, camping, domestic and oversea trips. Once she graduated, my H retired early and we had a couple of years travelling extensively again. Guess what? My mother needs around the clock care and now I split duty with my sibling. So our free time is scaled back again.
Morale of the story: yes, enjoy now since you never know what happens next. My deceased father in law used to say: the golden age is not what it cracks up to be. Carpe Diem.
@romanigypsyeyes I love that image of the baby on your chest while you write your dissertation. You have the right attitude. I am Marie Kondo-ing boxes of pictures and the only pictures that put smiles on my face is those of people, no matter how bad and fuzzy, not pretty pictures of faraway places that now hold no meaning to me.
H and I have always had the travel bug and took our D’s many places in the world while they were young. During their college years we cut way back on vacations, but now H and are are going more places than ever each year.
Since H gets more vacation than I do I approached my boss and asked if I could take time off without pay as needed. We do at least one trip out of the country every year plus several other trips in the US and many weekend getaways here in California. Life is short and we plan to enjoy each stage of it!
In regards to the financial/retirement planning…it’s a depressing thought but having the money to get the kind of care when you are in your “final years”, whenever those come, can be very important. My parents were divorced and single and thankfully both planned well, one hand long term care insurance, the other had a lot of savings. Both were able to be cared for at home by the best nurses we could find, which was their wish, until the very end of a few days in hospice. And this wasn’t when they were in their 90s…they both were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in their late 60s…so they hadn’t slowed down and had very active normal lives before the diagnosis. This in home care was very important to each of them, and INCREDIBLY expensive but doable because they had planned and saved. If this financial cost would have fallen on us children it would have been extremely difficult, putting a financial strain on top of a very heavy emotional and logistical load. It’s a cruel irony that we may have to use the bulk of our retirement savings for medical costs at the end of our lives, but I think it’s just a hard realization and something to think about, if you want your kids to take on that burden instead, or have a lower level of care when times get rough.
Now to lighten it up…both parents had the life they wanted up until the diagnosis…travel, time with family, etc…both said they had no regrets even though they hadn’t been retired long, they hadn’t been waiting or putting things off. And when they died, we children felt that “life is short” realization and also do more travel and make time for the good stuff, rather than putting it off. You never know when things will change, or when you won’t be healthy enough to do the things you want…or maybe just stop wanting to do them!
There are both ends of the spectrum. My MIL thought she would run out of money (she had oodles) even into her 90’s. She penny pinched up to the end. Other relatives spend on foolish things like gambling and may run out.
My BIL enjoyed one year of a cushy pension retirement and then slipped, fractured his skull and died. He’d talked of retirement all his working life.
H retired but is now too slow on his feet to do much adventure traveling so I’m having to do it by myself. I backpacked part of the John Muir Trail, did the pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago and this summer I’m going to Scotland and England for more long walks. But I don’t crave ultra luxury. I am content with just going. In fact, I don’t like five star places, they don’t seem authentic. So I’m spending money but only a reasonable amount.
I was really lucky in that I was able to change jobs last year. Instead of working every single Saturday & Sunday, I now have those 2 days off (unless something comes up).
This new schedule has been a game changer! I can do some actual “living now”.
I suppose I should be saving more money (retirement) but I am so tired after years of austerity (keeping our heads barely above water).
I have 2 hiking trips planned for this year, which, for me, seems extravagant.
I’ve been waiting a very long time for the kids to be out of the house. I want to get back to “me” and feel like I’m living my life instead simply managing to survive the grind.
My kids aren’t counting on pensions or SS either. But they have both begun funding ROTHs, with some help from us occasionally. Neither are in the working pool yet as they are in grad school, but I’m betting they will continue to save for retirement.
My parents set an excellent fiscal example, but again with the sense deprivation that others on this thread mentioned. Their grim attitude wasted decades.
Would their attitude have been any different had they spent more of their money earlier? Some people like that would be just as sour, unhappy, and anxious spending the money earlier.
I imagine anyone who suffered from financial deprivation and its sequelae as a young person might not be any happier approaching their finances in a less conservative manner. Were your parents from that kind of background?
I was at my 85 year old mom’s house this weekend. She has been alone since 1994 when my dad died. Neither of my parents were much educated and my dad worked hard as a truck delivery guy while we were growing up. Scrimped and saved and not a lot of luxuries though we had what we needed.
My mom was showing me the letter that her long term care insurance due this spring was increasing 20%. I think she feels bad that she is using her $$$ for this extra insurance that may never be needed - she feels she is taking away from “money I want to leave you kids”. We have all assured her that we do not need to count on her $$ and that we want her to enjoy it and be comforted by any measures - like the insurance - that she uses her $$ for.
She went onto say in the conversation that the one thing she is SO fearful of is having to go to a nursing home. That to her would be the ultimate worst thing. That is why she has this long term care insurance and for her, it is her safety card to being cared for in her home. I didn’t need convincing otherwise, but to see her nearly come to tears fearing a nursing home placement instead of her own home was all I need to see to know that that 20% increase will just be paid - and hopefully give her piece of mind.
When long term insurance is your main “splurge” what can you say? But it is how her and dad chose to live. And I don’t think she has regrets about it - at this point, it is a ticket to staying in her home and her independence.
My 85 yr. old mother just had a knee replacement. She must have some plans we don’t know about. She also has long term care insurance, but has her nursing home picked out. It’s where many of her friends are living. I don’t think she’ll like it there, so we’ll have to have a “Plan B”.
When I was caring for her, after the knee replacement, I made a list of things she could do to make her life easier. It will be interesting to see if she makes a single change. My brother said, “She enjoys keeping busy with all the work around the house.”
At my age, my mother shared the conundrum: she could save and not make it to old age or spend and end up living a long life. There’s no way to predict.
But from the Parents Caring for Parents thread, it’s clear that those with parents who can afford their elder care do have an advantage. Not just for them, but us. (Exceptions, of course.)
We always used the china and silver. We travel. But you never know how much nut needs to be left over. Right now, I know I don’t want to live with either of my kids when I’m old, though both talk of it. They’re in their mid 20s and have their own interests. Time will tell.
Seems like being in the condition where full nursing care is needed (implying very limited ability to do anything) is the dread, whether it is in a nursing home or in one’s own home.
True, but if I have to choose between receiving good quality care in my own home, vs. being in a nursing home (where nurse to patient ratios can be absolutely appalling), I know which one I would choose for my loved ones and myself. Staying in one’s own home for as long as possible is a natural longing, and based on what I’ve observed of nursing homes, even good ones, a well based sentiment.