@Nrdsb4 you got it in one. My parents experienced enormous deprivation, WWII-in-battle-torn-Europe level. I don’t necessarily think they should have made any financial decisions differently. We had a nice place to live, lower middle class, always enough to eat, but they seemed to think overwhelmingly in terms of what they couldn’t afford rather than what a wonderful home and future they were building. Sacrifice was presented in negative terms rather than “we can do this.” There were a lot of things I wished I’d had and they / we couldn’t afford. That didn’t bother me as much as their harshness to me about wanting whatever it was in the first place and then dealing with not having it. I just wish they hadn’t been so invested in suffering, both theirs and mine.
So, given our (current nuclear family’s) great good fortune in having the basics of food, clothing, shelter, medical care met, I’ve made it a point to enjoy what I have.
H & I retired last year. We’re in our late 50s and things just came together for us, so we took advantage.
Our financial advisor made a good point - we can live comfortably and still have a splurge. Total deprivation (if you can afford more) isn’t workable over the long term. That enjoyment can be a coffee out or taking lunch away from your desk at work.
The management at work was always able to take a vacation, so why wasn’t I? A week when I earned 4? I missed too much.
It’s unfortunate that it took me to 57 to realize that life is to be enjoyed, and enjoyment doesn’t have to cost a lot.
That said, knowing that we have enough to last all our days with extra makes me happy. We will be traveling this country with a new trailer and spending time in others while we can. I know it can all go very quickly and without warning.
One thing I am doing this year is reconnecting to people I don’t see any longer. Just today I had a great walk and talk with someone I haven’t seen in ten years bc I was holding a (unreasonable) grudge.
Struggling with this. I’ve been trying to figure out what truly makes me happy now that the kids are gone and (hopefully) making it through a major health crisis. It’s been a long road and now it’s “Surprise you’re going to live. Make it count.” So, I’m working on it. My youngest moved to NYC and we have been loving our visits to him (from Boston). We stay at a beautiful place near him and go to Broadway shows, great restaurants and see the NYC sights. It’s been a wonderful way to see him and we really enjoy our visits. I’m still working on finding fun that doesn’t involve my kids.
A few years ago, I started putting my fine china and silver in the dishwasher rather than wash and dry it all by hand. Yippee! The china has a metallic edge, but so far, no damage, and if it eventually peels off, I’ll get rid of it - no one will notice or care. I’m much more apt to use and enjoy it now that I have this new worry free attitude.
It’s a snow day at work, but I went in this morning & left at noon when the snow really started coming down. In the past, I would have stayed the whole day. Of course, I am working at home, but I am also doing other things … dinner is ready when we are, which is pretty unusual. I am trying to make small strides in doing things for me.
I will no longer take days off only to work evenings/weekends for even more hours than I took off, just to catch up. I am going to allow myself to get behind at work. I don’t know how all but 3 of us can take vacations & leave every day at 5 - obviously, some of us have too much to do. Not my problem anymore. If it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done. This is really a change for me, but I am trying to learn to let go of what I cannot change. Believe me, if I leave they will have to hire at least 2 people to replace me, so I am not going to feel bad.
H retired very recently, and I do want to take time off to do things with him. We take care of his family’s cottage on the weekends, and I want to spend more time there … some non-weekend time, when it’s quiet and relaxing.
I want to visit friends and family more often.
I want to travel - it doesn’t have to be expensive, but I have to commit to taking the time to do it.
And I am going to find someone to help me redecorate my living room & family room. I have the money set aside - I need to “just do it.”
@HouseChatte You’ve described my parents. Yes, War torn run for your life WWII. They have done well for themselves. They needed to scrimp and save and sacrifice to get back up off the ground into which they were slammed. And they did just that. They (dad died in 2014) did spend a number of years traveling and enjoying themselves. They did help both my sister and I with downpayment on homes and gave their grandkids some nice Christmas checks.
But, IMO, they spent too many years in deprivation and as you stated - made their children feel guilty and greedy for asking for ‘more’. I remember a specific occasion where we were on an outing with another family. It came time for a snack. The other kids got a drink and a donut, I had to choose. One or the other. Yes, I know…not exactly child abuse and certainly not in the realm of going hungry. However, I remember feeling like the world was never going to be a safe space, like one is always just one step away from being a bag lady (person).
The good that has come out of their approach is that none of their children bear any financial burden for their parents. We are able to provide them with all the appropriate care as well as any extras that mom might like or need. This is such a gift to be able to give to ones’ children.
