<p>I love the “just switch roommates” line of thinking. I assume this is to be done without mentioning any of the rule-breaking activities, so as not be be labeled a “snitch.” </p>
<p>So, it’s okay to pawn the problem off to some unsuspecting student to protect your own skin. knowing that they might get in trouble through the activities of the switched roommate. </p>
<p>Boy, that’s certainly noble behavior and far better than holding the rule breaker accountable.</p>
<p>Just my two cents, though this could be a different thing - my dorm room was searched by police a few months back. My roommate had attempted suicide and the police were searching for razor blades. I was not in the room at the time. When I learned that they searched the room I was initially terrified, as I had several illegal things in there that I’m sure they probably saw, but I found out that since they were looking for one thing - razor blades or whatever she used to try to kill herself - they couldn’t do anything about the alcohol/drugs. I never saw the police or heard from them ever again.</p>
<p>I feel like this will all come down to the school’s policy. Some have stricter rules than others. On a strictly legal basis, however, I don’t think that was what should have happened.</p>
<p>Also, ubujim, I feel as though many students would prefer not to get the rule-breaking roommate in trouble, especially since the consequences can be so severe (loss of financial aid, etc). Yes, it’s true the rule-breakers shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing, but I feel like most people would feel very bad reporting them since it can really affect the rule-breakers’ lives. So they simply get out of the situation. I also feel that most students believe that other students have a right to do whatever they wish, illegal or not, so they simply remove themselves from that situation without reporting it.</p>
<p>"I love the “just switch roommates” line of thinking. I assume this is to be done without mentioning any of the rule-breaking activities, so as not be be labeled a “snitch.” </p>
<p>Of course. It can and has been done fairly often, happened with my older son and can be as simple as citing sleep/study/cultural/housekeeping/hygiene/personality differences.</p>
<p>You do know that a number of freshman don’t come back their second semester? Typically there’s enough movement at that time to be able to change.</p>
<p>Also ubujim, not all students view a drinking/smoking roommate as a “problem”. There are some who view it as an opportunity, and yes I’m being serious.</p>
<p>Are there really that many parents out there who think that having alcohol and drugs and “breaking rules” in college dorms is the minority? </p>
<p>People need to wake up and smell the coffee.</p>
<p>After some consideration after reading all of these posts . . . I predict nothing will happen to either kid other than a warning to both.</p>
<p>But, we did get to see the “dark side” of some folks on these boards. LOL!</p>
<p>OP: Good luck and bear hugs to you and your family. Think about the letter recommendation.</p>
<p>Ubujim- Within the discussion with an RA, the information about the roommate’s illegal activites would hopefully be sited as the reason for a move. Ideally the RA would then start to resolve the drug/alcohol issue before a new roommate assignment. (cross posted w/ OP)</p>
<p>I’m always nervous for the righteous parents. Back in the day they always ended up with the pregnant daughters, because they “would never need birth control.”</p>
<p>The last time I heard a long self-righteous lecture IRL, two years later their kid was arrested in a REALLY public scandal. I felt so sorry for that woman when I saw her next. </p>
<p>Look, anybody’s kid could do something stupid at any point in time. It’s partially just biology at this age. I think the rules to keep them safe make sense, but the throw the book at them until they pay for it for the rest of their life mentality does not. They are still in school because they are still learning. We should be teaching, educating, and, at the very least, offering them at least one more chance. (This was why, earlier, I thought maybe the kid had a discipline history)</p>
<p>Momofthree-- that’s one of the nastiest stories I’ve heard in a very long time. The worst part is for the kid, who will be blamed for the mother’s irredemable selfishness. I mean, how tacky.</p>
<p>Poetgirl, actually my DD is a very kind soul, and would say you can blame kids for their parent’s stupidity. But I wouldnt want to be the mom in my small town.</p>
<p>Talked to daughter.She said her school gave all students pamphlet letting them know that fake id with someone elses name is considered a felony your name on it is a misdemeanor in NYS</p>
<p>I’m assuming you are saying “can’t blame” kids for their parent’s stupidity. well, maybe you shouldn’t but teenagers can and they will. They just will.</p>
<p>Thanks Coolrunnings, you live up to your name!</p>
<p>While I did see the dark side, I also saw an overwhelming bright side. I received many supportive and empathetic PM’s, many from people who’ve experienced similar situations. So thank you to all the wonderful, imperfect posters who offered advice and support, and CR, I hope your prediction comes true.</p>
<p>I’ll keep you posted. ;)</p>
<p>Get a lawyer, fast. Do not let your child speak to anyone with speaking to his lawyer first. Do not be tempted to let your child “do the right thing and take responsibility” plead guilty and take the school’s punishment (classes. whatever) without first consulting attorney. Speaking from experience, this is a huge mistake, because there IS a record and if something else should happen down the line, the consequences could be really huge. If your kid happensto be a student in Pennsylvania, I can’t tell you enough how important int is to get a lawyer ASAP.</p>