It has taken a huge leap of faith to leave the corner of 'never splurge, if it’s not a need then it’s not necessary, don’t replace anything - just make do, and wander over to the 'hey, we have enough, it’s going to be okay, it’s not immoral to treat ones self to a want, corner. We have already been very generous with our own kids. They will get much more benefit (financial and on a quality of life scale) from assistance they receive now than if they wait until they inherit it at 50 or later.
I don’t know if I can get to the point of paying for full fair first or business class seats. But, I’ve settled nicely into premium economy (on those airlines where that means more than an extra 2.5 inches of leg room). H and I take several trips a year and whenever possible take the family on a vacation.
Life is good, and you know what…that’s really okay!
@kelsmom - our work situations sound very similar. I work constantly, even on supposed days off. My big treat for today is I am going to stop checking and responding to email after 6pm and enjoy my evening with DH. Staying caught up at work is exhausting and is the biggest infringement on my quality of life and I just have had enough. They will miss me when I am gone.
I, too, find it hard to change from the attitude of saving for retirement and starting to spend some of those savings. I agree with everyone that says enough with waiting and start spending some of it. We are in a decent financial position, but i still find I worry about the projections in case the economy really goes south. But the reality is if we spend a bit now, it really won’t make a difference in the long run.
i have started doing some “retirement” things now that I am still working including taking an art class and being more active at the gym (which I started when my youngest was still in HS). I am not sure I am ready to fully retire, but I am looking at even taking some time off without pay to do the traveling I want to do this year.
My DH has started having some pain from arthritis and I worry he won’t be able to do as much walking as we want to do on some of the trips, so also looking to travel with some of my friends who are more fit.
Lucky and grateful to even have these opportunities.
We are starting to look at a 2 week trip to the west coast in the fall. I have never taken two weeks off at once from any job in my entire life (other than maternity leave) and with current job, they will go nuts. But, I no longer want to assume that we can wait and do it in a few years after retiring, you just never know. I am taking 6 days off in May and that has pretty much been my limit. I always time it to be back on Friday and in the office catching up on Saturday.
Today, I enjoyed looking at the snow. I consciously took breaks to just enjoy looking out the window in my office. Very peaceful.
I value time more than money. I’d love to have more time off work; I have 220 hours’ vacation accumulated but have been too busy to use them. My work has been even busier and more stressful lately because I’ve been covering for a coworker (out on medical leave) as well as doing my regular duties. I found out today she won’t be back next week as planned, so my extra load will continue. And I found out last week that I make less money than a coworker who has the same job title and has been at our employer for less time. I feel very dispirited.
Channeling the don’t wait enjoy it now vibe, I just took a part-time job which is fewer hours than my last one. This way I can have time for the new volunteer stuff I am doing, yoga/exercise classes, and whatever else I feel like. Looked at jobs with more hours and a commute and thought why should I do that (especially the commute part.)
My husband is a “non-spender” on himself. He’s generous with other people, but he’s a “OK, I’ll eat the burnt or almost spoiled food” or "I don’t need . . want . . . " whatever type. I’m less that way. But I may feel different after next week, when I find out if my job’s been eliminated a few years early.
It took me 10 years to achieve what I wanted in life - to move to a warm weather climate - and this week provides total justification.
About 15 years ago, we came back to Chicago from a lovely winter trip to Ft. Lauderdale and woke up the next morning to tons of snow. I had an epiphany: I don’t have to live here for the rest of my life. It was a huge decade-long undertaking- partly dragging DH into agreement- and my mom passed away literally days after our move, which was surreal. But the move absolutely changed my life for the better. And for good.
We’re now in a one story house where we can age in place if necessary with in home care, our preference someday. And my inheritance was more than I expected so we’re comfortable there also. I’m thankful every day that I didn’t just drift along in my unhappy life.
Drifting along, that’s how I feel. There is this gap between when the youngest child has graduated college and moved out and retirement. I feel very in limbo. Trying to enjoy small moments and simple pleasures as much as possible, but I think I really just want to retire.
Yes! Drifting along is exactly how I feel. @rockvillemom, unless you have a lot of hobbies, or friends that are retired, I’d just see if you could go PT when younger to that point. Full retirement is not for me right now, too boring. I’m currently sending out resumes for PT work, but I’m being very picky where the location is and how many hours. I see one today that would be perfect for me…I’m applying tomorrow. But I hate to say it, age discrimination I think is real. If I could just get a foot in the door for an interview