<p>We had a very recent and very tragic situation here in middle TN recently. Two female college roommates (upperclassmen) had been randomly assigned as roommates in a private, off-campus apt building. One was a scholarship basketball player and the other was a serious pre-law student. The pre-law student smoked a lot of pot. The basketball player would lose her scholarship if she ever tested positive for drugs, so she reported the other girl to the building manager. (nothing really happened) One of them also had a boyfriend who was at the apt all the time and the other one reported that since he wasn’t on the lease. Anyway, the two girls had an argument one evening a few weeks ago that resulted in the stabbing death of the basketball player and the arrest of the pre-law student. Time will tell who started it and if it was self-defense, but it is a horrible, horrible situation for two families who were thrilled to see these respective girls rise above their poor Memphis roots.</p>
<p>OP’s son attends a Jesuit college, and it’s likely that there are higher standards of behavior expected for students, and it’s likely that infractions such as drug posession (and probably possession of fake ID) are more strictly administered than at a private KAC or public university. Complying to a “moral code” is part of Jesuit experience and belief structure.</p>
<p>OP’s son owns fake ID, which has been discovered by administration during a sanctioned search due to RM’s infraction. Sounds like administration is following SOP. OP should consider that a cooperative response from parents is more likely to achieve a cooperative response from administration. Hiring attorneys in advance of conversation w/dean is more likely to solicit a harsher reading of school policy, as everyone “plays defensive”. Jesuits are very pro-student, but also have high expectations for their students.</p>
<p>OP’s son is likely to receive probation and monitoring, with some community service obligation, from school, with no likely municipal police involvement. And, given that possession of illegal ID IS both an infraction as well as illegal, perhaps such a punishment is fully warranted and OP should respond in kind to son.</p>
<p>Update - H called again after waiting for a return call and was told “she’s going into another meeting”.</p>
<p>Nice.</p>
<p>Stay calm Coleytown. Don’t run a “worst case” video on constant loop in your brain. Also, DO NOT bring in an attorney now. You’ll put the administration on the defensive, and there is no right to do that since they are following procedure designed to protect your son, his RM, and all other students. Asking forgiveness is the key to getting it.</p>
<p>I’d remind people that consulting a lawyer is NOT the same as having one file suit against the school. Consulting a lawyer means getting the advice, but one may or may not need the services any further. The school wouldn’t even know the family consulted one, unless atty took action of some kind.</p>
<p>Also, not an atty, and I’m sure laws vary by state, but I’ve always heard:
If police have warrant to search for stolen piano, they can’t look in a desk drawer, and if they do and find illegal drugs, the court will throw it out. Improper search.
But if they’re legally searching for illegal drugs and come across a stolen piano in the living room, that is a legal find.</p>
<p>And, if my S was struck by a hit-and-run car, you better believe I’d hope a witness would come forward and help with identification, despite the threat some intend when they say : “snitches get stitches”.</p>
<p>Coley, you can vent to all of us. I think key is LISTEN before anything.</p>
<p>Younghoss, I dont think of hit and run as victimless.</p>
<p>And poet, yes that was a typo. But thats part of why I think my DD is such a great kid. She’s not the smartest and she has made mistakes, but she is compassionate.</p>
<p>It does seem premature to get a lawyer. So far, regarding the OPs son, the school has only confiscated a fake ID. I think that’s what you would expect them to do, rather than giving it back. The OPs son may never hear another thing about it. I understand the angst, but the school isn’t making any threats at this time, so there’s no need for a lawyer. We’ve all heard of over-the-top punishments as a result of zero-tolerance policies, but how many multiple times more do schools show judiciousness when dealing with their students.</p>
<p>Yes, a high EQ is quite valuable in life. </p>
<p>OP-- Relax! If they thought this was urgent they’d be ON it. They are dealing with other, more pressing things. This is a good thing, not a bad thing. Really.</p>
<p>At my daughter’s school, they won’t talk to the parents. You can go with your kid, but they will only talk to the kid. So, don’t call a billion times. Just wait. You might do your son more harm than good with too many phone calls.</p>
<p>If you haven’t already done so, make sure your S and H don’t admit to anything while being cooperative. If the dean asks a question that might incriminate S, deflect it with a non-answer or have H interrupt the answer. At this point you want to play nice and look remorseful (which I’m sure your S is), hoping for reduced punishment that you can live with. Just remember that the Dean can make more trouble for you than you can make for her. </p>
<p>If you don’t like the outcome, that’s when you get your lawyer involved. Do whatever it takes to get the search thrown out and the violation expunged from his record.</p>